alf_b
in
iy_flashfic
August 06 flashfic
Title: Well of Hope
Author: alf_b
Written for: tragicamente
Pairings: kid!Kagome + Inupapa
Genre: general, angst
Max Rating: PG-13, 'cause death is talked about almost constantly here.
Author's Notes: First of all, I highly apologize that I could not achieve a happy ending. I suppose writing such a thing really is too difficult to achieve, and it is regrettable that I do not have the mental capacity to accomplish such a challenge. *bows* At least Hope resides in Happy’s place. Secondly, I apologize for not writing a fic in which Kagome/Inupapa is a romantic pairing. I tried, I really did, but my muses forced me to write something else, and this was the result. So, despite all of this, I hope you still manage to find some enjoyment out of this piece.
The mood of the day couldn’t have been more cheerful. The sun, hung high in the noon sky, exposed its radiance against unblemished blue. A light breeze was just enough to ease the heat in the air, teasing the treetops playfully. Birds expressed their emotion through snippets of happy chattering. People below bustled about, an extra bounce to every step, a light-hearted tone to every voice. What a perfect summer day.
Kagome, however, couldn’t have felt gloomier. She sat alone in the most remote place she could think of, an 8-year old girl wishing, for just a little while, to merge with the shadows. Her father’s funeral had been that morning, among the cheery sun and the chipper sing-song of birds on this perfect summer day. Not wanting anyone to see how stormy and tempestuous her heart currently was, despite sharing this mood with all that attended the funeral, Kagome hid in the only place she could think of that no one would think to look for her right away, the only place where she could be alone for a little while, the only place that she could hide her vulnerability. Kagome sat in the hazy darkness of the Bone-Eater’s Well.
Sunlight peeked through the many cracks and openings of the haphazard shed, exposing dust particles in the air glittering like the half-dream fog of memories-all that was left of her father. She sobbed, each tear shed churning another memory of her father, another moment that she could never experience with him again.
She sprawled over the cover of the old, dried well, not caring about the dirt and dust smudging on her black velvet dress. Occasionally, as she rolled over or turned, she would brush against the crinkling, peeling paper seals that lined the well cover’s edge, placed by her grandfather long before she was born. She thought nothing of it, not caring that she wasn’t allowed in the well house let alone on top of the well, not caring about anything, trying so hard to erase the despairing look on her mother’s face as she clutched baby Souta…
Some time had passed. Dust continued to drift in and out of the sunbeams, oblivious to the sorrow in the room. Young Kagome’s sobs quieted to whimpers, dulled to sniffles, and died with the presence of sleep. Exhausted from her crying, Kagome slept through her mother and grandfather’s distant calls, through the ripening of the light as the day aged. In her slumber, she did not notice the dull glow emitted from her side, how that glow responded to the light struggling to break through the seams of the well cover, of that cover dissolving to become like the carefree, floating dust already surrounding the room, or how some unknown, unseen force seemed to hold Kagome in place, keep her from falling, and then gently allow her to sink into bright blue, fizzy light below her…
----
Kagome awoke with a start, shooting to a sitting position. Realizing she was no longer in the realm of dreams, she relaxed, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She had fallen asleep on the Bone Eater’s Well. Dust continued to drift around her. Morning light continued to seep through the cracks of the shed. Numbed from sleep, the remnants of crying, and the sorrow that still hovered over her, Kagome slid off the well cover, absent-mindedly brushing off a bit of the dust and dirt that had collected on her dress. She took the few steps across the shed to the rickety sliding doors, pushed them open, and faced…
This was not her home. Kagome found herself in front of dense forest. Her eyes widened at once, staring at the cluster of trees in which her house was supposed to be. “Am I…am I still dreaming?” Dazed, she stumble-trotted through the trees, wondering what kind of dream would unfold, hoping she’d find her house on the other side of the thicket, marveling on how very real this dream seemed. More dense brush greeted her, an endless cluster. Not even any evidence of a house could be seen.
Deterred from that direction, Kagome turned, running now. Panic began to build inside her like a small flame slowly growing as the places that she should see-her house, various sheds, the dirt and concrete ground, were all replaced by trees and shrubs that scratched at her as she passed.
“Mama! Jii-chan!” Kagome called, finally breaking into a run. Where was she? What was this? What was going on? “Mama!” She ran aimlessly now, frantically searching for any sign of her original home, anything more than the endless trees and bushes she now fought against. She plowed through all of it, hoping it was just some silly nightmare and she’d wake up in her own bed to the comfort of her house and her mother’s warm smile…
She abruptly stopped, panting. The well! Perhaps if she could head back there, her mind would clear and this nonsense would all start to make sense…
She turned toward the assumed direction of the well and realized, as the unfamiliar forest suddenly felt like it had ballooned around her, that she didn’t know which direction the well was. She spun again, her panic now a roaring bonfire inside of her, at the trees that all suddenly seemed identical…
Kagome was lost.
She wailed, breaking into tears, and ran. Her body stung from her relentless invasion of the foliage around her, her mind screamed to break from this dream, to find her way back, to make sense of it all. Where was she? Where would she go? What was going on?
Father!
Her father’s face, thin and pale but as warm as it always was dashed through her mind. Her heart ached, her muscles burned, her vision blurred…
Kagome felt her feet slam into something. She braced herself as the rest of her body kept going, crashing to the ground hard and skidding to a halt against the dirt and leaves.
Through ragged breathing and tear-altered eyes, she whipped her head over her shoulder to see what had caused her to trip.
Kagome’s breath caught in her throat. Sitting down with legs stretched out in front of him, leaning against a tree, was a man.
A person! Hope flared through her like a bright flashlight suddenly turned on in the darkness. Perhaps this person could show her the way home! Kagome twisted her body around to face him, pushed leaves from her hair, tried to smooth out her long-since soiled dress, cleared her throat, then realized something very off about this man.
He slept quite peacefully against the tree, as though he had been taking a stroll through the forest and had decided to rest for a bit of a nap. However, Kagome could not think of a single person that liked to take lazy summer day strolls in armor. It gleamed in the sunlight, the many metal spikes protruding from it shining like bared fangs yearning to tear flesh. Underneath the armor was an outfit somewhat similar to what Jii-chan always liked to wear. What were those funny pants called again? His hair was long and snow-white and bound, but the rest of him did not give away an appearance of an old man. He looked to be around her father’s age, but with a strange, youthful undertone.
Kagome’s eyes locked onto the man’s pointed ears. They reminded her of the ears of the mythical beings she’d seen in picture books-elves and pixies and such. She absorbed the entirety of him as a whole upon realizing what she could be looking at-the sharp, perfect features, the flawless skin, the way his smooth hair shone in the sunlight.
“So pretty,” she found herself whispering aloud.
Then, the pretty being opened his eyes.
Kagome’s breath caught in her throat, startled that this elf-person had been awake the whole time. He looked up at her calmly, a steely gaze, with shocking golden-yellow eyes, eyes that carried a primal, animalistic look.
“Human,” he said, his voice rumbling up from his chest like the sound of rolling thunder in the distance.
Little Kagome gawked, swallowed. “Y-yes?”
“You do realize that you tripped over my legs, do you not? My knee aches from the impact. It’s probably unlikely, but you may have even bruised me due to your dimwitted clumsiness. I demand an apology.”
Stunned, Kagome could only move her mouth to form the words she struggled to say, but could not emit a sound.
The elf person sighed like a parent would to a child’s annoying antics, then studied her with great interest. “What strange kimono is this?”
Kagome stared blankly for a moment before realizing that the elf person was referring to her dress. She looked down at herself, at the dirt-smudged black velvet dress, the snagged, torn, and twig-laden white pantyhose, the scuffed and scratched buckled black shoes. If her appearance were tidy, she’d make a very adorable little girl. Now, however…
“Oh, this! It’s not a kimono, it’s a dress.”
The elf person furrowed his thick eyebrows together. “A…dress. I see.” The steely look in his eyes softened to that of detached interest. “Tell me, human, what do they call you?”
“They?”
Another sigh. “The other humans. What is your name?”
“Oh!” Kagome blushed, remembering her manners. Talking to an elf person did not excuse her from being rude, after all! “Higurashi Kagome.” She bowed politely. “And you?”
A smug smile broke through his otherwise unfaltering features, though somewhat weak. Kagome did not miss the twinkle in the elf person’s eyes.
“They call me Inu-no-Taisho of the lands west of here,” he announced. One could not inject more pride into his voice. “I am the most powerful daiyoukai to walk this earth, the most feared creature across the lands, the-“
“Inu-no-Taisho?” Kagome looked at him thoughtfully, a far cry from the fear and awe that he expected. “I’ve never heard of that name before. Sounds powerful, though.”
Kagome had yet to learn of the legend of the Inu-no-Taisho in school.
The Inu-no-Taisho frowned displeasingly. He remembered having a similar conversation like this the first time he had met her. Her. Sadness hung from his heart like a dangling anchor, and the Inu-no-Taisho wished desperately to forget the feeling.
Kagome studied this elf person thoughtfully. Never had she met such an interesting man before. “So, Inu-no-Taisho-san, are you an elf?”
The Inu-no-Taisho’s thoughts snapped back to reality upon hearing such a label. He stared at her with somewhat widened eyes for a moment, then burst into laughter.
Kagome could only stare, bewildered, and a little offended. How rude! What’s so funny?
“Little human,” he sputtered between snickers, “I am no elf! I am what’s known as a youkai, which is a pretty common thing around these parts.”
A youkai. Kagome thought of all the stories she had heard and read, of creatures thriving off of the negative energy of humans, bloodthirsty things that forever yearned carnage and suffering of others…
But this thing, no this person seemed different. He certainly didn’t look like the slithering, slimy things of the picture books, or even like the oni of the many drawings and paintings she had seen. He had not suggested killing her or anything of the like. Kagome didn’t feel frightened in his presence. She seemed almost comforted by it, soothed by just the sound of his voice…Like how Father used to make me feel…
The background noise of the youkai’s laughter suddenly changed to coughing fits. Kagome pulled herself away from the sorrowful reminder of her father, instinctively rushing to the youkai’s aid. “Are you ok, Inu-no-Taisho-san?” He was doubled over, his face hovering over a partially closed fist, his whole body trembling between violent spasms.
Though he tried to hide it, Kagome managed to catch a glimpse of blood in his hand. Suddenly, this youkai looked very pale to her, his body delicate and thin, the way he carried himself dim and weak. He looks sick. I wonder what’s wrong with him? She reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, but hesitated, suddenly unsure of whether or not to touch him. “Um, are you hurt?”
The Inu-no-Taisho’s coughing slowed, then faded into light throat-clearing. His trembling stopped. He straightened his posture. The pale, sickly hue to his skin did not go away, however, nor did the weak way he looked. “Of course I’m ok,” he snapped, looking very annoyed. He crossed his arms, tucking the closed fist holding the evidence of his condition under an armpit. “I am a mighty daiyoukai! How would I not be fine?! I just breathed in a little dust, is all. You humans worry too much about silly things.”
Kagome blinked, frowned, nodded. Despite not being human, this person was still her elder, and virtually a stranger, thus someone she didn’t quite feel comfortable arguing with…just yet. However, she didn’t believe a word of his grumpy reassurances.
The Inu-no-Taisho glared, looking at her now as though she were a pesky fly. “What are you doing here anyway?” he grumbled. “I was certain I had picked a quiet spot some distance away from you humans.”
Kagome suddenly remembered the situation she was in, of climbing out of her family shrine’s well house to forest, of getting lost in said forest, of being alone. Helplessness washed over her like a tidal wave just then, and she had to bow her head to keep the youkai from noticing. “Um, I’m lost,” she muttered. “I wandered away from home and now I can’t get back. I just…I just…”
Kagome thought of the funeral, of all the sad faces, of seeing her mother cry while clutching baby Souta. Kagome had never seen her mother cry. She wanted to be strong for her, strong for everyone, to care for them all in her father’s place, the way he always used to. Strong people do not cry in front of those that they wished to protect, do they? Kagome could not let her family see her betray them like that. But now…now, in front of this youkai, in the middle of nowhere, she could not stop the tears from falling, could not level the quaver in her voice, could not choke back the sobs. “If only…if only Father hadn’t died…”
She crouched to the ground, clutching her knees, and poured her heartache into them. The youkai let her cry for as long as she needed to, not making a sound, his face solemn and distant. He had lived long enough to respect the acknowledgment of the dead, to allow the grieving to take its course, to not try to interfere or stop thoughts and emotions that could not be stopped.
After some time, Kagome’s crying had calmed down to sniffles. Wearily, the same tired, numb feeling of earlier lingering in her head again. She lifted her face from her knees, her eyes meeting warm golden-yellow eyes, and a gentle smile.
Kagome stared, a little perplexed as to how to swallow the strange mixture of being taken aback and comforted at the same time. The Inu-no-Taisho held the same look for her that her father did shortly before this day, that same sad, distant, hopeless but accepting look that always made her want to smile back but would send light chills down her spine. He’s dying, she realized, and he knows it.
“I know what it’s like to lose a loved one as well,” the Inu-no-Taisho said, his voice soft, tranquil, gently anguished. He looked away, staring at some invisible something far off into the distance. “I know what it’s like to feel that despair, that helplessness, of not being able to protect those you’ve loved despite all your efforts to do so.”
He swallowed hard. So did she. The silence between them was nearly unbearable.
“Well,” the Inu-no-Taisho sighed, climbing to his feet. His movements were lethargic and strained, and Kagome knew that the youkai must be suffering great pain just to get to stand up. “Shall we find your way home?”
Kagome blinked in surprise, never expecting this man to be so tall. He seemed to tower above Jii-chan and her mother. Her father, however, had been confined to a hospital bed long enough for her memories of his height to begin fading.
Then she noticed it. Blood. It peeked from underneath his armor, forming an ugly red trail down his leg. The stain looked thoroughly soaked, the blood dark. She could see streaks of it in the grass from where he lay. He’s hurt. The wound must be underneath the armor. She pointed hesitantly at the blood. “Um, can I-“
“We are going,” the Inu-no-Taisho snapped, the tone of his voice sharp and impatient. He began to move, making a great attempt to walk normally.
Kagome looked on for a moment, wondering why this youkai got cranky any time she even made the notion to offer to help, why he would refuse to fight for his health, his life. Father didn’t see the doctors at first. He said he hated hospitals and that the doctors wouldn’t do anything for him anyway. Later, the doctors said that if they had only caught it sooner…
Kagome followed. “You know this place?” She did not want to talk about his wound, did not want to think about her father again. She was starting to get tired of crying.
The Inu-no-Taisho took a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting off a little smile, memorizing Kagome’s scent. Kagome mimicked him, knowing that her mother liked to enjoy the pine smell of the woods whenever they went out on a walk. The forest smell was strong here, so pure, uncorrupted.
“Of course I know this place!” he finally answered. “I am the Inu-no-Taisho, after all. I know everything.”
They walked in silence for a while, and Kagome finally got a chance to absorb her surroundings. Never had she seen trees so lush and full, the leaves so bright a color. She was too used to straggly trees, smaller bushes, the slight scent of oil in the air mixed with the sound of cars in the distance. Was she still in Tokyo? Did forests this healthy still exist in Tokyo?
She followed the Inu-no-Taisho obediently, confident that he would be the one to show her the way home. Looking at him while they walked, she felt a little embarrassed to be this small, scruffy-looking, filthy girl trailing behind the very image of powerful prestige. Even in his condition, he moved with the pride of a king, the white pelts hanging from his back like a cape shimmering, trailing behind her to beckon her on. This reminded her of a story her mother had told her only once, about the orphan girl who followed the giant dog everywhere, and how the giant dog protected her.
She paused only for a moment as her eyes caught sight of one of the trees in the distance. She eyed it carefully, making absolutely certain that it was what she thought she saw. It looked a bit thinner, smaller than how she remembered it, with no breaks or deformities in the bark like how it should, and it lacked the hole that Kagome was told was caused by an arrow, but the strange comforting feeling, the sense of familiarity, was still there. That was the Goshinboku.
Hope surged within Kagome once more. They must be getting close!
Sure enough, they stepped into a small clearing, and there was the well house. The structure looked as though it would fall at any given moment, the wood rotted and reeking of mildew. Kagome was never so happy to see it, however. She knew what waited for her inside.
“We’re here!” She darted past the Inu-no-Taisho, disappearing briefly inside.
He frowned, moving steadily along to catch up to her. The entire area smelled of death. Youkai death.
Kagome reappeared from the well house, looking the most happy and excited yet. She finally looked like a child, and not some lost, pathetic being.
“This is where I woke up from!” she exclaimed. “But instead of being home, I came out here. Maybe I can somehow get back home through this…”
The Inu-no-Taisho stepped into the well house, ignoring the hair-raising, stomach-churning sensation the best he could. One look at Kagome standing next to the old, large well, the strange blue light that seeped from them both but that only he could sense, and he finally understood this girl.
Kagome grinned, stared, and watched the Inu-no-Taisho’s face soften as he looked at her, his whole body suddenly relaxed. He looked at her now as though he had known her all his life and she were merely an old friend that had come for a visit.
“This explains the strange aura I could sense around you,” he exclaimed, his voice soft. He approached the well, hands disappearing in the sleeves of his kimono, peering hesitantly down into it. “This explains your strange attire, and the odd way you talk. You’re not from around here, are you? You’re not just an ordinary human girl, are you? Your home must be very far away.”
Kagome’s smile faded as she allowed his words to sink in. “Far away from home? How did I get so far away? All I did was fall asleep on top of this well, I-“
“Finding your way home is as simple as jumping through that well, young miko.”
Kagome looked at him with widened eyes. Her father oftentimes called Kagome by the nickname he had for her, Little Miko. Kagome liked it much better than the “Princess” and “Sunshine” names other fathers gave to their daughters. She had giggled anytime her father had called her Little Miko. It felt very strange to have a stranger call her by a similar title, but somehow very comforting. She let out a little smile, able to think of her father for the first time without bursting into tears, though the overwhelming sadness was still with her.
Then Kagome remembered the wound on this youkai’s body, of his condition. He looked exhausted, his face pale, beads of sweat dotting his forehead. He appeared as though it were taking everything he had just to keep standing.
“Come with me,” she decided aloud, climbing onto the lip of the well and offering her hand. “Mama and Jii-chan can help you. You’ll be good as new again in no time. I-“
“I can’t,” the Inu-no-Taisho said, shaking his head. “You don’t belong here, and I don’t belong there.”
Kagome recoiled as though she had been slapped. What kind of person did not want to be helped? Tears stung her eyes. “Why don’t you want me to help you!?” she cried. “Just give me a chance!”
The Inu-no-Taisho’s smile looked heavy from sorrow, from loneliness, but not at all holding regret. “My time is drawing near, Kagome,” he exclaimed, his voice so soft now. “I’ve accepted it. I’ve already made preparations for it. It is inevitable. No one can help me, otherwise I would have taken up your offer.”
Kagome sobbed, running to him. He knelt down as gingerly as he could, accepting the little girl into his arms as she cried bitterly against his chest.
“I’ve already lost my father!” Kagome wailed. “I don’t want to lose anyone else! I don’t want to let anyone else die!”
The Inu-no-Taisho could feel his heart breaking, and he had to fight to stop his own tears from coming. “Such unwavering compassion for a stranger such as myself,” he whispered. He hugged her, instantly reminded of the many times Sesshoumaru had come to him when he was this small, the many times he had embraced him and comforted him just like this, of all of such similar moments that he could have shared with little Inuyasha but never had, never would. He could feel the suffocating pressure in his lungs again, the urge to cough, but held it back, fought it back with all his might, for Kagome.
He broke the embrace, holding Kagome out at arm’s length. She sniffled, wiping her eyes and swiping her arm across her nose. “I know it’s hard, Kagome, to lose someone you love,” he explained. “I know how much it hurts. You must remember that all life is finite. Make the most of it. Fight for the here and now to secure your place in the past and ensure your hopes for the future. Be strong for the present, for that is all anyone can really do. Stay strong, Kagome. You’ll find your gift, your way of helping others soon enough.”
Kagome sniffled, nodded, but did not truly understand his words. She wouldn’t until sometime later. All she could think about was that small window, that small chance of perhaps saving this person’s life. She could not merely let that chance blow out like a dying candle. “I, I want to know for sure if I can still save you,” she murmured tearfully. “I don’t want to give up! Never!”
The Inu-no-Taisho sighed, collecting Kagome back into his arms. I never wanted to give up, either, he thought sagely. And I haven’t. My will shall go on, I’ve made sure of it. I haven’t given up, either.
He rested a hand at the back of Kagome’s head, kneading it gently with his fingers. “It’s ok,” he whispered.
Kagome looked at him, hope shining in her eyes. “It’s ok? Does that mean you’ll-“
She felt a sharp, painful pressure at the back of her head. Kagome cried out, reached behind her, staring into the Inu-no-Taisho’s sad, hopeful expression. Hopeful…
Then everything surrendered to blackness.
----
Kagome awoke on top of the Bone Eater’s Well. The cover was back on it, the old paper seals back in their place. She sat up groggily, rubbing the dull ache on the back of her head. Beams of the deep yellow-orange light of evening greeted her through the cracks of the shed.
Kagome climbed off the well, still filthy, and dragged her feet along the dirt door, feeling like she hadn’t slept in days though she had just woken up. “Inu-no-Taisho-san?”
She pushed open the doors of the shed, and was greeted by the familiar grounds of the shrine. Her home.
Kagome gawked, looked around. I’m back home! But the forest…that person…I forgot his name…
“Kagome!”
Jii-chan came running up to her, an old man with limitless energy.
“Jii-chan!” Kagome grinned, happy to see a familiar face.
“Where were you? Your mother and I were worried sick!”
“I…I guess I fell asleep…in the Bone Eater’s Well,” she exclaimed, knowing that an earful of how being in there was not allowed would follow. Sure enough, her grandfather delivered with all the drama he could inject into the lecture.
As Kagome followed him back to the house, she looked behind her, at the old but sturdy structure that housed the well. I guess it was all just a dream after all. She sighed, knowing that going through life without her father would be difficult, but at least she knew now that she could bear it. “Good-bye, Father,” she whispered before turning away from the well. She would not step foot in it again for another seven years. “I promise, I will never give up.”
Author: alf_b
Written for: tragicamente
Pairings: kid!Kagome + Inupapa
Genre: general, angst
Max Rating: PG-13, 'cause death is talked about almost constantly here.
Author's Notes: First of all, I highly apologize that I could not achieve a happy ending. I suppose writing such a thing really is too difficult to achieve, and it is regrettable that I do not have the mental capacity to accomplish such a challenge. *bows* At least Hope resides in Happy’s place. Secondly, I apologize for not writing a fic in which Kagome/Inupapa is a romantic pairing. I tried, I really did, but my muses forced me to write something else, and this was the result. So, despite all of this, I hope you still manage to find some enjoyment out of this piece.
The mood of the day couldn’t have been more cheerful. The sun, hung high in the noon sky, exposed its radiance against unblemished blue. A light breeze was just enough to ease the heat in the air, teasing the treetops playfully. Birds expressed their emotion through snippets of happy chattering. People below bustled about, an extra bounce to every step, a light-hearted tone to every voice. What a perfect summer day.
Kagome, however, couldn’t have felt gloomier. She sat alone in the most remote place she could think of, an 8-year old girl wishing, for just a little while, to merge with the shadows. Her father’s funeral had been that morning, among the cheery sun and the chipper sing-song of birds on this perfect summer day. Not wanting anyone to see how stormy and tempestuous her heart currently was, despite sharing this mood with all that attended the funeral, Kagome hid in the only place she could think of that no one would think to look for her right away, the only place where she could be alone for a little while, the only place that she could hide her vulnerability. Kagome sat in the hazy darkness of the Bone-Eater’s Well.
Sunlight peeked through the many cracks and openings of the haphazard shed, exposing dust particles in the air glittering like the half-dream fog of memories-all that was left of her father. She sobbed, each tear shed churning another memory of her father, another moment that she could never experience with him again.
She sprawled over the cover of the old, dried well, not caring about the dirt and dust smudging on her black velvet dress. Occasionally, as she rolled over or turned, she would brush against the crinkling, peeling paper seals that lined the well cover’s edge, placed by her grandfather long before she was born. She thought nothing of it, not caring that she wasn’t allowed in the well house let alone on top of the well, not caring about anything, trying so hard to erase the despairing look on her mother’s face as she clutched baby Souta…
Some time had passed. Dust continued to drift in and out of the sunbeams, oblivious to the sorrow in the room. Young Kagome’s sobs quieted to whimpers, dulled to sniffles, and died with the presence of sleep. Exhausted from her crying, Kagome slept through her mother and grandfather’s distant calls, through the ripening of the light as the day aged. In her slumber, she did not notice the dull glow emitted from her side, how that glow responded to the light struggling to break through the seams of the well cover, of that cover dissolving to become like the carefree, floating dust already surrounding the room, or how some unknown, unseen force seemed to hold Kagome in place, keep her from falling, and then gently allow her to sink into bright blue, fizzy light below her…
----
Kagome awoke with a start, shooting to a sitting position. Realizing she was no longer in the realm of dreams, she relaxed, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She had fallen asleep on the Bone Eater’s Well. Dust continued to drift around her. Morning light continued to seep through the cracks of the shed. Numbed from sleep, the remnants of crying, and the sorrow that still hovered over her, Kagome slid off the well cover, absent-mindedly brushing off a bit of the dust and dirt that had collected on her dress. She took the few steps across the shed to the rickety sliding doors, pushed them open, and faced…
This was not her home. Kagome found herself in front of dense forest. Her eyes widened at once, staring at the cluster of trees in which her house was supposed to be. “Am I…am I still dreaming?” Dazed, she stumble-trotted through the trees, wondering what kind of dream would unfold, hoping she’d find her house on the other side of the thicket, marveling on how very real this dream seemed. More dense brush greeted her, an endless cluster. Not even any evidence of a house could be seen.
Deterred from that direction, Kagome turned, running now. Panic began to build inside her like a small flame slowly growing as the places that she should see-her house, various sheds, the dirt and concrete ground, were all replaced by trees and shrubs that scratched at her as she passed.
“Mama! Jii-chan!” Kagome called, finally breaking into a run. Where was she? What was this? What was going on? “Mama!” She ran aimlessly now, frantically searching for any sign of her original home, anything more than the endless trees and bushes she now fought against. She plowed through all of it, hoping it was just some silly nightmare and she’d wake up in her own bed to the comfort of her house and her mother’s warm smile…
She abruptly stopped, panting. The well! Perhaps if she could head back there, her mind would clear and this nonsense would all start to make sense…
She turned toward the assumed direction of the well and realized, as the unfamiliar forest suddenly felt like it had ballooned around her, that she didn’t know which direction the well was. She spun again, her panic now a roaring bonfire inside of her, at the trees that all suddenly seemed identical…
Kagome was lost.
She wailed, breaking into tears, and ran. Her body stung from her relentless invasion of the foliage around her, her mind screamed to break from this dream, to find her way back, to make sense of it all. Where was she? Where would she go? What was going on?
Father!
Her father’s face, thin and pale but as warm as it always was dashed through her mind. Her heart ached, her muscles burned, her vision blurred…
Kagome felt her feet slam into something. She braced herself as the rest of her body kept going, crashing to the ground hard and skidding to a halt against the dirt and leaves.
Through ragged breathing and tear-altered eyes, she whipped her head over her shoulder to see what had caused her to trip.
Kagome’s breath caught in her throat. Sitting down with legs stretched out in front of him, leaning against a tree, was a man.
A person! Hope flared through her like a bright flashlight suddenly turned on in the darkness. Perhaps this person could show her the way home! Kagome twisted her body around to face him, pushed leaves from her hair, tried to smooth out her long-since soiled dress, cleared her throat, then realized something very off about this man.
He slept quite peacefully against the tree, as though he had been taking a stroll through the forest and had decided to rest for a bit of a nap. However, Kagome could not think of a single person that liked to take lazy summer day strolls in armor. It gleamed in the sunlight, the many metal spikes protruding from it shining like bared fangs yearning to tear flesh. Underneath the armor was an outfit somewhat similar to what Jii-chan always liked to wear. What were those funny pants called again? His hair was long and snow-white and bound, but the rest of him did not give away an appearance of an old man. He looked to be around her father’s age, but with a strange, youthful undertone.
Kagome’s eyes locked onto the man’s pointed ears. They reminded her of the ears of the mythical beings she’d seen in picture books-elves and pixies and such. She absorbed the entirety of him as a whole upon realizing what she could be looking at-the sharp, perfect features, the flawless skin, the way his smooth hair shone in the sunlight.
“So pretty,” she found herself whispering aloud.
Then, the pretty being opened his eyes.
Kagome’s breath caught in her throat, startled that this elf-person had been awake the whole time. He looked up at her calmly, a steely gaze, with shocking golden-yellow eyes, eyes that carried a primal, animalistic look.
“Human,” he said, his voice rumbling up from his chest like the sound of rolling thunder in the distance.
Little Kagome gawked, swallowed. “Y-yes?”
“You do realize that you tripped over my legs, do you not? My knee aches from the impact. It’s probably unlikely, but you may have even bruised me due to your dimwitted clumsiness. I demand an apology.”
Stunned, Kagome could only move her mouth to form the words she struggled to say, but could not emit a sound.
The elf person sighed like a parent would to a child’s annoying antics, then studied her with great interest. “What strange kimono is this?”
Kagome stared blankly for a moment before realizing that the elf person was referring to her dress. She looked down at herself, at the dirt-smudged black velvet dress, the snagged, torn, and twig-laden white pantyhose, the scuffed and scratched buckled black shoes. If her appearance were tidy, she’d make a very adorable little girl. Now, however…
“Oh, this! It’s not a kimono, it’s a dress.”
The elf person furrowed his thick eyebrows together. “A…dress. I see.” The steely look in his eyes softened to that of detached interest. “Tell me, human, what do they call you?”
“They?”
Another sigh. “The other humans. What is your name?”
“Oh!” Kagome blushed, remembering her manners. Talking to an elf person did not excuse her from being rude, after all! “Higurashi Kagome.” She bowed politely. “And you?”
A smug smile broke through his otherwise unfaltering features, though somewhat weak. Kagome did not miss the twinkle in the elf person’s eyes.
“They call me Inu-no-Taisho of the lands west of here,” he announced. One could not inject more pride into his voice. “I am the most powerful daiyoukai to walk this earth, the most feared creature across the lands, the-“
“Inu-no-Taisho?” Kagome looked at him thoughtfully, a far cry from the fear and awe that he expected. “I’ve never heard of that name before. Sounds powerful, though.”
Kagome had yet to learn of the legend of the Inu-no-Taisho in school.
The Inu-no-Taisho frowned displeasingly. He remembered having a similar conversation like this the first time he had met her. Her. Sadness hung from his heart like a dangling anchor, and the Inu-no-Taisho wished desperately to forget the feeling.
Kagome studied this elf person thoughtfully. Never had she met such an interesting man before. “So, Inu-no-Taisho-san, are you an elf?”
The Inu-no-Taisho’s thoughts snapped back to reality upon hearing such a label. He stared at her with somewhat widened eyes for a moment, then burst into laughter.
Kagome could only stare, bewildered, and a little offended. How rude! What’s so funny?
“Little human,” he sputtered between snickers, “I am no elf! I am what’s known as a youkai, which is a pretty common thing around these parts.”
A youkai. Kagome thought of all the stories she had heard and read, of creatures thriving off of the negative energy of humans, bloodthirsty things that forever yearned carnage and suffering of others…
But this thing, no this person seemed different. He certainly didn’t look like the slithering, slimy things of the picture books, or even like the oni of the many drawings and paintings she had seen. He had not suggested killing her or anything of the like. Kagome didn’t feel frightened in his presence. She seemed almost comforted by it, soothed by just the sound of his voice…Like how Father used to make me feel…
The background noise of the youkai’s laughter suddenly changed to coughing fits. Kagome pulled herself away from the sorrowful reminder of her father, instinctively rushing to the youkai’s aid. “Are you ok, Inu-no-Taisho-san?” He was doubled over, his face hovering over a partially closed fist, his whole body trembling between violent spasms.
Though he tried to hide it, Kagome managed to catch a glimpse of blood in his hand. Suddenly, this youkai looked very pale to her, his body delicate and thin, the way he carried himself dim and weak. He looks sick. I wonder what’s wrong with him? She reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, but hesitated, suddenly unsure of whether or not to touch him. “Um, are you hurt?”
The Inu-no-Taisho’s coughing slowed, then faded into light throat-clearing. His trembling stopped. He straightened his posture. The pale, sickly hue to his skin did not go away, however, nor did the weak way he looked. “Of course I’m ok,” he snapped, looking very annoyed. He crossed his arms, tucking the closed fist holding the evidence of his condition under an armpit. “I am a mighty daiyoukai! How would I not be fine?! I just breathed in a little dust, is all. You humans worry too much about silly things.”
Kagome blinked, frowned, nodded. Despite not being human, this person was still her elder, and virtually a stranger, thus someone she didn’t quite feel comfortable arguing with…just yet. However, she didn’t believe a word of his grumpy reassurances.
The Inu-no-Taisho glared, looking at her now as though she were a pesky fly. “What are you doing here anyway?” he grumbled. “I was certain I had picked a quiet spot some distance away from you humans.”
Kagome suddenly remembered the situation she was in, of climbing out of her family shrine’s well house to forest, of getting lost in said forest, of being alone. Helplessness washed over her like a tidal wave just then, and she had to bow her head to keep the youkai from noticing. “Um, I’m lost,” she muttered. “I wandered away from home and now I can’t get back. I just…I just…”
Kagome thought of the funeral, of all the sad faces, of seeing her mother cry while clutching baby Souta. Kagome had never seen her mother cry. She wanted to be strong for her, strong for everyone, to care for them all in her father’s place, the way he always used to. Strong people do not cry in front of those that they wished to protect, do they? Kagome could not let her family see her betray them like that. But now…now, in front of this youkai, in the middle of nowhere, she could not stop the tears from falling, could not level the quaver in her voice, could not choke back the sobs. “If only…if only Father hadn’t died…”
She crouched to the ground, clutching her knees, and poured her heartache into them. The youkai let her cry for as long as she needed to, not making a sound, his face solemn and distant. He had lived long enough to respect the acknowledgment of the dead, to allow the grieving to take its course, to not try to interfere or stop thoughts and emotions that could not be stopped.
After some time, Kagome’s crying had calmed down to sniffles. Wearily, the same tired, numb feeling of earlier lingering in her head again. She lifted her face from her knees, her eyes meeting warm golden-yellow eyes, and a gentle smile.
Kagome stared, a little perplexed as to how to swallow the strange mixture of being taken aback and comforted at the same time. The Inu-no-Taisho held the same look for her that her father did shortly before this day, that same sad, distant, hopeless but accepting look that always made her want to smile back but would send light chills down her spine. He’s dying, she realized, and he knows it.
“I know what it’s like to lose a loved one as well,” the Inu-no-Taisho said, his voice soft, tranquil, gently anguished. He looked away, staring at some invisible something far off into the distance. “I know what it’s like to feel that despair, that helplessness, of not being able to protect those you’ve loved despite all your efforts to do so.”
He swallowed hard. So did she. The silence between them was nearly unbearable.
“Well,” the Inu-no-Taisho sighed, climbing to his feet. His movements were lethargic and strained, and Kagome knew that the youkai must be suffering great pain just to get to stand up. “Shall we find your way home?”
Kagome blinked in surprise, never expecting this man to be so tall. He seemed to tower above Jii-chan and her mother. Her father, however, had been confined to a hospital bed long enough for her memories of his height to begin fading.
Then she noticed it. Blood. It peeked from underneath his armor, forming an ugly red trail down his leg. The stain looked thoroughly soaked, the blood dark. She could see streaks of it in the grass from where he lay. He’s hurt. The wound must be underneath the armor. She pointed hesitantly at the blood. “Um, can I-“
“We are going,” the Inu-no-Taisho snapped, the tone of his voice sharp and impatient. He began to move, making a great attempt to walk normally.
Kagome looked on for a moment, wondering why this youkai got cranky any time she even made the notion to offer to help, why he would refuse to fight for his health, his life. Father didn’t see the doctors at first. He said he hated hospitals and that the doctors wouldn’t do anything for him anyway. Later, the doctors said that if they had only caught it sooner…
Kagome followed. “You know this place?” She did not want to talk about his wound, did not want to think about her father again. She was starting to get tired of crying.
The Inu-no-Taisho took a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting off a little smile, memorizing Kagome’s scent. Kagome mimicked him, knowing that her mother liked to enjoy the pine smell of the woods whenever they went out on a walk. The forest smell was strong here, so pure, uncorrupted.
“Of course I know this place!” he finally answered. “I am the Inu-no-Taisho, after all. I know everything.”
They walked in silence for a while, and Kagome finally got a chance to absorb her surroundings. Never had she seen trees so lush and full, the leaves so bright a color. She was too used to straggly trees, smaller bushes, the slight scent of oil in the air mixed with the sound of cars in the distance. Was she still in Tokyo? Did forests this healthy still exist in Tokyo?
She followed the Inu-no-Taisho obediently, confident that he would be the one to show her the way home. Looking at him while they walked, she felt a little embarrassed to be this small, scruffy-looking, filthy girl trailing behind the very image of powerful prestige. Even in his condition, he moved with the pride of a king, the white pelts hanging from his back like a cape shimmering, trailing behind her to beckon her on. This reminded her of a story her mother had told her only once, about the orphan girl who followed the giant dog everywhere, and how the giant dog protected her.
She paused only for a moment as her eyes caught sight of one of the trees in the distance. She eyed it carefully, making absolutely certain that it was what she thought she saw. It looked a bit thinner, smaller than how she remembered it, with no breaks or deformities in the bark like how it should, and it lacked the hole that Kagome was told was caused by an arrow, but the strange comforting feeling, the sense of familiarity, was still there. That was the Goshinboku.
Hope surged within Kagome once more. They must be getting close!
Sure enough, they stepped into a small clearing, and there was the well house. The structure looked as though it would fall at any given moment, the wood rotted and reeking of mildew. Kagome was never so happy to see it, however. She knew what waited for her inside.
“We’re here!” She darted past the Inu-no-Taisho, disappearing briefly inside.
He frowned, moving steadily along to catch up to her. The entire area smelled of death. Youkai death.
Kagome reappeared from the well house, looking the most happy and excited yet. She finally looked like a child, and not some lost, pathetic being.
“This is where I woke up from!” she exclaimed. “But instead of being home, I came out here. Maybe I can somehow get back home through this…”
The Inu-no-Taisho stepped into the well house, ignoring the hair-raising, stomach-churning sensation the best he could. One look at Kagome standing next to the old, large well, the strange blue light that seeped from them both but that only he could sense, and he finally understood this girl.
Kagome grinned, stared, and watched the Inu-no-Taisho’s face soften as he looked at her, his whole body suddenly relaxed. He looked at her now as though he had known her all his life and she were merely an old friend that had come for a visit.
“This explains the strange aura I could sense around you,” he exclaimed, his voice soft. He approached the well, hands disappearing in the sleeves of his kimono, peering hesitantly down into it. “This explains your strange attire, and the odd way you talk. You’re not from around here, are you? You’re not just an ordinary human girl, are you? Your home must be very far away.”
Kagome’s smile faded as she allowed his words to sink in. “Far away from home? How did I get so far away? All I did was fall asleep on top of this well, I-“
“Finding your way home is as simple as jumping through that well, young miko.”
Kagome looked at him with widened eyes. Her father oftentimes called Kagome by the nickname he had for her, Little Miko. Kagome liked it much better than the “Princess” and “Sunshine” names other fathers gave to their daughters. She had giggled anytime her father had called her Little Miko. It felt very strange to have a stranger call her by a similar title, but somehow very comforting. She let out a little smile, able to think of her father for the first time without bursting into tears, though the overwhelming sadness was still with her.
Then Kagome remembered the wound on this youkai’s body, of his condition. He looked exhausted, his face pale, beads of sweat dotting his forehead. He appeared as though it were taking everything he had just to keep standing.
“Come with me,” she decided aloud, climbing onto the lip of the well and offering her hand. “Mama and Jii-chan can help you. You’ll be good as new again in no time. I-“
“I can’t,” the Inu-no-Taisho said, shaking his head. “You don’t belong here, and I don’t belong there.”
Kagome recoiled as though she had been slapped. What kind of person did not want to be helped? Tears stung her eyes. “Why don’t you want me to help you!?” she cried. “Just give me a chance!”
The Inu-no-Taisho’s smile looked heavy from sorrow, from loneliness, but not at all holding regret. “My time is drawing near, Kagome,” he exclaimed, his voice so soft now. “I’ve accepted it. I’ve already made preparations for it. It is inevitable. No one can help me, otherwise I would have taken up your offer.”
Kagome sobbed, running to him. He knelt down as gingerly as he could, accepting the little girl into his arms as she cried bitterly against his chest.
“I’ve already lost my father!” Kagome wailed. “I don’t want to lose anyone else! I don’t want to let anyone else die!”
The Inu-no-Taisho could feel his heart breaking, and he had to fight to stop his own tears from coming. “Such unwavering compassion for a stranger such as myself,” he whispered. He hugged her, instantly reminded of the many times Sesshoumaru had come to him when he was this small, the many times he had embraced him and comforted him just like this, of all of such similar moments that he could have shared with little Inuyasha but never had, never would. He could feel the suffocating pressure in his lungs again, the urge to cough, but held it back, fought it back with all his might, for Kagome.
He broke the embrace, holding Kagome out at arm’s length. She sniffled, wiping her eyes and swiping her arm across her nose. “I know it’s hard, Kagome, to lose someone you love,” he explained. “I know how much it hurts. You must remember that all life is finite. Make the most of it. Fight for the here and now to secure your place in the past and ensure your hopes for the future. Be strong for the present, for that is all anyone can really do. Stay strong, Kagome. You’ll find your gift, your way of helping others soon enough.”
Kagome sniffled, nodded, but did not truly understand his words. She wouldn’t until sometime later. All she could think about was that small window, that small chance of perhaps saving this person’s life. She could not merely let that chance blow out like a dying candle. “I, I want to know for sure if I can still save you,” she murmured tearfully. “I don’t want to give up! Never!”
The Inu-no-Taisho sighed, collecting Kagome back into his arms. I never wanted to give up, either, he thought sagely. And I haven’t. My will shall go on, I’ve made sure of it. I haven’t given up, either.
He rested a hand at the back of Kagome’s head, kneading it gently with his fingers. “It’s ok,” he whispered.
Kagome looked at him, hope shining in her eyes. “It’s ok? Does that mean you’ll-“
She felt a sharp, painful pressure at the back of her head. Kagome cried out, reached behind her, staring into the Inu-no-Taisho’s sad, hopeful expression. Hopeful…
Then everything surrendered to blackness.
----
Kagome awoke on top of the Bone Eater’s Well. The cover was back on it, the old paper seals back in their place. She sat up groggily, rubbing the dull ache on the back of her head. Beams of the deep yellow-orange light of evening greeted her through the cracks of the shed.
Kagome climbed off the well, still filthy, and dragged her feet along the dirt door, feeling like she hadn’t slept in days though she had just woken up. “Inu-no-Taisho-san?”
She pushed open the doors of the shed, and was greeted by the familiar grounds of the shrine. Her home.
Kagome gawked, looked around. I’m back home! But the forest…that person…I forgot his name…
“Kagome!”
Jii-chan came running up to her, an old man with limitless energy.
“Jii-chan!” Kagome grinned, happy to see a familiar face.
“Where were you? Your mother and I were worried sick!”
“I…I guess I fell asleep…in the Bone Eater’s Well,” she exclaimed, knowing that an earful of how being in there was not allowed would follow. Sure enough, her grandfather delivered with all the drama he could inject into the lecture.
As Kagome followed him back to the house, she looked behind her, at the old but sturdy structure that housed the well. I guess it was all just a dream after all. She sighed, knowing that going through life without her father would be difficult, but at least she knew now that she could bear it. “Good-bye, Father,” she whispered before turning away from the well. She would not step foot in it again for another seven years. “I promise, I will never give up.”