August Flashfic
Title: The Destiny of Inanimate Objects
Author's Name: astarvingwriter
Written For: amara-anon
Characters: Just about everyone of the anti-Naraku persuasion + 1 inanimate object
Rating: Any Age
Spoiler Warnings: Not particularly but through when Kohaku stumbles upon new travel arrangements
Author's Note: You asked for parody and something imitating parody you will receive. I do hope you like narratives... Thank you much to Lori for looking it over!
The Destiny of Inanimate Objects
Just A Starving Writer
Standard Disclaimer Applies
If bags of chips were sentient, they might find their lives to be incredibly dull. After all, the lifetime of an average bag consists of waiting, being ripped apart and thoroughly emptied of contents, and discarded just as easily. If a bag is lucky, there is some travel involved in backpacks or briefcases before the eventual end. If a bag is extremely lucky, it is picked up by a certain woman to be given to her daughter for use during yet another trip through a certain magical well.
Of course, it is rare that someone would even consider a discarded bag of chips to have had an interesting life, so perhaps we will forgive the poor sod who came across the remains of said bag upon excavation for a new building site in the 1950s. After all, he could hardly have known that the bag had been discarded over 400 years before, nor could he have known that this bag in particular had led a life infinitely more interesting than his.
However, as we consider ourselves above such easy acceptance of supposedly common rubbish, perhaps we will find this bag's story worthwhile.
Thus, we begin.
When Higurashi Kagome first arrived back in the Feudal Era after a short stay home, she arrived fully stocked with all the ningen food she could carry. Chips were a much more valued commodity than textbooks any day. Of course, there were several bags to keep our particular bag company, but one after another they were pulled from the yellow book bag never to be seen again.
In all honesty, the bag's time in its dark, yellow dungeon was not too much fun. Squashed beneath bowl upon bowl of ramen, it did not see the light of day until over a week of blind journeying. At this point, its prison was dumped on end so that its owner could search out some innocuous element or another and the bag, thus spotted by a young fox demon, was snatched before it could be returned to what had been its home.
It remained in the fox demon's possession for a total of 82 seconds, at which time it was confiscated by an angry hanyou. It was within the hanyou's grasp for all of 68 seconds before said hanyou dropped it upon becoming reacquainted with the earth.
The bag was then taken by Kagome who then returned it to the fox. However, as a pained hanyou is much more interesting than crispy edibles, he had already lost interest. Such was it that the chips were surreptitiously slipped into the sleeve of a certain monk.
The bag of chips had a much more interesting life within the houshi's sleeve as it was much breezier and less likely to be squished. In short time, the reason for the monk's custody of the bag soon came to light in a most ingenious manner.
Upon arriving at a peaceful village where they intended to rest for the night, the monk wandered off, knowing well a certain demon slayer would follow, and spent a wonderful evening in the company of said demon slayer. He pulled out the bag of chips, intent upon making an offering towards the demon slayer. After all, there wasn't much that could top offering to share delectable crispy snacks with the object of one's affection.
As luck would have it, he had only just pulled out the bag with a particularly cute flourish ---sure enough to secure the taijiya's heart until the next time he needed to fondle-- when Disaster arrived.
In this particular instance, Disaster had taken the shape of a particularly ravenous goat youkai, which was very content to eat near everything in its path. The bag of chips was spared by a lucky coincidence; it was caught on the upswing of hiraikotsu and thus experienced air travel, which was a very lucky thing for a bag of chips to experience indeed even if it is a bit uncomfortable. Unfortunately, or fortunately for the bag itself, the goat youkai moved out of the way and the bone boomerang swung out, loosing its edible cargo during its turn back towards its master.
The bag of chips landed without fanfare some distance away in the middle of a seldom traversed field, where it stayed basking in the sunlight for several days before another happy coincidence occurred in the form of a human boy.
This particular human boy had suffered a particularly tragic past and was thus afflicted with a loathing of all things shiny and jewel-like, including that which resided in his back. However, he also felt particularly drawn to all things shiny and jewel-like, and thus it was that the boy spotted, approached, and retrieved the errant bag of chips. Upon inspection he realized he had stumbled across something of particular and immeasurable value.
Though he was clueless as to the specifics, he recognized the bag as similar to those he often saw in possession of the strange miko that traveled with his sister. Though he had very few ideas regarding how the bag of chips came to stray from its master, he was hardly going to pass up the good luck that was rarely afforded to him. He promptly took the bag and presented it with a flourish (bearing much similarity to that of a certain monk) to his traveling companion, a young girl who trusted him unlike her master who very clearly did not.
Without breaking his stride, the superior demon lord snatched the bag from the hands of his charge, examined it shortly, came to the conclusion that there was no immediate harm, and promptly tossed the bag back towards the young girl and her sulking companion.
It was this time that was the best for the bag of chips, as the girl treasured it above and beyond any of its previous handlers. She petted it, she fondled it, she played catch with it. Altogether, it was a lovely time for any inanimate object, and the bag of chips was particularly lucky to experience it.
However, the love of a young girl is fickle, and such was it that the bag was left behind with hardly a backwards glance upon arrival at a field of flowers two short days later.
Coincidence, perhaps Fate, had served the bag well during its eventful life, of that there was no argument. Coincidence, or perhaps Fate, played again in the bag's eventual demise. The certain glitter of sun on foil caught the eye of a traveling swordsmith who was then en route to the present location of certain band of shard hunters. As the pyromancer and his trusty flying cow had particular affinity towards anything of the metallic persuasion, they stopped to inspect the shiny object, realized its importance, and happily plopped to the ground to enjoy the bounty.
The bag of chips, after living a most exciting life, finally was emptied and discarded without further adieu.
The emptied bag drifted along the wind as empty bags are wont to do. Finally, after some time traveling a lonely road, it snagged in some underbrush and over countless many years, was compacted into the ground before being covered with silt and soil after a particularly nasty flood. The bag did not see the light of day again until the previously mentioned excavation in the 1950s. While the equipment operator failed to notice his precious cargo within the dirt he dropped into a quickly expanding pile, the young girl intently watching the construction from behind a fence certainly did not. While time and the elements had wreaked havoc on the bag's formerly cheery exterior, one thing remained: the faint outline of a smile.
The girl did not particularly remember this incident as she grew older. However, the mind's eye has a very good, if tricky, memory and decades later, the woman found herself drawn to a particular brand of chips upon first discovering them while shopping, buying them especially for her daughter who enjoyed the crispy edible during her travels across the blue expanse of the magical well.
And such was the life of an extraordinarily lucky bag of chips. Even though the bag lacked sentience, it is simply unavoidable to give praise where praise is due and allot the bag points for its circular destiny. If only sentient beings were so inclined, but alas, they merely get the fun of being pulled down magical wells into alternate times where they are continually subject to insidious plots.
If only we were all so lucky.
*
ETA:: Because I'm such a jerk, I completely forgot to thank all of you for your reviews. Really, I do appreciate it! Thank you!
Author's Name: astarvingwriter
Written For: amara-anon
Characters: Just about everyone of the anti-Naraku persuasion + 1 inanimate object
Rating: Any Age
Spoiler Warnings: Not particularly but through when Kohaku stumbles upon new travel arrangements
Author's Note: You asked for parody and something imitating parody you will receive. I do hope you like narratives... Thank you much to Lori for looking it over!
The Destiny of Inanimate Objects
Just A Starving Writer
Standard Disclaimer Applies
If bags of chips were sentient, they might find their lives to be incredibly dull. After all, the lifetime of an average bag consists of waiting, being ripped apart and thoroughly emptied of contents, and discarded just as easily. If a bag is lucky, there is some travel involved in backpacks or briefcases before the eventual end. If a bag is extremely lucky, it is picked up by a certain woman to be given to her daughter for use during yet another trip through a certain magical well.
Of course, it is rare that someone would even consider a discarded bag of chips to have had an interesting life, so perhaps we will forgive the poor sod who came across the remains of said bag upon excavation for a new building site in the 1950s. After all, he could hardly have known that the bag had been discarded over 400 years before, nor could he have known that this bag in particular had led a life infinitely more interesting than his.
However, as we consider ourselves above such easy acceptance of supposedly common rubbish, perhaps we will find this bag's story worthwhile.
Thus, we begin.
When Higurashi Kagome first arrived back in the Feudal Era after a short stay home, she arrived fully stocked with all the ningen food she could carry. Chips were a much more valued commodity than textbooks any day. Of course, there were several bags to keep our particular bag company, but one after another they were pulled from the yellow book bag never to be seen again.
In all honesty, the bag's time in its dark, yellow dungeon was not too much fun. Squashed beneath bowl upon bowl of ramen, it did not see the light of day until over a week of blind journeying. At this point, its prison was dumped on end so that its owner could search out some innocuous element or another and the bag, thus spotted by a young fox demon, was snatched before it could be returned to what had been its home.
It remained in the fox demon's possession for a total of 82 seconds, at which time it was confiscated by an angry hanyou. It was within the hanyou's grasp for all of 68 seconds before said hanyou dropped it upon becoming reacquainted with the earth.
The bag was then taken by Kagome who then returned it to the fox. However, as a pained hanyou is much more interesting than crispy edibles, he had already lost interest. Such was it that the chips were surreptitiously slipped into the sleeve of a certain monk.
The bag of chips had a much more interesting life within the houshi's sleeve as it was much breezier and less likely to be squished. In short time, the reason for the monk's custody of the bag soon came to light in a most ingenious manner.
Upon arriving at a peaceful village where they intended to rest for the night, the monk wandered off, knowing well a certain demon slayer would follow, and spent a wonderful evening in the company of said demon slayer. He pulled out the bag of chips, intent upon making an offering towards the demon slayer. After all, there wasn't much that could top offering to share delectable crispy snacks with the object of one's affection.
As luck would have it, he had only just pulled out the bag with a particularly cute flourish ---sure enough to secure the taijiya's heart until the next time he needed to fondle-- when Disaster arrived.
In this particular instance, Disaster had taken the shape of a particularly ravenous goat youkai, which was very content to eat near everything in its path. The bag of chips was spared by a lucky coincidence; it was caught on the upswing of hiraikotsu and thus experienced air travel, which was a very lucky thing for a bag of chips to experience indeed even if it is a bit uncomfortable. Unfortunately, or fortunately for the bag itself, the goat youkai moved out of the way and the bone boomerang swung out, loosing its edible cargo during its turn back towards its master.
The bag of chips landed without fanfare some distance away in the middle of a seldom traversed field, where it stayed basking in the sunlight for several days before another happy coincidence occurred in the form of a human boy.
This particular human boy had suffered a particularly tragic past and was thus afflicted with a loathing of all things shiny and jewel-like, including that which resided in his back. However, he also felt particularly drawn to all things shiny and jewel-like, and thus it was that the boy spotted, approached, and retrieved the errant bag of chips. Upon inspection he realized he had stumbled across something of particular and immeasurable value.
Though he was clueless as to the specifics, he recognized the bag as similar to those he often saw in possession of the strange miko that traveled with his sister. Though he had very few ideas regarding how the bag of chips came to stray from its master, he was hardly going to pass up the good luck that was rarely afforded to him. He promptly took the bag and presented it with a flourish (bearing much similarity to that of a certain monk) to his traveling companion, a young girl who trusted him unlike her master who very clearly did not.
Without breaking his stride, the superior demon lord snatched the bag from the hands of his charge, examined it shortly, came to the conclusion that there was no immediate harm, and promptly tossed the bag back towards the young girl and her sulking companion.
It was this time that was the best for the bag of chips, as the girl treasured it above and beyond any of its previous handlers. She petted it, she fondled it, she played catch with it. Altogether, it was a lovely time for any inanimate object, and the bag of chips was particularly lucky to experience it.
However, the love of a young girl is fickle, and such was it that the bag was left behind with hardly a backwards glance upon arrival at a field of flowers two short days later.
Coincidence, perhaps Fate, had served the bag well during its eventful life, of that there was no argument. Coincidence, or perhaps Fate, played again in the bag's eventual demise. The certain glitter of sun on foil caught the eye of a traveling swordsmith who was then en route to the present location of certain band of shard hunters. As the pyromancer and his trusty flying cow had particular affinity towards anything of the metallic persuasion, they stopped to inspect the shiny object, realized its importance, and happily plopped to the ground to enjoy the bounty.
The bag of chips, after living a most exciting life, finally was emptied and discarded without further adieu.
The emptied bag drifted along the wind as empty bags are wont to do. Finally, after some time traveling a lonely road, it snagged in some underbrush and over countless many years, was compacted into the ground before being covered with silt and soil after a particularly nasty flood. The bag did not see the light of day again until the previously mentioned excavation in the 1950s. While the equipment operator failed to notice his precious cargo within the dirt he dropped into a quickly expanding pile, the young girl intently watching the construction from behind a fence certainly did not. While time and the elements had wreaked havoc on the bag's formerly cheery exterior, one thing remained: the faint outline of a smile.
The girl did not particularly remember this incident as she grew older. However, the mind's eye has a very good, if tricky, memory and decades later, the woman found herself drawn to a particular brand of chips upon first discovering them while shopping, buying them especially for her daughter who enjoyed the crispy edible during her travels across the blue expanse of the magical well.
And such was the life of an extraordinarily lucky bag of chips. Even though the bag lacked sentience, it is simply unavoidable to give praise where praise is due and allot the bag points for its circular destiny. If only sentient beings were so inclined, but alas, they merely get the fun of being pulled down magical wells into alternate times where they are continually subject to insidious plots.
If only we were all so lucky.
*
ETA:: Because I'm such a jerk, I completely forgot to thank all of you for your reviews. Really, I do appreciate it! Thank you!