Very nice. So Kagome was able to fight off whatever was possessing her when it tried to make her attack Inuyasha. She was also responsible for the holy object that freed him. I loved that last line.
Though this one was a bit confusing. You might want to make it a bit clearer that she is remembering what happened from when she first heard Inuyasha. I mean I get that she was remembering his words but then it is confusing because I didn't realize at first that she was in a flashback. And that last line before the break is confusing as well. Is that when she decided to fight for Inuyasha? Or is she still being possessed?
Still despite that, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Can't wait to read more. Are we getting close to the end?
Rickashay had told me something a while back, and I feel really funny repeating it - I forget at times that others haven't been inside my mind. The problem is, I wrote this chapter as I visualized it, and of course it ended up being confusing to the reader.
So, when Kagome says "You came for me", she starts thinking about her time alone inside the cave. Then when she asks for food - that's when she's in the present. the portion in between is flashback. I think I'll put the stars both at the start and the end of it so it'll be clear to the readers.
Yup, we are definitely nearing the end of it - in fact, with every prompt I think "Okay now I'll finish it off" but then I end up writing a lot and the prompts run out. Still, I'd say there are at the most two more to go.
Thank you so much for the review (and also for pointing out the drawback) and I'm so glad you are liking the series.
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Though this one was a bit confusing. You might want to make it a bit clearer that she is remembering what happened from when she first heard Inuyasha. I mean I get that she was remembering his words but then it is confusing because I didn't realize at first that she was in a flashback. And that last line before the break is confusing as well. Is that when she decided to fight for Inuyasha? Or is she still being possessed?
Still despite that, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Can't wait to read more. Are we getting close to the end?
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So, when Kagome says "You came for me", she starts thinking about her time alone inside the cave. Then when she asks for food - that's when she's in the present. the portion in between is flashback. I think I'll put the stars both at the start and the end of it so it'll be clear to the readers.
Yup, we are definitely nearing the end of it - in fact, with every prompt I think "Okay now I'll finish it off" but then I end up writing a lot and the prompts run out. Still, I'd say there are at the most two more to go.
Thank you so much for the review (and also for pointing out the drawback) and I'm so glad you are liking the series.
Reply
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