I've observed in the past, and have a major contention with, the attitude that being monogamous around a predominantly polyamorous community is viewed as somehow being "naive" or "unenlightened". As you say, it's subtle, but it's there. I think even the most open-minded people struggle with other, outside realities that conflict with their own sense of truth. The concept that you could have multiple partners, but actively choose not to, could be frustrating for those who can not perceive any value of living that way.
Not necessarily enlightenednetharosOctober 26 2006, 05:35:55 UTC
I think that, even though you are pretty much right on with the idea here, enlightened is a bad way of describing the difference between someone who has tried both and chooses one versus the person who sticks to one and never tries the other. The reason I say that is this ... Do you have to jump off of a building to know that it's going to hurt? Of course you don't. That isn't even observation. That's more like interpolation of previous lesser painful experiences. Almost instinct in fact. My point here is that if you know yourself well enough you will know without trying some things whether or not they would work for you. In addition to that, you have to take into consideration those who have observed others in relationships opposite of their chosen relationship style. I myself have a couple of friends who are poly and can see that that kind of relationship would not fit my personality or provide for me what I need in a relationship. Therefore, without even trying the poly way I choose to be monogamous. I am not un-
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Funny - I have the same policy with making out/PDA. I may not feel weird or self concious that someone will see - but beyond a brief kiss or a hug - or some mild flirations, I really never felt great about PDA.
I had an ex who did not understand this concept at all. It was my first relationship and I found it weird to realize I even had an opinion on it, and I didn't even know where it came from. I think my parents were the model, really just indicating that affection is all good and fun in the right place at the right time, and that anything over-bearing was rude.
The crazy balancing beam of co-existing with so many different flavors of people.
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Funny - I have the same policy with making out/PDA.
I may not feel weird or self concious that someone will see - but beyond a brief kiss or a hug - or some mild flirations, I really never felt great about PDA.
I had an ex who did not understand this concept at all. It was my first relationship and I found it weird to realize I even had an opinion on it, and I didn't even know where it came from. I think my parents were the model, really just indicating that affection is all good and fun in the right place at the right time, and that anything over-bearing was rude.
The crazy balancing beam of co-existing with so many different flavors of people.
-Angela
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