A several day update
It is about time to make an update here.
Wednesday.
I’ve been inactive this week and feel a little sad about that - although I mostly blame this on the maiden’s discussion and Jimmy having been around the last couple days. I’d rather hang out with him on my lunch hour than slam down to the pool.
He’ll have to leave today because of classes and tests. :P
He had a light schedule and decided against class yesterday.
Anyways. So as it goes: the weekend was pretty fabulous. Let me see if I can drag the memories out of my head and record them here.
Friday night I went swimming and then met up with Jim. We hurried to the party and got there around midnight. A lot of folks had gone, but we hung out until the end. Saw a few friends, tested out my nurse outfit. Very. Short. Whoa.
Thanks D for the great party, even if Jim and I were late.
Saturday started. I missed the Street Magicks class this time around due to ritual rehearsal for “Descent of Inanna.” I felt good about rehearsing early because I wanted to cement it for myself.
That went well. Jimmy hung out downstairs on my lappy while we did a few hours preparation. I was excited because he came with and he stayed to see the ritual performance. He enjoyed it and thought we did an excellent job and that was refreshing. He’s a great balance of openness with my community, my friends, and my spirituality.
Before/afterwards we hung out and he tried some beer/wine. I was going to except he said he preferred I drive as he had had a few. I agreed because he has quite the issue with letting anyone other than him drive his car. Frustratingly at the last minute he changed his mind and decided he was okay to drive. This meant I held off sampling the beers for nothing. I was annoyed, and a little loopy from ritual energy.
We headed off to meet Kelsi and her new fella, Shane. I left my purse at the Masonic temple and so I thought I left it at home. I got home only to realize my keys were in my purse and I remembered Jim asking me if I had my keys before I left. And that meant it had to be at the Masonic temple.
I was in a pretty grumpy mood at this point. Ken wanted to go out with us so I had Ken search and he found it. So we agreed to meet at the club and take separate cars instead of one (Because Shane and Kelsi met us at my place thinking we’d take one car, blah).
We went to the club and I saw Mel and Ryland (the dude who doesn’t like to have fun) and Jim and I danced and Kelsi and Shane danced and we had a good time. Except that J&M ripped Jim off and were asshats when he went to close his tab at the end of the night. We also went to Tiki Bob’s.
Anyhow. Jim and Shane get along so this is good.
Ken hung out too and that was fun.
Saturday night was officially 6 months after Jim and my first date. We met sooner than 6 months before that - thanks LJ for being my life-record. Otherwise I would have been lost on it.
We went home and crashed and Kelsi and Shane asked to crash in my living room as well (they both had to get up and stuff.)
Sunday Jim went to work and then came back to my house. That was nice. Made dinner and pumpkin pie. Dinner consisted of potatoes and chicken tenders.
The double layer pumpkin pie was FABULOUS and Jim really liked it. We relaxed and did our own thing the rest of the night. I think we watched a couple of Gilmore Girls episodes together late into the night and had much cuddling and stuff.
;)
Monday was nice as well. Spent the day together. Can’t remember it nearly as well. Jim went to class after we had lunch and showered and stuff.
I went to see my mom as I hadn’t seen her in a while. Went shopping… I think I am mixing up the order of stuff.
Got my nails done sometime. I think Monday was when I also had coffee with Kelsi and met Jim back at my place.
Tuesday I had fun at lunch; he was there. Instead of swimming I had lunch with Jimmy.
It was weird to have that sense of oddness. Coming home to Jim on lunch and coming home to Jim after work. Sometimes I think to myself, “I’ve done this before,” because - well I have.
It just is weird to be in a space that is somewhat similar and yet so much better.
Tuesday night he asked if he was over-staying his welcome. No. Hardly. Although I had a maiden’s discussion to go to that night and I was checking if he understood that I would be out most of the evening. The dogs benefit when he is there and I am gone because they hang out with him and they stay out of the kennel.
Spoiled this week with the man hanging with them. As he is addicted to WoW; he spends time on WoW, and he has his XBOX here. He gets off when I come home without further ado. We’ve been eating some yummy food that I’ve been cooking at home in attempt to get better at preparing and planning meals. He’s been enjoying how it’s worked.
A lot of really special and valuable moments have passed in the last few days and I’m enjoying it. Afraid to admit it, although I realize I could get used to him perhaps without getting sick of him. I see potential for the future in this relationship. I’ve said that before way early on. I’ll say it again.
I’m a very different person than I was during the last relationship that prevailed into “shared spaces.” No, not domestic partnership - but, truly - “your space is mine and my space is yours,” type. This is different than domestic partnership because each person has their respective home and each person runs their household separately.
I think they key word is in “household.” Households are all run differently.
I find I am on the messier side with Jim at times because he actually has a natural clutter tendency. I would be this way if it didn’t bother me so much and if I had not made an outright decision to change myself a few years back. When I was younger, I let the clutter get the best of me. But my household pride typically creates a cleaner atmosphere. And once Khaya was leaving me he called my home, “chaotic,” and I was never the same.
I became a neat freak for about 6 months. And now I am relaxing into a balance between neat-freak and a pig-sty. It’s alright. I prefer to be on top of it more than not. Right now I am upset because my garbage disposal is broken because a friend let a shot glass slide down and the garbage disposal got turned on with it down there. It broke the glass and now I am unable to fix it. I suck.
It causes me to wash my dishes at a slower pace and my routine is messed up. I need to resolve the issue. And I also need to put away my folded laundry, vacuum today, and do those nasty dishes.
I also want to have my place nice and cleanly because my parents are house-sitting/dog-sitting, getting away from the grandparents this weekend when I am in Vancouver. They are looking forward to using my space as a sanctuary from the crazy-house - before they move into their apartment in Lynnwood. I look forward to mom living so close to the ice rink.
This being said, my house is going to be spotless by Friday. I might buy them some food-goodies that they will like so they can be spoiled while they stay. Like some yummy Panera bread or something.
Anyway. So after work I went to Ori’s and hung out with a couple friends. This visit caused me to think about our community, our sub-culture, and what is accepted among our subculture. Maybe I’ll write a post dedicated to the discussion of mono vs. poly and the subculture pressure that a monogamous person notices in a community full of poly folks. I feel like occasionally that although I understand poly - there are times that monogamy is looked down upon if it is a the chosen path.
It’s a subtle, unintentional thing, and yet…
Just as the main-stream society makes off-the-cuff remarks without even realizing it - I find the same is true on the other end of the scale with our subculture about monogamy.
I have a pretty wide view of the fact that each has their benefits and drawbacks. I have experienced both - and realize that it really depends on situational circumstances. I cannot say I am one or the other, about pretty much anything. Although I realize I am a lot more open with my dating status than some. I realized that I am just as happy with a Christian/Atheist/Agnostic partner as I am with a Pagan partner. I realized that both monogamy and polyamory hold a certain draw for me in their own respective ways, providing the right people are involved.
This being said - as my current path is currently monogamous - I notice the counter-culture push that makes it seem “lesser,” and “the less desirable,” thing to be monogamous. Like it is some “hang up,” or some such.
It doesn’t make me want to go cry a river or anything and I am not complaining per se, I just notice small things that make me ponder these things. Is it that we as humans, forget that different paths shift and change and work for varying people, at varying points in their lifetimes?
Just as it is very special to recognize and trust your partner enough to share and create agreements based on polyamory - it is also very special to recognize that you trust each other and dedicate each other to each other.
There’s a different energy there that makes the lifestyle no better or worse depending on who you are. Maybe it is akin to dedicating yourself to a particular god or goddess?
It isn’t that the deity possesses you any more or less than several deities.
Does that have any sense to it?
It isn’t really the same at all and yet there is a similarity to it. It’s a metaphor more than anything else. It was a different experience to be monogamous before because it was a default-setting. Okay, what other way can I say it? It was the only way I knew.
This time around it is different. It is a conscious, intentional choice that I make and that I feel happy with. The kind of choice that comes with having knowledge of both the poly/mono lifestyle.
If something were to change - it would change because it was meant to.
And it feels a lot different, knowing that it is a definite choice. And no regrets there.
Once I realized either or works for some people, that it isn’t black or white - I realized that this was something that I identified with.
Anyways. Sometime I should meditate on it more and find actual concrete ideas on the subject rather than just a mediocre piece on it. Half of my thoughts are half thoughts and could use fleshing out in written word.
But then again - I suppose feeling is enough and that justification isn’t what lifestyle is always about - just as often times if you’re modest in this subculture, I feel no one should have to justify that either.
Even those of us who are not entirely main stream. It is amazing how if you DO feel most comfortable/happy with certain mainstream values, there is concern about how this non-mainstream culture will view it.
I think nudity, lifestyle, and sexuality all fall under this category.
Anyways. Lunch with Jim later today and then he goes home.
And then I get a 2 day evening break (Weds/Thurs) before we head out to Vancouver Friday night, to spend a couple days together again.
A little more contact than usual and it isn’t bad at all.
Ah, wow. Time to go to dispatch to deal with some things.
-Angela