INTJ Traits and Happiness

[michelle1963]

Happiness.  It's been a topic of discussion on the blog of fellow INTJ ehowton many times.  ehowton is a happy man.  New INTJ acquaintance,

Comments

[plymouth]

I would definitely not call myself a happy person. I seem to be elated and depressed in roughly equal measure, the higher the high the lower the low that will follow. So I think of my nature as being neutral. And I wouldn't really have it elsewise. I actually feel like one of the demands of society that I find myself driven to reject is the idea that happiness is a goal to be sought!

[michelle1963]

Wow! That is really intriguing. So if happiness is not a goal to be sought, what do you put in its stead? (Not arguing; just curious.)

[plymouth]

Knowledge. Balance. Satisfaction. I'm not saying I NEVER seek out things that make me happy, I just don't expect it to be the dominant state in my life. I think of my natural state as being neutral and happiness and depression are both temporary deviations from that.

[jeroentiggelman]

I would agree with that. I don't specifically seek happiness, but I usually am happy. My temper is overall very even.

[michelle1963]

It does appear that there is a correlation between wealth and happiness.

[michelle1963]

I grew up lower middle class.

Having significant deprivation in basic needs is an issue that when remedied absolutely would improve happiness. That goes back to Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. Personality type cannot make up for that kind of deprivation.

[ambling_paradox]

I wouldn't call myself a happy person at all. In fact, I'm actually quite the opposite, usually because I'm perpetually dissatisfied with everything (not sure if this is a typical INTJ trait or not). While very little affects me in terms of OTHER people's criticism, I am quite harsh on myself.

[michelle1963]

I was a perfectionist as a young adult, twenty-something. However, I shed myself of that harsh criticism the older I became. Needed to give myself permission to fail and make mistakes in order to grow.

[ambling_paradox]

That's interesting. I'm not so sure that will be something that gets better as I get older, but it might be. I remember always being like this, however, even as a child. I think a lot of the dissatisfaction also stems from the feeling of being misunderstood a lot (I think our type is like...roughly 1 or 2 percent of the population?).

[jeroentiggelman]

A low percentage, yes.

I am misunderstood a lot, and occasionally I find it frustrating how I cannot get certain ideas across very well to many people. I usually attribute the effectiveness of the communication to a combination of the communication link and the type of communication being attempted. I try to optimize the result after figuring out what I can and cannot expect from the links usually.

[cairech]

Interesting! I was very unhappy for quite a lot of my life. During those years, I had accepted the socially imposed feeler preference. When I reverted to my native thinker preference, I got a lot happier.

[michelle1963]

Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel.
Horace Walpole

[ehowton]

Introspective is how I would've classified myself up through my mid-20s. Until I learned that happiness was a choice. It was that easy - like a lightswitch. Once I figured out I could be happy if I chose to be, I was.

Is it an INTJ thing?

I think that depends upon interpretation. If you hinge happiness on conventionality and acceptance, absolutely, for shedding myself of these things as INTJ are wont to do means I am no longer negatively affected by them.

Secondly, who outside of INTx can so effortlessly wholly assimilate and put into practical application new information. Information as far-reaching and complex as, "Happiness is a choice?"

[michelle1963]

Yes, as a young adult, I probably would not have described myself as happy either. Still too busy figuring things out.

[jeroentiggelman]

I would not relate my introspection to happiness or the lack thereof. If anything, I would suggest that the introspection was a factor contributing to happiness, since I was satisfied with exploring things for myself.

What I did figure out around my early twenties is how I could attract people if I wanted to. Normally I project an aura of going about my own business and I enjoy not being approached in general.

As for convention and such... I never did manage to fit in in that regard; then we are probably talking about age 6 or so, or earlier still.

I am not sure I agree with the notion "happiness is a choice", but I do believe that you can influence your experiences strongly, so insofar happiness is based on those, you have some amount of control.

[ehowton]

Exactly on introspection and its regard to approachability!

As far as happiness as a choice, while there may be far more at work than the description belies, it works as an easily understandable definition of what's at work. While I agree wholeheartedly about influencing experiences, I've often tested myself by choosing experiences I thought I may hate on purpose - then changed my own viewpoint of them to see if I could attain happiness under those circumstances.

I can rely on me a whole lot more effectively than I can rely on attempting to control external things. So by definition, I'm choosing to be happy in any situation I'm in, because I can control my own perception. At least that's my working theory. I'm very good at it, but my denotation could probably use some work :/