Viva La - Season Two [Bam/Ryan, Bam/Jenn] NC-17/R
Title: Season Two
Fandom: Viva La Bam
Characters/Pairing: Bam/Ryan, Bam/Jenn, Dico, Raab, Rake, Ape, Phil, Vito and others
Disclaimer: Not Mine. Yadda blah bleh.
Rating: R - NC-17 (swearing and sex)[Bam has a really potty mouth]
AN: This is part two in the series of five. As you can guess, this is Season Two.
Each of these are told from Bam’s point of view.
Warning: This contains HET sex. And slash. But the real warning is the het. Okay.
{Side Note: I’m trying to figure out just where Jenn is in most of these, I can’t really find her. So, I’m making it up as I go. ^_^ Because not all Jenn is Hate. She’s pretty! Leave me be!}
Viva La Season One, Part One
Viva La Season One, Part Two
[Episode One]
I know I was supposed to be happy; my big brother was home for a little while. But in actual fact, I really wasn’t.
The first thing Jess did when he came in? Hug Ryan. Not his mom, not his dad, not me. Ryan. My Ryan.
Even all the fun that we had before, looking for all the houses, hanging out all day then the moving. Even with everyone else there, it was just great. I have no idea why, but even with the others around, and even with Raab being the only one who knows, it’s still really easy to be together around them. We could make a joke out of what we knew wasn’t really, like when I pushed him out the hummer and then gave him a hug, Dico laughed it off, the camera crew laughed it off, but Ryan and I knew it wasn’t a joke.
I knew Ryan and Jess were close, I know that if Jess had never met Ryan I probably would have never met Ryan. So yeah, I owed Jess that. But did he have to hug Ryan like that? Did he have to make Ryan smile like that? I made a point on keeping Ryan close to me. In the house, on the plane, in Amsterdam, coming home. Only when Jess was gone did I loosen up with Ryan. And I started to feel like shit. I didn’t let them catch up, have time to shoot the breeze, oh my God, I was doing the one thing I really hated Jenn doing.
I was scum.
But Ryan didn’t seem to mind. Or even notice for that matter!
“Hey,” I caught him outside, while Glomb was building and shit and Ryan had been practically kicked out.
“Hey man.” He always seemed to have a smile for me - although it wasn’t the same as the one yesterday with Jess.
“Listen, I’m sorry you didn’t get much time with Jess.” I mumbled, wringing my hands in front of me and not really making eye contact. I don’t need to feel worse than I am.
“What? How is that your fault?” Yep, I was right, he doesn’t have a clue. I look up at him, exasperation evident and notice the little frown on his face.
“I kinda didn’t like the way he hugged you so I sorta, kinda, made a point of keeping you near me and not him.” I admitted. Maybe this is why Jenn and I last so long, we’re really a lot more alike than people think.
“Oh Bam,” the frown was gone and the smile was back, smaller this time but there all the same, “you’re an idiot.” One arm went around my waist and he seemed more amused than annoyed. I instantly wrapped both my arms around his waist while his other arm was slung casually over my shoulders.
“You’re not mad?”
“Nah, I think it’s kinda cute.” I could feel his breath against my cheek as he chuckled mildly. “But you should know by now what’s going on. I wouldn’t be involved with you like this if I wasn’t serious.” I knew this, yes. He was very serious about this, that was why he put up with me and Jenn. “You’ve heard of this new invention, right? It’s called a phone. People use it to talk to each other when they’re far away.” I would’ve hit him if he wasn’t right. “Besides, Jess and Deron are practically married, so don’t worry, okay?” He pulled back enough to let me see him and to look me in the eye when I nodded.
“No more being jealous of my big brother. Check.” He laughed again before kissing me. Long and slow and sweet, my hands slipping down to rest on his ass.
“Hey!” We broke apart quickly, looking at Raab. “If you guys are keeping this all hush-hush and shit, you might want to avoid the public make outs.” Sometimes I wanted to kick myself for letting Raab find out about us.
“What do you want dip-shit?” I asked, not bothering to pull any further back from Ryan.
“C’mon, Glomb says he’s finished the two main rooms and Ape wants to see.” With that Raab went back into the house. Ryan and I followed, my hand in his.
This should be interesting.
---
[Episode Two]
Slayer were here. Awesome day. Awesome week really. The house is finished and even I have to admit that Ape did a real good job with the rooms. Even if I didn’t get the black and blood red. The green and blue were okay.
And since Slayer were staying for the night I had a good excuse for Ryan sleeping with me. And no one could really say anything, cause Dico, Rake and Raab were sharing a room too. Although Raab did have that annoying as hell look on his face, like he was so sure what was going on. Like hell he did.
I liked being able to sleep in Ryan’s arms, it was comfy. And just because we were in a bed together didn’t mean we were gonna screw, most of the time we didn’t use a bed - like earlier on in the shower.
But no, Ryan and I weren’t just about sex, there was more to it. Lots more to it. You don’t get through so many years of friendship and then suddenly it’s all about making like rabbits. No.
I’m pretty sure Jenn was under the impression that she’d be staying the night, when in actual fact I wasn’t even sure I was going to go ahead with the make up she’d come over hoping for. I mean, yeah, we’re good together, but Ryan and I are better. There isn’t as much fighting between us two; there wasn’t the constant suspicion. It was just a nice basic relationship with us, not a turbulent whirlwind love/hate thing.
We could just enjoy each other’s company. Like now. Ryan and I are just lying there in my bed, my head on his chest and his arms around me. It was nice; the two of use managing to lie together like a normal couple.
“I think I’m gonna tell the others.” I said quietly, enjoying the way his fingers played with my hair.
“What do you mean?” His fingers didn’t stop, but I could sense genuine curiosity.
“I mean like not just having Raab know. Tell them all. Like so we’re officially a couple.” I’m a little anxious about this, in case he just doesn’t want people to know.
“What about Jenn?” Jenn and I were on and off so many times I really did forget when I could approach her or call her. We’ve been engaged; we’ve been in fights. I think at times we’ve hated each other as much as we’ve loved each other too. I’ve never hated Ryan. Sure, we’ve had arguments and fall outs, but I’ve never stopped loving him, never hated him or not wanted to see him ever again.
“I love Jenn, I do. But not like I love you. We’ve got something so much better than that. I just don’t want to hide it anymore.” I lifted my head to look at him, seeing the smile.
“Then we’ll tell them tomorrow.” I sighed and relaxed a little, snuggling back into his arms. “And Bam?”
“Hmm?” I couldn’t move again, I was far too comfy.
“I love you too.”
---
[Episode Three]
Between Ape freaking out about her china cabinet, and Vito being a bitch about his car, and Jenn coming and going with ‘talks’ about our relationship and where it was going, I didn’t get a single chance to tell anyone about Ryan and I. And I was pretty frustrated about that. Despite the whole day, goofing off and I could’ve probably thrown it in there before the big ‘Game Show’ thing but, damn it I choked!
Ryan and Dico are out collecting the china cabinet debris and I’m sitting, nursing a beer at the pirate bar. God, all I wanted was for one person to know, other than Raab of course. I mean, I didn’t even tell Raab, he just found out. I want to tell someone, I want to admit to someone that Ryan is more than just a friend, that he’s so much more than just my buddy. And things just keep getting screwed up.
“I hear you and Jenn are getting back together.” Ape comes into the kitchen, distracting me from my moping and reminding me of yet another reason why I felt pretty darn crap. Jenn and I had been talking this morning, and for some reason I actually agreed that we should try again, only she’s gonna stay at her place and we’re gonna do this like we’re just starting again. God I’m an idiot.
“Yeah, I guess. We’re just y’know, starting from scratch I guess.” I know I sound pretty crap, I mean; I’m back with my girlfriend, someone everyone thinks I’m in love with. Shouldn’t I sound a little more excited? Well, I don’t.
“You don’t know? Do you even want to be with her?” Ape sat across from me, that look on her face that say she’s in total mother mode - which might be helpful.
“I don’t know what I want right now. Maybe Jenn and I should take a break. Maybe not being together would help, y’know?” I just stare at my beer, as if it has all the answers, when really I know for a fact that sooner or later I’m going to have to decide between Ryan and Jenn. As much as I don’t want to, I know that Ryan isn’t going to put up with me and Jenn and then me and him being secondary. Because it sucks on him.
“Bam, sweetie, what’s really wrong?” I know could tell her. I should tell her. I should tell everyone. But how do you tell your mother that you are pretty sure that you’re in love with your best friend, and it’s a guy. And you’re pretty sure that he’s completely in love with you. But there’s also this girl that you think you kinda love too. God my life is too complicated.
“It’s Ryan.”
“Come on, I know Jenn and Ryan don’t really get along fantastically, but really, they’re civil, it’s fine. Ryan is your friend, and he’ll stick by you. Jenn will accept that, I’m sure she will.”
“No. I…I’ve been sleeping with Ryan.” She’s stopped; she has nothing to say to that. Wow. “For about a year or so now, and it’s not just a case of fuck buddies or just messing around. I think I’m in love with him and,” I just shake my head, “I really don’t know what to do.”
“Oh Bam,” she gets up and walks around to me and I actually welcome her hug, cause really, I want someone to tell me its okay. “No one can make this decision but you, sweetie. And you need to make it. You can’t string along Ryan until you decide that you want Jenn more, or that you want Ryan more than Jenn, or whoever. But no one can tell you what to do.” Why couldn’t she just tell me? That’s what moms are for.
“I know. But, god I love him so much. And at times, I love her too. I wanted to tell everyone today, that Ryan and I were a couple, and have everyone know. But then the filming got in the way, and then Jenn came around a lot and, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I really don’t.” She gently petted my hair, something she seemed to do when I wanted her to tell me something important. I guess it reminds her that I’m still just a kid really.
“You follow your heart. It’ll get you there somehow.”
I really hoped she was right, because I didn’t want to hurt Ryan any more if this wouldn’t work, and if it would, if it will work out and we’ll be okay, then I want to start it now, please?
---
[Episode Four and Five]
The idea with Mari Gras was to spend time without Ryan or Jenn. And really it was a good effort. I managed a whole seven hours before I gave in and called Ryan to find out where he was. He said he was somewhere between Pennsylvania and New Orleans, which wasn’t exactly any help to figure out where he was. I made a promise with my self that I wasn’t going to call him every two hours just to find out where he was.
The Dreamteam managed to take my mind off everything for the most part, the war with Glomb and Raab took everything to such a fun level that I was able to forget mostly about the whole problem. The ideas everyone came up with was insane, the trip turned into one hell of an endurance test - the smells and just how much of it we could take.
At midnight on Sunday Jenn called. I really wanted to just hang up, to just tell her I was busy and hang up. But since we’d agreed to take another try at things I had to at least stick to my end of the deal. I sat in the bedroom for nearly three hours talking to her, she felt like we’d left her out, like I was trying to leave her out of it all.
“You could’ve told me, I would’ve liked to come along too.” She said, probably warm and cosy in her nice big bed.
“It’s not like I did it on purpose.” I had told her, I really hadn’t meant to leave her out; I just needed some time to think things through. “We just headed off and I didn’t think about it.” Then she’d managed to piss me off with just three words.
“Is Dunn there?” Everything came back to him now. She thought I was spending too much time with him, that I was neglecting her for him.
“No, okay, he’s not. He’s driving on a moped somewhere between here and there.” I hated how she always tried to pin things on him. “Look, if you want to come, just get a plane ticket or something and fly down to New Orleans and we’ll me you there.” I hung up the phone and just sat there in the room, seething at her assumption.
“Are you driving?” I had called Dunn not long after hanging up on Jenn, just needing something to help me calm down before going back out to the cameras.
“Taking a well deserved rest stop.” He told me, a small laugh in his voice.
“Hey, are you mad that I spend time with Jenn?”
“What?” He sounded pretty confused and maybe it had come out of nowhere.
“I was on the phone with Jenn; she’s convinced that I’m neglecting her for you. Do you think I spend too much time with her?”
“Bam, no offence, I love you, but if I spent every hour of the day with you, I’d probably kill one of us.” I laughed a little, because really that would happen.
“Okay, thanks. I just…I don’t know.”
“Hey, it’s cool. Don’t worry. I’ll see you at Mardi Gras.” And with that our conversation was ended. I think sometimes Dunn really does need time away from me and my dumb ass. And sometimes I feel the same. But with Jenn, she wants to be around all the time, and in the beginning that was cool, cause hell, I had an ass and boobs right there that I could fondle and grope without getting my balls kicked. But now it’s more just annoying, and suffocating.
Fuck, maybe mending this shit is gonna be harder than I thought.
---
[Episode Six]
I swear, that damn cereal got everywhere, and Dico’s still swimming in the stuff. I decided that I needed to wash my damn hair, that stuff was just rank. Of course I hadn’t meant it as an invitation for Jenn to come along with me, but somehow we ended up in the shower together, with her washing my hair after I’d washed hers.
What I wouldn’t give for her to be Ryan. I just want strong hands touching me, Ryan’s hands running through my hair, over my back. His nails scraping over my skin and down my chest and not her soft, delicate hand. Jenn presses kisses against my shoulder, moving up to my neck and I can’t help but think about how different it is when Ryan does it.
Ryan would draw his teeth over the skin lightly; he would nuzzle into the crook of my neck, his breath tickling just slightly at my hair. One hand would rest by my hip, slowly inching around towards my crotch while his other would trace up my chest and tease between my nipples before finally coming up to pull my head around and bring our mouths together for a long, wet kiss. And I’d lean back against him; rest happily with my hands on his thighs and my ass pressed into his dick, which would be hard against my butt.
Instead I’ve got Jenn’s soft gliding hand, smoothing over my stomach and her fingers tracing my tattoos. She’s shorter than me so she can never nuzzle in when we’re standing, she could never really turn me on the same way Dunn does, she can never get me right there like he can. It’s always me, I need to get her there, I always need focus on her, her and her god-damn-foreplay.
“Don’t you think that sex in the shower would be hot?” I can remember how fucking hot it is. Ryan fucked me so hard in the shower after we moved into the house, before Slayer came. His hands on my hips, my face pressed against the cold tiles and hot water pouring over both of us. My fingers had been scratching at the tiles, trying desperately to get some purchase while he pounded into me. It had lasted so long, Ryan taking his own sweet time and dragging it out. We spent about two hours in that shower, and I highly doubt we were clean when we came out.
Turning around I push Jenn back against the stall wall, pressing my lips roughly against hers and pressing her into the wall. I hook my hands under her legs and pull her up, she steadies herself, gripping my shoulders and wrapping her legs around my waist as I push into her and groan. She’s not as tight as Dunn, or as hot, but fuck anything feels good right now. It’s rough and messy and when I pull back from her mouth for air I bury my head in her neck, trying to remember Ryan’s scent. I can almost picture it being him; can almost pretend that I’m fucking Dunn’s sweet ass and not Jenn. I drag a finger over her nipple, twisting just slightly and I hear her moan, her fingernails digging into my shoulders while she thrusts back onto my cock.
I feel her start to clench around me, her moans and cries building and echoing in the bathroom. I have to really struggle to dull them out, trying hard to think about the grunts that Ryan makes, the low whine before he comes, the harsh moaning and the soft gasps. Jenn makes a lot of noise when she comes, she cries out and shouts. I have to bite down on her shoulder as I feel myself come, I’m too worried I’ll moan Ryan’s name if I don’t.
---
[Episode Seven]
“You were sitting in his lap!” The lamp just barely misses my head. “You think I like people gossiping behind my back? They think I’m a moron. That you’re sleeping with Dunn behind my back. And you do this shit and add fuel to the fire!” This time it’s the television remote I have to duck, and by God that nearly whacked my face.
“Would you calm the fuck down,” she’s been yelling for twenty minutes about the same god-damn thing and I’m about sick of it. “It’s for the show. Its ratings. Why do you gotta be all jealous and shit?”
“Because you spend more time with him than you do with me.” Jenn’s finally stopped throwing things, and I cringe at the thought of replacing everything again. “I’m your girlfriend. We’re supposed to do things together and you keep blowing me off to go drink at some dive bar with him.” I really hate the way she says it, like his name is some foul word that tastes bad on her tongue and she can’t bring herself to say it. Fuck, I thought we’d stopped this shit.
“How can I not hang out with my best fucking friend? He’s on the show! You don’t piss about Dico and Raab, why the fuck do you gotta bitch about Dunn?” I know full well why she does, and those other people don’t know how right they fucking are. But she doesn’t need to know that yet, because fuck if I know what I’m going to do.
“I’m sick of it Bam. It’s bullshit and you know it.”
“Will you two shut the hell up?” Dunn comes in from outside, where I know everyone went after the pool balls started getting thrown around. “I’m moving out.”
“What?” When the fuck was this decided?
“You heard. I’ve had it with these fucking domestics every week. One more concussion and I’m about ready to claim mental retardation on this shit. Enough for fucks sake.” I feel like a goldfish, I know I’m impersonating one. But fuck, Dunn can’t move out, he just can’t.
“You don’t have to leave, Ryan.” Jenn’s voice has softened and she actually looks a little sheepish about the disaster area around us. “It’s not you living here; I was the one who moved out in the first place.”
“I think it’s pretty obvious that you regret that. So, if you don’t want to rush into sleeping with him every night, have my room. I’ll be out by the end of the week.” Dunn walks up the stairs, hardly listening to Jenn or me when we call him back.
“Stop being such a drama queen!” Probably not the best thing to yell up the stairs at him but fuck if I don’t know what’s happening now. Is he just moving out the house or is he moving on? Is this his way of us breaking up or whatever the hell you do with the guy you’re cheating on your girlfriend with when he moves out.
“Maybe he’s right.” Jenn takes a few tentative steps towards me and I guess when she figures I’m not going to freak on her, she wraps her arms around my waist. “Maybe this is what we need?” I don’t need Dunn to move out. I don’t need to lose him. Fuck, I don’t need any of this bullshit.
I just sigh and let her hug me, completely confused and wanting nothing more than to run up the stairs and beg Dunn not to go. Fuck it all.
---
[Episode Eight]
That stupid dickwad is avoiding me. On camera everything is fine, but fuck if he’s making a point of staying the hell away off camera. And Jenn, she won’t stop. She’s there every time I turn my fucking head. She got more screen time in this one fucking episode than in the entire series. At least she’s all happy and shit.
With Ryan avoiding me and me trying to stay away from Jenn I spent most of the shoot hanging around Raab and Dico. It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t Dunn. Usually he’d always be there, just to the side of me or just behind me, he was just always around and fuck if I missed that. Raab and Dico just weren’t the same.
“So…is Dunn really moving out?” We were waiting for the cars to arrive from the autoshop, and Raab seemed to feel the need to fill the silence.
“Yeah,” I kicked at the dirt and didn’t look Raab in the eye. “He’s got some shitty apartment in town; he’s moving his shit tomorrow.”
“So…is it like…I mean, are you and him, y’know, breaking up?” Raab hadn’t spoken to us directly about whatever we were doing. He’d cover for us, he’d usually keep Jenn at bay for a while and he’d try to keep the others from finding out before we were ready, but he’d never approached Dunn or me to ask questions.
“I don’t know.” If I’m being truthful just him being away for a few hours hurts more than Jenn leaving for a few days. It just sucks so bad. “He said it’s because all Jenn and I do is fight, but shouldn’t he be…I dunno, glad? I mean, I don’t get it.”
“He thinks you love her more.” Raab answered with a shrug, not even looking up from the ground either. We couldn’t continue what was turning out to be one strained and weird conversation because all the cars arrived and fuck if I wasn’t ready to knock the shit out of something. And damn if Vito didn’t technically win. I managed to get some of the fight out of me, but once the cameras stopped filming and everyone was heading back to the castle, I could hear Phil talking with Dunn.
“How long are you, are you going for? How long will you be away?” Ryan just shrugged, standing four fucking feet in front of me, back to me and talking with my dad while Jenn curled around my arm and chattered inanely.
“Until Bam and Jenn get their shit together I guess. Maybe indefinitely.” What the fuck does that mean? The fuck with this, there is no way I’m letting that shit brain move out and screw everything up. Phil gives Ryan a clap on the back and I can see the gentle squeeze, so at the very least Phil can see that Ryan’s a little upset at the prospect. That doesn’t make me feel any better.
We get home and Ryan’s out of the pirate bar and up the stairs faster than anyone can even blink. I stand at the bar, just thinking for about three minutes before I start to head after him. Jenn’s hand pulling at my elbow stops me for a moment.
“Where are you going?” She’s got one hell of a nerve; all she ever does is ask where the fuck I’m going to be at all hours of the day.
“I’m going to talk to Random before he fucking leaves. Is that alright?” Shit, I don’t even care if we have another fucking fight. I pull away from her and go up the stairs, not even bothering to knock on Ryan’s door when I eventually get there. I just push it open and slam the door behind me. He stands there, beside the bed just looking at me with this fucking stupid expression and those damn blue eyes. Three bags are on the floor and everything is tidy, Ryan’s room is never fucking tidy and I can’t keep the anger down.
I push him back against the wall, hard. Hearing his grunt from the force adds fuel to the fire and I press my lips to his as hard as I can, breaking the skin on my bottom lip as I do it. My hands are on his shoulders, pushing him back into the wall as far as I can, one of his is pinned under my chest, between our bodies, while the other one is gripping my shirt. I push a knee between his legs, pressing up slightly and getting a gasp from him. We’ve never really done the whole rough shit, I don’t even know if we’ve ever had sex while angry, but fuck if it isn’t turning me on.
With one tug he pulls the button out of my shirt, and his rough hand runs up my back before he drags his nails down. I pull my mouth away from his, moaning slightly and bite into his neck, returning the favour. It’s with eager hands and fumbling fingers that we get each others pants down, I pull away for long enough to rummage in one of his bags and find some lube, turning back to Ryan and almost groaning at the sight. He’s turned to face the wall, hands up by his head to support himself, ass on display and legs spread as well as they can be with his jeans and boxers around his knees.
I quickly coat my erection with lube, pressing up behind Ryan and dropping the tube to the bed. He probably knows that this isn’t going to be gentle, and the thought of it sends my heartbeat racing. I steady his hips with one hand and use the other to direct my cock into his ass, pressing in and loving the burn. Ryan curses and bites down on his wrist, his eyes shut and his jaw clenching around his own skin. I press in against the resistance, because if he is leaving I want him to fucking remember this. When I’m finally all the way in, balls resting against his ass and fuck if it doesn’t feel perfect, I pause. My head presses against the back of his neck, the sweat on my forehead rubbing against his t-shirt. When Ryan pushes down just a little I get the hint and pull out, slowly drawing out before thrusting in quickly and repeating the action. He grunts again, no long biting his wrist and I move one hand around to wrap around his cock, tugging in time with my thrusts. I angle in on the next thrust, just brushing his prostate and he fucking whimpers, I bite his neck through the cotton of his shirt, moaning slightly before thrusting again, hitting his prostate fucking dead.
“Shit, Bam,” his nails are practically digging into the wall, he’s pushing back against me and every noise he makes seems to vibrate right down to my dick. I tighten my grip around his cock, jerking him off faster and hitting his prostate with each thrust, his face is a fucking porno on its own and shit if I can’t last much longer. I grip his hip tighter and lose all control on any sort of pace, I come with a muffled cry into his shoulder and I hear his whining moan as I shoot my load.
I pull out quickly and twist him around to face me, dropping to my knees and swallowing him in one swift movement. I look up at him, catch his eye and neither of us dare break eye contact. His hands move into my hair, his fingers massaging my scalp while I suck his cock and he just watches me with those fucking gorgeous eyes and bites his lip. His fingers tighten in my hair as warning and I hum around his cock, anticipating the coming onslaught of his bitter come. I make a point of obscenely licking my lips and his cock afterwards, his salty taste in my mouth.
We can’t move for the longest time and when we do finally get around to moving it’s only to pull our pants up and collapse on the bed. My shoulder is brushing his and our fingers are touching but that’s it. There’s a tension in the room that’s never been there before and it’s enough to make my skin crawl.
“Don’t go.” Under normal circumstances I would hate how my voice sounded, but fuck I don’t want him to leave. Most of the time he’s all that keeps me sane. Why the hell does this all have to happen?
“We both know we can’t do this much more.” Ryan says, he’s not even looking at me. He’s staring at the ceiling and his face is set in this serious expression. “You know I love you, shit I don’t think I’ve loved anything or anyone like I do you. But I can’t do it anymore.”
“Do what?”
“The fights, the lying. All this sneaking around. It’s just…I can’t do it Bam. I thought I’d be okay with it, but shit, it’s killing me.” Ape warned me that this would happen, she fucking told him that it would, I never thought it’d happen so soon. “I don’t wanna make you choose, but, I can’t do this anymore.” He sits up and I move to follow, pushing up on the bed.
“Random, I…”
“No, just. Take some time with Jenn. I’m gonna go visit my brother. I see you in a week, okay?” He leans down and places on last kiss on my lips, and I feel the sting on my split lip. And with that he picks up his bags and leaves, bumping into April on the landing and I can only just see her give him a hug before he steps past her and down the stairs.
I curl up on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest and just sit there, staring at the open door. Ape comes in and closes it quietly, coming to sit beside me on Ryan’s bed, the sheets still smell like him and everything. I feel the tears sting at my eyes and April’s arms go around my shoulders. Her hands run through my hair and I can still feel it from when Ryan pulled at it.
“I’ve fucked it up.” I whisper against her shoulder, just burying my head against her and letting the tears fall silently. “I’ve seriously fucked it up.”
---
End Season Two
---
Comments are Lovely.
Fandom: Viva La Bam
Characters/Pairing: Bam/Ryan, Bam/Jenn, Dico, Raab, Rake, Ape, Phil, Vito and others
Disclaimer: Not Mine. Yadda blah bleh.
Rating: R - NC-17 (swearing and sex)[Bam has a really potty mouth]
AN: This is part two in the series of five. As you can guess, this is Season Two.
Each of these are told from Bam’s point of view.
Warning: This contains HET sex. And slash. But the real warning is the het. Okay.
{Side Note: I’m trying to figure out just where Jenn is in most of these, I can’t really find her. So, I’m making it up as I go. ^_^ Because not all Jenn is Hate. She’s pretty! Leave me be!}
Viva La Season One, Part One
Viva La Season One, Part Two
[Episode One]
I know I was supposed to be happy; my big brother was home for a little while. But in actual fact, I really wasn’t.
The first thing Jess did when he came in? Hug Ryan. Not his mom, not his dad, not me. Ryan. My Ryan.
Even all the fun that we had before, looking for all the houses, hanging out all day then the moving. Even with everyone else there, it was just great. I have no idea why, but even with the others around, and even with Raab being the only one who knows, it’s still really easy to be together around them. We could make a joke out of what we knew wasn’t really, like when I pushed him out the hummer and then gave him a hug, Dico laughed it off, the camera crew laughed it off, but Ryan and I knew it wasn’t a joke.
I knew Ryan and Jess were close, I know that if Jess had never met Ryan I probably would have never met Ryan. So yeah, I owed Jess that. But did he have to hug Ryan like that? Did he have to make Ryan smile like that? I made a point on keeping Ryan close to me. In the house, on the plane, in Amsterdam, coming home. Only when Jess was gone did I loosen up with Ryan. And I started to feel like shit. I didn’t let them catch up, have time to shoot the breeze, oh my God, I was doing the one thing I really hated Jenn doing.
I was scum.
But Ryan didn’t seem to mind. Or even notice for that matter!
“Hey,” I caught him outside, while Glomb was building and shit and Ryan had been practically kicked out.
“Hey man.” He always seemed to have a smile for me - although it wasn’t the same as the one yesterday with Jess.
“Listen, I’m sorry you didn’t get much time with Jess.” I mumbled, wringing my hands in front of me and not really making eye contact. I don’t need to feel worse than I am.
“What? How is that your fault?” Yep, I was right, he doesn’t have a clue. I look up at him, exasperation evident and notice the little frown on his face.
“I kinda didn’t like the way he hugged you so I sorta, kinda, made a point of keeping you near me and not him.” I admitted. Maybe this is why Jenn and I last so long, we’re really a lot more alike than people think.
“Oh Bam,” the frown was gone and the smile was back, smaller this time but there all the same, “you’re an idiot.” One arm went around my waist and he seemed more amused than annoyed. I instantly wrapped both my arms around his waist while his other arm was slung casually over my shoulders.
“You’re not mad?”
“Nah, I think it’s kinda cute.” I could feel his breath against my cheek as he chuckled mildly. “But you should know by now what’s going on. I wouldn’t be involved with you like this if I wasn’t serious.” I knew this, yes. He was very serious about this, that was why he put up with me and Jenn. “You’ve heard of this new invention, right? It’s called a phone. People use it to talk to each other when they’re far away.” I would’ve hit him if he wasn’t right. “Besides, Jess and Deron are practically married, so don’t worry, okay?” He pulled back enough to let me see him and to look me in the eye when I nodded.
“No more being jealous of my big brother. Check.” He laughed again before kissing me. Long and slow and sweet, my hands slipping down to rest on his ass.
“Hey!” We broke apart quickly, looking at Raab. “If you guys are keeping this all hush-hush and shit, you might want to avoid the public make outs.” Sometimes I wanted to kick myself for letting Raab find out about us.
“What do you want dip-shit?” I asked, not bothering to pull any further back from Ryan.
“C’mon, Glomb says he’s finished the two main rooms and Ape wants to see.” With that Raab went back into the house. Ryan and I followed, my hand in his.
This should be interesting.
---
[Episode Two]
Slayer were here. Awesome day. Awesome week really. The house is finished and even I have to admit that Ape did a real good job with the rooms. Even if I didn’t get the black and blood red. The green and blue were okay.
And since Slayer were staying for the night I had a good excuse for Ryan sleeping with me. And no one could really say anything, cause Dico, Rake and Raab were sharing a room too. Although Raab did have that annoying as hell look on his face, like he was so sure what was going on. Like hell he did.
I liked being able to sleep in Ryan’s arms, it was comfy. And just because we were in a bed together didn’t mean we were gonna screw, most of the time we didn’t use a bed - like earlier on in the shower.
But no, Ryan and I weren’t just about sex, there was more to it. Lots more to it. You don’t get through so many years of friendship and then suddenly it’s all about making like rabbits. No.
I’m pretty sure Jenn was under the impression that she’d be staying the night, when in actual fact I wasn’t even sure I was going to go ahead with the make up she’d come over hoping for. I mean, yeah, we’re good together, but Ryan and I are better. There isn’t as much fighting between us two; there wasn’t the constant suspicion. It was just a nice basic relationship with us, not a turbulent whirlwind love/hate thing.
We could just enjoy each other’s company. Like now. Ryan and I are just lying there in my bed, my head on his chest and his arms around me. It was nice; the two of use managing to lie together like a normal couple.
“I think I’m gonna tell the others.” I said quietly, enjoying the way his fingers played with my hair.
“What do you mean?” His fingers didn’t stop, but I could sense genuine curiosity.
“I mean like not just having Raab know. Tell them all. Like so we’re officially a couple.” I’m a little anxious about this, in case he just doesn’t want people to know.
“What about Jenn?” Jenn and I were on and off so many times I really did forget when I could approach her or call her. We’ve been engaged; we’ve been in fights. I think at times we’ve hated each other as much as we’ve loved each other too. I’ve never hated Ryan. Sure, we’ve had arguments and fall outs, but I’ve never stopped loving him, never hated him or not wanted to see him ever again.
“I love Jenn, I do. But not like I love you. We’ve got something so much better than that. I just don’t want to hide it anymore.” I lifted my head to look at him, seeing the smile.
“Then we’ll tell them tomorrow.” I sighed and relaxed a little, snuggling back into his arms. “And Bam?”
“Hmm?” I couldn’t move again, I was far too comfy.
“I love you too.”
---
[Episode Three]
Between Ape freaking out about her china cabinet, and Vito being a bitch about his car, and Jenn coming and going with ‘talks’ about our relationship and where it was going, I didn’t get a single chance to tell anyone about Ryan and I. And I was pretty frustrated about that. Despite the whole day, goofing off and I could’ve probably thrown it in there before the big ‘Game Show’ thing but, damn it I choked!
Ryan and Dico are out collecting the china cabinet debris and I’m sitting, nursing a beer at the pirate bar. God, all I wanted was for one person to know, other than Raab of course. I mean, I didn’t even tell Raab, he just found out. I want to tell someone, I want to admit to someone that Ryan is more than just a friend, that he’s so much more than just my buddy. And things just keep getting screwed up.
“I hear you and Jenn are getting back together.” Ape comes into the kitchen, distracting me from my moping and reminding me of yet another reason why I felt pretty darn crap. Jenn and I had been talking this morning, and for some reason I actually agreed that we should try again, only she’s gonna stay at her place and we’re gonna do this like we’re just starting again. God I’m an idiot.
“Yeah, I guess. We’re just y’know, starting from scratch I guess.” I know I sound pretty crap, I mean; I’m back with my girlfriend, someone everyone thinks I’m in love with. Shouldn’t I sound a little more excited? Well, I don’t.
“You don’t know? Do you even want to be with her?” Ape sat across from me, that look on her face that say she’s in total mother mode - which might be helpful.
“I don’t know what I want right now. Maybe Jenn and I should take a break. Maybe not being together would help, y’know?” I just stare at my beer, as if it has all the answers, when really I know for a fact that sooner or later I’m going to have to decide between Ryan and Jenn. As much as I don’t want to, I know that Ryan isn’t going to put up with me and Jenn and then me and him being secondary. Because it sucks on him.
“Bam, sweetie, what’s really wrong?” I know could tell her. I should tell her. I should tell everyone. But how do you tell your mother that you are pretty sure that you’re in love with your best friend, and it’s a guy. And you’re pretty sure that he’s completely in love with you. But there’s also this girl that you think you kinda love too. God my life is too complicated.
“It’s Ryan.”
“Come on, I know Jenn and Ryan don’t really get along fantastically, but really, they’re civil, it’s fine. Ryan is your friend, and he’ll stick by you. Jenn will accept that, I’m sure she will.”
“No. I…I’ve been sleeping with Ryan.” She’s stopped; she has nothing to say to that. Wow. “For about a year or so now, and it’s not just a case of fuck buddies or just messing around. I think I’m in love with him and,” I just shake my head, “I really don’t know what to do.”
“Oh Bam,” she gets up and walks around to me and I actually welcome her hug, cause really, I want someone to tell me its okay. “No one can make this decision but you, sweetie. And you need to make it. You can’t string along Ryan until you decide that you want Jenn more, or that you want Ryan more than Jenn, or whoever. But no one can tell you what to do.” Why couldn’t she just tell me? That’s what moms are for.
“I know. But, god I love him so much. And at times, I love her too. I wanted to tell everyone today, that Ryan and I were a couple, and have everyone know. But then the filming got in the way, and then Jenn came around a lot and, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I really don’t.” She gently petted my hair, something she seemed to do when I wanted her to tell me something important. I guess it reminds her that I’m still just a kid really.
“You follow your heart. It’ll get you there somehow.”
I really hoped she was right, because I didn’t want to hurt Ryan any more if this wouldn’t work, and if it would, if it will work out and we’ll be okay, then I want to start it now, please?
---
[Episode Four and Five]
The idea with Mari Gras was to spend time without Ryan or Jenn. And really it was a good effort. I managed a whole seven hours before I gave in and called Ryan to find out where he was. He said he was somewhere between Pennsylvania and New Orleans, which wasn’t exactly any help to figure out where he was. I made a promise with my self that I wasn’t going to call him every two hours just to find out where he was.
The Dreamteam managed to take my mind off everything for the most part, the war with Glomb and Raab took everything to such a fun level that I was able to forget mostly about the whole problem. The ideas everyone came up with was insane, the trip turned into one hell of an endurance test - the smells and just how much of it we could take.
At midnight on Sunday Jenn called. I really wanted to just hang up, to just tell her I was busy and hang up. But since we’d agreed to take another try at things I had to at least stick to my end of the deal. I sat in the bedroom for nearly three hours talking to her, she felt like we’d left her out, like I was trying to leave her out of it all.
“You could’ve told me, I would’ve liked to come along too.” She said, probably warm and cosy in her nice big bed.
“It’s not like I did it on purpose.” I had told her, I really hadn’t meant to leave her out; I just needed some time to think things through. “We just headed off and I didn’t think about it.” Then she’d managed to piss me off with just three words.
“Is Dunn there?” Everything came back to him now. She thought I was spending too much time with him, that I was neglecting her for him.
“No, okay, he’s not. He’s driving on a moped somewhere between here and there.” I hated how she always tried to pin things on him. “Look, if you want to come, just get a plane ticket or something and fly down to New Orleans and we’ll me you there.” I hung up the phone and just sat there in the room, seething at her assumption.
“Are you driving?” I had called Dunn not long after hanging up on Jenn, just needing something to help me calm down before going back out to the cameras.
“Taking a well deserved rest stop.” He told me, a small laugh in his voice.
“Hey, are you mad that I spend time with Jenn?”
“What?” He sounded pretty confused and maybe it had come out of nowhere.
“I was on the phone with Jenn; she’s convinced that I’m neglecting her for you. Do you think I spend too much time with her?”
“Bam, no offence, I love you, but if I spent every hour of the day with you, I’d probably kill one of us.” I laughed a little, because really that would happen.
“Okay, thanks. I just…I don’t know.”
“Hey, it’s cool. Don’t worry. I’ll see you at Mardi Gras.” And with that our conversation was ended. I think sometimes Dunn really does need time away from me and my dumb ass. And sometimes I feel the same. But with Jenn, she wants to be around all the time, and in the beginning that was cool, cause hell, I had an ass and boobs right there that I could fondle and grope without getting my balls kicked. But now it’s more just annoying, and suffocating.
Fuck, maybe mending this shit is gonna be harder than I thought.
---
[Episode Six]
I swear, that damn cereal got everywhere, and Dico’s still swimming in the stuff. I decided that I needed to wash my damn hair, that stuff was just rank. Of course I hadn’t meant it as an invitation for Jenn to come along with me, but somehow we ended up in the shower together, with her washing my hair after I’d washed hers.
What I wouldn’t give for her to be Ryan. I just want strong hands touching me, Ryan’s hands running through my hair, over my back. His nails scraping over my skin and down my chest and not her soft, delicate hand. Jenn presses kisses against my shoulder, moving up to my neck and I can’t help but think about how different it is when Ryan does it.
Ryan would draw his teeth over the skin lightly; he would nuzzle into the crook of my neck, his breath tickling just slightly at my hair. One hand would rest by my hip, slowly inching around towards my crotch while his other would trace up my chest and tease between my nipples before finally coming up to pull my head around and bring our mouths together for a long, wet kiss. And I’d lean back against him; rest happily with my hands on his thighs and my ass pressed into his dick, which would be hard against my butt.
Instead I’ve got Jenn’s soft gliding hand, smoothing over my stomach and her fingers tracing my tattoos. She’s shorter than me so she can never nuzzle in when we’re standing, she could never really turn me on the same way Dunn does, she can never get me right there like he can. It’s always me, I need to get her there, I always need focus on her, her and her god-damn-foreplay.
“Don’t you think that sex in the shower would be hot?” I can remember how fucking hot it is. Ryan fucked me so hard in the shower after we moved into the house, before Slayer came. His hands on my hips, my face pressed against the cold tiles and hot water pouring over both of us. My fingers had been scratching at the tiles, trying desperately to get some purchase while he pounded into me. It had lasted so long, Ryan taking his own sweet time and dragging it out. We spent about two hours in that shower, and I highly doubt we were clean when we came out.
Turning around I push Jenn back against the stall wall, pressing my lips roughly against hers and pressing her into the wall. I hook my hands under her legs and pull her up, she steadies herself, gripping my shoulders and wrapping her legs around my waist as I push into her and groan. She’s not as tight as Dunn, or as hot, but fuck anything feels good right now. It’s rough and messy and when I pull back from her mouth for air I bury my head in her neck, trying to remember Ryan’s scent. I can almost picture it being him; can almost pretend that I’m fucking Dunn’s sweet ass and not Jenn. I drag a finger over her nipple, twisting just slightly and I hear her moan, her fingernails digging into my shoulders while she thrusts back onto my cock.
I feel her start to clench around me, her moans and cries building and echoing in the bathroom. I have to really struggle to dull them out, trying hard to think about the grunts that Ryan makes, the low whine before he comes, the harsh moaning and the soft gasps. Jenn makes a lot of noise when she comes, she cries out and shouts. I have to bite down on her shoulder as I feel myself come, I’m too worried I’ll moan Ryan’s name if I don’t.
---
[Episode Seven]
“You were sitting in his lap!” The lamp just barely misses my head. “You think I like people gossiping behind my back? They think I’m a moron. That you’re sleeping with Dunn behind my back. And you do this shit and add fuel to the fire!” This time it’s the television remote I have to duck, and by God that nearly whacked my face.
“Would you calm the fuck down,” she’s been yelling for twenty minutes about the same god-damn thing and I’m about sick of it. “It’s for the show. Its ratings. Why do you gotta be all jealous and shit?”
“Because you spend more time with him than you do with me.” Jenn’s finally stopped throwing things, and I cringe at the thought of replacing everything again. “I’m your girlfriend. We’re supposed to do things together and you keep blowing me off to go drink at some dive bar with him.” I really hate the way she says it, like his name is some foul word that tastes bad on her tongue and she can’t bring herself to say it. Fuck, I thought we’d stopped this shit.
“How can I not hang out with my best fucking friend? He’s on the show! You don’t piss about Dico and Raab, why the fuck do you gotta bitch about Dunn?” I know full well why she does, and those other people don’t know how right they fucking are. But she doesn’t need to know that yet, because fuck if I know what I’m going to do.
“I’m sick of it Bam. It’s bullshit and you know it.”
“Will you two shut the hell up?” Dunn comes in from outside, where I know everyone went after the pool balls started getting thrown around. “I’m moving out.”
“What?” When the fuck was this decided?
“You heard. I’ve had it with these fucking domestics every week. One more concussion and I’m about ready to claim mental retardation on this shit. Enough for fucks sake.” I feel like a goldfish, I know I’m impersonating one. But fuck, Dunn can’t move out, he just can’t.
“You don’t have to leave, Ryan.” Jenn’s voice has softened and she actually looks a little sheepish about the disaster area around us. “It’s not you living here; I was the one who moved out in the first place.”
“I think it’s pretty obvious that you regret that. So, if you don’t want to rush into sleeping with him every night, have my room. I’ll be out by the end of the week.” Dunn walks up the stairs, hardly listening to Jenn or me when we call him back.
“Stop being such a drama queen!” Probably not the best thing to yell up the stairs at him but fuck if I don’t know what’s happening now. Is he just moving out the house or is he moving on? Is this his way of us breaking up or whatever the hell you do with the guy you’re cheating on your girlfriend with when he moves out.
“Maybe he’s right.” Jenn takes a few tentative steps towards me and I guess when she figures I’m not going to freak on her, she wraps her arms around my waist. “Maybe this is what we need?” I don’t need Dunn to move out. I don’t need to lose him. Fuck, I don’t need any of this bullshit.
I just sigh and let her hug me, completely confused and wanting nothing more than to run up the stairs and beg Dunn not to go. Fuck it all.
---
[Episode Eight]
That stupid dickwad is avoiding me. On camera everything is fine, but fuck if he’s making a point of staying the hell away off camera. And Jenn, she won’t stop. She’s there every time I turn my fucking head. She got more screen time in this one fucking episode than in the entire series. At least she’s all happy and shit.
With Ryan avoiding me and me trying to stay away from Jenn I spent most of the shoot hanging around Raab and Dico. It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t Dunn. Usually he’d always be there, just to the side of me or just behind me, he was just always around and fuck if I missed that. Raab and Dico just weren’t the same.
“So…is Dunn really moving out?” We were waiting for the cars to arrive from the autoshop, and Raab seemed to feel the need to fill the silence.
“Yeah,” I kicked at the dirt and didn’t look Raab in the eye. “He’s got some shitty apartment in town; he’s moving his shit tomorrow.”
“So…is it like…I mean, are you and him, y’know, breaking up?” Raab hadn’t spoken to us directly about whatever we were doing. He’d cover for us, he’d usually keep Jenn at bay for a while and he’d try to keep the others from finding out before we were ready, but he’d never approached Dunn or me to ask questions.
“I don’t know.” If I’m being truthful just him being away for a few hours hurts more than Jenn leaving for a few days. It just sucks so bad. “He said it’s because all Jenn and I do is fight, but shouldn’t he be…I dunno, glad? I mean, I don’t get it.”
“He thinks you love her more.” Raab answered with a shrug, not even looking up from the ground either. We couldn’t continue what was turning out to be one strained and weird conversation because all the cars arrived and fuck if I wasn’t ready to knock the shit out of something. And damn if Vito didn’t technically win. I managed to get some of the fight out of me, but once the cameras stopped filming and everyone was heading back to the castle, I could hear Phil talking with Dunn.
“How long are you, are you going for? How long will you be away?” Ryan just shrugged, standing four fucking feet in front of me, back to me and talking with my dad while Jenn curled around my arm and chattered inanely.
“Until Bam and Jenn get their shit together I guess. Maybe indefinitely.” What the fuck does that mean? The fuck with this, there is no way I’m letting that shit brain move out and screw everything up. Phil gives Ryan a clap on the back and I can see the gentle squeeze, so at the very least Phil can see that Ryan’s a little upset at the prospect. That doesn’t make me feel any better.
We get home and Ryan’s out of the pirate bar and up the stairs faster than anyone can even blink. I stand at the bar, just thinking for about three minutes before I start to head after him. Jenn’s hand pulling at my elbow stops me for a moment.
“Where are you going?” She’s got one hell of a nerve; all she ever does is ask where the fuck I’m going to be at all hours of the day.
“I’m going to talk to Random before he fucking leaves. Is that alright?” Shit, I don’t even care if we have another fucking fight. I pull away from her and go up the stairs, not even bothering to knock on Ryan’s door when I eventually get there. I just push it open and slam the door behind me. He stands there, beside the bed just looking at me with this fucking stupid expression and those damn blue eyes. Three bags are on the floor and everything is tidy, Ryan’s room is never fucking tidy and I can’t keep the anger down.
I push him back against the wall, hard. Hearing his grunt from the force adds fuel to the fire and I press my lips to his as hard as I can, breaking the skin on my bottom lip as I do it. My hands are on his shoulders, pushing him back into the wall as far as I can, one of his is pinned under my chest, between our bodies, while the other one is gripping my shirt. I push a knee between his legs, pressing up slightly and getting a gasp from him. We’ve never really done the whole rough shit, I don’t even know if we’ve ever had sex while angry, but fuck if it isn’t turning me on.
With one tug he pulls the button out of my shirt, and his rough hand runs up my back before he drags his nails down. I pull my mouth away from his, moaning slightly and bite into his neck, returning the favour. It’s with eager hands and fumbling fingers that we get each others pants down, I pull away for long enough to rummage in one of his bags and find some lube, turning back to Ryan and almost groaning at the sight. He’s turned to face the wall, hands up by his head to support himself, ass on display and legs spread as well as they can be with his jeans and boxers around his knees.
I quickly coat my erection with lube, pressing up behind Ryan and dropping the tube to the bed. He probably knows that this isn’t going to be gentle, and the thought of it sends my heartbeat racing. I steady his hips with one hand and use the other to direct my cock into his ass, pressing in and loving the burn. Ryan curses and bites down on his wrist, his eyes shut and his jaw clenching around his own skin. I press in against the resistance, because if he is leaving I want him to fucking remember this. When I’m finally all the way in, balls resting against his ass and fuck if it doesn’t feel perfect, I pause. My head presses against the back of his neck, the sweat on my forehead rubbing against his t-shirt. When Ryan pushes down just a little I get the hint and pull out, slowly drawing out before thrusting in quickly and repeating the action. He grunts again, no long biting his wrist and I move one hand around to wrap around his cock, tugging in time with my thrusts. I angle in on the next thrust, just brushing his prostate and he fucking whimpers, I bite his neck through the cotton of his shirt, moaning slightly before thrusting again, hitting his prostate fucking dead.
“Shit, Bam,” his nails are practically digging into the wall, he’s pushing back against me and every noise he makes seems to vibrate right down to my dick. I tighten my grip around his cock, jerking him off faster and hitting his prostate with each thrust, his face is a fucking porno on its own and shit if I can’t last much longer. I grip his hip tighter and lose all control on any sort of pace, I come with a muffled cry into his shoulder and I hear his whining moan as I shoot my load.
I pull out quickly and twist him around to face me, dropping to my knees and swallowing him in one swift movement. I look up at him, catch his eye and neither of us dare break eye contact. His hands move into my hair, his fingers massaging my scalp while I suck his cock and he just watches me with those fucking gorgeous eyes and bites his lip. His fingers tighten in my hair as warning and I hum around his cock, anticipating the coming onslaught of his bitter come. I make a point of obscenely licking my lips and his cock afterwards, his salty taste in my mouth.
We can’t move for the longest time and when we do finally get around to moving it’s only to pull our pants up and collapse on the bed. My shoulder is brushing his and our fingers are touching but that’s it. There’s a tension in the room that’s never been there before and it’s enough to make my skin crawl.
“Don’t go.” Under normal circumstances I would hate how my voice sounded, but fuck I don’t want him to leave. Most of the time he’s all that keeps me sane. Why the hell does this all have to happen?
“We both know we can’t do this much more.” Ryan says, he’s not even looking at me. He’s staring at the ceiling and his face is set in this serious expression. “You know I love you, shit I don’t think I’ve loved anything or anyone like I do you. But I can’t do it anymore.”
“Do what?”
“The fights, the lying. All this sneaking around. It’s just…I can’t do it Bam. I thought I’d be okay with it, but shit, it’s killing me.” Ape warned me that this would happen, she fucking told him that it would, I never thought it’d happen so soon. “I don’t wanna make you choose, but, I can’t do this anymore.” He sits up and I move to follow, pushing up on the bed.
“Random, I…”
“No, just. Take some time with Jenn. I’m gonna go visit my brother. I see you in a week, okay?” He leans down and places on last kiss on my lips, and I feel the sting on my split lip. And with that he picks up his bags and leaves, bumping into April on the landing and I can only just see her give him a hug before he steps past her and down the stairs.
I curl up on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest and just sit there, staring at the open door. Ape comes in and closes it quietly, coming to sit beside me on Ryan’s bed, the sheets still smell like him and everything. I feel the tears sting at my eyes and April’s arms go around my shoulders. Her hands run through my hair and I can still feel it from when Ryan pulled at it.
“I’ve fucked it up.” I whisper against her shoulder, just burying my head against her and letting the tears fall silently. “I’ve seriously fucked it up.”
---
End Season Two
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