Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed this. He's actually a character among many I'm developing for NaNoWriMo this year. So... I actually have an idea for a novel based around these two characters, set about 8 years from when this short story takes place.
I'm using brigits_flame to help me develop my characters, so that when NaNo starts, I know them intimately.
I agree about the feel of a romance novel or a movie. You got the rugged and likeable male that peeks our interest and then being thrown off his guard by the abrupt female presence disrupting his world. I like the way you're able to capture and put forth a masculine voice and experience with the outdoors, the all terrain vehicle and descriptive passages of how he sees the world around him. Also you definitely makes us wonder where it's all going and where the characters come from. Just plugging us in to some ongoing storyline. Very nice, and fluid.
I like this okay, the only thing that stung out in my eye was the sudden change of point of view. That tends to bowl me over, when I'm suddenly supposed to switch perspectives and nobody even told me. It's what happens here:
He didn't need her to mention that had the accident happened just a hundred yards down the road, he would most likely be on the way to the hospital. There, the edge of the road simply didn't exist. Instead, the gravel gave way to dirt and underbrush growing nearly vertical on the sleep slopes of the drop-off. "Where are you heading?" Jeff asked, as her shaky nerves calmed. "We've got a place several miles up the road," she stated, thinking of the cozy cabin miles down the road. There. I was like, 'What? Oh, change of perspective, I see.' Maybe you could make this a little clearer by first writing a sort of introductory sentence for Meg - perhaps checking Jeff out - so the reader gets the implied message that we've changed perspective, or a different font, maybe
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Thank you for the response. I appreciate the feedback. You may not want to read my other stuff, though, as it's going to be among the same genre. After NaNo, I might try my hand at something a bit different, but this genre is where my heart lay. (Pun intended.)
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That was a hoot. Thanks. :)
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I'm using brigits_flame to help me develop my characters, so that when NaNo starts, I know them intimately.
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Seriously, I'm wanting to write a romance novel for NaNo this year, so the fact that my characters are coming across well just thrills me.
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He didn't need her to mention that had the accident happened just a hundred yards down the road, he would most likely be on the way to the hospital. There, the edge of the road simply didn't exist. Instead, the gravel gave way to dirt and underbrush growing nearly vertical on the sleep slopes of the drop-off.
"Where are you heading?" Jeff asked, as her shaky nerves calmed.
"We've got a place several miles up the road," she stated, thinking of the cozy cabin miles down the road. There. I was like, 'What? Oh, change of perspective, I see.' Maybe you could make this a little clearer by first writing a sort of introductory sentence for Meg - perhaps checking Jeff out - so the reader gets the implied message that we've changed perspective, or a different font, maybe ( ... )
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