The Results Are In! and other stories
Thanks to all y'all who responded to the poll! I'll keep the PO'B stuff filter-free, BUT! for the non-PO'B fans I will lj-cut the spam with appropriate titles 'n' such to minimize fpage clutter. Also, I'm going to start posting spoilery bits, but I will denote them, and if you haven't yet read the book I'm spoilering, be advised! Everyone's happy! Hoorah!
Except that Pepsi hates me. Also iTunes. I've bought six separate Diet Pepsis in the past few days and not ONE of them had a free song in the bottle cap. And yes, I know how to sight winners in the caps. I taught Min how to do it. But I can't do it with vending machines. Especially when I'm in a skirt. Stupid iTunes.
As most of you know, I am a Diet Coke drinker. It is my beverage and I stick by it, and will eventually be fitted with a Diet Coke IV. But I'm sucking it up and purchasing only Diet Pepsi while the iTunes promotion is going on. Because Min buys songs with the caps and can then play or burn them for me. I have bought into the capitalist herd mentality. Moo.
Politically, I'm looking at Illinois US Senate candidates. What's with the radio chick? Why is her website pink and uninformative? It looks like Cyndi Lauper ate a radio promotion site then threw up on deanforamerica.com. Is it silly of me to dismiss a candidate because they have a shitty website? Too bad. I'm still liking Joyce Washington, even *if* her issues page took forever to load.
Teevee was good last night, except for the last five minutes of both Smallville and Angel.
Smallville!
Us: DUDE! Lana's gonna die! Rawk!
Last Five Minutes: Shit. Clark saved her. AGAIN! ARRRRG!
Angel!
Us: DUDE! Fred is gonna fuck shit up! Rawk!
Last Five Minutes: Shit. She's gone all Data and won't fuck anything up. She won't even throw Wes through the window. Do it. THROW HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW! ARRRRG!
Then we watched South Park and all was well.
Desolation Island
So, there's this stowaway on the Leopard and he hasn't eaten for a week. Jack takes him on as a sailor, and Stephen advises his new messmates, including Bonden, not to introduce solid food into his diet just yet.
Stephen: Just mash up some tack in water, as fine as it will go, and feed it to him. Not too much! A very small spoon every now and again will do until he's stronger.
Bonden: *puzzled* Aye, Doctor.
Some time later, Stephen walks through mess and sees the stowaway's messmates. They have an assembly line going. One is mashing a good three pounds of tack, another is vigorously mixing, a third is supervising, and Bonden himself is feeding the stowaway with a *teeeeny-tiny* spoon.
Stephen: What *are* you doing?
Bonden: *pleased* Following your prescription, Doctor! Carved this spoon meself. 'A very small spoon' as you said! Used Killick's silver teaspoon for a guide.
Stephen: Er. I meant 'not very much each meal'. Sorry. I wasn't clear.
Messmates: Ohhhhhh! *ponder Stephen's deep genius*
Bonden: *looks a little crushed*
Stephen: It's a charming spoon, though!
The Mauritius Command, SPOILER! LOTS OF SPOILER! DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED!
Okay, so I should have posted this before DI, but I read it on the road, and there just hasn't been a good time.
Anyway, at the end of the book, Jack's the Commodore of a fleet of ships. (This isn't a promotion so much as a temporary enlargement of his duties. He'll be a captain again once the engagement is over.) He's used his mad diplomatic and strategic skillz and is about to attack the French fleet and army in Mauritius. Glory! Money! Name in the paper! Money! All is coming his way!
Then another fleet appears on the horizon. It's not the French. Or the Spanish. Or the Americans. It's... The Admiral! Who will take over this whole thing and get all the credit and leave nothing at all for Jack and company and *pout*! There is not happiness as Tom Pullings comes up in his sloop, but there *is* happiness when he produces a mailbag, no one having gotten mail for a year. But before Jack can even read his letter from Sophie, Tom congratulates him on the birth of his son. A SON! A SOOOOOOON! Jack is THRILLED. Even the Admirality fucking him straight up the ass can't dampen his spirits. He fairly dances to his meeting with the Admiral.
The Admiral is prepared for any number of things from Jack, all of them bad and upset. So he is completely unprepared for Jack's enthusiasm, and suspects that something is up.
Jack: *BOUND!* Hey Admiral! What's going on?
Admiral: Er. Your orders are to allow the Admirality to figuratively fuck you up the ass. I know it's a horrible blow, but-
Jack: GREAT! Can't wait!
Admiral: You do realize you will be fucked?
Jack: Yup-yup!
Admiral: Up the ass?
Jack: Where else?
Admiral: By the Navy?
Jack: Who better?
Admiral to his Aide: Is he drunk? On drugs?
Aide: Doesn't seem to be...
Jack: Now, you will need maps and instruction on the best way to do this, and I know a great little place across the way-
Admiral: I'll be right back. *hurries into corridor where he meets Stephen* Stephen! What the hell is going on? Why is Jack so happy? Is there going to be a mutiny? Is he going to kill me? He's too... too... excited about this thing.
Stephen: *sneaky!* Oh, I imagine he got a letter from home. From his father. Maybe something about shake-ups in politics. You know, it might be a good idea _not_ to screw Jack over on this one. Politically speaking.
Admiral: Right then. *hurries back into room*
Jack: Where have you been? I can't *wait*!
Admiral: You know, I've been thinking, and it isn't fair for the Navy to fuck you up the ass, so we're just going to kind of poke about in the assular region. I mean it's only fair to someone of your standing-
Jack: EVEN BETTER! *BOUNCE* I love today! This is the best day ever!
Admiral: *soooo confused* Quite. Let's have some port.
Except that Pepsi hates me. Also iTunes. I've bought six separate Diet Pepsis in the past few days and not ONE of them had a free song in the bottle cap. And yes, I know how to sight winners in the caps. I taught Min how to do it. But I can't do it with vending machines. Especially when I'm in a skirt. Stupid iTunes.
As most of you know, I am a Diet Coke drinker. It is my beverage and I stick by it, and will eventually be fitted with a Diet Coke IV. But I'm sucking it up and purchasing only Diet Pepsi while the iTunes promotion is going on. Because Min buys songs with the caps and can then play or burn them for me. I have bought into the capitalist herd mentality. Moo.
Politically, I'm looking at Illinois US Senate candidates. What's with the radio chick? Why is her website pink and uninformative? It looks like Cyndi Lauper ate a radio promotion site then threw up on deanforamerica.com. Is it silly of me to dismiss a candidate because they have a shitty website? Too bad. I'm still liking Joyce Washington, even *if* her issues page took forever to load.
Teevee was good last night, except for the last five minutes of both Smallville and Angel.
Smallville!
Us: DUDE! Lana's gonna die! Rawk!
Last Five Minutes: Shit. Clark saved her. AGAIN! ARRRRG!
Angel!
Us: DUDE! Fred is gonna fuck shit up! Rawk!
Last Five Minutes: Shit. She's gone all Data and won't fuck anything up. She won't even throw Wes through the window. Do it. THROW HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW! ARRRRG!
Then we watched South Park and all was well.
Desolation Island
So, there's this stowaway on the Leopard and he hasn't eaten for a week. Jack takes him on as a sailor, and Stephen advises his new messmates, including Bonden, not to introduce solid food into his diet just yet.
Stephen: Just mash up some tack in water, as fine as it will go, and feed it to him. Not too much! A very small spoon every now and again will do until he's stronger.
Bonden: *puzzled* Aye, Doctor.
Some time later, Stephen walks through mess and sees the stowaway's messmates. They have an assembly line going. One is mashing a good three pounds of tack, another is vigorously mixing, a third is supervising, and Bonden himself is feeding the stowaway with a *teeeeny-tiny* spoon.
Stephen: What *are* you doing?
Bonden: *pleased* Following your prescription, Doctor! Carved this spoon meself. 'A very small spoon' as you said! Used Killick's silver teaspoon for a guide.
Stephen: Er. I meant 'not very much each meal'. Sorry. I wasn't clear.
Messmates: Ohhhhhh! *ponder Stephen's deep genius*
Bonden: *looks a little crushed*
Stephen: It's a charming spoon, though!
The Mauritius Command, SPOILER! LOTS OF SPOILER! DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED!
Okay, so I should have posted this before DI, but I read it on the road, and there just hasn't been a good time.
Anyway, at the end of the book, Jack's the Commodore of a fleet of ships. (This isn't a promotion so much as a temporary enlargement of his duties. He'll be a captain again once the engagement is over.) He's used his mad diplomatic and strategic skillz and is about to attack the French fleet and army in Mauritius. Glory! Money! Name in the paper! Money! All is coming his way!
Then another fleet appears on the horizon. It's not the French. Or the Spanish. Or the Americans. It's... The Admiral! Who will take over this whole thing and get all the credit and leave nothing at all for Jack and company and *pout*! There is not happiness as Tom Pullings comes up in his sloop, but there *is* happiness when he produces a mailbag, no one having gotten mail for a year. But before Jack can even read his letter from Sophie, Tom congratulates him on the birth of his son. A SON! A SOOOOOOON! Jack is THRILLED. Even the Admirality fucking him straight up the ass can't dampen his spirits. He fairly dances to his meeting with the Admiral.
The Admiral is prepared for any number of things from Jack, all of them bad and upset. So he is completely unprepared for Jack's enthusiasm, and suspects that something is up.
Jack: *BOUND!* Hey Admiral! What's going on?
Admiral: Er. Your orders are to allow the Admirality to figuratively fuck you up the ass. I know it's a horrible blow, but-
Jack: GREAT! Can't wait!
Admiral: You do realize you will be fucked?
Jack: Yup-yup!
Admiral: Up the ass?
Jack: Where else?
Admiral: By the Navy?
Jack: Who better?
Admiral to his Aide: Is he drunk? On drugs?
Aide: Doesn't seem to be...
Jack: Now, you will need maps and instruction on the best way to do this, and I know a great little place across the way-
Admiral: I'll be right back. *hurries into corridor where he meets Stephen* Stephen! What the hell is going on? Why is Jack so happy? Is there going to be a mutiny? Is he going to kill me? He's too... too... excited about this thing.
Stephen: *sneaky!* Oh, I imagine he got a letter from home. From his father. Maybe something about shake-ups in politics. You know, it might be a good idea _not_ to screw Jack over on this one. Politically speaking.
Admiral: Right then. *hurries back into room*
Jack: Where have you been? I can't *wait*!
Admiral: You know, I've been thinking, and it isn't fair for the Navy to fuck you up the ass, so we're just going to kind of poke about in the assular region. I mean it's only fair to someone of your standing-
Jack: EVEN BETTER! *BOUNCE* I love today! This is the best day ever!
Admiral: *soooo confused* Quite. Let's have some port.