Ficlet: Falling Out Of Reality
Ficlet: Falling out of Reality
Fandom: J2
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Words: 655
Warnings: Epilepsy, seizure, serious h/c (if you ask me)
for hc_bingo prompt seizures
Summary: Jensen can feel it coming and all he wants if for Jared to be there when he wakes up...
Falling out of Reality
There is something called an aura and I don’t mean the thing that psychics are talking about when they claim to speak to ghosts. I also don’t mean the power of a magical being - and yes, maybe I played too many computer games or roll play action when I was a teenager - but the medical term. Yes, in medicine there is an aura. I got one and it is the only reason I am allowed to drive a car other than most epileptics because I can sense a seizure coming about half an hour before. It never fails me and sometimes I hate it because there is nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is pull the car over and call Jared because I know that I might kill someone if I keep driving and in half an hour I will be comepletely useless.
It’s scary, those seizures, maybe not to the people around me but to me they are terrifying. It’s not the kind of seizures you see on TV where people twitch and foam on the mouth and their eyes roll back in their head. My seizures don’t look scary at all. If you don’t approach me, you probably won’t even notice.
My seizures are the silent kind. I am told that I will go zombie for minutes or more, just sitting there staring ahead, not moving, not thinking, not reacting. I wouldn’t know. I don’t remember. I just wake up confused and scared. It usually takes a while for the world to make sense again.
They say I’ve always been like that, spacing out for minutes at a time, seeming groggy afterwards for hours and nobody thought twice about it when I was a kid. I was just unattentive, dreamy or simply didn’t listen. I was twelve when someone finally noticed that something was wrong. I’m being told there is no knowing how much damage was already caused. Maybe someday I will be a slobbering idiot. I hope some good soul will end it then, if I just can’t come back anymore from wherever it is I am going when this happens. I don’t want Jared or my mom to clean away my slobber and exchange my diapers. I know they would and that’s what makes me feel sick to the stomach. But thinking of it won’t help and the only consolidation I have is that my mind will be away anyway.
I can feel it creeping op on me as the edges of my world start curling inwards and a tunnel begins to form in my vision. I set the indicator and pull onto the parking space of a Walmart. I take my cellphone and get out of the car, walk around and sit in the back strapping myself in with the seatbelt as I listen to the ringing of the phone. I always do that, afraid I might start walking or driving in my post seizure daze if I am not secured somewhere.
“Padalecki.”
“Jared, it’s me. I’m getting all woozy again…” It’s been coming less with my medication but there is no cure and Jared has lived through more than one episode with me. I thought he would leave after my first seizure in his company but he hasn’t. Instead he gave me the cellphone.
“Okay. Where are you?” He’s calm but I can hear his concern. I know he shares my fears. He’s terrified by this, but he won’t show it.
“I’m in the parking lot of the Walmart on Main. It’s space number ninety-five.” I blink and wonder if I will be able to finish the phone-call.
“Okay. I’m on my way Jen. Wait for me.”
I want to tell him that I can’t really go anywhere right now but my voice won’t react and I slip away knowing that if I wake up again, Jared will be there.
*