The Shadows We Bear [Part VII / ???]
Basic premise for those who do not know: this fic is set the the world of theskytides, an AU panfandom RPG set in a steampunk line in which it is totally a fandom of its own. Miles Edgeworth (from the Ace Attorney series) and Hijikata Toshirou (from Gintama) happen to be the first mate / boatswain respectively in of one of the ships in the game. In this story, Hijikata has something of a... crush towards Edgeworth that he has never told anyone, though he is aware. Which of course, will only lead to nothing but trouble...
Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI
THE SHADOWS WE BEAR
TST!Shadowverse fic : Part VII
Thankfully, no questions had been directed towards him regarding whatever that had taken place in the rather long timespan that he was in that room with what he had been informed as a Shadow-or to be more precise, the Shadow that had come out from Edgeworth himself. Or so said the Seta kid anyway.
“A Shadow is pretty much repressed emotions within a human-or humans in some cases-but given form,” the Hanamura kid had explained to him quite helpfully after seeing the confused look on his face when the other teenager had just rather casually dropped the term. “It doesn’t really act on will, but more on instinct.”
Had he been a lesser man, Hijikata might have just asked if ‘instincts’ did by anyway include ‘severely screwing around with people’s minds’. But of course he didn’t ask said question-he would only receive confused looks and perhaps even a suspicious glance from the Seta kid. It could really be just him, but there was just something about the silver-haired teenager that seemed to be able to look though him and within him even if they hadn’t spoken a lot ever since meeting each other. A part of him was fairly convinced that the teenager knew very well what the whole deal between him and Edgeworth was, but the more logical part had reminded him that there was no way that something like that was possible...
So all he really did was to keep his own mouth shut and nodded mutely to the brunette’s explanations before glancing away once he was done. The teenager was rather caught off-guard by the sudden change in his demeanour and paused to look at him for a moment and then at his companion, who only closed his eyes and shook his head.
The silence that had settled in the area after the Shadow had withdrew had been quite prominent, the only sounds that were heard being that of the minor Shadows that were lurking on the corridors outside. Hijikata kept silent as he glanced towards the remains of what had been the door before turning his head towards the two teenagers. “...so what happened with you two?” After all, that... thing had been mentioning something about distractions and puzzles.
Hanamura was the one who responded first, scowling as he answered. “Ungh, don’t get me started on that. It was hell in a handbasket.”
“The door was locked,” Seta spoke up after that, sending a wry glance over to his companion as he talked before looking back at the other. “We had to go down another floor to get the key before we could get in here.”
“Seriously,” the brunette went in a rather exasperated tone, as if emphasizing the whole trouble their detour had cost them as his hands burying into his head. “What is up with this place?! I mean, it’s not as bad as Naoto’s-” Naoto was that detective kid, if Hijikata remembered correctly, “-but I mean. Seriously. Can we actually go somewhere simpler for once?”
“We can always drop by the Shopping District next time,” was the response that came from the other teenager, and the brunette paused when he heard that. The boatswain only stared a little. Shopping District? What were they going on about?
It seemed that the kid understood it well enough though; judging by the way he suddenly froze up before sagging and letting out a sigh. “Fine fine, rub it in,” he went, sounding annoyed. Then he let out another sigh before straightening up once again, eyes glancing around the room for what had to be the tenth or so time from him-the brunette really couldn’t seem to stay still even for a moment, it seemed. “Still... man. Sure seems like your cousin’s pretty messed up inside now, Souji.”
The silver-haired teenager only glanced away, voice quiet as he spoke. “...he just has more problems than most people have.”
The brunette made a face in return. “...it’s nothing like Kanji’s, I hope.”
Seta did kind of look somewhat exasperated at that question. “...no, nothing like Kanji’s.”
“Great, because I sure as well don’t want to go through something like that again.”
Kanji, if Hijikata remembered right again, was that kid with bleached hair and looked as if he belong to some gang or another. While he usually wasn’t the type to imagine, the man really couldn’t help but wonder just what had been up with him if the brunette was making such a deduction. Surely the kid didn’t have such big issues or anything-not that he knew what Edgeworth’s own issues were, but the point still stood.
Seta then spoke up again after that, stopping the boatswain in his momentary train of thought. “If you’re alright, then it’d be best if we quickly move on.”
The kid didn’t need to say anymore than that-Hijikata knew they had wasted enough time as it was with this second break. The man nodded an affirmative in return, taking a moment to calm himself and prepare for what would happen before he moved in order to push himself back up. His body protested as stood back up, feeling the joints of his bones popping and his sore muscles working against him and his senses only pointing out to him just how exhausted he was. Still, that didn’t deter the man from his task and only continued to push himself to the limit.
It took a bit before he was finally standing up properly, though he was still wincing at the pain that his limbs were giving him. At least he was finally up, which was an improvement from before. Hanamura was at his side, ready to help with support if he should need it. Seta only kept silent as he looked over him, waiting patiently for the man to be up on his feet proper before he made any other moves or said anything else.
Pushing himself off from the wall that had been his support, the dark-haired man stumbled around a bit before regaining his sense of balance. His body was still protesting from the pain and exhaustion and his body was starting to feel somewhat sick from the constant exposure to fog, but he managed to hold his ground. He wasn’t going to back down on this at all or turn away until Edgeworth was properly rescued. Until then, he’d just continue to go forward no matter what.
“Ready?” came the question from the silver-haired teen once Hijikata had finally properly straightened himself.
The man nodded in response. “As much as I can be.”
“Then we’re setting off,” he spoke with a nod to Hanamura, and the trio finally was on their way once again.
If you happened to ask Hijikata the one question of ‘since when have you loved Miles Edgeworth’, the boatswain would have no real answer to respond to you with. It wasn’t because he was trying to dodge answering the question or anything (though god, how he would have tried to avoid this topic), but it was because he honestly had no idea how or when or where this even happened. It was simply this... part of him that had manifested out of nowhere suddenly, the realization of it having hit the swordsman like a ton of bricks.
Though he would admit (perhaps grudgingly) that at first, it had been hard for him to accept the reality of this realization. So very hard. After all, Edgeworth had been the one person he could actually count as a friend, could really see as the person that was beside him after all this time while everyone left or moved on. Perhaps that could be part of the reason why he gradually started to grow attached to the other man-or perhaps it wasn’t. Either way, Hijikata really didn’t know.
But what he did know was that back then, he didn’t want to accept that fact that he had, after all this time, was made to taste the bitter cruelty of... well, of love once again. Ever since that day where she had died so many years ago, he had made a personal vow to himself to not get attached to anyone or anything else. A solemn promise that he would never once again have to taste something as heartbreaking, as heart wrenching as what he had experienced ever again. He couldn’t afford it already-his heart had already been broken once when he was exiled, and yet again shattered now when she had died on him like this. A third time would only do nothing by utterly shatter the last bits of his own self.
Still... it had been... exhilarating-and also positively terrifying-when he realized that he was in love in Miles Edgeworth. At first he was only telling himself it was nothing like that; maybe it had been just some part of him that was being silly, being wistful and hopeful and utterly idiotic. But the more he tried to deny those feelings and pretend they never existed, the more they came back to haunt him. Something about denial making it stronger? The swordsman would perhaps never really understand it. The important thing was that try as he might, those feelings only remained within him and if anything, had only grown stronger the more they were together.
He knew that this was a hopeless charade on his end, understood that it was worthless to pursue his feelings because nothing could ever come of it but-he had hoped. He had always hoped deep inside of him, like a child, like an idiot, like a starving, desperate man who would not let go of his food and water and could only cling onto them as his sole lifeline. How much had he hoped so much that perhaps one day, Edgeworth would like him in time-and maybe even love him if he was lucky. It was almost like the perfect dream, except that Hijikata knew inside him that it could never, ever come true.
Thus with that knowledge in mind (as painful as it had been for him), the boatswain had never once voiced out those feelings, only keeping them within himself as he shifted around his daily life as if nothing had happened. He continued to grump at everyone he met, continued to roar out his threats of seppuku whenever he could at those lazy good-for-nothing seamen and cabin boys and continued to be nothing but simply a friend and fellow crewmate towards Edgeworth. The man was the only one he could perceive as a friend, after all-and he didn’t want his (hopeless) feelings to end their friendship.
...it was really odd, how they had started out as nothing but loggerheads at first. Now after over half a decade of working together and with so many recent tribulations and trials in the past year, it was really quite... strange to see how everything had changed so fast and so suddenly. Or at least it seemed to be from his eyes.
Still, his rapidly steadfast feelings for Edgeworth were still there, and they would only remain as a secret to himself as the days passed by normally. Even as more and more trials came towards him and the Victoria II, Hijikata only faced them with pleasure-unlike before, back when he had simply been fighting for Kondou’s dream, now he had his own reason to fight. A stupid one by all accounts, but one that was good enough for him. And for a simple, practical guy like him, it was all he needed in order to go on. So long as Edgeworth was fine, things would be alright.
So when the news of the first mate’s disappearance had reached his ears, everything else had soon quickly gone to hell in a handbasket. The initial loss at what to do, the subsequent attempt at picking up from what he had left behind-then the call from Seta, the meeting, going to the ship and then-
-No, the boatswain thought to himself then, cutting his thoughts short as the silver-haired teenager before him and Hanamura started to speak. That didn’t happen. It wasn’t real, after all-what had happened in that room wasn’t real-after all, it wasn’t Edgeworth at all. It had been just a Shadow of the man himself. It was just a part of him, not the whole thing. Whatever it said had simply been nothing but a lie... just a lie. Nothing but lies from a creature made of lies. It was almost obvious to him.
“Are you sure about this?” came the voice of the brunette beside him, and Hijikata blinked to really get himself out of his thoughts this time. This really wasn’t a time where he could be affording to be lost in his own thoughts.
Seta nodded his head, glancing at the lone door that was in front of them. “We’ve already went down a good number of levels...” he responded, voice almost a murmur, “the Shadow and Miles are most likely going to be behind this door.”
Despite looking as if he had just ran a marathon (and possibly having gotten trashed around a few times too while at it), the teenager beside him only grinned and cracked his knuckles. “Alright, then let’s finish this!”
The other teen nodded in agreement to his companion’s exclamation with a noise of agreement before turning towards the man, dark grey eyes (that were like Edgeworth’s, Hijikata remembered with a churn in his gut). “Are you ready?”
A part of him was pretty downright terrified at what was to come beyond there, but the boatswain stomped down on that feeling-this was no time for him to chicken out. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in order to steady and steel himself mentally. This was it-now or never. It was hard to believe, but he had managed to come this far already-and he’d end it by rescuing the first mate one way or another, and there was going to be no way around it.
With that thought in mind, the samurai opened his eyes and looked back at the other, nodding his affirmative.
Seta nodded back in response before he closed his eyes as well and turned around, sword flashing in his hand as he reached out and grabbed the handle of the door, pulling it open with a squeal of old squeaky joints and a bang of wood to reveal the room inside.
Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI
THE SHADOWS WE BEAR
TST!Shadowverse fic : Part VII
Thankfully, no questions had been directed towards him regarding whatever that had taken place in the rather long timespan that he was in that room with what he had been informed as a Shadow-or to be more precise, the Shadow that had come out from Edgeworth himself. Or so said the Seta kid anyway.
“A Shadow is pretty much repressed emotions within a human-or humans in some cases-but given form,” the Hanamura kid had explained to him quite helpfully after seeing the confused look on his face when the other teenager had just rather casually dropped the term. “It doesn’t really act on will, but more on instinct.”
Had he been a lesser man, Hijikata might have just asked if ‘instincts’ did by anyway include ‘severely screwing around with people’s minds’. But of course he didn’t ask said question-he would only receive confused looks and perhaps even a suspicious glance from the Seta kid. It could really be just him, but there was just something about the silver-haired teenager that seemed to be able to look though him and within him even if they hadn’t spoken a lot ever since meeting each other. A part of him was fairly convinced that the teenager knew very well what the whole deal between him and Edgeworth was, but the more logical part had reminded him that there was no way that something like that was possible...
So all he really did was to keep his own mouth shut and nodded mutely to the brunette’s explanations before glancing away once he was done. The teenager was rather caught off-guard by the sudden change in his demeanour and paused to look at him for a moment and then at his companion, who only closed his eyes and shook his head.
The silence that had settled in the area after the Shadow had withdrew had been quite prominent, the only sounds that were heard being that of the minor Shadows that were lurking on the corridors outside. Hijikata kept silent as he glanced towards the remains of what had been the door before turning his head towards the two teenagers. “...so what happened with you two?” After all, that... thing had been mentioning something about distractions and puzzles.
Hanamura was the one who responded first, scowling as he answered. “Ungh, don’t get me started on that. It was hell in a handbasket.”
“The door was locked,” Seta spoke up after that, sending a wry glance over to his companion as he talked before looking back at the other. “We had to go down another floor to get the key before we could get in here.”
“Seriously,” the brunette went in a rather exasperated tone, as if emphasizing the whole trouble their detour had cost them as his hands burying into his head. “What is up with this place?! I mean, it’s not as bad as Naoto’s-” Naoto was that detective kid, if Hijikata remembered correctly, “-but I mean. Seriously. Can we actually go somewhere simpler for once?”
“We can always drop by the Shopping District next time,” was the response that came from the other teenager, and the brunette paused when he heard that. The boatswain only stared a little. Shopping District? What were they going on about?
It seemed that the kid understood it well enough though; judging by the way he suddenly froze up before sagging and letting out a sigh. “Fine fine, rub it in,” he went, sounding annoyed. Then he let out another sigh before straightening up once again, eyes glancing around the room for what had to be the tenth or so time from him-the brunette really couldn’t seem to stay still even for a moment, it seemed. “Still... man. Sure seems like your cousin’s pretty messed up inside now, Souji.”
The silver-haired teenager only glanced away, voice quiet as he spoke. “...he just has more problems than most people have.”
The brunette made a face in return. “...it’s nothing like Kanji’s, I hope.”
Seta did kind of look somewhat exasperated at that question. “...no, nothing like Kanji’s.”
“Great, because I sure as well don’t want to go through something like that again.”
Kanji, if Hijikata remembered right again, was that kid with bleached hair and looked as if he belong to some gang or another. While he usually wasn’t the type to imagine, the man really couldn’t help but wonder just what had been up with him if the brunette was making such a deduction. Surely the kid didn’t have such big issues or anything-not that he knew what Edgeworth’s own issues were, but the point still stood.
Seta then spoke up again after that, stopping the boatswain in his momentary train of thought. “If you’re alright, then it’d be best if we quickly move on.”
The kid didn’t need to say anymore than that-Hijikata knew they had wasted enough time as it was with this second break. The man nodded an affirmative in return, taking a moment to calm himself and prepare for what would happen before he moved in order to push himself back up. His body protested as stood back up, feeling the joints of his bones popping and his sore muscles working against him and his senses only pointing out to him just how exhausted he was. Still, that didn’t deter the man from his task and only continued to push himself to the limit.
It took a bit before he was finally standing up properly, though he was still wincing at the pain that his limbs were giving him. At least he was finally up, which was an improvement from before. Hanamura was at his side, ready to help with support if he should need it. Seta only kept silent as he looked over him, waiting patiently for the man to be up on his feet proper before he made any other moves or said anything else.
Pushing himself off from the wall that had been his support, the dark-haired man stumbled around a bit before regaining his sense of balance. His body was still protesting from the pain and exhaustion and his body was starting to feel somewhat sick from the constant exposure to fog, but he managed to hold his ground. He wasn’t going to back down on this at all or turn away until Edgeworth was properly rescued. Until then, he’d just continue to go forward no matter what.
“Ready?” came the question from the silver-haired teen once Hijikata had finally properly straightened himself.
The man nodded in response. “As much as I can be.”
“Then we’re setting off,” he spoke with a nod to Hanamura, and the trio finally was on their way once again.
If you happened to ask Hijikata the one question of ‘since when have you loved Miles Edgeworth’, the boatswain would have no real answer to respond to you with. It wasn’t because he was trying to dodge answering the question or anything (though god, how he would have tried to avoid this topic), but it was because he honestly had no idea how or when or where this even happened. It was simply this... part of him that had manifested out of nowhere suddenly, the realization of it having hit the swordsman like a ton of bricks.
Though he would admit (perhaps grudgingly) that at first, it had been hard for him to accept the reality of this realization. So very hard. After all, Edgeworth had been the one person he could actually count as a friend, could really see as the person that was beside him after all this time while everyone left or moved on. Perhaps that could be part of the reason why he gradually started to grow attached to the other man-or perhaps it wasn’t. Either way, Hijikata really didn’t know.
But what he did know was that back then, he didn’t want to accept that fact that he had, after all this time, was made to taste the bitter cruelty of... well, of love once again. Ever since that day where she had died so many years ago, he had made a personal vow to himself to not get attached to anyone or anything else. A solemn promise that he would never once again have to taste something as heartbreaking, as heart wrenching as what he had experienced ever again. He couldn’t afford it already-his heart had already been broken once when he was exiled, and yet again shattered now when she had died on him like this. A third time would only do nothing by utterly shatter the last bits of his own self.
Still... it had been... exhilarating-and also positively terrifying-when he realized that he was in love in Miles Edgeworth. At first he was only telling himself it was nothing like that; maybe it had been just some part of him that was being silly, being wistful and hopeful and utterly idiotic. But the more he tried to deny those feelings and pretend they never existed, the more they came back to haunt him. Something about denial making it stronger? The swordsman would perhaps never really understand it. The important thing was that try as he might, those feelings only remained within him and if anything, had only grown stronger the more they were together.
He knew that this was a hopeless charade on his end, understood that it was worthless to pursue his feelings because nothing could ever come of it but-he had hoped. He had always hoped deep inside of him, like a child, like an idiot, like a starving, desperate man who would not let go of his food and water and could only cling onto them as his sole lifeline. How much had he hoped so much that perhaps one day, Edgeworth would like him in time-and maybe even love him if he was lucky. It was almost like the perfect dream, except that Hijikata knew inside him that it could never, ever come true.
Thus with that knowledge in mind (as painful as it had been for him), the boatswain had never once voiced out those feelings, only keeping them within himself as he shifted around his daily life as if nothing had happened. He continued to grump at everyone he met, continued to roar out his threats of seppuku whenever he could at those lazy good-for-nothing seamen and cabin boys and continued to be nothing but simply a friend and fellow crewmate towards Edgeworth. The man was the only one he could perceive as a friend, after all-and he didn’t want his (hopeless) feelings to end their friendship.
...it was really odd, how they had started out as nothing but loggerheads at first. Now after over half a decade of working together and with so many recent tribulations and trials in the past year, it was really quite... strange to see how everything had changed so fast and so suddenly. Or at least it seemed to be from his eyes.
Still, his rapidly steadfast feelings for Edgeworth were still there, and they would only remain as a secret to himself as the days passed by normally. Even as more and more trials came towards him and the Victoria II, Hijikata only faced them with pleasure-unlike before, back when he had simply been fighting for Kondou’s dream, now he had his own reason to fight. A stupid one by all accounts, but one that was good enough for him. And for a simple, practical guy like him, it was all he needed in order to go on. So long as Edgeworth was fine, things would be alright.
So when the news of the first mate’s disappearance had reached his ears, everything else had soon quickly gone to hell in a handbasket. The initial loss at what to do, the subsequent attempt at picking up from what he had left behind-then the call from Seta, the meeting, going to the ship and then-
-No, the boatswain thought to himself then, cutting his thoughts short as the silver-haired teenager before him and Hanamura started to speak. That didn’t happen. It wasn’t real, after all-what had happened in that room wasn’t real-after all, it wasn’t Edgeworth at all. It had been just a Shadow of the man himself. It was just a part of him, not the whole thing. Whatever it said had simply been nothing but a lie... just a lie. Nothing but lies from a creature made of lies. It was almost obvious to him.
“Are you sure about this?” came the voice of the brunette beside him, and Hijikata blinked to really get himself out of his thoughts this time. This really wasn’t a time where he could be affording to be lost in his own thoughts.
Seta nodded his head, glancing at the lone door that was in front of them. “We’ve already went down a good number of levels...” he responded, voice almost a murmur, “the Shadow and Miles are most likely going to be behind this door.”
Despite looking as if he had just ran a marathon (and possibly having gotten trashed around a few times too while at it), the teenager beside him only grinned and cracked his knuckles. “Alright, then let’s finish this!”
The other teen nodded in agreement to his companion’s exclamation with a noise of agreement before turning towards the man, dark grey eyes (that were like Edgeworth’s, Hijikata remembered with a churn in his gut). “Are you ready?”
A part of him was pretty downright terrified at what was to come beyond there, but the boatswain stomped down on that feeling-this was no time for him to chicken out. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in order to steady and steel himself mentally. This was it-now or never. It was hard to believe, but he had managed to come this far already-and he’d end it by rescuing the first mate one way or another, and there was going to be no way around it.
With that thought in mind, the samurai opened his eyes and looked back at the other, nodding his affirmative.
Seta nodded back in response before he closed his eyes as well and turned around, sword flashing in his hand as he reached out and grabbed the handle of the door, pulling it open with a squeal of old squeaky joints and a bang of wood to reveal the room inside.