Supernatural: What's to Be, They Say, Will Be [Cradlesong!Verse Timestamp]
Title: What's to Be, They Say, Will Be
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean/Jess
Genre: Angst
Rating: R for Mild Sexual Content and Language
Word Count: 6,326
Author’s Note: So, in my head, this is an extension of my Cradlesong verse, which was written for polybigbang, but really, it will work in any AU where you take it for granted that Jess hunts with and is in an established threesome relationship with the boys. Title from Led Zeppelin’s What Is and What Should Never Be (original, amIrite?). The idea for this was actually inspired by one of clex_monkie89’s prompts at the spnthreesome exchange, and it really captured me, so when she needed a pinch hit, I decided to go for it. This also fits your “secrets/lies being revealed” like, since that was on my bingo card and THIS IS A BLACKOUT. Way to dickslap you with your own gift, eh? You love me. Thanks to waterofthemoon for the thorough beta! <3
Summary: Cradlesong!Verse AU: Dean and Jess get caught by a Djinn. Jess wishes Sam and Dean’s childhood had gone differently, but things don’t turn out the way she hoped.
Back to Masterpost ∴ Back to Pilot ∴ Back to Part One of Half a World Away ∴ Back to Part Two of Half a World Away
Jess drives for two hours before she even finds the place. Sam stays on the phone with her, keeps her updated on the cops, on what Dean is saying-at least, he was when Dean was still saying anything.
It’s been an hour and a half since he answered a call, and Jess is glad they decided to ditch the plan, send Jess out as reinforcement since the cops don’t know who she is. Something feels off about the whole hunt.
Maybe it’s because they’re hunting a genie, Djinn, whatever-something Jess, after all the things she’s seen, still doesn’t entirely believe isn’t straight out of a fairytale. A part of her is pretty sure Sam and Dean are pulling one over on her. The other part is freaking out.
Dean doesn’t usually need help, not from Jess, at least. Whatever he can’t handle, she’s not entirely sure she’s going to do much good charging in after him. But he’s in trouble, and Sam can’t come, and that settles that.
Jess is at least going to try.
Sam tells her that Dean said something about a warehouse off the side of the road. It’s so dark, she almost misses it. The light reflecting off the Impala tells her where to turn off-which isn’t really much of a surprise. The car’s practically the fourth member of their team, loyal through anything, and probably every bit as worried about Dean as Jess is.
She parks her stolen sedan further away, where others driving down the road won’t spot it, just in case they still need it when they’re heading out. Just in case she needs to go back for Sam.
The warehouse is dark, creepy even by Jess’s standards, and she’s more than a little relieved to find Dean quickly. He’s hanging from the ceiling, looking halfway to dead, and he’s tossing a little in whatever dream the thing’s got him stuck inside. She’s reaching for her knife to let him down when a hand presses against her back, and she feels warm, stinging chemicals seeping into her skin and loses consciousness.
_______________________________________________________________
Jess wakes up with her head pressed against the car window. She starts and finds that Sam’s sitting next to her. It’s weird-Jess doesn’t usually sit in the front, and Sam doesn’t usually drive, but she’s certainly had more distressing wake-up calls.
After she has a few seconds to look around, she realizes the arrangement isn’t the only thing that’s unusual. Dean is missing, the car is all wrong, and Sam looks…off.
“Where’s Dean?” she asks, because that seems like the most important question right now. She’d thought the genie thing was just a weird dream, but if Jess and Sam are driving somewhere without him, he could still be in trouble.
Sam laughs uncomfortably, and Jess’s stomach ties in knots. “Dreading it already?” he asks.
Jess makes a puzzled face and rubs the sleep out of her eyes, hoping to orient herself. It’s just cornfields and more cornfields outside the window, which she’s learned means they could be just about anywhere in the damned country. “Dreading what?”
“Come on, babe, you don’t have to play dumb about it. I know how you feel about Dean.”
Jess smirks. “I’d be pretty worried if you hadn’t figured it out by now.”
Sam’s lips turn down. “It’s not funny, okay? I’m not going to force you to like him, but he means a lot to me, and you both promised you’d play nice. At least while…” Sam swallows hard. “Don’t make this weekend any harder for us.”
Jess doesn’t respond, doesn’t really know how. The suggestion that Jess could ever not like Dean, not love Dean, is kind of a sting on its own. Jess always liked Dean; it would have to be a whole other world for that not to be the case.
“I wish you guys would give each other a chance,” Sam says after a long pause. “He was just joking with the flirting all those years ago. He does that to all my girlfriends when he meets them. It’s tradition, he wouldn’t actually go through with it.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t?” she replies. At this point, she has no idea what Sam is talking about.
“You have to be easy on him, Jess. He’s not going to be taking this well.”
“Not taking what well?”
Sam turns his attention from the road and looks at her closely, a little pissed off. “Dad’s funeral? The whole reason we’re on this joyride?”
Jess feels her mouth drop. “But John died months ago.”
“Less than a week. Jessica, are you feeling all right?”
Jess swallows it and decides to look at the facts. She’s either dreaming, or she’s in some other world, and, if it’s the latter, she’s going to need to hurry her uptake and land on her feet. “What happened? Was it the demon?”
Sam slams the brakes and gives her the bitchiest glare she thinks she’s ever seen from anyone. “What the fuck? Is that funny to you?”
“No?” she says, unsure of what exactly she did to suggest she isn’t taking John’s death seriously. “No, Sam, of course not. I was just…”
“Trying to lighten the mood? It was a stroke, and you know it. Man, whatever’s gotten into you, you better cut it out before we get there.” He looks away from her sharply and starts the car again. “Dean isn’t going to tolerate that. I’m not gonna tolerate that.”
Jess shuts down then, crossing her arms over her chest defensively and wondering just when the hell Sam got so touchy. One thing is obvious from the twenty minutes since she woke up in this car-it’s not her Sam she’s sitting with, and, if what he says about Jess and Dean is true, Dean isn’t the man she knows, either. Fantastic.
He doesn’t look at her once before the car stops outside of the house Jess remembers from the hunt last year, the house that was supposed to be Sam and Dean’s home.
“You be nice, Jess. Don’t say anything if that’s what it takes.”
Sam slams the door behind him, and Jess follows reluctantly, completely unsure of what she’s about to walk in on and completely positive she doesn’t really want to know. Sam knocks at the door, and Dean opens almost immediately, his smile cracking his face in half when he sees his brother.
“Sammy,” he says, taking Sam into a tight hug.
Jess lets out a long breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Dean looks like himself, much more than Sam does. He’s not as rough around the edges, but he’s got that sad look at the back of his eyes, the one this Sam is missing. She’d been happy for Sam, but after how he treated her in the car, she’s a little relieved to have a Winchester she’ll understand around.
“Hey, Dean,” Sam answers, relaxing into the hug. After a few moments, he gives his brother a hearty pat on the back and the two men break apart. “You remember Jess,” Sam says, placing a hand on her back and urging her forward.
Dean’s smile slips. He gives Jess a stiff nod and answers in an off-putting, formal tone. “Of course. Welcome.”
He turns away from the door then, leaving Sam and Jess to follow him inside. She looks up at Sam, hoping to find some confusion in his features, but he just shrugs, picks up their luggage, and hauls it into the house.
“Anything I can help you with?” he asks.
Dean shakes his head, stopping in front of the stairs and looking at Sam. “Nah, I’ve got everything under control. You should just…relax, if you can. I mean, it’s no vacation, but you’re home.” Dean smiles weakly; Jess’s heart plummets. He swallows hard and puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Want you to feel at home.”
Sam squeezes the hand and nods, completely oblivious to the way his brother’s looking at him. Jess has seen Dean look at Sam like that a million times, but it feels like a lifetime since Dean was this torn up about it.
“I’ll drop our stuff up in my room,” Sam says with fake gusto.
He brushes past Dean, and Dean licks his lips, eyes immediately cast to the floor.
“Dean,” Jess says. “I’m really sorry about Joh-”
“Save it,” he snaps, giving her the cold shoulder as he heads towards the kitchen.
_______________________________________________________________
Sam kisses her warmly, hand cradling her face. “Thank you,” he says.
“What for?” Jess asks. She hasn’t done or said much of anything all day.
Sam lies back on his side of the bed. “You’ve gone a whole day without getting in a fight with Dean. Just, I know you’re keeping a lot to yourself, and I appreciate it.”
“Oh.” Jess bites her lip. “No problem, I guess.”
“I know he’s not making it easy for you, but he’s in a bad place right now.”
Jess frowns, stroking her fingers on the back of his neck, the way she used to do when Sam was missing his brother, back before Jess had even met Dean. He closes his eyes and leans into it. “You both are,” she says softly.
“No, I know. But it’s worse for him.” Sam looks Jess in the eye. “I don’t think I could have gone to college if he hadn’t had Dad to look after. Taking care of us was all he ever had.” He shakes his head. “God knows what he’s gonna do now.”
“He’ll hunt,” Jess answers, because that’s the obvious solution. That’s what Dean does-especially what Dean does on his own. But Sam’s eyebrows draw in, and all the puzzle pieces begin to slide together. “He doesn’t hunt?”
“Why would Dean hunt?” Sam says with a laugh.
“Because…John,” she answers stupidly.
“Dad didn’t hunt anything. No one would have given the guy a gun. The things coming out of your mouth today.” Sam shakes his head.
Jess decides to just give up. “He’ll find something, Sam.”
“Maybe,” he replies. He turns back towards her and shifts so that his body’s over hers. “Until then, you get another thank you.”
He leans down and kisses her with more intent than he had earlier. Jess goes with it. It’s not until a good, long time has passed, when Sam’s already rolling into her, catching her cries with his mouth, that Jess realizes they didn’t close the door properly.
She turns her attention towards it and meets a pair of eyes watching them. She gasps, and Dean disappears immediately. When Jess comes, it’s more from knowing he was watching than from Sam moving inside of her.
_______________________________________________________________
“You sure you two can stay here alone and not kill each other?” Sam asks for the hundredth time.
Jess rolls her eyes, wonders just how much of a bitch she can possibly have been to Dean in the past, and pushes him towards the door. “Go before he wakes up, Sam. You’re the one who’s trying to give him a break, right?”
“Right,” Sam agrees slowly.
“And he won’t let you go pick up the catering if you wait for him to get up, so leave.”
“Okay,” he says, one foot out the door. He moves to exit, then slides back in. “If he comes downstairs, go upstairs.”
Jess closes the door on him.
“What was that?” she hears a sleepy voice ask from the top of the stairs about a minute after the door closes. “Oh. Just you.”
“Just me,” Jess says apologetically.
“Where’s Sam?”
“He went out to pick up the food for tomorrow. Wanted you to get a day to sleep in a little.”
“So he left me here with you?” Dean scoffs. “Yeah, that’s real relaxing.”
He pads down the stairs and turns towards the kitchen, probably following the scent of the coffee Sam left brewing for him.
“What did I do to you?” she can’t help asking as he moves down the hall.
Dean turns and looks at her with hatred she’s rarely seen him direct even at monsters. “I could ask you the same thing, sweetheart.”
He spends the rest of the day carefully avoiding her, and Jess reluctantly respects his space.
_______________________________________________________________
Family members begin arriving that evening, though none of them stay at the house overnight. They stop by just long enough to offer Sam and Dean their condolences, say things like “maybe it’s better this way,” and somehow don’t notice Dean wincing with every well-intentioned speech.
Sam soothes him with a warm hand on his shoulder, and Jess doesn’t miss the instantaneous calming effect. This Dean is almost exactly like hers. It only takes until dinner that night for her to realize that it’s not Dean’s fault they don’t get along. Sam’s not the only one who’s different now, but she was wrong to assume that meant Dean wasn’t himself here. Jess is the problem.
The little she’s able to gather from the way Sam talks to her, the way Dean glares, the way the whole family seems to keep distance at all times, makes it obvious that the Jess in this world is rotten. She wonders how the hell she got stuck in this bizarre place, having to suffer for everything this stranger did to the men she loves.
She’s lifting her wine glass to her lips when Dean drops his silverware onto his dish and everyone at the table turns their attention towards him. His eyes are fixed on Jess, on the hand holding her drink. “What is that?” he asks, horrified.
Jess looks around, but Sam takes her other hand under the table and squeezes. “Dean, now’s not the time.”
“Oh, I think it is.”
Sam smiles awkwardly at the other faces at the table. “Uh, so, that wraps up dinner. I’m sure everyone’s really tired. Why don’t you all head back to your hotels for the night?”
He doesn’t have to ask twice. Their relatives disperse within minutes, and Dean slams the door behind the last of them.
“Dean, please don’t-”
“How could you not tell me?” he asks. “How could you leave something like this unsaid for two days, Sam?”
“I didn’t wanna upset you,” Sam says.
“Bang up job, then.” Dean turns to look at Jess, eyes moving down to her hand again, and she follows his gaze until she realizes what he’s so pissed about. It’s like a kick to the gut when she sees the very expensive ring on her finger.
She probably should have noticed it in the last two days, but she’s been too distracted trying to adjust to everything else. She shouldn’t be so miserable about it, about what it means. There was a time when this was all she wanted, but now, seeing the way Dean hates her for it, not understanding why Sam would want to marry a girl like her, she feels more like she’s in some arranged marriage with a man who is more-or-less a stranger to her.
“Well, congratulations, kids,” Dean says, rocking forward on his feet, clearly trying to contain too much anger. His voice stays cool, but it shakes-it’s not the controlled tone Jess’s Dean can maintain no matter how hurt he is. “I’m sure the wedding’ll be lovely, but I won’t be invited, will I? Send me a postcard and let me know how it goes.”
“Dean,” Sam says, reaching out to grab his brother.
Dean freezes at Sam’s pleading tone, and, reluctantly, he faces him. “I’m sorry, Sammy,” he says. “I’m happy for you. I just wish it wasn’t…”
He shakes off Sam’s hold and continues upstairs.
Sam turns to look at Jess sadly. She approaches him, giving him a soft kiss and brushing the hair out of his face. “I’m sorry, Sam.”
Sam shakes his head and puts an arm around her. “No, don’t be. You’ve been nothing but nice to him since we got here. It’s not your fault this time.”
Jess doesn’t miss the modifier, can’t help noticing that even Sam blames her for whatever happened between her and his brother.
When they go to bed, Jess leaves the door open on purpose this time, and Sam doesn’t notice it or bat an eye when she tells him it’s too hot under the covers. When he fucks her, Jess makes sure he’s on display if Dean decides to take the bait, and she’s not surprised that Dean does. She pretends not to notice him this time.
It’s pretty fucked up as far as peace offerings go, but Jess hates the idea of any Dean having to live without his brother. She would invite him right in if she didn’t know that Sam wouldn’t take it as well as he takes it in the real world.
Sam moves differently, isn’t as desperate or as adoring or as good. She runs her hands down his body, but it feels foreign, wrong without the scars she’s spent so many years memorizing. The best part is knowing Dean is on the other side of the door, finally getting something he’d never take on his own, not in this world-not in Jess’s, either.
_______________________________________________________________
Jess wakes up first the next morning and turns on the TV, only to hear about a plane crash Sam and Dean stopped when she was still new to hunting. It chills her bones hearing the woman on the news running through the body count, and Jess realizes it must not be the only case that went ignored in this world. She remembers all the people they’ve saved in the last two years, children and grandparents, and her stomach turns as she imagines the body count.
Out of morbid curiosity, Jess sits down to find more cases. She stops after five missing persons, people that Jess can remember vividly, are reported dead.
The boys spend the next day preparing for the funeral, making sure everything is in order. Jess uses the free time to research Djinns and try to find a way out of this vicious world she’s landed in. There are reminders everywhere of how wrong this is: a girl she knows isn’t real walks across Sam and Dean’s lawn, she opens her closet later that day to find Dean hanging inside, emaciated and yellow with a blood pack hanging at his side.
It’s too damn much and Jess can’t stand it. She’s hated this world since the first moment she woke up in it, but she hasn’t been able to think of a way out. Now it’s intolerable, and Jess knows she needs to try harder, even if it means she has to ask for help.
_______________________________________________________________
The funeral is short. No one seems to have much to say about John, and they all avert their eyes as if it’s a subject they’re used to avoiding. Jess almost wants to stand and say something-she may have butted heads with him, but John deserves better than this. She stops herself, of course. Whatever she says is bound to be wrong. If Sam and Dean are this different, she can’t even begin to fathom the John from this world. She doesn’t understand how a man like John Winchester can have so many people show up to say goodbye with so few goodbyes actually said.
Sam goes to bed early. Jess can tell he’s weighed down, exhausted from the stress of grieving all day, but she’s not ready. He heads upstairs on his own, and Jess goes to the living room, expecting to pick a book from the shelf or find something stupid on TV to fall asleep watching.
Dean is sitting on the couch by the time she gets there, a bottle clutched in his hand, a few more scattered on the floor around him. All empty. It’s not exactly the first time she’s seen Dean like this, but she’s never been a fan of it.
She takes a seat on the couch, as far from him as she can manage. He laughs bitterly but, for the first time in days, doesn’t look at her or bother saying anything snide. He just takes another long sip from his bottle.
“You really miss him, huh?” she asks after a long silence.
“Since when do you try talking to me all the time, princess?”
“I just wanted to help,” Jess says, standing to go.
“Yeah, I miss him,” he admits, words directed more towards his bottle than at Jess. “Even if everyone thinks this is better. I hate it.”
Jess sits back down slowly, wonders just how much she can get Dean to spill. Jess knows it’s not the best way to get information, but she’s tired of being completely in the dark.
“Why would this be better?” she asks.
Dean’s lips turn down. “Come on, you saw what he was like.”
Jess tries to think of a response, but Dean plows on. “I know you thought I didn’t take enough care of him. Or Sam, either. But he was happy. Maybe he wasn’t all there, but he was happy.” Dean shrugs. “Can’t see how dead is better than happy.”
“What happened to him?”
“You know, Jess. This isn’t story time.”
“I forgot.”
“You forgot?” Dean asks, raising an eyebrow at her, almost sounding amused.
“Yeah, I forget things easily. In fact, I forgot everything I ever knew about you or your brother or John. Just-pretend I got amnesia. And the girl you knew? I promise I’m nicer than her. But…but I don’t know what’s going on, Dean. I swear, I’m sorry for whatever, but I’ve been lost since I got here.”
“You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
“You have been acting kind of loopy.” Dean smiles, drunken and miserable. “After Mom died, he just-”
“How did your mother die?”
“Fire in Sam’s nursery. You forgot that, too?”
“No.” Jess shakes her head. “No, that part’s the same.”
“The same?”
“Never mind, just keep going.”
“Dad thought it wasn’t just a fire, was convinced it was some, I don’t know. Monster, demon, you tell me. He kept it together for a few years, but as soon as I was old enough to take care of Sammy, he…” Dean pauses. “I looked after Sam, though. I made sure Dad didn’t get in any trouble. We were okay.”
Jess nods, finally understanding. The genie, she thinks. She suddenly remembers the hot hand on her back, the moment he asked for a wish, the first thing that flashed through her head. I wish John had never taken them hunting.
Jess has spent the last three years wishing Sam and Dean had been spared the motion sickness that had characterized their lives, wishing they’d gotten a chance to be happy and healthy instead of the broken pair she knows. She hadn’t really stopped to think about how it would affect John. Never realized how much he needed the hunt, how hard he really had tried to keep it together for his boys.
And Jess can’t believe it’s possible, but she almost thinks this is worse. Sam is…happy, sure, but he’s flat, a shadow of the man he could be. He loves Dean, but he doesn’t need him. He was stationary; he had his friends and no father to rebel against. He grew up okay, just like Jess wanted. She isn’t happy for him.
Dean is worse off. Alone and longing for a brother who won’t ever return it, and definitely hating himself, if Jess knows Dean at all. Dean still gave up everything for his family, but at least in Jess’s world she brought them together. And what they have there…it’s beautiful. Jess aches for the safe feeling of Sam and Dean wrapping around her.
“Are you crying?” Dean asks.
Jess wipes at her eyes and shakes her head. “Sorry, it’s just. I’m sorry, Dean. About everything.”
Dean’s expression shifts, but she can’t read him. “Look at that. The ice queen has a heart.”
He smiles to himself and lifts his bottle but thinks about it before taking the last drink. He stretches it out to her, and Jess takes it.
“What did I do, Dean? Tell me what I did to you.”
“You took him away.”
“Sam?”
Dean nods.
“But we met at Stanford, didn’t we? He already left.”
“Yeah, Jess, that’s not the part that bothers me. Contrary to whatever you may think, I do want my brother to be happy.” Dean’s lips twist in a scowl so harsh even Dean looks ugly. “I was proud of him until he brought you back.”
“How did I take him away, then?”
“You joking? You haven’t let him come home in years. Shit, Sam had to beg you for days just to get you to agree to come to his own father’s fucking funeral.”
“No, that’s…I wouldn’t.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep better.”
“I wouldn’t,” she repeats.
“Would. Did.” Dean shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. You won. He’ll leave here in a few days, and I won’t even have Dad to bait him back in. Have a party, Jess.”
“Sam wouldn’t choose me over you. He wouldn’t choose anyone.”
“He’s got a good thing going in California. I don’t blame him.” He shakes his head. “Couldn’t hate him for it if I wanted to. You though…” Dean turns and gives her a giant, fake smile.
Jess frowns. “I guess I deserve that.”
Dean doesn’t contradict her. “I’m going to bed,” he says, standing to leave. “Next time you catch me drunk, don’t try to talk to me, okay?”
“Dean, I know you’ve been watching us.”
Dean freezes at the entrance to the living room and turns to look at her. “Jess.” He says it like a warning, but Jess knows there’s no real threat in it.
“I know what you want from Sam.”
His bottom lip trembles, and he runs he teeth over it, trying to make it stop. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“It’s okay that you saw us, Dean.”
“Yeah,” he says, laughing dismissively. “The problem isn’t that I saw it, it’s that I wanted to.” He hurries back to the couch and sits beside her, grabbing her hands. “I know you think I’m a pervert, and I am. But I’ve never-I would never act on it.”
“Dean, I kn-”
“Don’t tell him. I’ll do anything. I’ll never try to talk to him again. Just promise me you won’t tell him that. Please, Jess, even if you hate me. He doesn’t. Please don’t make him hate me.”
“Dean,” she says, leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss against his lips.
He shoves her back on instinct, so hard it almost hurts, and jumps to his feet. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I just-”
“Wow. I use a few pick-up lines on you the first time we meet, and you ruin my life for three years, and now you’re kissing me? That’s a whole new fucking universe of hypocrisy.”
“No, let me explain.”
Dean raises an eyebrow at her and doesn’t sit back down.
“Dean, I know you’re not really going to believe anything I tell you, but…hear me out. Remember what I said about amnesia?”
Dean shrugs.
“Okay, well, I was simplifying things. I…I’m from…I don’t know. Until a few days ago, I was in a completely different world. I was used to waking up with you and Sam every morning, going to sleep with you at night. We were happy.”
“What are you talking about?” he asks. His tone is hostile, but he seems intrigued.
“You said you’d listen, so listen. The first thing you need to know is that your dad wasn’t crazy. Or, I mean, I don’t know, he probably was after a while-but a demon did kill your mother. It tried to kill me, and…Dean, you saved me. You saved me, and I love you, and you love me, and I can’t tell you how much it hurts to come here and see this.”
“You’re either mocking me, or you’re going off the deep end. Either way, I’m really not equipped to handle it.”
“Please, Dean, don’t leave. I can’t talk to Sam here. He’s…not like you.”
“You don’t like me, Jess.”
“I do, I swear I do. You know I’m different. I can tell you’ve noticed it. I’ve seen you reacting to it for days now.”
“Okay, so you’ve been less of a raging bitch, but that doesn’t mean-”
“We hunt monsters. We’re hunting the thing that got your mom. You’re a hero-we all are. John was, too. And we, all three of us, are together. You and Sam are together.”
“Why are you saying this?” he asks, a look on his face like it’s too good for him to resist believing her.
“You have to help me get home.”
“Me? How am I supposed to help? I don’t even really believe you.”
“You want to, though.”
Dean nods grudgingly.
“Take a chance.”
“How do we get you home, then?”
“I don’t know, really. We have to find the Djinn, I think.”
“You drank it all,” Dean says.
“Haha, very funny,” Jess replies, though she’s surprised to find herself smiling a little.
She explains the rest of the situation to Dean, and maybe he’s just eager for the promise of escape, but he believes her, just enough to go along with her. They spend an hour or so planning, cleaning out Mary’s silver, and speculating on where they can find sheep’s blood. Jess tells Dean the little she knows about the hunt, and Dean leans forward as they’re leaving and kisses her as if it’s the first time all over again. Jess feels a warm spark bubble inside of her and smiles back.
They sneak out to the Impala, and Jess nearly cries out in joy when she sees it.
_______________________________________________________________
“There’s nothing here,” Dean says petulantly.
“Quiet down, he’ll hear you. Last thing we need is to get caught.”
“Jess, look, you made it up. You’ve got a few screws loose. That’s okay! I can help you. I’m good at it, promise. Can we go, though? Because this place is giving me the creeps.”
“Stop bitching for five minutes, Dean. Christ, you’re worse than Sam.”
“Am not,” he mutters.
“Quiet down, I think I hear it.”
Dean finally shuts up, and his eyes go round as soon as the sound of shuffling feet reaches them. “Jess! There’s something in here. I wanna leave.”
She walks a few paces ahead and finds two bodies hanging from the ceiling. One is the woman she’d seen crossing the yard earlier, and the other is the same image of Dean that had been in her closet.
“Dean, don’t come in here.”
She hears a tiny yell and knows it’s too late.
“That’s me,” he whispers. “Jess, why is that me?”
“Like I told you, he got you, too.”
“Yeah, but that’s really me.”
“Yes, I’m not actually going crazy.”
“What do we do? Do we save me?”
Jess puts a hand over his mouth and drags him out of the way just in time to avoid the Djinn. He touches Dean and the woman, sending more of the chemicals flowing into their blood. “Sleep,” he says, and it makes Jess wonder.
She steps forward as soon as he’s left the room, despite Dean trying to tug her away from the bodies.
“He said sleep,” Jess says.
“That’s what you’re choosing to focus on? He just drank my blood out of a bag.”
“If she’s asleep and Dean’s asleep…then I must be, too.”
“Not asleep, Jess.” He grabs her and shakes. “Jess, look, you’re awake, and we are going to die, so can we please get out of here?”
She ignores him. “Dean, do you still have the knives we brought?”
“Man, you’re not going to seriously try and kill this thing, right? Look, I believe you. You’re a big hero. Lots of dead monsters thanks to you. Nothing to prove.”
She takes the knife from him and presses it against her chest. “I think, if I die here, I can wake up. And then I’ll save you. The real you.”
“I’m real, Jess, and I’m going to have to explain to Sam why his girlfriend’s dead if you do that, so be a good girl and give me the knife, okay?”
“No, sorry.”
A hand reaches out to stop her.
“Dean, God-dammit, just trust me.”
“It’s not Dean,” Sam says, taking the knife from her. “Now calm down.”
“How’d you get here?” she asks.
He smiles. “I came to save you, Jess. We can have everything here-house, kids, all the things we lost. We can have Dean, too, if that’s what you want. Just stay with me, babe.”
“No, thanks, you’re too well-adjusted for me. Can I have my knife back?”
Dean snorts despite the circumstances, and Jess gets an idea. She turns her attention to him. “Dean. You still have one. You have to do it.”
“What?”
“Stab me. I promise I won’t die.”
“I’m not gonna stab you.”
“Think about it, Dean. Think about Sam. He loves you in my world. Make it real. Come on.”
He looks down at the silver in his hand, and, for a moment, Jess can see how torn he is. He takes a step forward, and Jess closes her eyes, anticipating pain or a nasty jolt back into reality. Dean doesn’t do it.
She opens her eyes to find that Sam is holding his wrist, pleading eyes stopping his brother from being effective. Jess kind of can’t stand this Sam, and she realizes that even Dean isn’t really who he appears to be. They’re both just the genie, dressed up, pretending to be someone else to fool her into staying. Jess sighs.
Dean looks at her, then back to Sam, and drops the knife. No big surprise there.
“Thank you, Dean,” Sam says, pressing close to his brother, nearly kissing. “Thank you.”
Jess lunges forward, though, and snatches the knife Sam had taken from her. She stabs before she gets the chance to think twice about it.
_______________________________________________________________
“Jess?”
Jess blinks her eyes open slowly. She hurts all over, weighed down by something still running through her veins. She feels like she’s on the ass-end of a hunt, and, as much as it usually sucks to be this beaten up, she’s never been so relieved in her life.
Sam pulls her to his chest when he sees that she’s awake and lets out a long breath. “Thank god,” he says, rocking her. “You’re okay.”
“Relative to what?” she manages.
Sam laughs lightly and brushes hair out of her face. He turns his attention away from her for a second. “Dean, she’s awake.”
“That’s good,” he says, voice scratchy. “Maybe,” he adds quietly.
“The Djinn?” she says, sitting up too quickly.
“Shh, relax,” Sam says, easing her back down. “We got him. Well, Dean got him. Point is: he’s dead.”
Jess looks up at Sam, her Sam, and drags him down for a bruising kiss.
He laughs as he pulls out of it. “Dean did the same thing,” he says. “I should send you two after Djinns more often.”
Jess shakes her head. “No, it was awful. I wanna go.”
Sam nods and kisses her again briefly. He leans close and whispers, “Whatever you saw, it’s gone now.”
“You help Jess out, and I’ll get this one,” Dean says, looking down at the girl who had been hanging next to him the last time Jess saw her.
Jess swallows hard. “Is she?”
“She’s alive. Just barely.”
“You can’t carry her,” Sam says. “You’re worse off than Jess is.”
Dean hesitates. Jess watches his eyes dart from one body to another for a few seconds, stubbornly wanting to refute his brother, and she smiles at it, at Dean’s hero drive in full force. The Djinn version of Dean might have been more like himself than Sam was, but he was kind of a pussy when it came to hunting.
“What’re you laughing at?” Dean asks as he bends to scoop her up.
“Nothing,” she says, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Just glad to be here.”
“Are you?”
Jess looks at him, and he shakes his head. “Sorry. I had a nightmare.”
“Tell me about it,” Jess says, groaning.
“Did you see Mom?”
She frowns. “No, Dean, I’m sorry. Your mother was still…”
He nods sadly. “It wasn’t the same, then. She was in mine. She was beautiful.”
“So it was good?”
“I don’t know. Different. Better.”
“But you came back?”
“I had to.”
“You didn’t want to?”
“You did?” he asks, clearly shocked.
“God, yeah, every moment. I hated it.”
“Me, too.”
“But you just said-”
“I wanted to stay for you and Sam and my mom. But I didn’t…” He shrugs as he opens the car, and they turn to watch for Sam. He’s still far enough away that Jess feels okay talking about it.
“What was wrong with it?” she asks.
“Sam. Didn’t like me,” he admits, trying to play off the sting. “Was it like that for you?”
Jess bites her lip. “Not sure I liked him, but don’t worry. You two were fine.”
“And you and Sam? Were you happy? You were together?”
“Yeah.”
Dean kicks the ground. “We should’ve stayed.”
“We hated each other,” Jess says.
Dean looks up. He doesn’t look like he believes her, and she leans up to kiss him. Somewhere in the kiss, Sam arrives and settles the girl into the backseat. Once he’s made sure she’s comfortable, he turns to face Jess and Dean, hands on his hips and a scowl on his face.
“No, it’s fine, really. I’ll do the work while you two have fun. Doesn’t bother me.”
Dean and Jess both laugh and draw him in for a shared kiss.
BACK TO MASTERPOST
or
ON TO CRADLESONG
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean/Jess
Genre: Angst
Rating: R for Mild Sexual Content and Language
Word Count: 6,326
Author’s Note: So, in my head, this is an extension of my Cradlesong verse, which was written for polybigbang, but really, it will work in any AU where you take it for granted that Jess hunts with and is in an established threesome relationship with the boys. Title from Led Zeppelin’s What Is and What Should Never Be (original, amIrite?). The idea for this was actually inspired by one of clex_monkie89’s prompts at the spnthreesome exchange, and it really captured me, so when she needed a pinch hit, I decided to go for it. This also fits your “secrets/lies being revealed” like, since that was on my bingo card and THIS IS A BLACKOUT. Way to dickslap you with your own gift, eh? You love me. Thanks to waterofthemoon for the thorough beta! <3
Summary: Cradlesong!Verse AU: Dean and Jess get caught by a Djinn. Jess wishes Sam and Dean’s childhood had gone differently, but things don’t turn out the way she hoped.
Back to Masterpost ∴ Back to Pilot ∴ Back to Part One of Half a World Away ∴ Back to Part Two of Half a World Away
Jess drives for two hours before she even finds the place. Sam stays on the phone with her, keeps her updated on the cops, on what Dean is saying-at least, he was when Dean was still saying anything.
It’s been an hour and a half since he answered a call, and Jess is glad they decided to ditch the plan, send Jess out as reinforcement since the cops don’t know who she is. Something feels off about the whole hunt.
Maybe it’s because they’re hunting a genie, Djinn, whatever-something Jess, after all the things she’s seen, still doesn’t entirely believe isn’t straight out of a fairytale. A part of her is pretty sure Sam and Dean are pulling one over on her. The other part is freaking out.
Dean doesn’t usually need help, not from Jess, at least. Whatever he can’t handle, she’s not entirely sure she’s going to do much good charging in after him. But he’s in trouble, and Sam can’t come, and that settles that.
Jess is at least going to try.
Sam tells her that Dean said something about a warehouse off the side of the road. It’s so dark, she almost misses it. The light reflecting off the Impala tells her where to turn off-which isn’t really much of a surprise. The car’s practically the fourth member of their team, loyal through anything, and probably every bit as worried about Dean as Jess is.
She parks her stolen sedan further away, where others driving down the road won’t spot it, just in case they still need it when they’re heading out. Just in case she needs to go back for Sam.
The warehouse is dark, creepy even by Jess’s standards, and she’s more than a little relieved to find Dean quickly. He’s hanging from the ceiling, looking halfway to dead, and he’s tossing a little in whatever dream the thing’s got him stuck inside. She’s reaching for her knife to let him down when a hand presses against her back, and she feels warm, stinging chemicals seeping into her skin and loses consciousness.
_______________________________________________________________
Jess wakes up with her head pressed against the car window. She starts and finds that Sam’s sitting next to her. It’s weird-Jess doesn’t usually sit in the front, and Sam doesn’t usually drive, but she’s certainly had more distressing wake-up calls.
After she has a few seconds to look around, she realizes the arrangement isn’t the only thing that’s unusual. Dean is missing, the car is all wrong, and Sam looks…off.
“Where’s Dean?” she asks, because that seems like the most important question right now. She’d thought the genie thing was just a weird dream, but if Jess and Sam are driving somewhere without him, he could still be in trouble.
Sam laughs uncomfortably, and Jess’s stomach ties in knots. “Dreading it already?” he asks.
Jess makes a puzzled face and rubs the sleep out of her eyes, hoping to orient herself. It’s just cornfields and more cornfields outside the window, which she’s learned means they could be just about anywhere in the damned country. “Dreading what?”
“Come on, babe, you don’t have to play dumb about it. I know how you feel about Dean.”
Jess smirks. “I’d be pretty worried if you hadn’t figured it out by now.”
Sam’s lips turn down. “It’s not funny, okay? I’m not going to force you to like him, but he means a lot to me, and you both promised you’d play nice. At least while…” Sam swallows hard. “Don’t make this weekend any harder for us.”
Jess doesn’t respond, doesn’t really know how. The suggestion that Jess could ever not like Dean, not love Dean, is kind of a sting on its own. Jess always liked Dean; it would have to be a whole other world for that not to be the case.
“I wish you guys would give each other a chance,” Sam says after a long pause. “He was just joking with the flirting all those years ago. He does that to all my girlfriends when he meets them. It’s tradition, he wouldn’t actually go through with it.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t?” she replies. At this point, she has no idea what Sam is talking about.
“You have to be easy on him, Jess. He’s not going to be taking this well.”
“Not taking what well?”
Sam turns his attention from the road and looks at her closely, a little pissed off. “Dad’s funeral? The whole reason we’re on this joyride?”
Jess feels her mouth drop. “But John died months ago.”
“Less than a week. Jessica, are you feeling all right?”
Jess swallows it and decides to look at the facts. She’s either dreaming, or she’s in some other world, and, if it’s the latter, she’s going to need to hurry her uptake and land on her feet. “What happened? Was it the demon?”
Sam slams the brakes and gives her the bitchiest glare she thinks she’s ever seen from anyone. “What the fuck? Is that funny to you?”
“No?” she says, unsure of what exactly she did to suggest she isn’t taking John’s death seriously. “No, Sam, of course not. I was just…”
“Trying to lighten the mood? It was a stroke, and you know it. Man, whatever’s gotten into you, you better cut it out before we get there.” He looks away from her sharply and starts the car again. “Dean isn’t going to tolerate that. I’m not gonna tolerate that.”
Jess shuts down then, crossing her arms over her chest defensively and wondering just when the hell Sam got so touchy. One thing is obvious from the twenty minutes since she woke up in this car-it’s not her Sam she’s sitting with, and, if what he says about Jess and Dean is true, Dean isn’t the man she knows, either. Fantastic.
He doesn’t look at her once before the car stops outside of the house Jess remembers from the hunt last year, the house that was supposed to be Sam and Dean’s home.
“You be nice, Jess. Don’t say anything if that’s what it takes.”
Sam slams the door behind him, and Jess follows reluctantly, completely unsure of what she’s about to walk in on and completely positive she doesn’t really want to know. Sam knocks at the door, and Dean opens almost immediately, his smile cracking his face in half when he sees his brother.
“Sammy,” he says, taking Sam into a tight hug.
Jess lets out a long breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Dean looks like himself, much more than Sam does. He’s not as rough around the edges, but he’s got that sad look at the back of his eyes, the one this Sam is missing. She’d been happy for Sam, but after how he treated her in the car, she’s a little relieved to have a Winchester she’ll understand around.
“Hey, Dean,” Sam answers, relaxing into the hug. After a few moments, he gives his brother a hearty pat on the back and the two men break apart. “You remember Jess,” Sam says, placing a hand on her back and urging her forward.
Dean’s smile slips. He gives Jess a stiff nod and answers in an off-putting, formal tone. “Of course. Welcome.”
He turns away from the door then, leaving Sam and Jess to follow him inside. She looks up at Sam, hoping to find some confusion in his features, but he just shrugs, picks up their luggage, and hauls it into the house.
“Anything I can help you with?” he asks.
Dean shakes his head, stopping in front of the stairs and looking at Sam. “Nah, I’ve got everything under control. You should just…relax, if you can. I mean, it’s no vacation, but you’re home.” Dean smiles weakly; Jess’s heart plummets. He swallows hard and puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Want you to feel at home.”
Sam squeezes the hand and nods, completely oblivious to the way his brother’s looking at him. Jess has seen Dean look at Sam like that a million times, but it feels like a lifetime since Dean was this torn up about it.
“I’ll drop our stuff up in my room,” Sam says with fake gusto.
He brushes past Dean, and Dean licks his lips, eyes immediately cast to the floor.
“Dean,” Jess says. “I’m really sorry about Joh-”
“Save it,” he snaps, giving her the cold shoulder as he heads towards the kitchen.
_______________________________________________________________
Sam kisses her warmly, hand cradling her face. “Thank you,” he says.
“What for?” Jess asks. She hasn’t done or said much of anything all day.
Sam lies back on his side of the bed. “You’ve gone a whole day without getting in a fight with Dean. Just, I know you’re keeping a lot to yourself, and I appreciate it.”
“Oh.” Jess bites her lip. “No problem, I guess.”
“I know he’s not making it easy for you, but he’s in a bad place right now.”
Jess frowns, stroking her fingers on the back of his neck, the way she used to do when Sam was missing his brother, back before Jess had even met Dean. He closes his eyes and leans into it. “You both are,” she says softly.
“No, I know. But it’s worse for him.” Sam looks Jess in the eye. “I don’t think I could have gone to college if he hadn’t had Dad to look after. Taking care of us was all he ever had.” He shakes his head. “God knows what he’s gonna do now.”
“He’ll hunt,” Jess answers, because that’s the obvious solution. That’s what Dean does-especially what Dean does on his own. But Sam’s eyebrows draw in, and all the puzzle pieces begin to slide together. “He doesn’t hunt?”
“Why would Dean hunt?” Sam says with a laugh.
“Because…John,” she answers stupidly.
“Dad didn’t hunt anything. No one would have given the guy a gun. The things coming out of your mouth today.” Sam shakes his head.
Jess decides to just give up. “He’ll find something, Sam.”
“Maybe,” he replies. He turns back towards her and shifts so that his body’s over hers. “Until then, you get another thank you.”
He leans down and kisses her with more intent than he had earlier. Jess goes with it. It’s not until a good, long time has passed, when Sam’s already rolling into her, catching her cries with his mouth, that Jess realizes they didn’t close the door properly.
She turns her attention towards it and meets a pair of eyes watching them. She gasps, and Dean disappears immediately. When Jess comes, it’s more from knowing he was watching than from Sam moving inside of her.
_______________________________________________________________
“You sure you two can stay here alone and not kill each other?” Sam asks for the hundredth time.
Jess rolls her eyes, wonders just how much of a bitch she can possibly have been to Dean in the past, and pushes him towards the door. “Go before he wakes up, Sam. You’re the one who’s trying to give him a break, right?”
“Right,” Sam agrees slowly.
“And he won’t let you go pick up the catering if you wait for him to get up, so leave.”
“Okay,” he says, one foot out the door. He moves to exit, then slides back in. “If he comes downstairs, go upstairs.”
Jess closes the door on him.
“What was that?” she hears a sleepy voice ask from the top of the stairs about a minute after the door closes. “Oh. Just you.”
“Just me,” Jess says apologetically.
“Where’s Sam?”
“He went out to pick up the food for tomorrow. Wanted you to get a day to sleep in a little.”
“So he left me here with you?” Dean scoffs. “Yeah, that’s real relaxing.”
He pads down the stairs and turns towards the kitchen, probably following the scent of the coffee Sam left brewing for him.
“What did I do to you?” she can’t help asking as he moves down the hall.
Dean turns and looks at her with hatred she’s rarely seen him direct even at monsters. “I could ask you the same thing, sweetheart.”
He spends the rest of the day carefully avoiding her, and Jess reluctantly respects his space.
_______________________________________________________________
Family members begin arriving that evening, though none of them stay at the house overnight. They stop by just long enough to offer Sam and Dean their condolences, say things like “maybe it’s better this way,” and somehow don’t notice Dean wincing with every well-intentioned speech.
Sam soothes him with a warm hand on his shoulder, and Jess doesn’t miss the instantaneous calming effect. This Dean is almost exactly like hers. It only takes until dinner that night for her to realize that it’s not Dean’s fault they don’t get along. Sam’s not the only one who’s different now, but she was wrong to assume that meant Dean wasn’t himself here. Jess is the problem.
The little she’s able to gather from the way Sam talks to her, the way Dean glares, the way the whole family seems to keep distance at all times, makes it obvious that the Jess in this world is rotten. She wonders how the hell she got stuck in this bizarre place, having to suffer for everything this stranger did to the men she loves.
She’s lifting her wine glass to her lips when Dean drops his silverware onto his dish and everyone at the table turns their attention towards him. His eyes are fixed on Jess, on the hand holding her drink. “What is that?” he asks, horrified.
Jess looks around, but Sam takes her other hand under the table and squeezes. “Dean, now’s not the time.”
“Oh, I think it is.”
Sam smiles awkwardly at the other faces at the table. “Uh, so, that wraps up dinner. I’m sure everyone’s really tired. Why don’t you all head back to your hotels for the night?”
He doesn’t have to ask twice. Their relatives disperse within minutes, and Dean slams the door behind the last of them.
“Dean, please don’t-”
“How could you not tell me?” he asks. “How could you leave something like this unsaid for two days, Sam?”
“I didn’t wanna upset you,” Sam says.
“Bang up job, then.” Dean turns to look at Jess, eyes moving down to her hand again, and she follows his gaze until she realizes what he’s so pissed about. It’s like a kick to the gut when she sees the very expensive ring on her finger.
She probably should have noticed it in the last two days, but she’s been too distracted trying to adjust to everything else. She shouldn’t be so miserable about it, about what it means. There was a time when this was all she wanted, but now, seeing the way Dean hates her for it, not understanding why Sam would want to marry a girl like her, she feels more like she’s in some arranged marriage with a man who is more-or-less a stranger to her.
“Well, congratulations, kids,” Dean says, rocking forward on his feet, clearly trying to contain too much anger. His voice stays cool, but it shakes-it’s not the controlled tone Jess’s Dean can maintain no matter how hurt he is. “I’m sure the wedding’ll be lovely, but I won’t be invited, will I? Send me a postcard and let me know how it goes.”
“Dean,” Sam says, reaching out to grab his brother.
Dean freezes at Sam’s pleading tone, and, reluctantly, he faces him. “I’m sorry, Sammy,” he says. “I’m happy for you. I just wish it wasn’t…”
He shakes off Sam’s hold and continues upstairs.
Sam turns to look at Jess sadly. She approaches him, giving him a soft kiss and brushing the hair out of his face. “I’m sorry, Sam.”
Sam shakes his head and puts an arm around her. “No, don’t be. You’ve been nothing but nice to him since we got here. It’s not your fault this time.”
Jess doesn’t miss the modifier, can’t help noticing that even Sam blames her for whatever happened between her and his brother.
When they go to bed, Jess leaves the door open on purpose this time, and Sam doesn’t notice it or bat an eye when she tells him it’s too hot under the covers. When he fucks her, Jess makes sure he’s on display if Dean decides to take the bait, and she’s not surprised that Dean does. She pretends not to notice him this time.
It’s pretty fucked up as far as peace offerings go, but Jess hates the idea of any Dean having to live without his brother. She would invite him right in if she didn’t know that Sam wouldn’t take it as well as he takes it in the real world.
Sam moves differently, isn’t as desperate or as adoring or as good. She runs her hands down his body, but it feels foreign, wrong without the scars she’s spent so many years memorizing. The best part is knowing Dean is on the other side of the door, finally getting something he’d never take on his own, not in this world-not in Jess’s, either.
_______________________________________________________________
Jess wakes up first the next morning and turns on the TV, only to hear about a plane crash Sam and Dean stopped when she was still new to hunting. It chills her bones hearing the woman on the news running through the body count, and Jess realizes it must not be the only case that went ignored in this world. She remembers all the people they’ve saved in the last two years, children and grandparents, and her stomach turns as she imagines the body count.
Out of morbid curiosity, Jess sits down to find more cases. She stops after five missing persons, people that Jess can remember vividly, are reported dead.
The boys spend the next day preparing for the funeral, making sure everything is in order. Jess uses the free time to research Djinns and try to find a way out of this vicious world she’s landed in. There are reminders everywhere of how wrong this is: a girl she knows isn’t real walks across Sam and Dean’s lawn, she opens her closet later that day to find Dean hanging inside, emaciated and yellow with a blood pack hanging at his side.
It’s too damn much and Jess can’t stand it. She’s hated this world since the first moment she woke up in it, but she hasn’t been able to think of a way out. Now it’s intolerable, and Jess knows she needs to try harder, even if it means she has to ask for help.
_______________________________________________________________
The funeral is short. No one seems to have much to say about John, and they all avert their eyes as if it’s a subject they’re used to avoiding. Jess almost wants to stand and say something-she may have butted heads with him, but John deserves better than this. She stops herself, of course. Whatever she says is bound to be wrong. If Sam and Dean are this different, she can’t even begin to fathom the John from this world. She doesn’t understand how a man like John Winchester can have so many people show up to say goodbye with so few goodbyes actually said.
Sam goes to bed early. Jess can tell he’s weighed down, exhausted from the stress of grieving all day, but she’s not ready. He heads upstairs on his own, and Jess goes to the living room, expecting to pick a book from the shelf or find something stupid on TV to fall asleep watching.
Dean is sitting on the couch by the time she gets there, a bottle clutched in his hand, a few more scattered on the floor around him. All empty. It’s not exactly the first time she’s seen Dean like this, but she’s never been a fan of it.
She takes a seat on the couch, as far from him as she can manage. He laughs bitterly but, for the first time in days, doesn’t look at her or bother saying anything snide. He just takes another long sip from his bottle.
“You really miss him, huh?” she asks after a long silence.
“Since when do you try talking to me all the time, princess?”
“I just wanted to help,” Jess says, standing to go.
“Yeah, I miss him,” he admits, words directed more towards his bottle than at Jess. “Even if everyone thinks this is better. I hate it.”
Jess sits back down slowly, wonders just how much she can get Dean to spill. Jess knows it’s not the best way to get information, but she’s tired of being completely in the dark.
“Why would this be better?” she asks.
Dean’s lips turn down. “Come on, you saw what he was like.”
Jess tries to think of a response, but Dean plows on. “I know you thought I didn’t take enough care of him. Or Sam, either. But he was happy. Maybe he wasn’t all there, but he was happy.” Dean shrugs. “Can’t see how dead is better than happy.”
“What happened to him?”
“You know, Jess. This isn’t story time.”
“I forgot.”
“You forgot?” Dean asks, raising an eyebrow at her, almost sounding amused.
“Yeah, I forget things easily. In fact, I forgot everything I ever knew about you or your brother or John. Just-pretend I got amnesia. And the girl you knew? I promise I’m nicer than her. But…but I don’t know what’s going on, Dean. I swear, I’m sorry for whatever, but I’ve been lost since I got here.”
“You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
“You have been acting kind of loopy.” Dean smiles, drunken and miserable. “After Mom died, he just-”
“How did your mother die?”
“Fire in Sam’s nursery. You forgot that, too?”
“No.” Jess shakes her head. “No, that part’s the same.”
“The same?”
“Never mind, just keep going.”
“Dad thought it wasn’t just a fire, was convinced it was some, I don’t know. Monster, demon, you tell me. He kept it together for a few years, but as soon as I was old enough to take care of Sammy, he…” Dean pauses. “I looked after Sam, though. I made sure Dad didn’t get in any trouble. We were okay.”
Jess nods, finally understanding. The genie, she thinks. She suddenly remembers the hot hand on her back, the moment he asked for a wish, the first thing that flashed through her head. I wish John had never taken them hunting.
Jess has spent the last three years wishing Sam and Dean had been spared the motion sickness that had characterized their lives, wishing they’d gotten a chance to be happy and healthy instead of the broken pair she knows. She hadn’t really stopped to think about how it would affect John. Never realized how much he needed the hunt, how hard he really had tried to keep it together for his boys.
And Jess can’t believe it’s possible, but she almost thinks this is worse. Sam is…happy, sure, but he’s flat, a shadow of the man he could be. He loves Dean, but he doesn’t need him. He was stationary; he had his friends and no father to rebel against. He grew up okay, just like Jess wanted. She isn’t happy for him.
Dean is worse off. Alone and longing for a brother who won’t ever return it, and definitely hating himself, if Jess knows Dean at all. Dean still gave up everything for his family, but at least in Jess’s world she brought them together. And what they have there…it’s beautiful. Jess aches for the safe feeling of Sam and Dean wrapping around her.
“Are you crying?” Dean asks.
Jess wipes at her eyes and shakes her head. “Sorry, it’s just. I’m sorry, Dean. About everything.”
Dean’s expression shifts, but she can’t read him. “Look at that. The ice queen has a heart.”
He smiles to himself and lifts his bottle but thinks about it before taking the last drink. He stretches it out to her, and Jess takes it.
“What did I do, Dean? Tell me what I did to you.”
“You took him away.”
“Sam?”
Dean nods.
“But we met at Stanford, didn’t we? He already left.”
“Yeah, Jess, that’s not the part that bothers me. Contrary to whatever you may think, I do want my brother to be happy.” Dean’s lips twist in a scowl so harsh even Dean looks ugly. “I was proud of him until he brought you back.”
“How did I take him away, then?”
“You joking? You haven’t let him come home in years. Shit, Sam had to beg you for days just to get you to agree to come to his own father’s fucking funeral.”
“No, that’s…I wouldn’t.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep better.”
“I wouldn’t,” she repeats.
“Would. Did.” Dean shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. You won. He’ll leave here in a few days, and I won’t even have Dad to bait him back in. Have a party, Jess.”
“Sam wouldn’t choose me over you. He wouldn’t choose anyone.”
“He’s got a good thing going in California. I don’t blame him.” He shakes his head. “Couldn’t hate him for it if I wanted to. You though…” Dean turns and gives her a giant, fake smile.
Jess frowns. “I guess I deserve that.”
Dean doesn’t contradict her. “I’m going to bed,” he says, standing to leave. “Next time you catch me drunk, don’t try to talk to me, okay?”
“Dean, I know you’ve been watching us.”
Dean freezes at the entrance to the living room and turns to look at her. “Jess.” He says it like a warning, but Jess knows there’s no real threat in it.
“I know what you want from Sam.”
His bottom lip trembles, and he runs he teeth over it, trying to make it stop. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“It’s okay that you saw us, Dean.”
“Yeah,” he says, laughing dismissively. “The problem isn’t that I saw it, it’s that I wanted to.” He hurries back to the couch and sits beside her, grabbing her hands. “I know you think I’m a pervert, and I am. But I’ve never-I would never act on it.”
“Dean, I kn-”
“Don’t tell him. I’ll do anything. I’ll never try to talk to him again. Just promise me you won’t tell him that. Please, Jess, even if you hate me. He doesn’t. Please don’t make him hate me.”
“Dean,” she says, leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss against his lips.
He shoves her back on instinct, so hard it almost hurts, and jumps to his feet. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I just-”
“Wow. I use a few pick-up lines on you the first time we meet, and you ruin my life for three years, and now you’re kissing me? That’s a whole new fucking universe of hypocrisy.”
“No, let me explain.”
Dean raises an eyebrow at her and doesn’t sit back down.
“Dean, I know you’re not really going to believe anything I tell you, but…hear me out. Remember what I said about amnesia?”
Dean shrugs.
“Okay, well, I was simplifying things. I…I’m from…I don’t know. Until a few days ago, I was in a completely different world. I was used to waking up with you and Sam every morning, going to sleep with you at night. We were happy.”
“What are you talking about?” he asks. His tone is hostile, but he seems intrigued.
“You said you’d listen, so listen. The first thing you need to know is that your dad wasn’t crazy. Or, I mean, I don’t know, he probably was after a while-but a demon did kill your mother. It tried to kill me, and…Dean, you saved me. You saved me, and I love you, and you love me, and I can’t tell you how much it hurts to come here and see this.”
“You’re either mocking me, or you’re going off the deep end. Either way, I’m really not equipped to handle it.”
“Please, Dean, don’t leave. I can’t talk to Sam here. He’s…not like you.”
“You don’t like me, Jess.”
“I do, I swear I do. You know I’m different. I can tell you’ve noticed it. I’ve seen you reacting to it for days now.”
“Okay, so you’ve been less of a raging bitch, but that doesn’t mean-”
“We hunt monsters. We’re hunting the thing that got your mom. You’re a hero-we all are. John was, too. And we, all three of us, are together. You and Sam are together.”
“Why are you saying this?” he asks, a look on his face like it’s too good for him to resist believing her.
“You have to help me get home.”
“Me? How am I supposed to help? I don’t even really believe you.”
“You want to, though.”
Dean nods grudgingly.
“Take a chance.”
“How do we get you home, then?”
“I don’t know, really. We have to find the Djinn, I think.”
“You drank it all,” Dean says.
“Haha, very funny,” Jess replies, though she’s surprised to find herself smiling a little.
She explains the rest of the situation to Dean, and maybe he’s just eager for the promise of escape, but he believes her, just enough to go along with her. They spend an hour or so planning, cleaning out Mary’s silver, and speculating on where they can find sheep’s blood. Jess tells Dean the little she knows about the hunt, and Dean leans forward as they’re leaving and kisses her as if it’s the first time all over again. Jess feels a warm spark bubble inside of her and smiles back.
They sneak out to the Impala, and Jess nearly cries out in joy when she sees it.
_______________________________________________________________
“There’s nothing here,” Dean says petulantly.
“Quiet down, he’ll hear you. Last thing we need is to get caught.”
“Jess, look, you made it up. You’ve got a few screws loose. That’s okay! I can help you. I’m good at it, promise. Can we go, though? Because this place is giving me the creeps.”
“Stop bitching for five minutes, Dean. Christ, you’re worse than Sam.”
“Am not,” he mutters.
“Quiet down, I think I hear it.”
Dean finally shuts up, and his eyes go round as soon as the sound of shuffling feet reaches them. “Jess! There’s something in here. I wanna leave.”
She walks a few paces ahead and finds two bodies hanging from the ceiling. One is the woman she’d seen crossing the yard earlier, and the other is the same image of Dean that had been in her closet.
“Dean, don’t come in here.”
She hears a tiny yell and knows it’s too late.
“That’s me,” he whispers. “Jess, why is that me?”
“Like I told you, he got you, too.”
“Yeah, but that’s really me.”
“Yes, I’m not actually going crazy.”
“What do we do? Do we save me?”
Jess puts a hand over his mouth and drags him out of the way just in time to avoid the Djinn. He touches Dean and the woman, sending more of the chemicals flowing into their blood. “Sleep,” he says, and it makes Jess wonder.
She steps forward as soon as he’s left the room, despite Dean trying to tug her away from the bodies.
“He said sleep,” Jess says.
“That’s what you’re choosing to focus on? He just drank my blood out of a bag.”
“If she’s asleep and Dean’s asleep…then I must be, too.”
“Not asleep, Jess.” He grabs her and shakes. “Jess, look, you’re awake, and we are going to die, so can we please get out of here?”
She ignores him. “Dean, do you still have the knives we brought?”
“Man, you’re not going to seriously try and kill this thing, right? Look, I believe you. You’re a big hero. Lots of dead monsters thanks to you. Nothing to prove.”
She takes the knife from him and presses it against her chest. “I think, if I die here, I can wake up. And then I’ll save you. The real you.”
“I’m real, Jess, and I’m going to have to explain to Sam why his girlfriend’s dead if you do that, so be a good girl and give me the knife, okay?”
“No, sorry.”
A hand reaches out to stop her.
“Dean, God-dammit, just trust me.”
“It’s not Dean,” Sam says, taking the knife from her. “Now calm down.”
“How’d you get here?” she asks.
He smiles. “I came to save you, Jess. We can have everything here-house, kids, all the things we lost. We can have Dean, too, if that’s what you want. Just stay with me, babe.”
“No, thanks, you’re too well-adjusted for me. Can I have my knife back?”
Dean snorts despite the circumstances, and Jess gets an idea. She turns her attention to him. “Dean. You still have one. You have to do it.”
“What?”
“Stab me. I promise I won’t die.”
“I’m not gonna stab you.”
“Think about it, Dean. Think about Sam. He loves you in my world. Make it real. Come on.”
He looks down at the silver in his hand, and, for a moment, Jess can see how torn he is. He takes a step forward, and Jess closes her eyes, anticipating pain or a nasty jolt back into reality. Dean doesn’t do it.
She opens her eyes to find that Sam is holding his wrist, pleading eyes stopping his brother from being effective. Jess kind of can’t stand this Sam, and she realizes that even Dean isn’t really who he appears to be. They’re both just the genie, dressed up, pretending to be someone else to fool her into staying. Jess sighs.
Dean looks at her, then back to Sam, and drops the knife. No big surprise there.
“Thank you, Dean,” Sam says, pressing close to his brother, nearly kissing. “Thank you.”
Jess lunges forward, though, and snatches the knife Sam had taken from her. She stabs before she gets the chance to think twice about it.
_______________________________________________________________
“Jess?”
Jess blinks her eyes open slowly. She hurts all over, weighed down by something still running through her veins. She feels like she’s on the ass-end of a hunt, and, as much as it usually sucks to be this beaten up, she’s never been so relieved in her life.
Sam pulls her to his chest when he sees that she’s awake and lets out a long breath. “Thank god,” he says, rocking her. “You’re okay.”
“Relative to what?” she manages.
Sam laughs lightly and brushes hair out of her face. He turns his attention away from her for a second. “Dean, she’s awake.”
“That’s good,” he says, voice scratchy. “Maybe,” he adds quietly.
“The Djinn?” she says, sitting up too quickly.
“Shh, relax,” Sam says, easing her back down. “We got him. Well, Dean got him. Point is: he’s dead.”
Jess looks up at Sam, her Sam, and drags him down for a bruising kiss.
He laughs as he pulls out of it. “Dean did the same thing,” he says. “I should send you two after Djinns more often.”
Jess shakes her head. “No, it was awful. I wanna go.”
Sam nods and kisses her again briefly. He leans close and whispers, “Whatever you saw, it’s gone now.”
“You help Jess out, and I’ll get this one,” Dean says, looking down at the girl who had been hanging next to him the last time Jess saw her.
Jess swallows hard. “Is she?”
“She’s alive. Just barely.”
“You can’t carry her,” Sam says. “You’re worse off than Jess is.”
Dean hesitates. Jess watches his eyes dart from one body to another for a few seconds, stubbornly wanting to refute his brother, and she smiles at it, at Dean’s hero drive in full force. The Djinn version of Dean might have been more like himself than Sam was, but he was kind of a pussy when it came to hunting.
“What’re you laughing at?” Dean asks as he bends to scoop her up.
“Nothing,” she says, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Just glad to be here.”
“Are you?”
Jess looks at him, and he shakes his head. “Sorry. I had a nightmare.”
“Tell me about it,” Jess says, groaning.
“Did you see Mom?”
She frowns. “No, Dean, I’m sorry. Your mother was still…”
He nods sadly. “It wasn’t the same, then. She was in mine. She was beautiful.”
“So it was good?”
“I don’t know. Different. Better.”
“But you came back?”
“I had to.”
“You didn’t want to?”
“You did?” he asks, clearly shocked.
“God, yeah, every moment. I hated it.”
“Me, too.”
“But you just said-”
“I wanted to stay for you and Sam and my mom. But I didn’t…” He shrugs as he opens the car, and they turn to watch for Sam. He’s still far enough away that Jess feels okay talking about it.
“What was wrong with it?” she asks.
“Sam. Didn’t like me,” he admits, trying to play off the sting. “Was it like that for you?”
Jess bites her lip. “Not sure I liked him, but don’t worry. You two were fine.”
“And you and Sam? Were you happy? You were together?”
“Yeah.”
Dean kicks the ground. “We should’ve stayed.”
“We hated each other,” Jess says.
Dean looks up. He doesn’t look like he believes her, and she leans up to kiss him. Somewhere in the kiss, Sam arrives and settles the girl into the backseat. Once he’s made sure she’s comfortable, he turns to face Jess and Dean, hands on his hips and a scowl on his face.
“No, it’s fine, really. I’ll do the work while you two have fun. Doesn’t bother me.”
Dean and Jess both laugh and draw him in for a shared kiss.
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