Real Person Fic - CW: As Boundless As the Sea [Part 3/4]

[cherie_morte]

Back to Masterpost ≈ Back to Part One ≈ Back to Part Two

PART THREE

"So…" Jared finds Jensen in the living room the next day around noon. He can tell from the way Jared is dressed, loose t-shirt and sweatpants, that he's just returned from his run, but he never heard Jared leave. "I think I owe you an apology."

"You owe me an apology, Jared?"

"I was a dick yesterday." He lets that sit for a few seconds, then nods decisively. "Yes, I was a dick."

Jensen tries to wave him off. "It's not like you had a good reason, either…"

Jared shakes his head insistently. "There's no good reason. I never meant to make you feel excluded or unwanted or like there's something wrong with you. That's what they did to you, and just because your situation is a little-ok, a lot-different from what I assumed it was, that doesn't give me an excuse to turn into them. So I'm sorry. You meant well. I shouldn't have responded like I did."

"I said the wrong thing," Jensen replies with a shrug. "Wasn't the first time. Won't be the last."

"Yeah," Jared says, dragging out the word. "For future reference, maybe don't make that offer to anyone ever again."

"But why? Why would anyone want to remember something that hurts them?"

"The same reason we want to die sometimes. The same reason we hurt people we love. Isn't it obvious?"

Jensen shakes his head.

Jared's serious expression wavers, and he can't keep his smile in any longer. "Because we're idiots, Jensen. Every human on Earth is a masochistic self-loathing moron, and you just signed up to be one of us."

Jensen laughs, picking up a cushion from the sofa and slapping it over Jared's face. Jared shoves the pillow away and gives Jensen a warm look after a while. "I hope you never do learn, Jen. It sucks a lot."

"I wish I could, but I don't think I ever will." He frowns. "I'm never going to fit anywhere, am I?"

"You fit here," Jared promises. "And you have my permission to tentacle slap me the next time I make you feel otherwise."

"If you think I'm gonna let you forget that promise, Padalecki, you are one sad, mistaken sack of flesh."

They're quiet through one repeat of a show about demon hunting brothers that Jared insists he only watches because one of the brothers is hot (Jensen doesn't believe that for a second, judging by the way he gets scolded if he ever tries to talk through it), and then Jared turns to him.

"How would you feel about meeting another human?"

Jensen gives him a sideways glance. "Why do you ask, Jared?"

"I invited my neighbor Genevieve over for dinner tonight. A few days ago. Before realizing this meant I would be introducing her to E.T."

"I'll try my best to act normal," Jensen says. "I had you fooled for a couple of months there, but I guess literally anyone will probably be smarter, so…"

"I hate you so much," Jared tells him warmly.

Jensen grins as Jared gets up and walks to the kitchen.

He spends the next few hours cooking and even enlists Jensen to help with tasks that "even your wiggly ass can't screw up." Mostly, Jensen becomes very intimate with the ritual of peeling a potato.

"I like cooking," he says.

Jared turns to look at him from where he's laboring over a pot on the stove and narrows his eyes. "That's because you've spent the whole day sneaking tastes of stuff I told you wasn't ready yet."

"That's a lie," Jensen says, shifting so the tomato slice he'd hijacked is hidden from view.

"Suavity is not one of your strengths, man," Jared replies, advancing on him and reaching back, struggling until Jensen surrenders the tomato, only to the pop it into his mouth.

"Hey, you shouldn't eat that," Jensen tells him. "It isn't ready yet."

"Oh, you are impossible." Jared takes a step closer, pushing Jensen back into the counter. "Who's gonna stop me?"

Before Jensen gets a chance to reply, there's a knock at the door and Sadie starts barking hysterically. Jared slumps a little, looking disappointed as he pulls back and puts some space between himself and Jensen. Jensen's not sure why, but he's a little disappointed, too.

"Do you think you can welcome our guest while I keep my eyes on this, or will you scare her away?"

"The only thing that'll scare her away, Jared, is your face."

Jared snorts. "Outer space living sure did wonders for your maturity level."

When Jensen opens the door, he's greeted by a pretty, petite brunette with two dogs in tow. They immediately set to sniffing at Sadie, and Genevieve gives Jensen a confused smile.

"Hello, you don't look anything like I remembered."

Jensen smiles and steps aside to welcome her in. "Hi, Genevieve. We've been expecting you. Jared's in the kitchen finishing up dinner, so he told me to let you in."

"Uh huh," she says, her eyes sweeping up and down Jensen's body. "And you are?"

"My name's Jensen. I'm a friend of Jared's. House guest, or whatever."

He holds out his hand to shake, because he's pretty sure that's what you're supposed to do when you meet a human, but Genevieve just places a big, green bottle in his hand and then bends over to unclip her dogs' leashes.

"Friend, right." Genevieve winks when she stands back up, and Jensen is so confused he decides to lead her back to Jared before he really does give himself away. Maybe women are just harder to fool than men are. Or maybe Jared is just exceptionally trusting. Either way, she's looking at him like she has all his deepest secrets figured out, and it makes him want to fidget.

"Hello, hello," Jared calls out, grinning when the first small dog reaches the kitchen and begins to circle his heels. "Is that Indy?"

"Oh, sure, give the dog all the attention."

Jared stands up straight and makes a face at Genevieve, then picks her up and swings her in a circle. "How's that, princess?"

"Good enough." She smacks him on the shoulder and inclines her head toward Jensen. "Have you been withholding information on me?"

Jared follows her movement and makes a distressed face when he sees Jensen. He grabs the bottle out of Jensen's hand and gives him a quick pat on the shoulder. "Here, I'll take that."

Now empty-handed, Jensen shoves both of his hands into his pockets awkwardly.

Jared looks to the food on the stove and then back to his guest. "Why don't you guys head to the table? I'm just about ready to serve."

"Okay, but don't you wanna tell me about your crazy hot new boyfriend first?"

"He's not my boyfriend," Jensen hears Jared tell her as he's walking across the room.

Jared and Genevieve stay in the corner whispering a few minutes longer, so Jensen sets the table and sits down, waiting until they join him.

Then Genevieve grabs three glasses and the big green bottle and takes the seat next to Jensen, pushing her chair a little closer. "So, Jensen, tell me a little about yourself."

Jensen panics, looking from her to Jared and back again as she pours a dark red liquid into one of the glasses and sets it in front of him. "I'm from Canada," he tells her, and then he stares uncomfortably at the table, because that's about as far into his fake biography as he got before Jared found out the truth.

"Jensen and I have been friends since we were kids," Jared lies easily, carrying a large chicken over to the table and placing it in the middle. "We went to camp together. Isn't that right, Jen?"

"Yes, camp," Jensen agrees. "In Canada."

He reaches out to take a sip of his drink, and then suddenly Jared is behind him, snatching it out of his hand. He shakes his head at Genevieve before she can pour a third glass. "Don't drink that."

Jensen gives him a puzzled look, but Jared just gives him a strained smile. "Jensen is three years sober," he says, knocking on the wooden table. "So, you know. No alcoholic beverages. Not even wine."

His eyes widen when he realizes what he almost put in his system and he hardly manages to repress a full-body shiver. It doesn't look anything like the beer that had nearly killed him, but he's happy to shove the glass away.

"Right. No wine. Wine is the enemy." Jensen gives Jared a thankful look, and Jared just huffs out a laugh. "I almost forgot."

"Shit, I'm sorry!" Genevieve says, pulling the bottle back and letting it rest on Jared's side of the table.

From there, Jared manages to steer the conversation away from Jensen, asking Genevieve a series of questions about her life since they last saw each other. Apparently, he and Genevieve grew up side-by-side, but now she works in San Francisco and they rarely get to hang out.

The evening is pleasant enough, even if Jensen misses being the center of Jared's attention a little bit. Genevieve is funny, and she and Jared clearly have a rich history. Their conversation is full of jokes Jensen doesn't think he would understand even if he were human.

It's a good research opportunity, if nothing else, to sit quietly and observe the way they communicate, especially as the night goes on and they polish off the bottle of wine between the two of them.

As they're finishing their meal, Genevieve turns her attention back to Jensen. "So, Jensen. I still haven't heard anything about you." She leans forward in a way that has Jensen's eyes dodging down to her chest before he realizes he's doing it, and that makes her lips curl up in the corners. "Jared tells me you're single."

"I, uh," Jensen replies, looking over to Jared for help. But Jared's just staring at his wine, looking like he's not paying any attention at all to the conversation at hand. "I guess I am."

"And are you straight?" she adds, her foot brushing his ankle under the table. "Would you like to walk me home? It's only a mile or so from here. Bet it'd be a real nice stroll in the moonlight."

"Am I straight?" Jensen echoes the question, again trying to look to Jared for an answer. Jared looks up like he wants to know the answer, too, like it hasn't occurred to him that Jensen doesn't understand the fucking question. "Yes. Yeah, I am."

Genevieve's eyes spark, but Jared seems to deflate a little. "You know, why don’t I just give you two some privacy?"

He stands up abruptly, taking his wine with him as he stomps out. Jensen tracks his movement across the room, then looks to Genevieve, who has a sick expression on her face. "Shit. I didn't realize it was like that," she says.

"Like what?" Jensen asks.

She looks back at him then like she's not really sure she believes he's as confused as he's acting, and then she stands, too, straightening out her skirt and giving him a brief smile. "It was nice meeting you, Jen. But I think I'm gonna get the hell out of here before this whole thing blows up even more."

He watches her chase after Jared, and after about fifteen minutes, Jensen hears the front door to the house close behind her. He waits a little while before going into the living room where he finds Jared standing with his back to the kitchen.

"So, I have no idea what just happened." He stops next to Jared and looks up. "Mind filling me in?"

Jared looks down at him thoughtfully. "You think she'd be into the tentacles?"

Jensen blushes. "I don't-"

"I doubt it, but you can go ahead and try."

He tries to brush past Jensen then, but Jensen catches him by the arm. Jared turns back and makes an upset face. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Jensen. I'm acting like a child."

"You're jealous," Jensen says as he realizes. "Is that it?"

Jared looks down at the ground.

"Is it me you're jealous of, or her?"

Jared laughs humorlessly and meets Jensen's eyes. "C'mon, who do you think?"

"I think you tried to kiss me a few weeks ago and I didn’t get it at the time." Jensen gives Jared a faint smile. "And I didn't think you would want me anymore after the way you responded to…"

He gestures down, and Jared laughs and ducks his head, but Jensen puts a hand on his cheek and turns Jared's face toward his again. "I think you're insane if you really believe I want anyone but you."

"You were more responsive to her in fifteen minutes than you've been to any of my attempts for the last month and a half."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "Dude, will you please try to remember that I have less than no idea what I'm doing here? I don't know how to flirt. I don't know when I'm being flirted with. Frankly, I don't even really know what I want to do with you, but I know I've wanted to be as close to you as possible from the first day I woke up."

"Jensen," Jared whispers. "Please be sure. Don't get my hopes up if you're not sure."

"You have to teach me," he says, rising onto his toes so he can reach Jared. "But I want to learn."

Jared turns his head just right and his mouth closes over Jensen's. This time, Jensen is a little more aware of what to do. He opens up to Jared, and Jared kisses him slowly, his tongue teasing into Jensen's mouth and coaxing Jensen to do the same. So Jensen tries it, deepening the kiss.

They continue for a long while, Jared's hands coming up to frame Jensen's face and hold him closer, but Jensen can't help thinking that there's more, more Jared's not sharing with him, and he knows he wants it.

He breaks the kiss, trailing his nose on Jared's jaw and biting at the stubble-rough skin. "Jared. I don't know what to ask for."

"Fuck, Jensen," Jared murmurs. "Fuck."

He moves his hands down then, grabbing Jensen's ass and pulling him up just as easy as if he was made out of air. Jensen wraps his legs around Jared's hips and keeps kissing him as Jared walks them down the hallway.

Then Jared kicks open the door to his bedroom and drops Jensen onto the mattress. He stands at the end of the bed, grinning devilishly as he pulls his shirt up and off over his head. Jensen does the same, but he hesitates before removing his pants and looks up to see Jared has stripped down to his boxers but is also lingering before pushing them down.

"I just realized my dick is probably gonna look kind of weird to you," he says, biting his bottom lip.

Jensen laughs. "This is all weird to me. I promise I'll get used to it."

Jared nods and waits another beat before removing his underwear quickly, like he's tearing off a band-aid. He gets onto the bed and crawls up next to Jensen before Jensen can really get a look at him, but Jensen stops him with a hand on his chest before Jared can distract him with another kiss.

Jared's dick is a long, thick line, half-erect already. There's a dark patch of wiry hairs leading from his belly button and thickening as it goes down, just like on Jensen's body, but that's about where the similarities end. Jensen never would have thought his human body should look like this naked, but it's not unattractive. Just different.

"I was pretty far off target," Jensen says, staring at Jared's cock.

Jared laughs, his eyes getting darker as his hands move down and rest over the fly of Jensen's jeans. "Jensen, let me see you again."

"You're sure you want to?" Jensen asks. "I can make you feel good just like this, and you can pretend-"

"Trust me, I am surprisingly okay with the tentacles." He smiles almost shyly and begins to slowly unzip Jensen's pants. "They've, uh, been haunting my thoughts all day."

So Jensen lets Jared finish undressing him, closing his eyes tightly when he hears Jared suck in a breath. "Still with me, Jay?"

"Yeah," Jared breathes. Jensen opens his eyes to see Jared's attention is fixed on his crotch, and the hot gaze seems to actually reach into him and make his blood boil.

"Jared," he says desperately. "Oh god, Jared, do something."

"I wanna try…" He looks up quickly. "Can I try something? It might seem kinda weird."

Jensen nods and watches in fascination as Jared bends over and tries to take the thickest of the tentacles into his mouth. It starts with a gentle lick at the tip, Jared's fingers running up the length of Jensen to hold him still as he nurses on the end of Jensen's shaft. But the stimulation has an immediate effect, and Jensen's tentacle tries to push its way as deep into Jared as possible before Jensen can even think to control it.

Jared pulls away, wiping his hand over his mouth, and Jensen feels flushed with embarrassment. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

Jared shakes his head, dodging back down to take two of the smaller appendages into his mouth this time. Jensen's head falls back as he lets out a cry-a mix of pain and pleasure as Jared's tongue plays between the two thinner tendrils in his mouth.

"Jared. Oh god, Jared, what are you doing?" Jensen's body writhes, but all five of his tentacles are lost to him, moving in their own desperate rhythms. It's so good-Jensen never, not in a million years, could have imagined anything could feel like this.

If it feels this way for humans, he definitely understands why they do it so often.

Jared sits up, holding the tentacles that try to work their way back into his mouth at arms length. "'S it good, Jensen?" he asks in a throaty voice. "Do you like it?"

Jensen nods eagerly. "Please, more."

"Yeah," Jared replies, his eyes moving over Jensen's body and then back up to his face. "I've got more for you."

He doesn't go down on Jensen again, but before Jensen can get too disappointed, he's wrapping his big hand around the thickest of Jensen's tentacles. The limb is so pleased by the action that it begins to wrap around Jared's wrist, working its way up until it's constricting Jared's arm like a vine.

Jared laughs, the fingers of his other hand brushing gently over the smooth skin until Jensen is able to control it enough to release Jared.

"In the interest of your sexual education, Jen, most dicks do not do that when you try to give them a handjob."

"Is it bad?" Jensen asks. "Should I stop?"

He hopes not. He doesn’t think he can stop.

"No, fuck, no." Jared licks his lips and then he's looking at Jensen seriously again. "I want you to fuck me."

"I can do that," Jensen replies. He stops to think it over, then gives Jared a bashful smile. "Uh, how do I do that?"

"Hold on," Jared says. He rolls over and opens the drawer of the nightstand next to his bed and then he pulls out a small, orange tube. "I want you to fuck me with the big one, but first you gotta open me up." He blushes a little, but manages to keep going. "I think you can use the smaller ones to do that? It, uh, it's gonna be a learning process, obviously."

"Open you up where?"

Jared lies back against the pillows, spreading his legs. His dick is now completely hard, and Jensen gets the urge to touch it, to use his mouth on Jared like Jared had done to him. But then Jared squeezes a clear gel out of the tube and onto his fingers, and he reaches down, past his cock, and presses two fingers in.

Jensen's eyes feel like they grow bigger as he watches. "Oh," he says.

Jared nods, licking his lips, and then pulls his fingers away and extends the tube out toward Jensen. "Think you wanna try, Jen?"

"I…won't it hurt you?"

"Maybe," Jared says with a shrug. "Bet it'll be worth all that."

"Jared, are you really sure you wanna-?"

"I like getting fucked," he says. "I really like it. And, uh, maybe I've never had anything quite like that," his eyes dodge down to Jensen's thickest tentacle, "but I really wanna try." He pulls Jensen closer as his fingers circle one of the tendrils and guides it into his body. "You're gonna like it, Jen. I'mma be so tight for you. Haven't been with anyone in years."

He can't really resist a sales pitch like that, like he's the only person Jared wants and the only one who'll get him. He just hopes it's good, like Jared thinks it'll be.

Jared helps him get ready, rubbing what he calls lube over two of Jensen's tendrils before moving on to the tentacle and spreading the gel all up and down. "How do you freaking hide this thing in pants?" Jared asks, laughing as he works Jensen over.

"I can make them as big or as small as I want to," Jensen says. He'd kind of thought that part was obvious.

Apparently not, because Jared's mouth drops open. "You can do what now?"

Jensen tries to pull the tentacles in, but it nearly hurts from how hard they’re refusing. "Okay, I guess I can't pull them in when I'm turned on, but usually."

"This is going to blow my mind," Jared tells him. He smiles at Jensen and pulls the tendrils forward, but they've gotten the message and begin to take control of the situation. The two that haven't been lathered in lube each grab onto one side of Jared's ass, holding him open so that first one wet tendril, then the other can slide into him.

Jared stays propped up on his elbows so that he can look down, and Jensen watches Jared's expression tense and then release as he tests the limits of how deep he can probe.

"Yes," Jared says, his head dropping back exposing a long, tan line of throat. "Oh god, yes."

Jensen echoes Jared's cries, loving the dark, hot catch of Jared's ass around him, and he begins to move in deeper with each thrust forward as two of the tentacles take turns fucking into Jared.

"Feels so good, Jensen," Jared tells him. His hands curl tightly in the sheets. "Oh god, just this. I could-fuck, I could come just like this."

"Do you want to?" Jensen asks. He'd be pretty okay with it, but Jared shakes his head.

"Nah, give me the big one."

"You're sure?" Jensen asks, pulling out of Jared, feeling his limbs begin to twist together trying to resist the urge to fuck back into Jared whether the human wants them there or not.

Jared nods, and then his cheeks go pink and he averts his gaze. "Could you…tie me up with the other ones?"

Jensen lifts an eyebrow. "What?"

"I like…I like to be tied up, and you have-oh god, Jensen, please. I know it's kind of weird, but please, please."

Jensen pins him down then, one of the ropelike tentacles extending out farther than it has since Jensen took human form, wrapping around Jared's wrists and holding them over his head.

Jared tries to struggle and lets out a heavy groan when he's unable to gain any ground. Jensen sees a white collecting at the tip of Jared's cock and instinctively knows it's because he's got Jared good and turned on.

He decides to try to take a little more control over the situation. "You like that, Jay? You like that I've got you at my mercy?"

Jared opens his mouth to answer, but before he can, there's a tentacle wrapping around his lips, sliding in and playing with Jared's tongue.

Jared begins to make desperate sounds, and Jensen doesn't know if they're pleasure or panic, but he's lost himself, and very suddenly he realizes he can't stop what he's started. His largest tentacle does what Jared asked for then, pushing into him, even though it's thicker than both of the others had been put together and Jared's not ready for it. The fit is rough at first, Jared not able to relax enough to let make room for Jensen, but then Jensen strokes a hand over his cheek and whispers, "Shh, it's okay, Jay. Just relax. Be good for me."

Jared's eyes roll back in his head as he nods, and then Jensen broaches him, sinking into Jared like he's the goddamn ocean.

Jensen makes the tentacle just the right size so that there isn’t an inch of room left inside of Jared, his body flush against Jared where they're meeting. He doesn't have to move his hips to set Jared off; he creates a wave with the length of his shaft, pressing repeatedly against the places that make Jared struggle harder and begin to make loud sounds under his gag.

It's incredible, not only the feel of it, but the way Jared is looking up at him, like he trusts Jensen to do this to him. Jensen feels powerful, which is a thing he's never felt before in his life, and it builds low in his gut until he realizes-he doesn't know what comes next, but something's coming.

"Jared," he says, confused. "Jared, I feel."

"Mmm," Jared moans, sucking a little on the tentacle in his mouth before meeting Jensen's gaze. Jared's eyes are heavy lidded, and he looks filthy and fucking gorgeous, even with Jensen wrapped all around him.

His eyes dodge down, between their legs, and then back up at Jensen. Jensen can see that he's begging for something, but he doesn't know what, so he slows down and lets the tentacle wrapped around Jared's mouth fall limp.

"My dick, Jensen. Please, fucking touch me."

Oh, right. Jensen feels abashed, but he knows he can make it up to Jared. He sends two tentacles down to Jared's cock and they wrap up the length of him, stroking him the way Jared had done to him. Jared's hips begin to thrust out of control into the pressure, and it's the sudden overstimulation that comes with Jared's frantic rocking that makes Jensen realize he's about to spill over the edge.

"Jared, I don't understand what's-"

"Shh," Jared says with a laugh. "You're gonna come," he says. "It's gonna be good, I promise."

Jensen nods and keeps working away inside of Jared, his hips now pumping forward not because he needs to do it but because it's instinct to this body.

"I'm so close," Jared says, turning his face into his pillow. "So close."

"Let me see, Jared," Jensen begs. "Please, I wanna see."

Jared moans his name, arching his body up off the bed. When he climaxes, Jensen knows, not just from the shout Jared lets out, but from the sudden wetness spilling from the tip of Jared's dick. His tentacles stay where they are, milking the rest of Jared's orgasm, hungry for the moisture, until Jared is spent, collapsing down onto the bed with heavy breathing.

Jensen pulls out and releases Jared's arms, which makes Jared sit up and try to catch the limb to drag it back in. "Jen, you can come inside of me."

Jensen shakes his head, wrapping his hand around the end of his tentacle and beginning to work himself the way Jared showed him. His release only takes seconds, and then black ink spills out onto Jared's torso, right by his belly button, just like he feared it would.

"Whoa, what the fuck?" Jared asks.

Jensen feels mortified, covering his face with his hands. "It's…how we…mark what’s ours."

He hears a laugh, and Jared pries his hands away from his face, forcing Jensen to look at him. "It's okay, Jensen. It's okay."

"I'm sorry it's so different. I can't-couldn't help-"

"God, shut up," Jared says, pulling him in for a deep kiss. "That was the hottest fucking thing that's ever happened to me, okay? Black jizz or not."

"It's actually ink," Jensen admits. "And, uh, we should wash it off of you before it dries. It'll stain you if it dries."

Jared snorts; he rises carefully from the bed, making sure not to let the ink spill on his sheets. "My life is so fucking bizarre."

Once he's washed off, he climbs back into bed and rests his head on Jensen's chest, like he's trying to settle the question of whether Jensen should stay for the night before it's asked. So Jensen smiles and plays lazily with the ends of Jared's hair as he begins to drift to sleep.

"You don't have a heart, do you?" Jared asks after a while, propping his chin on Jensen's chest and looking up.

Jensen finds Jared's eyes and gives him an unsure smile. "Is that a problem?"

"It's not exactly reassuring when you pull a guy out of a river and can't find his heartbeat," Jared says, laughing as he turns his face and kisses Jensen's stomach. "But I saw you move, so I thought it must have just been my own pulse was racing so fast it was confusing me. I kept telling myself that."

"I have a very strong brainbeat," Jensen assures him.

"Right, well." Jared takes Jensen's hand and presses it to his own chest, so Jensen can feel the steady drum of his heart. "You can borrow mine."

Jensen smiles and closes his eyes. The pounding is oddly soothing, and he feels safe and happy and warm and wanted with Jared's lifeline under his fingers, promising he's found something real and alive to hold on to. It lulls him to sleep that night and for many nights after.

_______________________________________________________________

Things are almost impossibly perfect for the weeks that follow once he and Jared figure their relationship out. Jensen doesn't have anything left to hide, and most of the time he forgets that floating just inside the Earth's atmosphere, there's a whole ship of monsters just like him planning evil.

He and Jared go for runs nearly every day; Jensen is confident and sure on his legs now, and he only falls when he's running after Jared, tackling the human into the ground and kissing him until Jared begs for mercy.

Jared takes him into town when they need to buy more food, ostensibly because Jensen should help him carry his load if he's going to eat everything in his path, but as soon as they pass anyone Jared knows, he uses it as a chance to introduce Jensen, as if they're lucky just to have the privilege of shaking his hand.

But Jensen's favorite days are the ones like today, when they make it out to the lake and spend the day swimming. They don't bother wearing trunks anymore, and Jensen never feels more natural than he does with his tentacles submerged, drinking in the cool water. He has a little more control over his form when he's got that much water around him and can pull more and more tentacles out of himself, using them to drag Jared in from the shore or toss him around, as easy as if he was a toy. Jared should probably be disgusted by it, but instead he laughs and calls Jensen his kraken and lets Jensen wrap him up tightly as they swim.

Whoever said you could have too much of a good thing never fucked Jared Padalecki while submerged in water.

Jared is snapping at Jensen's heels with his wet towel as they pile in through the door at the end of a good, tiring day. Sadie keeps trying to jump up and catch the fabric before it hits Jensen, and Jensen is about two towel slaps away from knocking the thing out of Jared's hands with a tentacle and shoving him up against the wall, teaching him a lesson about being so damn annoying, with another.

Come to think of it, that may just be what Jared's been trying to get at.

Jared turns on the TV and Jensen hears the news begin to filter through the living room as he heads to the kitchen to put a pot on the stove for pasta. Once that's taken care of, he walks back out to find Jared staring in wide-eyed horror at the television screen, his hands clasped to his throat.

He joins Jared and sees why. The images flashing by are terrifying, and Jensen's entire world falls away when he recognizes them.

Mysterious deaths, the headline scrolling at the bottom says, but there's nothing mysterious about them to Jensen. Three teenage boys, lying dead and shriveled, with strange marks around their necks. Neat little rows of two by two. Jensen knows they were caused by suction cups latched too tight onto that skin.

He'd known his brethren had come to the Earth's surface on one or two runs while he was still on-ship, just to confirm that it was inhabitable. They'd been careful, though, not to be spotted, or at least that's how they'd worded it. Jensen had never thought that careful might have meant killing anyone who saw them instead of not being seen, and he can't help wondering if these were the first humans to get unlucky or just three more bodies.

"We did this," he says. "That's-an Engelon did that."

Jared takes a step back, away from Jensen, as if he's just seen a bug out of the corner of his eye. "What do you mean?"

Jensen swallows hard and turns to look at him. "It's what bodies look like after we drain them of their water. I've never seen them do it to a human, but I've seen other species, on other planets. It's definitely-"

Jared's expression only gets more confused, and when Jensen tries to reach out to shake some sense into him, Jared pushes his hand away like it disgusts him. "That's how my family died, Jensen. That's-you did it."

Jensen wheels back as if he's just been slapped. "No, Jared, not me. I would never-"

"Why should I believe you?" Jared asks, rounding on him. "You just said we."

"I meant-that's just how we-they-that's just how Engelons talk. Whatever one does, we all do, but not me, not really."

"But you were okay with it?"

"Obviously not," Jensen replies, passing a hand over his mouth. "Or I wouldn't be here right now."

"Why are you here?" Jared asks. "Why are you here, really?"

"I'm here because of you," Jensen tells him softly. "Isn't that obvious?"

Jared laughs bitterly. "I'm so stupid. I can't believe how stupid I am. You fall out of the sky and you're everything I need you to be, and I didn't ever stop to think this was a trap."

"It's not a trap, Jay. Why would they go to all that trouble just to fuck with you?"

"I don't know," Jared says, his eyes going wild. "You tell me. Why me? Why my family? What did I do to you…you things? You took everything from me and then you gave me a little bit of hope just to crush it. Couldn't you just have killed me in my sleep, Jensen?"

"That's not why I'm here. You must know that, deep down. I understand that you're hurt right now, and I don't blame you. But I never lied to you about how I feel."

"Yeah, that's true." Jared shoves him. "You told me you don't feel anything."

Jensen stumbles back, but he holds his hand out to still Jared and gives him an imploring look. "I'm not one of them. What can I do to make you believe me?"

Jared hesitates, his face wavering between anger and forgiveness. "Swear to me," he says. "Swear that you never drank their water. That you never drank anything that was taken from a human."

Jensen feels stunned, and for a long minute he doesn't move. He's torn between a lie, a little white lie, because the chances are he never did, and he could just say he didn't. Drinking from someone directly doesn't lend easily to sharing-Jensen can't imagine an Engelon relinquishing that water once it's been absorbed. But, well, he doesn't really know. He never asked. He never bothered to ask.

"I…I don't know, Jared," he says. "I didn't harness water. I just drank what they gave me."

"Oh my god," Jared says, putting his hand over his mouth and stepping back again. "Oh my god, I let you…"

"Jared, I told you what I used to be. I told you they were monsters."

"Yeah, but you left out the part where you drank my entire family dry." He tangles his hands into his hair, pulling at it. "Oh god."

"I didn't know! It never occurred to me that-"

"Yeah, you know, it didn’t occur to me, either. That I might be fucking the thing that ruined my life." Jared's eyes fill with tears, and Jensen wishes he could cry too, just to have an outlet for everything building up inside of him. He hasn't seen Jared cry in almost a month, and now he's caused it. "You never told me you were just a goddamn parasite."

"Jay," he says feeling his legs shaking under him. "Don't say that to me."

He steps forward, trying to put a gentle hand on Jared's shoulder, but Jared steps back so fast he nearly trips on his own couch. "Don't touch me," Jared tells him. "I already hate myself enough for wanting you to touch me."

Jared turns then, storming out and slamming the door to his bedroom. Jensen stands, too shocked by everything that just happened to move until finally he feels Sadie nudging at his leg and he blinks, slowly finding himself back in the moment. A part of him thought it might be a nightmare, and that if he stared off long enough he'd wake up with Jared's arm around him and never have to worry again that he might have had some part in what happened to Jared's family.

Instead, he recovers his wits with just enough time to catch the bodies circling on the screen again. He scrambles for the remote and turns the TV off before it can make him feel any guiltier, and then he goes to his room-the room he hasn't slept in since he started sharing Jared's bed.

It feels wrong to be there now, but Jensen figures that pretty soon Jared will probably throw him out altogether. He should enjoy having a bed while he can.

He doesn't sleep. It's still too early to be tired, and he's lying in bed more out of a dejected sense that he has nothing better to do, letting his mind drift and feeling sorry for himself. It might be hours before he hears the door creak as it's pushed open, but with his back to it, he assumes the noise is just Sadie, who scrambles up onto the bed and curls up at his feet. He doesn't realize Jared let her in until his bed dips, and then there's a big hand on the side of his head, stroking through his hair.

"I brought you dinner, Jensen," Jared says softly.

Jared doesn't turn to look at him. "I hope it's people. That's all we monsters eat, you know."

Jared huffs a laugh at that and his hand slides down to Jensen's shoulder, turning Jensen over. "I'm sorry, Jen. I said awful things."

"And you meant them. And you're not really sorry. Look, I'll leave in the morning, okay? I'd rather not stay here knowing you're always going to think of me like that."

"I won't. I promise." Jared's lip trembles and he climbs up into bed. "Jensen, I am sorry. I am so sorry. It's just-it's hard for me, okay? Dealing with all this. I mean, first I find out I'm living with an alien and then my boyfriend happens to be related to the things that killed my family. I know you're good. I know you're not one of them. I was just scared and confused and I lashed out. And I'm so fucking sorry, but-people are stupid. We've been over this. I swear, I only meant it when I said it, and I've spent the last two hours too ashamed of myself to come apologize."

"I'm not related to them, Jay. I am one of them. I hate it more than you do, but that doesn't change it. And…I really can't promise I'm clean."

"It doesn't matter. You weren't a part of it. I don't control where my food comes from any more than you did. Not since I gave up farming, at least."

"You should get back into that," Jensen mutters. "Wouldn't trust people any more than Engelons."

"I've been meaning to, anyway. For the last few weeks. I've been thinking about trying to get something going in time for the growing season next year." Jared bites his lip and looks away. "I thought you and I might be happy like that."

Jensen looks up at him, finally really looks, and sees a nervous edge in Jared's expression, like he really means that he's sorry and he doesn't want Jensen to leave first thing tomorrow.

Jensen sits up, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging his arms around them. "I don't want to have to wonder if this is gonna happen every time you remember what I am, Jared."

"I can do better, Jensen. It's just scary, you know? To realize these things exist." He looks down at his hands. "There're still up there, aren't they? Waiting. They want to wipe us off the map and take over?"

"Yes," Jensen says. He frowns. "I can feel them, you know. I'm still connected to them, however distantly. They won't leave this planet unless they've drained it. Not as long as they have a choice."

"Then we have to do something," Jared tells him. "We have to stop them. We might be the only people who know there's a threat, and…and…I need to do something, Jensen, so that I know I'm not just letting another family go through what I did. And you-you don't need to prove to me that you're not one of them. But, I think, maybe you need to prove that to yourself."

"I want to stop them." Jensen's eyebrows draw together. "But we're only two. How can we make any difference?" He laughs dismissively. "Who would listen to us that could do anything to help?"

"I think I might know a guy. He's been my friend for years and I'd trust him with my life. I think he can help us." Jared smiles tentatively. "We can go to him tomorrow. Until then…"

Jensen draws him closer and presses his lips to Jared's. "Until then, you owe me make up sex."

_______________________________________________________________

Jared's friend Misha works for something called NASA in a city named Houston. The drive is nearly four hours long, which feels interminable to Jensen, who has never gone farther in a car than the nearest town to Jared's ranch.

They spend another half an hour getting routed through security before Misha finally comes to fetch them and leads them on a guided tour through the buildings. Jared seems genuinely interested in the things his friend points out, but Jensen is too much on edge, and, besides, to someone born and raised on an interstellar craft, human space technology is frankly embarrassing.

He feels nothing but relief when they reach the laboratories Misha declares to be his 'home' and the door to Misha's office closes behind them, finally giving them privacy.

"So," Misha says as he walks to his desk and sits down, kicking his feet up onto the surface of the table. "You said you have something important to discuss when you called me out of the blue for the first time in two years and demanded I clear my schedule for you." Misha makes a hurt face. "By the way, how about sending a Christmas card every now and then?"

Jared frowns. "I'm sorry, Mish. I wasn't in a good place."

"I heard," he says, and when Jared looks surprised, he clarifies, "Genevieve."

"Ah, right. Well."

"I'm sorry, Jared," Misha adds. "They were good people."

"Yeah," Jared agrees. Jensen presses his palm to the small of Jared's back, as supportive as he can be without saying anything, and Jared holds himself together a lot better than Jensen would have expected. "It looks like I might have a chance to make things right. At least, as right as they can get. But I need your help."

"My help?" Misha asks, raising an eyebrow.

"My boyfriend, Jensen," Jared says, pointing.

Jensen steps forward and holds his hand out in greeting, and Misha accepts it, but he looks Jensen up and down and finally glares at Jared. "Did you come here to show off how pretty he is? Are we really still doing this childish competition thing we should have outgrown after undergrad?" Misha keeps the annoyed expression on his face for a few more seconds before grinning. "Because if that is what this is about, I'll have you know that my wife is very enthusiastic about threesomes."

Jared snorts. "No, that is not what this is about. I guess you're never going to grow up."

Misha just gives Jared a skeptical look.

"Do you still believe in aliens?" Jared asks.

"Would I be working here if I didn't?"

"Good," says Jared. He points to Jensen again. "My boyfriend, Jensen, is an alien."

Misha tilts his head and looks between Jared and Jensen, but he doesn't laugh or call Jared a liar. "Well, with that face he'd have to be. Go on."

"He's an alien-and by the way he has five tentacle dicks, five, and they can get as big as he wants them to-" Jared forces a cough. "Not that I'm trying to be competitive here."

Misha turns to Jensen for confirmation. "Five?" he says, disbelieving.

Jensen nods apologetically. "I'm afraid so."

Misha hums to himself, then crosses his arms over his chest. "Well, when you get tired of this one," he inclines his head toward Jared, "my wife and I would love to date you."

"Hey," Jared says, stepping between them. "No poaching my boyfriend!"

"It's no use anyway." Jensen takes a step forward and twines his fingers with Jared's. "Apparently I have really bad taste in humans, so I think I'm stuck with this one for life."

"I hate you," Jared tells him.

"Okay," Misha says, waving his hand. "Delicious possibilities aside, what can I do for you and your charming, five-dicked alien boyfriend?"

"We need you to help us fend off an attack," Jensen says. "The ship I came from-it's full of aliens called Engelons. They want to kill every living thing on this planet so they can take over and live off the water. It's only one ship, but the technology is strong and they're ruthless."

"How long do we have?" Misha asks, surprisingly relaxed and apparently taking everything Jensen says at face value.

"I don’t know," Jensen admits. "I've been off-board for months. But I think you can buy some time fairly easily. They're depending on surprising you-that's the only card they've got right now. You have the numbers and maybe not the technology, but your weapons will be able to bring them down before they can kill all or even a significant portion of you."

"Sounds like they'd be pretty stupid to attack then," Misha says with a shrug.

Jensen shakes his head. "They're desperate, and they've got experience. Not with anything as advanced as human society, but I know how'll they'll try to do it. They figure out some way to alter the atmosphere, so it kills life forms adjusted to it. We breathe, but it doesn't matter what to us. An Engelon body can sustain itself on any gas, as long as it's getting a steady supply of water. And they're running out of water fast. It only takes about a year of research and lab work for them to cook up an atmospheric apocalypse, and they've already been up there for half that long. They want this planet bad; we need to scare them, at least long enough to get the word out to someone-someone powerful who will believe this and act against them."

"I don't know what Jared told you, but I was just an intern at the White House. I ran for coffee. I can't exactly call up the president and get him on board with a story about thirsty aliens."

"No, I think we need to worry about actually striking against them after we've bought some time. For now, it'll spook them enough just to know they've been detected. They won't leave forever-not this planet, but they'll have to at least get out of the Earth's atmosphere, and that'll slow their work down significantly."

"So you want me to put in a phone call to an alien spaceship full of tentacle dicks who want to steal our planet?" Misha says.

"Pretty much," Jared replies. "Can you do it?"

"Can I put in a phone call to aliens? Am I Misha fucking Collins or aren't I?"

"I believe that you are," Jensen says.

"But there's no space ship up there to call. I think I would have noticed a spaceship sitting in the atmosphere, seeing as how I spend pretty much my whole life looking for them."

Jensen shakes his head. "Not this one. It has a cloak that hides the ship from being detected but creates a very, very subtle electromagnetic discrepancy in-"

"In the air immediately surrounding the ship. About 300 miles radius."

"Yes," Jensen says. "How'd you know?"

"Because that ship is sitting right over us, isn't it?"

"Well, judging by the rate they keep dropping on my farm," Jared mutters.

"I've been picking up the irregularities for a few months now. I tried reporting them but they were too small and too sporadic to substantiate. Everyone kept saying it was weather or just random happenstance and I was forcing the connection."

"They were wrong."

Misha pumps his fist into the air, then sobers a little. "I guess I shouldn't be so happy about this."

"Not unless you can contact them."

He swivels in his chair for a few moments, making a thoughtful face. "You're one of them?"

"Unfortunately."

"What's your beef?" Misha asks.

"It's a long story," Jensen replies.

"I'm just finding it a little hard to take your word for it," Misha says. He looks to Jared. "You really trust him?"

"More than myself," Jared says with a quick nod. "These things killed my family, Misha. I wouldn't be bothering you with this if it wasn't serious.

"Eh, good enough." Misha shrugs. "Let's get to work cracking this code then, huh?"

It takes a few hours, not because Misha has any difficulty figuring out how to radio the message, but because all of his prerecorded messages deal with peace and wanting to welcome alien friends to Earth. Humans are kind of painfully stupid on occasion.

"I don't feel comfortable lying to them," Misha says. "Won't it be pretty easy for them to discover I am not, in fact, Emperor of Earth and I don't really have eighty giant lasers trained on their ship ready to fire if they don't leave immediately?"

"You'd think," Jensen says with a laugh. "Look, they're not infallible. They're not idiots, but they're no geniuses, either. They have the technology and scientific know-how to figure that out in moments, sure, but no imagination. It wouldn't occur to them to check."

"You're sure?" Misha asks, hesitating before sending the message.

Jensen looks down at his hands. "I'm one of them, aren't I?"

"Speaking of," Misha says, drumming his fingers on his desk. "Jensen, dear Jensen. Any chance you'd allow me to run a few scans on you? A couple of little tiny tests? Just while we wait for the message to transmit."

"No, no, no," Jared says, cutting in. "You are not turning my boyfriend into a lab rat."

"Oh, come on," Misha begs. "An alien! A real alien! How will I even know you guys aren't lying if I don't check him out?"

"He could show you the tentacles," Jared offers.

Misha makes big blue eyes at Jensen. "Oh please, oh please. I've always wanted to study an alien. I'll keep the results confidential. Just for my records, I swear." He turns the look on Jared. "It might be a good idea in the long run, anyway, to get something that could pass as medical records on him."

Jared's eyes find Jensen's, silently asking for his input. Jensen shrugs. He doesn’t mind a few tests, and Misha is doing them a pretty big favor-and risking his neck in the process.

In the end, Misha's observations serve as a pretty good distraction until the computer beeps, telling them the message went through successfully.

"Houston, we have a problem!" Jared declares.

"What, already?" Jensen asks, rushing to his side.

"No, not really."

Misha stares at him blankly, his eyes narrowing.

Jared grins sheepishly. "Sorry. I felt like I had to say it at some point."

"Yeah." Misha rolls his eyes. "So does every other dildo that walks in here."

"It worked," Jensen says, a little in awe as the Engelon response to the message begins to tremble through him. "I can feel them," he says, looking up and smiling brightly. "They're terrified. They're already preparing to run."

Misha and Jared share his own disbelieving expression, and they all pat each other on the back. Jared and Jensen say goodbye to Misha after a quick dinner and begin the long drive back to their ranch, and Misha promises to start looking into ways to spread the message to his bosses in a way that won't get ignored.

Jensen represses the whisper of doubt in the back of his mind saying that it was all just a little too easy.

_______________________________________________________________

When the other shoe drops a few days later, Jensen is almost relieved. He knew it couldn't be that simple, but in the grand scheme of things, they got in a win. The Engelons really are running scared, and Jensen doesn't doubt Misha will be able to round up enough evidence to convince someone powerful to at least prepare for the possibility of an attack.

Considering all the millions of ways it could have gone much worse, it's not such a big sacrifice at all. At least, that's what he keeps telling himself, and he knows, intellectually, that it's true.

They figured him out. He should have known they would-there's no other way the humans could have not only discovered them but pinpointed their location, and once the idea occurred to them, it was easy to check and confirm that Jensen is still alive. He can still feel them in the back of his mind when he wants to, which is rare, but the point is, the connection never severed.

And they're furious with him. They send him a message through the psychic connection that doesn't leave much room for interpretation. He has 24-hours to turn himself over to them, or they'll burn him alive. It's a better death than he'll get on-board, but there's no way to burn him without also killing Jared.

They bank on him behaving like a human over Jared, and they're right. They found his weakness.

"I don't get it," Jared says. "If they're angry with you, why haven't they killed you yet?"

"They want me alive," Jensen tells him, swallowing hard. "They'll try to get information out of me, information on how to defeat you. They probably think I have friends in higher places than I do thanks to that message, so they'll be convinced I have some kind of special information."

"Well, it doesn't matter," says Jared. "You're not going."

"I am, Jay," Jensen insists. "I've already made up my mind."

"Jensen-"

"Jared, they'll burn the planet out of spite if they can't have it. You want me to roll over and let them?"

Jared looks stung, but he still insists. "You said yourself they wouldn't ruin this for themselves. They're probably bluffing. Let's call them on it."

"And if they're not? Everyone dies. Does that seem like an acceptable risk to you?"

Okay, Jensen might have lied to Jared about what the terms the Engelons issued were, but he knows who he's dealing with here. If Jensen admitted that he's going back to them just to save Jared, he would find a way to stop Jensen. He doesn't feel bad lying if it means protecting Jared.

"No, but-"

"But what, Jared?"

"We can think of something," he says to his hands, not looking up at Jensen, and not sounding all that convinced. "Some way to stop them."

"Yeah? In 24-hours? 22 by now. Do you have a ship-destroying ray gun hiding in the barn or something?"

"Don't be catty, Jensen," Jared yells. "You're talking about dying. You're all I've got and you're talking about killing it, so don't you fucking snap at me."

Jensen takes a deep breath and sits next to Jared, taking the human's hand. "You know I don't want to. I know what they'll do to me-I'm fucking terrified. But we've got no time to think of a way out. There's no other option."

"What's to stop them from doing it anyway?" Jared asks. "Once they have you. Just to be nasty."

"If they have me, they'll think they can improve their odds. They'll believe they can win the planet again, so they won't break it. I won't tell them anything useful, Jay. I don't even really know very much if I do crack. It's much safer if I go."

"Not for you it isn't."

"I don't want to fight about this. My decision is made. I'm going back to them tomorrow. It's-in the long run it’s not such a bad deal. I got to have you for a while. I got to help-we might end up saving everyone, Jared, if Misha can round up the defense. And you got to avenge your family."

"I don't feel avenged." Jared looks away as his voice breaks. "I feel like I'm about to lose my family all over again. I couldn’t save them and now you won't even let me try to save you."

Jensen kisses Jared slowly, coaxing Jared to open his mouth up and let the kiss say everything he can't put in words. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead on Jared's. "Can we not spend tonight fighting? Please? If it's my last night, I want to be happy one more time. We can fight about it tomorrow morning, but tonight, please, can I just have you one more time without a fight?"

Jared kisses him back harder then, and it's not long before they're in Jared's bedroom, bodies tangled together they way they have nearly every night since they started. They way they never will again.

They fuck slower than they usually do, with Jared's eyes locked on Jensen's almost without interruption. It's better, in a way, than it has been, though Jensen's not human enough to really understand why. He feels closer to Jared than he has before, and the connection is almost something worth dying for. Jensen would die gladly if it just didn't mean giving Jared up, too.

When he finishes he watches the black ink oozing out over Jared's flat stomach, pooling on his torso, like it has so many times before. He gets the strangest urge to drag his fingers through the mess, write his name on Jared even though he knows it'll have to be cleaned off.

“I’ll get a towel,” Jensen says, rising from the bed.

He returns in a few seconds and bends over Jared, preparing to wipe the ink away. But Jared takes Jensen’s wrist in his hand, stopping it forcefully before the towel touches his skin. “No, don’t-don’t wash it off, Jen.”

Jensen laughs, letting the cloth drop. “It’s going to stain you,” he says.

“I know,” Jared replies, giving Jensen a weak smile and brushing his fingers through Jensen’s hair. “I want it to. I want to see it every day. I want to think of you every time I look in the mirror.”

He wants to remember Jensen, even though in a few hours Jensen will be gone, and his memory will be nothing but another loss. Jared wants to keep him locked away in his mind and in his heart, just like he does with his family, and Jensen-Jensen understands. It’s a terrifying realization, but the idea of Jared wanting to let him go seems almost as unendurable as the thought of letting Jared go.

Jensen feels an ache then. An ache, no. That word could never be strong enough to describe this. If Jensen had a heart and it broke, the edges could not cut like this. Jensen would pierce his skin if he touched these shards; he’d die if he fell on them, and suddenly he understands what he couldn’t before. He yearns for the indifferent forgetfulness of the Engelons, but he knows, like Jared, he will hold this perfect, terrible moment in his memory no matter how sharp the pangs. He doesn’t want to forget this, not even to spare himself the agony he knows he’ll be in when he wakes up without Jared beside him tomorrow.

He’ll let his former kin take him, kill him, make him lose the planet he’s fallen in love with, but his one solace is this: he knows they won’t take the memory of Jared away from him. They’ll think it’s a punishment, a form of torture. And it will be, but Jensen would rather die in agony than forget this human and all the irrational kindness he has offered Jensen.

Jensen stares at Jared in horror for a long second before he begins to feel a stinging in the corner of his eyes, the burning spreading quickly. Jared sits up, almost laughing as he soothes his fingers over Jensen’s face, and Jensen doesn’t understand what’s happening until Jared says, “Shh, no. Jensen, you can’t cry. You’ll lose water. C’mon, you have to stop that.”

“I-I can’t.” Jensen reaches up and feels the water collecting on his fingertips as it slips down his cheeks. “I can’t help it. I don’t understand what’s happening.”

Jared starts crying then, too, but he’s still laughing. “You stupid alien,” he says, dragging Jensen down and kissing his face all over, first where there’s water, then the rest of him, and finally his lips in three or four quick, greedy kisses. “I love you, Jensen. I love you so much. You stupid idiot, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Jensen answers. He gives Jared a smile that won’t stay put on his face, wavering between happy and sad like waves shifting on sand. “So much I’m drowning in it. That’s what it means, right? When it’s bad. When there’s too much and it’s crushing you and you can’t breathe. This is drowning?”

“Yes,” Jared says softly, wrapping his hand around Jensen’s head and drawing him down to rest against his chest. “Yes, this is drowning.”

"I don't want to drown anymore, Jared," Jensen whispers.

Jared squeezes Jensen then, hard, but not in a way that hurts. It’s another gesture Jensen doesn’t understand, and he will never have the chance to learn now. "I won't let you drown," he promises, but it's an empty promise. There's no saving Jensen from the river, not this time.

"What if you just don't go?" Jared asks after a long silence. "If they could kill us all without destroying the planet they want to live on in the process, they would have done it already, Jensen. They might be bluffing."

Jensen licks his lips and hides his face against Jared's chest. The truth is, he knows they can't burn this planet yet, and if they could, they still wouldn't have enough time to find another planet with water before their stores run out. Even if they could, Engelons would never kill a planet as rich in water as this one. They only sent him the message to get a point across. They want him back, they want to punish him and prevent him from sharing any more sensitive information, and maybe they can't kill the whole species Jensen's fallen in love with, but they can certainly kill the one.

It would be easy and fun for them to drink Jared dry, or raze the farm Jensen has begun to think of as his home while he sleeps contentedly in Jared's arms. Jensen won't let that happen.

"I know what they're capable of, Jared," Jensen tells him. "It would be selfish of us to refuse them. We would get people hurt. Good people, not just-"

"You are a good person," Jared tells him. "I know you don't believe it. But you are."

Jensen laughs dismissively. "I'm not even a person, let alone a good one."

"You're right. You're not. You're better than a good person. You're better than most of the people I've ever met."

"I'm still not-"

"Well, you're certainly not one of them," Jared says heatedly.

Jensen lifts his head to see Jared's expression, to try and gauge if he's really upset with Jensen or just with the situation in general. Jared's eyes are still wide and glossy, and his lips tremble as he puts a hand on Jensen's cheek and tries to smile.

"You're not human, and you're not Engelon. You're something else entirely, Jensen. You're exactly you, and I like that. Whatever you are, you're my favorite thing."

Jensen smiles weakly and leans up, giving Jared a gentle kiss. He pulls away, turning his face and letting out a defeated sigh against Jared's neck. "I want to stay with you. You know that. But what would I be if I did? What would it make me if I was someone who lets others die-who knows how many others-just because I want to stay?"

"A monster," Jared answers. "It would make us both monsters."

Jensen nods. "I just got finished being one, Jared. Thanks to you. I'm not going to let us ruin it."

Those are the last words they speak to each other. Jensen wakes up first the next day, presses a brief kiss to Jared's mouth, whispering goodbye. With only Sadie at his side, Jensen slips out into the still, dark morning. He knows where to go. The others are already waiting for him.

It doesn't matter much to him by the time they take him. His world ended half an hour ago, when he left Jared to grieve by himself on that big, dead ranch. Whatever comes now, the death they deliver as his punishment, he welcomes it.

He has nothing left to lose.

ON TO PART FOUR
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