Fic: Prescription (Kirk/McCoy)
Title: Prescription
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: The crew is arriving tomorrow
Rating: Adult/NC17
Word Count: 4805
A/N: #38 in the Two Men & a Motorbike series. Follows Diagnosis. Thank you & ♥ to everyone who reads/comments!
The crew is arriving tomorrow. It’s hard to believe that it’s already time for their leave to end and for the mission to begin. Jim is excited but also just a little anxious. In two days, they’re going to start exploring and getting assignments, which means that all of this will become reality. It already is real, in an abstract sort of way that requires a lot of paperwork and reading, but, once the Enterprise embarks on the mission, he’s going to be captaining a crew of hundreds of people and all the rest of it that he knows is happening yet still can’t quite believe. He’s going to be a damn good captain, of course, and he’s looking forward to proving that to everyone. Having confidence doesn’t mean that he can’t be slightly nervous, too, though.
The crew has been handpicked by him, so there’s no one else to blame if someone doesn’t work out. He’s also completely responsible for any who don’t survive the five year mission. While he doesn’t believe in no-win scenarios and generally has a positive outlook on things, he’s been trained well. He knows that people will die, that he’ll continue having to kill at times, that he won’t be able to save everyone. It’s different to be aware of those things and think he’s going to be able to accept when they happen versus actually being out here experiencing it all and eventually finding out if he’s able to deal with them.
The sound of Scotty’s laughter pulls Jim out of the serious thoughts that have been plaguing him most of the day. Bones and Scotty are playing cards while he’s supposed to be reviewing arrival schedules for tomorrow. Instead, he’s zoning out, again, and missing all the fun. Bones is smirking, which means that he must be winning. Jim can’t help but stare, smiling slightly as he watches them play another round. Scotty has drunk half a bottle of that horrible concoction that he claims is whiskey but Jim believes must be fuel of some kind, but Bones is nursing his second glass of bourbon. That’s probably one reason why he’s still winning, though Jim knows from experience that Bones is also really good at cards.
When Bones catches him staring, he winks before glancing at Scotty quickly. Jim can see the relief at seeing that Scotty’s still studying his cards, and it’s a reminder that they need to talk about that tonight. They’ve only had a skeleton crew this week, but neither of them have done anything to indicate the true nature of their relationship. Bones hasn’t even spent a complete night in his room, always sneaking out before dawn when an excuse of getting drunk and passing out is acceptable. Jim misses waking up next to him, but it just isn’t possible without raising too many questions that they don’t want asked.
He looks back at his schedules and rubs his neck. There are going to be a half dozen shuttles arriving throughout the morning and a dozen arriving during the afternoon and early evening hours. There isn’t really anything official for him to do, but he’s decided that he’s going to be around to greet each one. It’ll be a good way to meet his crew and show them that he’s not going to be one of those captains who can’t remember names or doesn’t really care about anything except the title. He’s preparing for a long day with lots of smiling and handshakes and use of his memory, which is a slight change from the past few days when he’s mostly been finding things to do or catching up on regulations reading.
“Wanna play me, Captain?” Bones asks in a lazy drawl.
Jim glances up and sees that Scotty’s gone. He frowns. “Where did Scotty go?”
Bones snorts. “He said that he’d see you tomorrow and you nodded at him. Guess you weren’t paying attention.”
“Oh.” Jim smiles wryly. “I guess not.”
“Everything okay?” Bones’ easy smile has become one of those concerned slight frowns that Jim actually hasn’t seen very often the past week. He hasn’t really missed them.
“Yeah, sure.” He shrugs a shoulder and smiles. “Why don’t we take those to my room? I’ll refill your glass.” While he has the authority to override any of the security cameras on-board, he prefers to save that for times when he really needs to use it, like if Bones ever agrees to sex on the turbolift or on the pool table in the rec room.
“Alright. It’s getting late anyway.” Bones stands up and stretches, which tightens the fabric of his shirt as it covers his chest. Jim’s definitely ordering him new uniforms, at least a size larger if Bones refuses two sizes.
“Hard to tell out here,” he says as he gets to his feet. He turns off his PADD and rubs the back of his neck. “I love it here, but not feeling the sun does take some getting used to. My skin’s going to become pale and unattractive eventually.”
Bones rolls his eyes as he collects the cards. “I doubt you’d be unattractive even then,” he mutters. “And it’s not like you’re the only one who isn’t usually that pale.”
Jim studies Bones’ tan skin and tries to imagine it losing its color, becoming pale and pallid. It’ll be weird, no doubt, but he’ll still look good. “You have dark hair, so pale suits you better. However, I’ll look washed out, especially in this gold. We’ll just have to make sure that we schedule stops on sunny planets occasionally. Then, I don’t have to worry about losing my sun-kissed good looks.”
“Somehow, I doubt that Starfleet will approve random stops so that you can get a suntan,” Bones says dryly. “Not even you can be that charming.”
“We’ll see.” Jim smirks and decides to find a suitable planet within their first couple of months of the mission, if only because Bones just basically dared him. “So, how many hands did you win?”
“Seven.” Bones smirks as he follows Jim out of the room. “And, no, it’s not because Scotty isn’t a good player or was drinking too much, either. I’m just that good.”
“I know you are.” Jim leers now that they’re in the corridor without any cameras around. He’s really proud of himself for remembering that sort of thing, since it isn’t anything that he’s particularly cared about in the past. The natural exhibitionist in him doesn’t really mind a potential audience, but the Enterprise isn’t really the place for indulging that, even if he likes pushing Bones outside his comfort zone sometimes.
“You have this absurd ability to make even the most casual of statements sound sexual and dirty,” Bones points out. “The worst part of it is that I honestly think it’s just natural and not even practiced.”
Jim considers it. “I’m thinking that’s a compliment wrapped up in grumpy, so I’m going to take a moment to preen.” He grins and bats his eyelashes in an exaggerated manner. “I’ve always told you that I had skills, Bones. You just never believed me.”
“Yeah, well, witnessing them in action is a lot different than having them completely focused on me,” Bones grumbles as they arrive at Jim’s quarters.
After putting in his code, Jim enters his room and puts his PADD on the table. “I’ll get us something to drink.”
“While you are, you can tell me what’s got you preoccupied tonight.” Bones sprawls on the sofa and watches him. Jim doesn’t even have to look back to know that Bones is staring. He wiggles his ass, just a little, as he pours them each a glass of bourbon.
“I’ve just been thinking about tomorrow. I know that all this is real, but there’s a part of me that’s sort of been expecting for it to suddenly get taken away. It’s just too good to be true, you know?” He turns around and makes his way to the sofa. “Now that the crew is actually arriving, though, I know that it’s happening. I’m just sort of awed, I guess.”
“I can understand that,” Bones says after a moment of thoughtful silence. “Until we actually leave on Tuesday, I’m going to keep worrying that some admiral or another will suddenly show up and force me to return to Capella IV. There’s just been a lot happening the past couple of months, and it’s hard to process all the changes despite knowing what they are.”
“Exactly.” Jim smiles as he settles next to Bones. It’s really good to have someone in his life who just gets it, even when ‘it’ is something that he can’t really explain properly or doesn’t necessarily understand. He takes a sip of the bourbon and looks at Bones, deciding that now is as good a time as any to discuss something he’s been putting off. “What happens with us tomorrow? When the crew is here and everything?”
Bones studies him, taking a drink of the bourbon and licking his lips. “Well, I guess that depends on you. We can keep doing what we’ve been doing, just be more careful about it, or, damn it, Jim. I don’t know. Is this your way of ending things?”
“What?” Jim frowns. “No, I’m not ending anything. I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do about it is all. It’s more complicated now, isn’t it? With this ship and the crew and our positions. Not like back home where it didn’t really matter at all.”
“Right.” Bones frowns and looks at his glass. “Don’t see any reason why we can’t just let things continue like they have been, see what happens and all that jumping together bullshit that you go on about when you’re being all positive and philosophical.”
Thank God. Jim lets out the breath that he didn’t even realize he’s been holding when Bones says he wants to keep at it. If he had wanted to end things, it’d have been fucking miserable, but Jim knows that he’d have respected it anyway. He’s just really glad that he doesn’t have to worry about it. “I don’t see any reason, either,” he says. “We can be careful. Well, you usually are, but I can be, when it’s something important like this. But, I mean, we’re best friends, so it’s not going to make anyone that suspicious if we’re spending a lot of time together.”
“What’ll make people suspicious is when you look at me like I’m naked and you can’t wait to devour me.” Bones glances at him. “Not that I don’t find that hot as fuck, but it’s becoming one of your natural looks instead of the ‘only out when we’re in private’ kind.”
“I have a look that gets you hot?” Jim smirks slightly. “Good. It’s only fair since your voice is enough to do it for me. Unfortunately, I can’t have a CMO who isn’t allowed to speak because it turns the captain on, so I’ll just deal with it.”
Bones laughs. “Yeah, don’t think I can do my job well if I can only use a PADD to communicate.” He takes another drink of his bourbon and presses his leg against Jim’s. “The next few weeks are going to be hectic, with getting the crew settled and figuring out how to work together.”
“They will be,” Jim agrees. “I figure it’ll take everyone some time to adjust, since most of us have never done this kind of thing before.” He plays with the hair at the nape of Bones’ neck. “We’ll do fine, though. Many of the crew are at the top of their fields, even if they’re young and relatively inexperienced.”
“Yeah.” Bones nods and shifts so that he can look at Jim. “Maybe we should curb this thing between us for the first few weeks? I’m going to have to train my team my way, and you’ve got an entire ship to get organized and working efficiently. We don’t want to risk making some stupid mistake because we’re too worn out to concentrate on the secrecy thing.”
Jim feels a knot in his belly as he listens to Bones. Does this mean he does want to end things? Didn’t they just agree to keep going how they were and see what happens? He takes a gulp of his drink and closes his eyes briefly when Bones’ wraps his fingers around his hand.
“I don’t mean that we should stop whatever this is,” Bones says quietly. “I also don’t mean that we shouldn’t spend time together and all that. I just don’t know if I want to be sneaking out of the captain’s quarters at all hours of the morning when I’m going to be dealing with a new crew and all that orientation shit at first.”
“You mean the sex?” Jim asks hesitantly. “I don’t understand why not having sex would make things easier at first.”
“Not that. I mean, okay, maybe that, but mostly because it distracts us both, and you know it. Normally, that isn’t an issue, and we should be able to handle doing our jobs as well as having an active and strenuous private life. I know what it’s like to deal with a new med team, though, and it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t imagine that captaining a ship isn’t going to be even worse.”
Jim frowns. “So you want us to stop having sex for the next few weeks so we can focus on our work? Not having sex with you is likely more of a distraction than anything else, Bones. Seeing you every day and wanting to taste you, to feel you, how can that help me concentrate on captain shit?”
Bones sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “Fine, it’ll be a distraction for me, too, because I’m used to this now, used to having you naked and plastered against me in bed. But I’ve been through this before, and I know that I’ll get so focused on my team and preparing my department that I’m not going to feel that sexual at all.”
“Oh.” Jim shifts slightly. “You mean that you won’t be able to get it up? No sex at all?”
“Damn it, Jim. I’m a doctor, not a nymphomaniac,” Bones mutters. “This is so fucking embarrassing. It’s not like it’ll be due to anything physically, even if it’s a physical issue. I just get focused and stressed and, yeah. Alright. In the past, it’s meant that I don’t want sex and can’t really react, even when stimulated. My mind’ll be on training and supplies and all sorts of shit that I can’t just turn off. Once everything’s settled, it’ll be back to normal. Well, probably not the first week or two because then I’ll be making up for lost time.”
“How many times has this, uh, happened?” he asks curiously. It’s obviously not something that Bones is comfortable discussing, but it’s not like he doesn’t know now anyway.
Bones shrugs. “Five or six. Jocelyn never really understood, generally assumed I just didn’t want her, and, well, I know that we fuck a lot, and I didn’t want you to think...” He trails off and cringes. “It’s just my body, not anything to do with how much I want you or how I feel about you.”
“Do you even masturbate or is it just that it doesn’t work at all?” Jim moves his fingers up into Bones’ hair, caressing his scalp as he asks questions that he probably shouldn’t ask but does anyway.
“Not usually. I mean, fuck. This is awkward. I don’t know how to explain it. Not like I’ve really talked about it before. It’s a self-diagnosis after repeat incidents with the same factor of stress and focus at work. I tried telling Jocelyn after I figured it out, and she thought I was making excuses.”
“Maybe I need to get some kind of shirt made up to wear that says ‘I’m not the Ex-Wife’,” Jim muses, trying not to sound annoyed but failing slightly. “I get it, okay? I’ve had training about psychological disorders that crew members might experience, things from post-traumatic stress to stress related illnesses. I get the whole stress causing temporary impotency bit, Bones. I’m just trying to understand how it is for you, and not just out of some generic textbook.”
“Oh.” Bones looks at him and kisses him suddenly. Jim parts his lips and deepens the kiss. When Bones pulls back, he rests his forehead against Jim’s. “I know that you’re not her. I just realized earlier today that it’s likely to happen again and, well, it could be a few weeks, Jim. You don’t like to go even a day without, so you can probably see why I was concerned.”
“If I were only with you for sex, it might be important. I’m not, though, and I’ve got a perfectly good right hand that can keep me somewhat satisfied until you’re past it all,” Jim tells him. “Besides, I’m going to be busy, too, so it’s not like we can’t handle a couple of weeks without sex. We were going to go a year without it, after all. I’ve got more self-discipline than you seem to realize.”
“You really mean it.” Bones shakes his head and smiles that crooked smile. “I didn’t want to have to tell you because it’s a little humiliating--okay, maybe a lot in some ways--but you’ve surprised me. In a good way.”
“I like surprising you,” Jim admits before he presses his lips against Bones’ mouth. “Of course, this means that we’d better not waste tonight.” He licks Bones’ bottom lip before he nibbles on it.
“Did you have anything in particular in mind, Captain?” Bones asks. He puts his glass down and the moves his hand behind Jim’s head.
“Jim,” he corrects softly as he touches Bones’ face. “Tonight, we’re just Jim and Bones, alright? No games, just us.”
Bones smiles, flashing his dimples, and nods. “Alright. No games.”
Jim kisses one of the dimples, unable to help himself. It’s Bones’ fault. Then, to be fair, he kisses the other one because he doesn’t want it to feel left out. Once that’s done, he realizes that Bones’ lips are probably envious, so he kisses them, too. Bones returns the kiss, slow and thorough with an underlying passion that just seems to exist between them no matter what they’re doing.
“Couch or bed?” Bones asks when they break apart from the kiss. His hand is beneath Jim’s shirt, his thumb brushing against his nipple, while he nibbles his way along his jaw.
“Bed,” Jim says, making a spontaneous decision that he doesn’t think he’s going to regret. He hopes. “I’m ready.”
“So am I,” Bones mutters. “Just kissing you can get me hard, you asshole.”
Jim laughs and shakes his head. “No, I mean, I’m ready. I want you to fuck me.”
Bones pulls back and licks his lips, staring until Jim wonders if he’s somehow shocked him into silence. “Seriously? Are you sure?”
“I want you to push that thick cock of yours inside me,” he murmurs before he stands up. “I’m not going to wait weeks longer to feel it, so we’re doing it now.”
“Jim, don’t do this just because we aren’t going to have sex for a couple of weeks.” Bones is grumbling, which isn’t exactly the reaction that Jim wants when he’s about to be fucked in the ass.
“I’m not. I told you the other day that I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t even know what my hang-up has been with it, since I’ve been fantasizing about it since before I even acknowledged that I wanted you. Now, we’re gonna do it,” he says simply. He opens the table by his bed and pulls out the jar of lube. “I’ll go wash up, and you can get naked.”
“The fact that you did have a hang-up about it isn’t something to just ignore or shrug away,” Bones tells him. “Not that I don’t want to fuck you, a lot, but only if you’re not going to regret it.”
“Stop freaking out, Bones. I’m not going to regret it.” Jim walks over and kisses him. “Honestly. This isn’t one of my reckless things, okay? Unplanned, yeah, but it’s sex, so that shouldn’t be predictable anyway.”
Before Bones can mutter again, Jim goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. He takes the time to wash himself thoroughly, which is too clinical to really be that arousing. Bones can be particular about hygiene, though, in a way that Jim still can’t really calculate, so he doesn’t want to take any chances now that he’s eager to do this. When he finishes, he takes off his shirt and just leaves his clothes on the floor before he leaves the bathroom.
Bones isn’t naked yet, though he has taken off his shirt. Jim walks over to the bed and arches a brow. “You’re still wearing your pants.”
“And you’re not wearing anything,” Bones murmurs. He stares in a way that makes Jim’s cock twitch. “If we’re doing this, I want to watch your face the first time.”
“We’re doing it,” he says firmly. He kneels on the bed and crawls up it, wiggling his ass as he winks at Bones. “Get me ready for you.”
“I’m going to try to be gentle, Jim, but I can’t promise anything,” Bones says quietly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m a man, Bones. I can handle a little pain. Not like I don’t have an unusually high threshold for it anyway.” He smiles. “I trust you.”
Bones unfastens his pants, shoving them down and kicking them off before he crawls up behind Jim. He leans down and uses his tongue at first, licking slowly and thoroughly as Jim pulls the blanket into his hands. This isn’t something that Bones does often, putting his mouth on Jim’s ass, so he enjoys it a lot. He focuses on relaxing when Bones presses one finger inside him. There isn’t much teasing, just an intense focus on preparing him that’s oddly arousing.
He inhales when he feels the second finger push inside him. Slowly, he rocks back towards Bones, forcing himself to focus on the pleasure instead of the still unfamiliar feeling of something breaching him this way. When a third finger is pushed inside him, he bites his lip and rests his head on the pillow. Damn it, that burns a little, and he can feel himself stretching more than he ever has before. Bones is whispering to him, filthy words in that fucking sexy drawl, distracting him from the twinge in his ass as he adjusts to the three fingers.
Even without the teasing, it seems to take forever before Bones is pulling his fingers out. “Okay, Jim?” he asks huskily.
“Yeah. Ready for you now,” he says, licking his bottom lip and tasting blood from where he bit too hard earlier. He shifts onto his back, looking up at Bones as he raises his legs and holds them up. “Do it hard and fast, none of that slow bullshit. I’d rather it hurt all at once, if it’s going to.”
“Demanding little bastard, aren’t you?” Bones coats his fingers with more lube and strokes his cock as he stares at Jim. “Finally gonna fuck that pretty ass of yours. Been wanting to do this for years.”
“Then do it,” he challenges, smirking slightly when Bones growls at him. “See how hard I am? Aching just from the thought of you finally inside me.”
Bones growls again as he moves over Jim. “I’m going to fuck you so hard that you feel me for days.” He presses the head of his cock against Jim’s asshole and pushes. Jim cringes when he feels it trying to get inside of him and does his best to relax as much as possible. It doesn’t feel like he expects when the head finally breaches him. It’s stretching him even more than the fingers, and it burns a little despite the lube. He gasps when Bones suddenly slams forward, sending his entire length into Jim.
“Oh, fuck,” he cries out, digging his fingernails into his legs as he listens to Bones’ heavy breathing and his own panting. He grits his teeth and clenches around Bones.
“You’re so tight, damn it,” Bones says hoarsely, barely getting the words out. He slowly pulls back before he slams forward again. Deep and fast, like Jim demanded, but, damn, it still isn’t feeling that pleasurable. It isn’t painful, not compared to the majority of injuries that Jim’s dealt with in the past, but he isn’t particularly enjoying it yet, either.
Bones is, though. There’s a look of pleasure on his face that Jim finds captivating. He watches Bones’ face as he pulls out and thrusts again, the angle changed slightly so that his prostate is rubbed. And that sends trembles throughout him that are definitely the good kind. Fuck. He can feel his body begin to adjust, relaxing into the thrusts as Bones begins to move more. His cock rubs against Bones’ belly as he leans forward, rolling his hips and entering Jim even deeper.
“So good,” Bones growls deeply. He shifts his weight to rest on one arm as he moves the other one, reaching between them to stroke Jim’s cock. “Like it, don’t you? Like having that pretty ass fucked by me.”
“Yes,” Jim hisses as he arches his body up towards Bones’ hand. Oh, God. This feels amazing. Bones is fucking him hard, possessing him with each thrust, and Jim doesn’t know why he put this off so long because it feels so damn good. He’s going to be sore when it’s over, no doubt, but it’ll be worth it. He’s well into the pleasure part of it all, the uncomfortable part forgotten as he watches Bones’ face above him.
Bones lets go of his cock and grips his hip tight enough to bruise. He’s beautiful like this, bare skin and muscles flexing as he fucks. There’s a restrained power to him, Jim notices, and he thinks that he’s maybe holding back a little. His cock throbs at the thought because, damn, this is hard and rough and so fucking good with a restrained Bones that he can’t help wondering if he’d even be able to sit properly if Bones totally lost control. That probably shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does.
“Fuck me, Bones. Let it go. I want you. All of you,” he murmurs, playing with fire but not caring. He clenches around Bones deliberately, squeezing him as best he can when he thrusts forward. Bones groans low in his throat and stares down at him intensely. Jim stares back, challenging him.
“Don’t wanna hurt you,” Bones grunts in between deep thrusts. Jim legs go of his legs and moves them around Bones, joining his ankles behind his back.
“You’re not gonna hurt me.” Jim rolls his hips up, pushing into the thrust as Bones begins to move faster, hips jerking with each shove forward into Jim. It does begin to hurt as Bones gets rougher, gripping his body and thrusting in so damn deep, but it feels too good to be painful.
“Fuck you. So tight. Fucking your ass. Pretty boy. Mine. Love my cock, don't you? Mine. Mine,” Bones mutters above him, erratic now as he thrusts forward hard and deep.
“Yours,” Jim echoes breathlessly as he moves his hand to his own cock and begins to jerk on it. Bones stares at him in that intense way when he says that, then he stiffens and shudders, grunting lowly as he comes. Jim can feel the warm splash of semen in his ass, and he squeezes around Bones’ cock, milking him as he keeps moving in and out. When Bones pulls out, Jim’s aware of the soreness and a slight stinging sensation, but it isn’t anything that concerns him.
Bones crawls up beside him and moves his hand to join Jim’s on his cock. “Come for me,” he demands in a gruff growl. He bites Jim’s shoulder hard, licking at the skin as they stroke his cock. “Mine. Yours. Mine,” he murmurs huskily against Jim’s sweaty skin in between bites and nibbles, repeating the words over and over.
Jim comes with a groan, spilling onto their hands and his belly as he gasps for breath. Bones nuzzles his neck and curls into his body, holding him as he rides out his orgasm. When he comes down from the high, he turns his head and kisses Bones, pulling him closer as he wraps himself around him. Cleaning up can wait. Right now, he just wants to snuggle, damn it.
End
#37: Diagnosis | #39: Discourse
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: The crew is arriving tomorrow
Rating: Adult/NC17
Word Count: 4805
A/N: #38 in the Two Men & a Motorbike series. Follows Diagnosis. Thank you & ♥ to everyone who reads/comments!
The crew is arriving tomorrow. It’s hard to believe that it’s already time for their leave to end and for the mission to begin. Jim is excited but also just a little anxious. In two days, they’re going to start exploring and getting assignments, which means that all of this will become reality. It already is real, in an abstract sort of way that requires a lot of paperwork and reading, but, once the Enterprise embarks on the mission, he’s going to be captaining a crew of hundreds of people and all the rest of it that he knows is happening yet still can’t quite believe. He’s going to be a damn good captain, of course, and he’s looking forward to proving that to everyone. Having confidence doesn’t mean that he can’t be slightly nervous, too, though.
The crew has been handpicked by him, so there’s no one else to blame if someone doesn’t work out. He’s also completely responsible for any who don’t survive the five year mission. While he doesn’t believe in no-win scenarios and generally has a positive outlook on things, he’s been trained well. He knows that people will die, that he’ll continue having to kill at times, that he won’t be able to save everyone. It’s different to be aware of those things and think he’s going to be able to accept when they happen versus actually being out here experiencing it all and eventually finding out if he’s able to deal with them.
The sound of Scotty’s laughter pulls Jim out of the serious thoughts that have been plaguing him most of the day. Bones and Scotty are playing cards while he’s supposed to be reviewing arrival schedules for tomorrow. Instead, he’s zoning out, again, and missing all the fun. Bones is smirking, which means that he must be winning. Jim can’t help but stare, smiling slightly as he watches them play another round. Scotty has drunk half a bottle of that horrible concoction that he claims is whiskey but Jim believes must be fuel of some kind, but Bones is nursing his second glass of bourbon. That’s probably one reason why he’s still winning, though Jim knows from experience that Bones is also really good at cards.
When Bones catches him staring, he winks before glancing at Scotty quickly. Jim can see the relief at seeing that Scotty’s still studying his cards, and it’s a reminder that they need to talk about that tonight. They’ve only had a skeleton crew this week, but neither of them have done anything to indicate the true nature of their relationship. Bones hasn’t even spent a complete night in his room, always sneaking out before dawn when an excuse of getting drunk and passing out is acceptable. Jim misses waking up next to him, but it just isn’t possible without raising too many questions that they don’t want asked.
He looks back at his schedules and rubs his neck. There are going to be a half dozen shuttles arriving throughout the morning and a dozen arriving during the afternoon and early evening hours. There isn’t really anything official for him to do, but he’s decided that he’s going to be around to greet each one. It’ll be a good way to meet his crew and show them that he’s not going to be one of those captains who can’t remember names or doesn’t really care about anything except the title. He’s preparing for a long day with lots of smiling and handshakes and use of his memory, which is a slight change from the past few days when he’s mostly been finding things to do or catching up on regulations reading.
“Wanna play me, Captain?” Bones asks in a lazy drawl.
Jim glances up and sees that Scotty’s gone. He frowns. “Where did Scotty go?”
Bones snorts. “He said that he’d see you tomorrow and you nodded at him. Guess you weren’t paying attention.”
“Oh.” Jim smiles wryly. “I guess not.”
“Everything okay?” Bones’ easy smile has become one of those concerned slight frowns that Jim actually hasn’t seen very often the past week. He hasn’t really missed them.
“Yeah, sure.” He shrugs a shoulder and smiles. “Why don’t we take those to my room? I’ll refill your glass.” While he has the authority to override any of the security cameras on-board, he prefers to save that for times when he really needs to use it, like if Bones ever agrees to sex on the turbolift or on the pool table in the rec room.
“Alright. It’s getting late anyway.” Bones stands up and stretches, which tightens the fabric of his shirt as it covers his chest. Jim’s definitely ordering him new uniforms, at least a size larger if Bones refuses two sizes.
“Hard to tell out here,” he says as he gets to his feet. He turns off his PADD and rubs the back of his neck. “I love it here, but not feeling the sun does take some getting used to. My skin’s going to become pale and unattractive eventually.”
Bones rolls his eyes as he collects the cards. “I doubt you’d be unattractive even then,” he mutters. “And it’s not like you’re the only one who isn’t usually that pale.”
Jim studies Bones’ tan skin and tries to imagine it losing its color, becoming pale and pallid. It’ll be weird, no doubt, but he’ll still look good. “You have dark hair, so pale suits you better. However, I’ll look washed out, especially in this gold. We’ll just have to make sure that we schedule stops on sunny planets occasionally. Then, I don’t have to worry about losing my sun-kissed good looks.”
“Somehow, I doubt that Starfleet will approve random stops so that you can get a suntan,” Bones says dryly. “Not even you can be that charming.”
“We’ll see.” Jim smirks and decides to find a suitable planet within their first couple of months of the mission, if only because Bones just basically dared him. “So, how many hands did you win?”
“Seven.” Bones smirks as he follows Jim out of the room. “And, no, it’s not because Scotty isn’t a good player or was drinking too much, either. I’m just that good.”
“I know you are.” Jim leers now that they’re in the corridor without any cameras around. He’s really proud of himself for remembering that sort of thing, since it isn’t anything that he’s particularly cared about in the past. The natural exhibitionist in him doesn’t really mind a potential audience, but the Enterprise isn’t really the place for indulging that, even if he likes pushing Bones outside his comfort zone sometimes.
“You have this absurd ability to make even the most casual of statements sound sexual and dirty,” Bones points out. “The worst part of it is that I honestly think it’s just natural and not even practiced.”
Jim considers it. “I’m thinking that’s a compliment wrapped up in grumpy, so I’m going to take a moment to preen.” He grins and bats his eyelashes in an exaggerated manner. “I’ve always told you that I had skills, Bones. You just never believed me.”
“Yeah, well, witnessing them in action is a lot different than having them completely focused on me,” Bones grumbles as they arrive at Jim’s quarters.
After putting in his code, Jim enters his room and puts his PADD on the table. “I’ll get us something to drink.”
“While you are, you can tell me what’s got you preoccupied tonight.” Bones sprawls on the sofa and watches him. Jim doesn’t even have to look back to know that Bones is staring. He wiggles his ass, just a little, as he pours them each a glass of bourbon.
“I’ve just been thinking about tomorrow. I know that all this is real, but there’s a part of me that’s sort of been expecting for it to suddenly get taken away. It’s just too good to be true, you know?” He turns around and makes his way to the sofa. “Now that the crew is actually arriving, though, I know that it’s happening. I’m just sort of awed, I guess.”
“I can understand that,” Bones says after a moment of thoughtful silence. “Until we actually leave on Tuesday, I’m going to keep worrying that some admiral or another will suddenly show up and force me to return to Capella IV. There’s just been a lot happening the past couple of months, and it’s hard to process all the changes despite knowing what they are.”
“Exactly.” Jim smiles as he settles next to Bones. It’s really good to have someone in his life who just gets it, even when ‘it’ is something that he can’t really explain properly or doesn’t necessarily understand. He takes a sip of the bourbon and looks at Bones, deciding that now is as good a time as any to discuss something he’s been putting off. “What happens with us tomorrow? When the crew is here and everything?”
Bones studies him, taking a drink of the bourbon and licking his lips. “Well, I guess that depends on you. We can keep doing what we’ve been doing, just be more careful about it, or, damn it, Jim. I don’t know. Is this your way of ending things?”
“What?” Jim frowns. “No, I’m not ending anything. I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do about it is all. It’s more complicated now, isn’t it? With this ship and the crew and our positions. Not like back home where it didn’t really matter at all.”
“Right.” Bones frowns and looks at his glass. “Don’t see any reason why we can’t just let things continue like they have been, see what happens and all that jumping together bullshit that you go on about when you’re being all positive and philosophical.”
Thank God. Jim lets out the breath that he didn’t even realize he’s been holding when Bones says he wants to keep at it. If he had wanted to end things, it’d have been fucking miserable, but Jim knows that he’d have respected it anyway. He’s just really glad that he doesn’t have to worry about it. “I don’t see any reason, either,” he says. “We can be careful. Well, you usually are, but I can be, when it’s something important like this. But, I mean, we’re best friends, so it’s not going to make anyone that suspicious if we’re spending a lot of time together.”
“What’ll make people suspicious is when you look at me like I’m naked and you can’t wait to devour me.” Bones glances at him. “Not that I don’t find that hot as fuck, but it’s becoming one of your natural looks instead of the ‘only out when we’re in private’ kind.”
“I have a look that gets you hot?” Jim smirks slightly. “Good. It’s only fair since your voice is enough to do it for me. Unfortunately, I can’t have a CMO who isn’t allowed to speak because it turns the captain on, so I’ll just deal with it.”
Bones laughs. “Yeah, don’t think I can do my job well if I can only use a PADD to communicate.” He takes another drink of his bourbon and presses his leg against Jim’s. “The next few weeks are going to be hectic, with getting the crew settled and figuring out how to work together.”
“They will be,” Jim agrees. “I figure it’ll take everyone some time to adjust, since most of us have never done this kind of thing before.” He plays with the hair at the nape of Bones’ neck. “We’ll do fine, though. Many of the crew are at the top of their fields, even if they’re young and relatively inexperienced.”
“Yeah.” Bones nods and shifts so that he can look at Jim. “Maybe we should curb this thing between us for the first few weeks? I’m going to have to train my team my way, and you’ve got an entire ship to get organized and working efficiently. We don’t want to risk making some stupid mistake because we’re too worn out to concentrate on the secrecy thing.”
Jim feels a knot in his belly as he listens to Bones. Does this mean he does want to end things? Didn’t they just agree to keep going how they were and see what happens? He takes a gulp of his drink and closes his eyes briefly when Bones’ wraps his fingers around his hand.
“I don’t mean that we should stop whatever this is,” Bones says quietly. “I also don’t mean that we shouldn’t spend time together and all that. I just don’t know if I want to be sneaking out of the captain’s quarters at all hours of the morning when I’m going to be dealing with a new crew and all that orientation shit at first.”
“You mean the sex?” Jim asks hesitantly. “I don’t understand why not having sex would make things easier at first.”
“Not that. I mean, okay, maybe that, but mostly because it distracts us both, and you know it. Normally, that isn’t an issue, and we should be able to handle doing our jobs as well as having an active and strenuous private life. I know what it’s like to deal with a new med team, though, and it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t imagine that captaining a ship isn’t going to be even worse.”
Jim frowns. “So you want us to stop having sex for the next few weeks so we can focus on our work? Not having sex with you is likely more of a distraction than anything else, Bones. Seeing you every day and wanting to taste you, to feel you, how can that help me concentrate on captain shit?”
Bones sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “Fine, it’ll be a distraction for me, too, because I’m used to this now, used to having you naked and plastered against me in bed. But I’ve been through this before, and I know that I’ll get so focused on my team and preparing my department that I’m not going to feel that sexual at all.”
“Oh.” Jim shifts slightly. “You mean that you won’t be able to get it up? No sex at all?”
“Damn it, Jim. I’m a doctor, not a nymphomaniac,” Bones mutters. “This is so fucking embarrassing. It’s not like it’ll be due to anything physically, even if it’s a physical issue. I just get focused and stressed and, yeah. Alright. In the past, it’s meant that I don’t want sex and can’t really react, even when stimulated. My mind’ll be on training and supplies and all sorts of shit that I can’t just turn off. Once everything’s settled, it’ll be back to normal. Well, probably not the first week or two because then I’ll be making up for lost time.”
“How many times has this, uh, happened?” he asks curiously. It’s obviously not something that Bones is comfortable discussing, but it’s not like he doesn’t know now anyway.
Bones shrugs. “Five or six. Jocelyn never really understood, generally assumed I just didn’t want her, and, well, I know that we fuck a lot, and I didn’t want you to think...” He trails off and cringes. “It’s just my body, not anything to do with how much I want you or how I feel about you.”
“Do you even masturbate or is it just that it doesn’t work at all?” Jim moves his fingers up into Bones’ hair, caressing his scalp as he asks questions that he probably shouldn’t ask but does anyway.
“Not usually. I mean, fuck. This is awkward. I don’t know how to explain it. Not like I’ve really talked about it before. It’s a self-diagnosis after repeat incidents with the same factor of stress and focus at work. I tried telling Jocelyn after I figured it out, and she thought I was making excuses.”
“Maybe I need to get some kind of shirt made up to wear that says ‘I’m not the Ex-Wife’,” Jim muses, trying not to sound annoyed but failing slightly. “I get it, okay? I’ve had training about psychological disorders that crew members might experience, things from post-traumatic stress to stress related illnesses. I get the whole stress causing temporary impotency bit, Bones. I’m just trying to understand how it is for you, and not just out of some generic textbook.”
“Oh.” Bones looks at him and kisses him suddenly. Jim parts his lips and deepens the kiss. When Bones pulls back, he rests his forehead against Jim’s. “I know that you’re not her. I just realized earlier today that it’s likely to happen again and, well, it could be a few weeks, Jim. You don’t like to go even a day without, so you can probably see why I was concerned.”
“If I were only with you for sex, it might be important. I’m not, though, and I’ve got a perfectly good right hand that can keep me somewhat satisfied until you’re past it all,” Jim tells him. “Besides, I’m going to be busy, too, so it’s not like we can’t handle a couple of weeks without sex. We were going to go a year without it, after all. I’ve got more self-discipline than you seem to realize.”
“You really mean it.” Bones shakes his head and smiles that crooked smile. “I didn’t want to have to tell you because it’s a little humiliating--okay, maybe a lot in some ways--but you’ve surprised me. In a good way.”
“I like surprising you,” Jim admits before he presses his lips against Bones’ mouth. “Of course, this means that we’d better not waste tonight.” He licks Bones’ bottom lip before he nibbles on it.
“Did you have anything in particular in mind, Captain?” Bones asks. He puts his glass down and the moves his hand behind Jim’s head.
“Jim,” he corrects softly as he touches Bones’ face. “Tonight, we’re just Jim and Bones, alright? No games, just us.”
Bones smiles, flashing his dimples, and nods. “Alright. No games.”
Jim kisses one of the dimples, unable to help himself. It’s Bones’ fault. Then, to be fair, he kisses the other one because he doesn’t want it to feel left out. Once that’s done, he realizes that Bones’ lips are probably envious, so he kisses them, too. Bones returns the kiss, slow and thorough with an underlying passion that just seems to exist between them no matter what they’re doing.
“Couch or bed?” Bones asks when they break apart from the kiss. His hand is beneath Jim’s shirt, his thumb brushing against his nipple, while he nibbles his way along his jaw.
“Bed,” Jim says, making a spontaneous decision that he doesn’t think he’s going to regret. He hopes. “I’m ready.”
“So am I,” Bones mutters. “Just kissing you can get me hard, you asshole.”
Jim laughs and shakes his head. “No, I mean, I’m ready. I want you to fuck me.”
Bones pulls back and licks his lips, staring until Jim wonders if he’s somehow shocked him into silence. “Seriously? Are you sure?”
“I want you to push that thick cock of yours inside me,” he murmurs before he stands up. “I’m not going to wait weeks longer to feel it, so we’re doing it now.”
“Jim, don’t do this just because we aren’t going to have sex for a couple of weeks.” Bones is grumbling, which isn’t exactly the reaction that Jim wants when he’s about to be fucked in the ass.
“I’m not. I told you the other day that I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t even know what my hang-up has been with it, since I’ve been fantasizing about it since before I even acknowledged that I wanted you. Now, we’re gonna do it,” he says simply. He opens the table by his bed and pulls out the jar of lube. “I’ll go wash up, and you can get naked.”
“The fact that you did have a hang-up about it isn’t something to just ignore or shrug away,” Bones tells him. “Not that I don’t want to fuck you, a lot, but only if you’re not going to regret it.”
“Stop freaking out, Bones. I’m not going to regret it.” Jim walks over and kisses him. “Honestly. This isn’t one of my reckless things, okay? Unplanned, yeah, but it’s sex, so that shouldn’t be predictable anyway.”
Before Bones can mutter again, Jim goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. He takes the time to wash himself thoroughly, which is too clinical to really be that arousing. Bones can be particular about hygiene, though, in a way that Jim still can’t really calculate, so he doesn’t want to take any chances now that he’s eager to do this. When he finishes, he takes off his shirt and just leaves his clothes on the floor before he leaves the bathroom.
Bones isn’t naked yet, though he has taken off his shirt. Jim walks over to the bed and arches a brow. “You’re still wearing your pants.”
“And you’re not wearing anything,” Bones murmurs. He stares in a way that makes Jim’s cock twitch. “If we’re doing this, I want to watch your face the first time.”
“We’re doing it,” he says firmly. He kneels on the bed and crawls up it, wiggling his ass as he winks at Bones. “Get me ready for you.”
“I’m going to try to be gentle, Jim, but I can’t promise anything,” Bones says quietly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m a man, Bones. I can handle a little pain. Not like I don’t have an unusually high threshold for it anyway.” He smiles. “I trust you.”
Bones unfastens his pants, shoving them down and kicking them off before he crawls up behind Jim. He leans down and uses his tongue at first, licking slowly and thoroughly as Jim pulls the blanket into his hands. This isn’t something that Bones does often, putting his mouth on Jim’s ass, so he enjoys it a lot. He focuses on relaxing when Bones presses one finger inside him. There isn’t much teasing, just an intense focus on preparing him that’s oddly arousing.
He inhales when he feels the second finger push inside him. Slowly, he rocks back towards Bones, forcing himself to focus on the pleasure instead of the still unfamiliar feeling of something breaching him this way. When a third finger is pushed inside him, he bites his lip and rests his head on the pillow. Damn it, that burns a little, and he can feel himself stretching more than he ever has before. Bones is whispering to him, filthy words in that fucking sexy drawl, distracting him from the twinge in his ass as he adjusts to the three fingers.
Even without the teasing, it seems to take forever before Bones is pulling his fingers out. “Okay, Jim?” he asks huskily.
“Yeah. Ready for you now,” he says, licking his bottom lip and tasting blood from where he bit too hard earlier. He shifts onto his back, looking up at Bones as he raises his legs and holds them up. “Do it hard and fast, none of that slow bullshit. I’d rather it hurt all at once, if it’s going to.”
“Demanding little bastard, aren’t you?” Bones coats his fingers with more lube and strokes his cock as he stares at Jim. “Finally gonna fuck that pretty ass of yours. Been wanting to do this for years.”
“Then do it,” he challenges, smirking slightly when Bones growls at him. “See how hard I am? Aching just from the thought of you finally inside me.”
Bones growls again as he moves over Jim. “I’m going to fuck you so hard that you feel me for days.” He presses the head of his cock against Jim’s asshole and pushes. Jim cringes when he feels it trying to get inside of him and does his best to relax as much as possible. It doesn’t feel like he expects when the head finally breaches him. It’s stretching him even more than the fingers, and it burns a little despite the lube. He gasps when Bones suddenly slams forward, sending his entire length into Jim.
“Oh, fuck,” he cries out, digging his fingernails into his legs as he listens to Bones’ heavy breathing and his own panting. He grits his teeth and clenches around Bones.
“You’re so tight, damn it,” Bones says hoarsely, barely getting the words out. He slowly pulls back before he slams forward again. Deep and fast, like Jim demanded, but, damn, it still isn’t feeling that pleasurable. It isn’t painful, not compared to the majority of injuries that Jim’s dealt with in the past, but he isn’t particularly enjoying it yet, either.
Bones is, though. There’s a look of pleasure on his face that Jim finds captivating. He watches Bones’ face as he pulls out and thrusts again, the angle changed slightly so that his prostate is rubbed. And that sends trembles throughout him that are definitely the good kind. Fuck. He can feel his body begin to adjust, relaxing into the thrusts as Bones begins to move more. His cock rubs against Bones’ belly as he leans forward, rolling his hips and entering Jim even deeper.
“So good,” Bones growls deeply. He shifts his weight to rest on one arm as he moves the other one, reaching between them to stroke Jim’s cock. “Like it, don’t you? Like having that pretty ass fucked by me.”
“Yes,” Jim hisses as he arches his body up towards Bones’ hand. Oh, God. This feels amazing. Bones is fucking him hard, possessing him with each thrust, and Jim doesn’t know why he put this off so long because it feels so damn good. He’s going to be sore when it’s over, no doubt, but it’ll be worth it. He’s well into the pleasure part of it all, the uncomfortable part forgotten as he watches Bones’ face above him.
Bones lets go of his cock and grips his hip tight enough to bruise. He’s beautiful like this, bare skin and muscles flexing as he fucks. There’s a restrained power to him, Jim notices, and he thinks that he’s maybe holding back a little. His cock throbs at the thought because, damn, this is hard and rough and so fucking good with a restrained Bones that he can’t help wondering if he’d even be able to sit properly if Bones totally lost control. That probably shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does.
“Fuck me, Bones. Let it go. I want you. All of you,” he murmurs, playing with fire but not caring. He clenches around Bones deliberately, squeezing him as best he can when he thrusts forward. Bones groans low in his throat and stares down at him intensely. Jim stares back, challenging him.
“Don’t wanna hurt you,” Bones grunts in between deep thrusts. Jim legs go of his legs and moves them around Bones, joining his ankles behind his back.
“You’re not gonna hurt me.” Jim rolls his hips up, pushing into the thrust as Bones begins to move faster, hips jerking with each shove forward into Jim. It does begin to hurt as Bones gets rougher, gripping his body and thrusting in so damn deep, but it feels too good to be painful.
“Fuck you. So tight. Fucking your ass. Pretty boy. Mine. Love my cock, don't you? Mine. Mine,” Bones mutters above him, erratic now as he thrusts forward hard and deep.
“Yours,” Jim echoes breathlessly as he moves his hand to his own cock and begins to jerk on it. Bones stares at him in that intense way when he says that, then he stiffens and shudders, grunting lowly as he comes. Jim can feel the warm splash of semen in his ass, and he squeezes around Bones’ cock, milking him as he keeps moving in and out. When Bones pulls out, Jim’s aware of the soreness and a slight stinging sensation, but it isn’t anything that concerns him.
Bones crawls up beside him and moves his hand to join Jim’s on his cock. “Come for me,” he demands in a gruff growl. He bites Jim’s shoulder hard, licking at the skin as they stroke his cock. “Mine. Yours. Mine,” he murmurs huskily against Jim’s sweaty skin in between bites and nibbles, repeating the words over and over.
Jim comes with a groan, spilling onto their hands and his belly as he gasps for breath. Bones nuzzles his neck and curls into his body, holding him as he rides out his orgasm. When he comes down from the high, he turns his head and kisses Bones, pulling him closer as he wraps himself around him. Cleaning up can wait. Right now, he just wants to snuggle, damn it.
End
#37: Diagnosis | #39: Discourse