Fic: Clutch (Kirk/McCoy)
Title: Clutch
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: Jim finds Bones after the graduation ceremony
Rating: Teen/PG13
Word Count: 2905
A/N: #29 in the Two Men & a Motorbike series. Follows Commissioned
Bones is surrounded by people and has his ‘get me out of here, damn it’ look on his face when Jim finally finds him. It’s impossible not to stop and stare at Bones in his dress uniform. Even if Jim wasn’t best friends, and more, with him, he could appreciate how good-looking Bones is. The breeze has ruffled his hair a little, so it looks like someone has been dragging their fingers through it, and his full lips are curved into a slight frown as he rolls his eyes at whatever Scotty is saying.
Jim forces himself to look away as he scans the area. Chekov is blushing bright red as Gaila talks animatedly to him. Sulu seems to be bickering with Uhura while Spock stands behind her like he’s some kind of stoic statue. He should probably go over and make nice with Spock, since old Spock insists they’re a great team, but he doubts either of them want to deal with each other today. When he notices Rand and Chapel whispering and sneaking looks at Bones and Scotty, he decides it’s time to go protect an unsuspecting Bones from the predatory women.
“Captain,” Bones drawls when he reaches them, flashing a lazy smile that makes Jim momentarily forget what he’s planning.
“Hullo, Captain. I was just telling McCoy about the time I froze my tongue to the door on Delta Vega,” Scotty says happily. Oh, right. Now Jim remembers.
“I’m sure that’s fascinating,” he lies smoothly. “However, I wanted to tell you that there are two attractive women just over there that I caught checking you out.” He nods in the direction of Rand and Chapel. It’s not a lie, since he has no idea if they were ogling Scotty or Bones, plus it gets rid of Scotty and should distract them enough so they keep their hungry eyes off Bones.
“Really?” Scotty grins and looks at the women. “Well, who am I to deny them? Talk with you later, lads.”
“You know, Christine is a very capable nurse. She doesn’t deserve to be punished,” Bones points out after Scotty leaves.
“Christine, is it?” Jim frowns at Bones. “Scotty’s an interesting character, so it’s not punishment at all.”
“Jealousy becomes you. Your cheeks get a little flushed and you get this glint in your eyes that’s extremely arousing,” Bones informs him, deliberately drawling. The bastard.
“I don’t get jealous,” he mutters before he smiles. “You can find me arousing anytime, though. Is it enough to convince you to sneak behind the wall and steal a kiss or five?”
“No sneaking today, Jim. This place is too crowded, and I don’t want to take the risk,” Bones says firmly. “Did you enjoy your networking?”
“It’s not like they can expel us now,” he points out. For once, he doesn’t really want the risk either, though, so he doesn’t push. “I think that the wives of admirals share something in common with those little old ladies at the hospital you were talking about.” Jim makes a face. “I’ll probably bruise, which might require my doctor to examine the area closely.”
“Somehow, I think you’ll survive.” Bones rolls his eyes but his lips curve into a smile, so Jim feels accomplished.
“The ceremony seemed to go well.” He looks out at the various groups of students. “I got tired of shaking hands, but everyone seems happy to be finished with school.”
“Yeah, it did. It was well-organized and all,” Bones says. “You looked really good up there. Captain becomes you.”
“Of course I did. I always look good.” He smirks as he looks back at Bones. The smirk fades and he asks, “It’s weird, isn’t it? There are so many people not here with us today. It’s one of those things that I know, in my head, but then I just don’t think about how many were lost until something like this, when their absence is more noticeable.”
“It is difficult,” Bones agrees quietly. “It makes me wonder how many more will be lost in another five years or ten. It’s not like most of us are going into safe work environments, after all.”
Jim frowns and nudges Bones’ arm with his elbow. “I’d rather not think about that, even if it’s realistic,” he admits. “Why don’t we get out of here? We can go get something to eat, if you want. I’m starving.”
“You’re always starving.” Bones studies him and nods. “But, yeah, I’m ready to go. We can get something out, if you want, or we can just go back home and have something there.”
“I’d rather go home. I’m getting tired of this whole being happy and celebrating challenge,” he confesses. They start to walk and he glances at Bones. In a way, he doesn’t want to ask because hearing an answer is going to make it all even more real than it already is. He has to know, though. “Where are you being sent, Bones?”
Bones tenses for a moment before his shoulders slump. “Capella IV, of all fucking places.” He grimaces. “It’s some bullshit diplomatic effort, and some asshole has decided that I should be the representative for the Federation’s efforts in running a hospital. Doctor Murphy told me after the ceremony that my youth and intelligence made me the perfect candidate, since I guess the existing team hasn’t been able to make any real progress there the past few months.” He hesitates before he whispers, “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Damn it. That’s too soon,” he says, feeling sick to his stomach. “And, fuck, you’re going to be stationed dirt-side?” Jim recognizes the name of the planet, recalls that it’s known for the mining of topaline, but that’s it. “They played seniority games to send you off to be some kind of medical ambassador? That’s ridiculous.”
“Yeah, well, it’s probably my punishment for pulling rank and pressuring for something that would let me join the Enterprise eventually.” Bones shakes his head. “I figure the seniority thing was whatever captain was trying to get me for a five year contract, and I got this assignment because of my refusal.”
“I guess that makes sense.” Jim can’t understand why Starfleet would waste the best medical graduate they’ve had in years on some diplomatic bullshit. He’s starting to feel angry again because this is so fucking pointless. Bones belongs on the Enterprise, with him, not off on some dusty old planet being used as a political pawn. He runs his fingers through his hair and tries to figure out why this assignment would be more important than the damn Enterprise. “So, you’ll be opening a hospital or something?”
“It’s already built, from what I can tell. I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing. Murphy said that I’d have time to research, so I’m holding on to that as a positive.” Bones snorts. “It’s only for a year, right?”
“Don’t they have documentation somewhere that you’re a doctor, not a diplomat?” he asks. “I mean, you’re great with your patients and one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met, even if you like to hide it beneath a gruff snarling exterior, but you’re not the type to charm Capellens or any of that bullshit.”
“I don’t know. If they don’t, they’ll find out,” Bones says. “I agreed to go wherever they sent me, but I sure as fuck don’t plan to be their mouthpiece. I’ll work at the hospital and do research and get through it as well as I can, but it’s not what I want.” He looks at Jim and smiles slightly. “Can you believe that I actually want to be stationed on a ship?”
Jim thinks back to the shuttle out of Iowa, which now seems like a lifetime ago, and has to grin. “You were a mess when we first met. You’ve gotten better with it, though. I guess you’re too stubborn to let something like a phobia get in your way.”
“At least I didn’t throw up on you.” Bones looks at him in a way that makes it difficult to breathe. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe that we only met three years ago, especially when I can’t even imagine my life without you.”
“You don’t have to,” Jim tells him. “Capella IV isn’t the end of the world. I can try to visit whenever I have leave, and you can visit me. We’ll make it work, Bones. We have to because I’m not going to lose you, damn it.”
“When you say it with such conviction, it’s so easy to believe you,” he says. Before can Jim point out that he should believe it, Bones pulls him closer and kisses him, right there where anyone could walk past and see. It’s a quick kiss, just a firm press of lips against lips, but it’s still so surprising that Jim can’t think of anything to say when Bones steps back.
“We should get back to the dorm,” Jim finally murmurs. While he doesn’t notice anyone around who might have seen them kiss, the fact that Bones actually initiated it in public like this seems really important. “You look so good in that uniform that I can’t wait to get you out of it.”
Bones licks his lips and looks around before focusing on Jim. “Sorry. I just--I had to kiss you, and I forgot.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Jim shakes his head and smiles. “I don’t give a fuck what anyone says or thinks about us, Bones. You can kiss me anytime you want, alright?”
“You might not, but I prefer keeping my private life private,” Bones points out. “It wouldn’t matter who you were, I’m just not that into public displays and shit.”
“I know. It’s one of those troublesome habits that I’m hoping to break one day,” Jim tells him. “Or at least bend once or twice. I find it exciting when we could get caught.”
“The ‘could get’ being the important part of that. The actual ‘getting’ is what I want to avoid,” Bones mutters as they continue walking to the dorm. He sighs. “I have to pack up my room tonight. The shuttle is leaving tomorrow at eleven, so I need everything ready so I can leave around ten, I guess.”
Jim bites his lip, hard, and wishes that he could just discuss Bones leaving nonchalantly like it doesn’t matter at all. He can’t, though, regardless of his determination that this separation isn’t going to ruin what’s happening between them. When he feels Bones nudge his arm, he forces a smile. “I can help you pack.”
“Yeah? I’d like that,” Bones says. “Not that there’s much to pack. I haven’t really acquired a lot in the last three years, so it probably won’t take that long.”
“Guess I’ll have to pack, too.” He snorts. “Since I came here with nothing but the clothes on my back, I’ll have more to take with me. Mostly clothes and PADDs.” He’s glad to see that they’re nearly at the dorm. “My general rule is to not buy anything that I can’t do without. I’ve lost enough over the years to keep from getting attached to anything. Guess I’ve broken it twice recently, between you and Jess.”
“I don’t want to spend our last night together for who knows how long being depressed and maudlin,” Bones tells him quietly. “I want to remember tonight without getting weighed down in sadness.”
“Good luck with that.” Jim grimaces and rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry. I just can’t stop myself from thinking about tomorrow and you leaving me. It hurts.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t say it that way, like I’m leaving because I want to and I’m abandoning you. I’m not your mother or brother, Jim.” Bones glances at him. “I did what I had to do in order to cut our time apart, and I’m miserable enough right now without you adding guilt to it. You aren’t the only person suffering right now.”
Jim frowns and bites his tongue so that he doesn’t say something he might regret. This isn’t a time when he wants to talk without thinking. Maybe Bones is right. Maybe he’s being really selfish right now, since it can’t be any easier for Bones than it is for him. While he’s trying to get better at that selfish thing, miracles don’t happen in a few short weeks.
“It’s hard to know what you’re feeling sometimes,” he admits. “I mean, I know that you’re unhappy about this, too, but then you seem so resigned to it, not even wanting to try to change it. Then you keep talking like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and move on or some shit like that. I get that you’re a cynical asshole, but you need to have faith in me, Bones. This sucks, and it hurts, and I know it would even we weren’t whatever it is we are.”
“Do you think that I wouldn’t change it if I could?” Bones growls. “I did everything I could, Jim. I played their stupid games, I threatened to refuse any assignment that’d require a huge commitment, and I still got fucked. Capella IV to kiss ass and make nice isn’t at all what I wanted to do post-graduation. I want to be challenged, damn it. To work and get stressed because I’m too busy to even eat properly and to encounter new viruses and learn ways to cure diseases. Not get stuck on some mining planet in the middle of fucking nowhere playing diplomat.”
Jim opens the door to the dorms and follows Bones inside, thinking about everything he’s just heard. He doesn’t speak until they’re inside Bones’ room. “It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Before Bones can say anything, he holds up his hand. “If we weren’t involved, you probably wouldn’t have gone to Barnett and made a deal. It would have been terrible that we got assigned to different places, but you’d have gotten to be CMO on a ship and challenged the way you want, even if it wasn’t the Enterprise.”
“It isn’t your fault,” Bones interrupts. “I always wanted to go wherever you did, even before things happened.”
“Yeah, so did I, but it’s not like that. When you were originally assigned to Enterprise, you took me along because I hadn’t been assigned anywhere. If I’d been on one of the other ships, you wouldn’t have thought anything of it,” Jim points out as he sits on the side of the bed. “I’m not saying that you want to be on Enterprise just because we’re fucking, Bones, but our relationship is what motivated you to go see Barnett, even if it wasn’t a conscious thing.”
Bones frowns and sits down opposite Jim. “I--I don’t know. I don’t want to let you go,” he murmurs. “I need you, and you need me. I was so fucking angry that they were letting me go to the highest bidder, though, that I just had to get some control over my life. I don’t handle the military shit well, obviously, and I hate having decisions made for me.”
“Can you take it back?” he asks quietly. “Is there any way that you can tell Barnett that you’ll accept the original assignment?”
“Jim, that’s five years. It’s not an option. We are involved, and, fine, I’m taking that into consideration because I--because you mean a lot to me.” Bones runs his hand over his face. “I don’t want to be anyone else’s CMO.”
“It should be an option, though. I don’t want you stuck somewhere hating every minute of your life, Bones. You deserve to be challenged and to have the opportunity to do amazing things,” Jim tells him. “Maybe you could transfer anyway in a year. Who knows what might happen? But I never considered...I was so focused on how much I was hurting that I didn’t realize you were losing everything.”
“It’s not everything if I still have you,” Bones points out softly.
Jim looks at him and reaches over to trace the line of his jaw. “I’d rather wait five years if it means you’re happy, Bones. I...care about you,” he says, stumbling slightly over his words. “I’d wait for you forever. And don’t call me sappy because I think we’re both sounding girly as fuck right now.”
“You’ll only have to wait one year, Jim. I can tolerate the assignment if it means getting to the Enterprise four years earlier,” Bones tells him. “It...it means a lot, though, that you’d even make that suggestion. Even if you were sappy about it. I, however, never sound girly. I’m just too manly for that sentimental nonsense.”
Jim punches Bones’ arm and rolls his eyes. “Sure you don’t,” he mutters. He leans forward and kisses Bones, nearly slipping off the bed before he can catch his balance. When he pulls back, he brushes his knuckles against Bones’ cheek. “We should probably go ahead and pack now because it’s my intention to get you naked soon and not let you out of bed until tomorrow morning. We’ve got to make a lot of good non-sad memories for you to remember, after all.”
Bones smiles the crooked smile, and Jim focuses on how that makes him feel because he’s going to try to give Bones what he wants tonight. There’ll be plenty of time for sadness after Bones is gone.
End
#28: Commissioned | #30: Preparation
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: Jim finds Bones after the graduation ceremony
Rating: Teen/PG13
Word Count: 2905
A/N: #29 in the Two Men & a Motorbike series. Follows Commissioned
Bones is surrounded by people and has his ‘get me out of here, damn it’ look on his face when Jim finally finds him. It’s impossible not to stop and stare at Bones in his dress uniform. Even if Jim wasn’t best friends, and more, with him, he could appreciate how good-looking Bones is. The breeze has ruffled his hair a little, so it looks like someone has been dragging their fingers through it, and his full lips are curved into a slight frown as he rolls his eyes at whatever Scotty is saying.
Jim forces himself to look away as he scans the area. Chekov is blushing bright red as Gaila talks animatedly to him. Sulu seems to be bickering with Uhura while Spock stands behind her like he’s some kind of stoic statue. He should probably go over and make nice with Spock, since old Spock insists they’re a great team, but he doubts either of them want to deal with each other today. When he notices Rand and Chapel whispering and sneaking looks at Bones and Scotty, he decides it’s time to go protect an unsuspecting Bones from the predatory women.
“Captain,” Bones drawls when he reaches them, flashing a lazy smile that makes Jim momentarily forget what he’s planning.
“Hullo, Captain. I was just telling McCoy about the time I froze my tongue to the door on Delta Vega,” Scotty says happily. Oh, right. Now Jim remembers.
“I’m sure that’s fascinating,” he lies smoothly. “However, I wanted to tell you that there are two attractive women just over there that I caught checking you out.” He nods in the direction of Rand and Chapel. It’s not a lie, since he has no idea if they were ogling Scotty or Bones, plus it gets rid of Scotty and should distract them enough so they keep their hungry eyes off Bones.
“Really?” Scotty grins and looks at the women. “Well, who am I to deny them? Talk with you later, lads.”
“You know, Christine is a very capable nurse. She doesn’t deserve to be punished,” Bones points out after Scotty leaves.
“Christine, is it?” Jim frowns at Bones. “Scotty’s an interesting character, so it’s not punishment at all.”
“Jealousy becomes you. Your cheeks get a little flushed and you get this glint in your eyes that’s extremely arousing,” Bones informs him, deliberately drawling. The bastard.
“I don’t get jealous,” he mutters before he smiles. “You can find me arousing anytime, though. Is it enough to convince you to sneak behind the wall and steal a kiss or five?”
“No sneaking today, Jim. This place is too crowded, and I don’t want to take the risk,” Bones says firmly. “Did you enjoy your networking?”
“It’s not like they can expel us now,” he points out. For once, he doesn’t really want the risk either, though, so he doesn’t push. “I think that the wives of admirals share something in common with those little old ladies at the hospital you were talking about.” Jim makes a face. “I’ll probably bruise, which might require my doctor to examine the area closely.”
“Somehow, I think you’ll survive.” Bones rolls his eyes but his lips curve into a smile, so Jim feels accomplished.
“The ceremony seemed to go well.” He looks out at the various groups of students. “I got tired of shaking hands, but everyone seems happy to be finished with school.”
“Yeah, it did. It was well-organized and all,” Bones says. “You looked really good up there. Captain becomes you.”
“Of course I did. I always look good.” He smirks as he looks back at Bones. The smirk fades and he asks, “It’s weird, isn’t it? There are so many people not here with us today. It’s one of those things that I know, in my head, but then I just don’t think about how many were lost until something like this, when their absence is more noticeable.”
“It is difficult,” Bones agrees quietly. “It makes me wonder how many more will be lost in another five years or ten. It’s not like most of us are going into safe work environments, after all.”
Jim frowns and nudges Bones’ arm with his elbow. “I’d rather not think about that, even if it’s realistic,” he admits. “Why don’t we get out of here? We can go get something to eat, if you want. I’m starving.”
“You’re always starving.” Bones studies him and nods. “But, yeah, I’m ready to go. We can get something out, if you want, or we can just go back home and have something there.”
“I’d rather go home. I’m getting tired of this whole being happy and celebrating challenge,” he confesses. They start to walk and he glances at Bones. In a way, he doesn’t want to ask because hearing an answer is going to make it all even more real than it already is. He has to know, though. “Where are you being sent, Bones?”
Bones tenses for a moment before his shoulders slump. “Capella IV, of all fucking places.” He grimaces. “It’s some bullshit diplomatic effort, and some asshole has decided that I should be the representative for the Federation’s efforts in running a hospital. Doctor Murphy told me after the ceremony that my youth and intelligence made me the perfect candidate, since I guess the existing team hasn’t been able to make any real progress there the past few months.” He hesitates before he whispers, “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Damn it. That’s too soon,” he says, feeling sick to his stomach. “And, fuck, you’re going to be stationed dirt-side?” Jim recognizes the name of the planet, recalls that it’s known for the mining of topaline, but that’s it. “They played seniority games to send you off to be some kind of medical ambassador? That’s ridiculous.”
“Yeah, well, it’s probably my punishment for pulling rank and pressuring for something that would let me join the Enterprise eventually.” Bones shakes his head. “I figure the seniority thing was whatever captain was trying to get me for a five year contract, and I got this assignment because of my refusal.”
“I guess that makes sense.” Jim can’t understand why Starfleet would waste the best medical graduate they’ve had in years on some diplomatic bullshit. He’s starting to feel angry again because this is so fucking pointless. Bones belongs on the Enterprise, with him, not off on some dusty old planet being used as a political pawn. He runs his fingers through his hair and tries to figure out why this assignment would be more important than the damn Enterprise. “So, you’ll be opening a hospital or something?”
“It’s already built, from what I can tell. I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing. Murphy said that I’d have time to research, so I’m holding on to that as a positive.” Bones snorts. “It’s only for a year, right?”
“Don’t they have documentation somewhere that you’re a doctor, not a diplomat?” he asks. “I mean, you’re great with your patients and one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met, even if you like to hide it beneath a gruff snarling exterior, but you’re not the type to charm Capellens or any of that bullshit.”
“I don’t know. If they don’t, they’ll find out,” Bones says. “I agreed to go wherever they sent me, but I sure as fuck don’t plan to be their mouthpiece. I’ll work at the hospital and do research and get through it as well as I can, but it’s not what I want.” He looks at Jim and smiles slightly. “Can you believe that I actually want to be stationed on a ship?”
Jim thinks back to the shuttle out of Iowa, which now seems like a lifetime ago, and has to grin. “You were a mess when we first met. You’ve gotten better with it, though. I guess you’re too stubborn to let something like a phobia get in your way.”
“At least I didn’t throw up on you.” Bones looks at him in a way that makes it difficult to breathe. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe that we only met three years ago, especially when I can’t even imagine my life without you.”
“You don’t have to,” Jim tells him. “Capella IV isn’t the end of the world. I can try to visit whenever I have leave, and you can visit me. We’ll make it work, Bones. We have to because I’m not going to lose you, damn it.”
“When you say it with such conviction, it’s so easy to believe you,” he says. Before can Jim point out that he should believe it, Bones pulls him closer and kisses him, right there where anyone could walk past and see. It’s a quick kiss, just a firm press of lips against lips, but it’s still so surprising that Jim can’t think of anything to say when Bones steps back.
“We should get back to the dorm,” Jim finally murmurs. While he doesn’t notice anyone around who might have seen them kiss, the fact that Bones actually initiated it in public like this seems really important. “You look so good in that uniform that I can’t wait to get you out of it.”
Bones licks his lips and looks around before focusing on Jim. “Sorry. I just--I had to kiss you, and I forgot.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Jim shakes his head and smiles. “I don’t give a fuck what anyone says or thinks about us, Bones. You can kiss me anytime you want, alright?”
“You might not, but I prefer keeping my private life private,” Bones points out. “It wouldn’t matter who you were, I’m just not that into public displays and shit.”
“I know. It’s one of those troublesome habits that I’m hoping to break one day,” Jim tells him. “Or at least bend once or twice. I find it exciting when we could get caught.”
“The ‘could get’ being the important part of that. The actual ‘getting’ is what I want to avoid,” Bones mutters as they continue walking to the dorm. He sighs. “I have to pack up my room tonight. The shuttle is leaving tomorrow at eleven, so I need everything ready so I can leave around ten, I guess.”
Jim bites his lip, hard, and wishes that he could just discuss Bones leaving nonchalantly like it doesn’t matter at all. He can’t, though, regardless of his determination that this separation isn’t going to ruin what’s happening between them. When he feels Bones nudge his arm, he forces a smile. “I can help you pack.”
“Yeah? I’d like that,” Bones says. “Not that there’s much to pack. I haven’t really acquired a lot in the last three years, so it probably won’t take that long.”
“Guess I’ll have to pack, too.” He snorts. “Since I came here with nothing but the clothes on my back, I’ll have more to take with me. Mostly clothes and PADDs.” He’s glad to see that they’re nearly at the dorm. “My general rule is to not buy anything that I can’t do without. I’ve lost enough over the years to keep from getting attached to anything. Guess I’ve broken it twice recently, between you and Jess.”
“I don’t want to spend our last night together for who knows how long being depressed and maudlin,” Bones tells him quietly. “I want to remember tonight without getting weighed down in sadness.”
“Good luck with that.” Jim grimaces and rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry. I just can’t stop myself from thinking about tomorrow and you leaving me. It hurts.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t say it that way, like I’m leaving because I want to and I’m abandoning you. I’m not your mother or brother, Jim.” Bones glances at him. “I did what I had to do in order to cut our time apart, and I’m miserable enough right now without you adding guilt to it. You aren’t the only person suffering right now.”
Jim frowns and bites his tongue so that he doesn’t say something he might regret. This isn’t a time when he wants to talk without thinking. Maybe Bones is right. Maybe he’s being really selfish right now, since it can’t be any easier for Bones than it is for him. While he’s trying to get better at that selfish thing, miracles don’t happen in a few short weeks.
“It’s hard to know what you’re feeling sometimes,” he admits. “I mean, I know that you’re unhappy about this, too, but then you seem so resigned to it, not even wanting to try to change it. Then you keep talking like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and move on or some shit like that. I get that you’re a cynical asshole, but you need to have faith in me, Bones. This sucks, and it hurts, and I know it would even we weren’t whatever it is we are.”
“Do you think that I wouldn’t change it if I could?” Bones growls. “I did everything I could, Jim. I played their stupid games, I threatened to refuse any assignment that’d require a huge commitment, and I still got fucked. Capella IV to kiss ass and make nice isn’t at all what I wanted to do post-graduation. I want to be challenged, damn it. To work and get stressed because I’m too busy to even eat properly and to encounter new viruses and learn ways to cure diseases. Not get stuck on some mining planet in the middle of fucking nowhere playing diplomat.”
Jim opens the door to the dorms and follows Bones inside, thinking about everything he’s just heard. He doesn’t speak until they’re inside Bones’ room. “It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Before Bones can say anything, he holds up his hand. “If we weren’t involved, you probably wouldn’t have gone to Barnett and made a deal. It would have been terrible that we got assigned to different places, but you’d have gotten to be CMO on a ship and challenged the way you want, even if it wasn’t the Enterprise.”
“It isn’t your fault,” Bones interrupts. “I always wanted to go wherever you did, even before things happened.”
“Yeah, so did I, but it’s not like that. When you were originally assigned to Enterprise, you took me along because I hadn’t been assigned anywhere. If I’d been on one of the other ships, you wouldn’t have thought anything of it,” Jim points out as he sits on the side of the bed. “I’m not saying that you want to be on Enterprise just because we’re fucking, Bones, but our relationship is what motivated you to go see Barnett, even if it wasn’t a conscious thing.”
Bones frowns and sits down opposite Jim. “I--I don’t know. I don’t want to let you go,” he murmurs. “I need you, and you need me. I was so fucking angry that they were letting me go to the highest bidder, though, that I just had to get some control over my life. I don’t handle the military shit well, obviously, and I hate having decisions made for me.”
“Can you take it back?” he asks quietly. “Is there any way that you can tell Barnett that you’ll accept the original assignment?”
“Jim, that’s five years. It’s not an option. We are involved, and, fine, I’m taking that into consideration because I--because you mean a lot to me.” Bones runs his hand over his face. “I don’t want to be anyone else’s CMO.”
“It should be an option, though. I don’t want you stuck somewhere hating every minute of your life, Bones. You deserve to be challenged and to have the opportunity to do amazing things,” Jim tells him. “Maybe you could transfer anyway in a year. Who knows what might happen? But I never considered...I was so focused on how much I was hurting that I didn’t realize you were losing everything.”
“It’s not everything if I still have you,” Bones points out softly.
Jim looks at him and reaches over to trace the line of his jaw. “I’d rather wait five years if it means you’re happy, Bones. I...care about you,” he says, stumbling slightly over his words. “I’d wait for you forever. And don’t call me sappy because I think we’re both sounding girly as fuck right now.”
“You’ll only have to wait one year, Jim. I can tolerate the assignment if it means getting to the Enterprise four years earlier,” Bones tells him. “It...it means a lot, though, that you’d even make that suggestion. Even if you were sappy about it. I, however, never sound girly. I’m just too manly for that sentimental nonsense.”
Jim punches Bones’ arm and rolls his eyes. “Sure you don’t,” he mutters. He leans forward and kisses Bones, nearly slipping off the bed before he can catch his balance. When he pulls back, he brushes his knuckles against Bones’ cheek. “We should probably go ahead and pack now because it’s my intention to get you naked soon and not let you out of bed until tomorrow morning. We’ve got to make a lot of good non-sad memories for you to remember, after all.”
Bones smiles the crooked smile, and Jim focuses on how that makes him feel because he’s going to try to give Bones what he wants tonight. There’ll be plenty of time for sadness after Bones is gone.
End
#28: Commissioned | #30: Preparation