The stuff they never tell you about
WARNING: long, graphic, postpartum rant. If you don't plan on having a baby or having a wife/partner that will have a baby, then you don't have to read this. If it could happen to you, you might find it useful to know this.
It's been about two weeks since we got home. By far the most eventful two weeks of my life. And from my wonderfully happy stories about my new baby, you'd think it's all fine and dandy. Well, it's not. I'm getting pretty sick of a few things. And I know it's bad form to complain about motherhood, but hello! I wish I had been warned about these things! On Friends, when Rachel got home from the hospital, her tummy was just slightly bigger and she was able to walk and move around as if nothing happened. I knew after giving birth it will be painful for a while. But I didn't know it's like this.
For the first few days, I couldn't really move. Much. My uterus, having expanded to human baby-size proportions in the last 9 months is now busy contracting to go back to normal non-pregnant size. Guess what. IT HURTS! Good thing my doctor gave me morphine after giving birth, so day one wasn't so bad. But day 2 onwards was hell. It's like labor all over again. Or all of my dysmenorrhea for the last 9 months came back all in one go. What's more, it contracts when you breastfeed so while a little human is chewing on one of the most sensitive parts of your body, there's the double pain in your abdomen of a uterus contracting. Grabeng sakit (oh so much pain).
The thing is, you want that contraction because you want your uterus to contract. You DEFINITELY want it to shrink back because oh my god it's HUGE. I never realized that after Lia gets out of me, what will be left is an ugly grotesque Mimi, which is not only unwieldy, but also painful. Not to mention keeping you from wearing all your old jeans. NONE OF MY PANTS FIT! It's not even they don't close over my tummy, they won't go up past my hips! WHAAAT?! Will they ever fit? I don't know. In a year or so, maybe? I have to buy a whole new set of pants. Oh my god, I'm not a 24 inch waistline anymore. The price of motherhood.
Because Mimi is so big and awkward, I wear a cloth binder around my belly. It's works like a corset, without the sticks, and keeps my tummy in. It's more comfy to have one on because the big tummy isn't hanging out and jiggling around, it actually helps me walk. And walking is important because the sooner you move around, the faster you recover. But it's also a hassle because it's warm and I sweat inside it and it gets itchy. And when you lie down it shifts position and gets loose. And I can't put it back on by myself. I need the househelp to pin it on for me everyday, after my shower.
Have I mentioned that giving birth is the single most embarrassing situation a woman can get herself into? Not only do doctors poke into your vagina with their fingers during labor, to see how much you've dilated, there are all these strangers, nurses, interns, people with eyes peaking over their shoulder to see that part of you you're taught since childhood NEVER TO SHOW. And of course, it doesn't end there. After labor, there's the actual giving birth (which I don't remember at all, and suddenly, that's a good thing), the after giving birth where I had a catheter that drains out my weewee, which nurses come in to check every hour for a day, whether there are visitors in the hospital or not. PLUS of course MY BREASTS! Everyone has seen my breasts. EVERYONE! This baby is such a star, people come over to watch her sleep. What more when she's feeding. It's like, my breasts are not mine anymore, to push up with cute bras, to enhance with flattering clothes. No. They are FOOD SOURCE and nothing is more natural than for other people to stare at them as my daughter takes her nutrition. Oh my poor breasts. They have never been bigger, and never been in more pain. A lot of the time just bursting with milk while my daughter ignores me and prefers to sleep.
And finally, my biggest peeve of all, the bleeding. NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE BLEEDING! I will be bleeding for the next 6 weeks or so, because nga, my body didn't only save 9 months worth of dysmenorrhea, it also saved up the same amount of menstruation. Now I know why those maternity sanitary pads are so damn BIG. Oh, and too easy to fill. I've developed diaper rash in my butt from wearing napkins for two weeks straight, I kid you not. I hate sanitary pads, even for normal periods. What more for this gushing flow of blood from a healing womb? Seriously, it keeps me from sleeping well, cause it's so hot and sweaty down there, not to mention itchy! Because they shaved my pubic area for the operation, and now the stubble is killing me.
I love my baby and I adore motherhood, but I don't have to like everything about it. I can't wait to have my body back to normal, not even back to my old shape and size but just back to not having to plug up so many body parts. I have to plug up my bleeding, my tummy, oh and my breasts! Because they drip all the time of milk, I have to wear a bra with breast pads in them 24/7 and I hate wearing a bra. I always have. Hayun.
I need clothes! That FIT! When will I ever be able to shop again? And I so miss wearing jeans. Sigh sigh sigh. It just makes one appreciate one's mother all the more.
It's been about two weeks since we got home. By far the most eventful two weeks of my life. And from my wonderfully happy stories about my new baby, you'd think it's all fine and dandy. Well, it's not. I'm getting pretty sick of a few things. And I know it's bad form to complain about motherhood, but hello! I wish I had been warned about these things! On Friends, when Rachel got home from the hospital, her tummy was just slightly bigger and she was able to walk and move around as if nothing happened. I knew after giving birth it will be painful for a while. But I didn't know it's like this.
For the first few days, I couldn't really move. Much. My uterus, having expanded to human baby-size proportions in the last 9 months is now busy contracting to go back to normal non-pregnant size. Guess what. IT HURTS! Good thing my doctor gave me morphine after giving birth, so day one wasn't so bad. But day 2 onwards was hell. It's like labor all over again. Or all of my dysmenorrhea for the last 9 months came back all in one go. What's more, it contracts when you breastfeed so while a little human is chewing on one of the most sensitive parts of your body, there's the double pain in your abdomen of a uterus contracting. Grabeng sakit (oh so much pain).
The thing is, you want that contraction because you want your uterus to contract. You DEFINITELY want it to shrink back because oh my god it's HUGE. I never realized that after Lia gets out of me, what will be left is an ugly grotesque Mimi, which is not only unwieldy, but also painful. Not to mention keeping you from wearing all your old jeans. NONE OF MY PANTS FIT! It's not even they don't close over my tummy, they won't go up past my hips! WHAAAT?! Will they ever fit? I don't know. In a year or so, maybe? I have to buy a whole new set of pants. Oh my god, I'm not a 24 inch waistline anymore. The price of motherhood.
Because Mimi is so big and awkward, I wear a cloth binder around my belly. It's works like a corset, without the sticks, and keeps my tummy in. It's more comfy to have one on because the big tummy isn't hanging out and jiggling around, it actually helps me walk. And walking is important because the sooner you move around, the faster you recover. But it's also a hassle because it's warm and I sweat inside it and it gets itchy. And when you lie down it shifts position and gets loose. And I can't put it back on by myself. I need the househelp to pin it on for me everyday, after my shower.
Have I mentioned that giving birth is the single most embarrassing situation a woman can get herself into? Not only do doctors poke into your vagina with their fingers during labor, to see how much you've dilated, there are all these strangers, nurses, interns, people with eyes peaking over their shoulder to see that part of you you're taught since childhood NEVER TO SHOW. And of course, it doesn't end there. After labor, there's the actual giving birth (which I don't remember at all, and suddenly, that's a good thing), the after giving birth where I had a catheter that drains out my weewee, which nurses come in to check every hour for a day, whether there are visitors in the hospital or not. PLUS of course MY BREASTS! Everyone has seen my breasts. EVERYONE! This baby is such a star, people come over to watch her sleep. What more when she's feeding. It's like, my breasts are not mine anymore, to push up with cute bras, to enhance with flattering clothes. No. They are FOOD SOURCE and nothing is more natural than for other people to stare at them as my daughter takes her nutrition. Oh my poor breasts. They have never been bigger, and never been in more pain. A lot of the time just bursting with milk while my daughter ignores me and prefers to sleep.
And finally, my biggest peeve of all, the bleeding. NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE BLEEDING! I will be bleeding for the next 6 weeks or so, because nga, my body didn't only save 9 months worth of dysmenorrhea, it also saved up the same amount of menstruation. Now I know why those maternity sanitary pads are so damn BIG. Oh, and too easy to fill. I've developed diaper rash in my butt from wearing napkins for two weeks straight, I kid you not. I hate sanitary pads, even for normal periods. What more for this gushing flow of blood from a healing womb? Seriously, it keeps me from sleeping well, cause it's so hot and sweaty down there, not to mention itchy! Because they shaved my pubic area for the operation, and now the stubble is killing me.
I love my baby and I adore motherhood, but I don't have to like everything about it. I can't wait to have my body back to normal, not even back to my old shape and size but just back to not having to plug up so many body parts. I have to plug up my bleeding, my tummy, oh and my breasts! Because they drip all the time of milk, I have to wear a bra with breast pads in them 24/7 and I hate wearing a bra. I always have. Hayun.
I need clothes! That FIT! When will I ever be able to shop again? And I so miss wearing jeans. Sigh sigh sigh. It just makes one appreciate one's mother all the more.