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(TRIGGER WARNING. This meme deals heavy with death and also possibly with strong violence or with suicide/depression. If you are not comfortable reading about that, please PLEASE do not proceed further.)
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he let out a breath as he leaned against the window of his apartment. he knew that death wasn't permanent here-that he would return. but what if she disappeared while he was gone? what if...what if for once death was permanent? some have even disappeared after dying. would that happen to him, too?
these thoughts and more flooded his mind as he continued to stare out the window. but one person kept reappearing in his mind each time. the one person he knew he should see but just couldn't bring himself to see her just yet.
...Haruhi.]
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She crossed the hall to knock on his door, unwilling to wait much longer. If he was struggling, he'd need company, even if he didn't think he did. She wouldn't know what to say or do... but she could be there. And he'd be back, he would be; she refused to let herself think of the option otherwise. She had to be the one to hold onto the practical thoughts, not get caught up in what-ifs. But it was hard, very hard. And she had to see him.]
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why was he trying to hide it? it would only make things worse in the end.
so after taking a breath, he just placed them on top before making his way to the door and opening it.]
...Haruhi! [he managed to say with a light tone, opening the door wider for her so she could enter. he was trying to smile, to put on a brave face. but somehow this seemed a lot harder than it should.] I was about to call you.
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she lowered her eyes. spoke quietly.]
Don't pretend about this, Tamaki.
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You saw through that, huh...
[as he closed the door behind her, he tried to gather his thoughts. rather, he had been trying to gather his thoughts ever since he heard the news. how was he supposed to tell her?
there was another moment before he took her hand and led her to the couch. as they sat down, he still hesitated, his eyes not meeting hers. maybe it was more for his sake because he knew that if he looked at her now he would lose it.]
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[she let him lead her, staying quiet when he chose not to speak. she knew he needed to come to terms with what he was trying to say on his own, not being forced to speak; and she could wait. there was nothing wrong with silence. she moved slightly closer instead, gently squeezing his hand.]
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There's no real easy way to say this, but... [another breath.] I'm dying, Haruhi.
[once he started, he suddenly found it a little easier to say everything. in a probably unsettling calm but quite voice, he told her everything. the diagnosis, the prognosis, how he most likely obtained it, how there were treatments but no cure.
when he finished, he could only sit there, his face still averted as he just stared at their hands.]
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Somehow this wasn't coming as a total surprise; she'd seen something of the sort in his face, in the way he held himself. But hearing Tamaki confirm it himself hurt more than she'd have expected. Haruhi grimaced, shaking her head.]
When you... when you come back... [because it wasn't an option that he wouldn't] You'll be healthy again, right?
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he could only lean against her, his head resting against hers as he still couldn't bring himself to look at her.]
The doctor doesn't know. Because we're foreigners, they have no idea what will happen. It's possible that...
[that he would still get sick and once again die.]
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It'd have to be like that. Other people come back healed, it wouldn't be...
[she couldn't even believe they were talking about this. of course they had to-it wasn't something that could be avoided, and talking was the only thing to do. but it still made her feel wrong.]
How do I say... that even though I know it'll be all right, I'm still worried...
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Hey, we still have some time. It won't be for another few months.
[he tried to smile, but it hardly had any life to it no matter how he tried. he then brought his arm around her, pulling her closer as his lips gently pressed against her temple.]
And...at least I'll have you with me.
[even if it also was a reason for his grief.]
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What am I supposed to say in a moment like this... [mumbling] I feel as though I should know-be able to tell you the perfect thing. But for now, all I can do is tell you I know it will be all right in the end. Even if it's long, everything will turn out for the best. And you have all of us who love you to be with you. We'll all stand by you.
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[he now had his face buried in her hair, his eyes closed as all those feelings of regret washed over him.]
I just wish I didn't have to leave you alone...
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What are you saying? Not thinking of yourself at a time like this? I'll be fine. [her tone softened] Because I'll be with you until that moment... and then you'll return soon.
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Ow-ow-Haruhi that hurts-!!
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...Will you really be fine?
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