FIC: Sorry (4/4) HIMYM
Lily opened the door and they all piled inside the apartment like some really inept version of the Scooby-Doo gang. The living room was in total darkness but Lily quickly found the light switch having got quite used to stumbling around the place when she'd been living there.
She couldn't quite get the lump out of her throat.
"I told you!" Ted said, in a comically-loud whisper. "He's not here."
But as their eyes became accustomed to the light, all of them began to take in the give away details - empty bottles scattered across the floor and sofa, and one of the cut-glass crystal decanters that Barney usually kept his scotch in was upended on the coffee-table. Everything looked slightly skewed and off-kilter, as if someone had recent had a fist fight in the room.
Lily caught Robin's eye. Her friend looked at least as worried as she felt. Barney's words came back to her: "We got a little drunk. It was… a bad day… And I told her." A bad day? Oh Barney…
It had been absolutely the worst day.
"Why in the hell didn't he tell us about Sam?" Ted said, sounding annoyed and offended although Lily could tell that beneath that he was just letting off steam. They were just all so worried!
Robin had sat down on the sofa and had picked up one of the empty bottles of scotch. She quickly got to her feet and darted over to the kitchen table. "Jesus!" She exclaimed, her hand covering her mouth.
Ted and Marshall made it to the counter before Lily so that, at first, she couldn't see what the fuss was about. But when she managed to poke Marshall out of the way, Lily began to shake her head.
"No…" Was all she managed.
There on the counter were three bottles of pills, their caps and contents strewn across the work surface. There were far too few of the little white pills for Lily's liking. She didn't like to think about what had happened to all the rest.
"No." Lily repeated, firmly. "No."
Robin was the first one of them to unfreeze, stumbling over to his bedroom and hitting the light switch. She let out a squeal-croak of horror and grabbed at the door.
This time, Lily didn't run to join the others. "No." She repeated, as if saying the word would somehow make it true. Barney Stinson did not do something so god-damn stupid as that. Not for any reason!
But the nasty, snarky bit of her brain asked: "But what if it hadn't been on purpose? What if he was just trying to drown his sorrows? What if he went on a bender of booze and pills and self-loathing and just killed himself by accident?"
Oh my god, she thought. How could I even think those words?
"NO!" She shouted, pushing Ted and Marshall aside to see Robin lunge for the bed, where Barney lay, face-down, dressed only in a shirt, boxers and socks. The bedroom stank of booze - rank and stale.
"Ohmygod!" Marshall squealed, his words a wobbling falsetto, grabbing at her. "Ohmygod!"
"No…" Ted echoed Lily. "Oh man…"
Robin was sobbing, on her knees beside the bed, reaching out to touch the back of his head, her fingers raking through this hair. "Please… oh god, Barney… No. Don't do this…"
Suddenly, there was a groan.
It was like an electric current had passed through everyone in the room, snapping them taut at that single sound.
Barney groaned again, then made an "OW!" sound and moved his head. He opened his eyes to find Robin staring down at him, horrified, tears rolling down her cheeks. She began to beat at him with her fists.
"You bastard! You stupid bastard!" She said, over and over, her voice oddly weary and yet hysterical.
Barney tried to twist around awkwardly to defend himself while Lily ran to the side of the bed to restrain Robin.
"What?" Barney said, sounding like his throat was stuffed with cotton. "WHAT?"
"You bastard! We thought you were DEAD!" Robin screamed at him while Lily held her arms around her.
"Dead?" Barney tried to sit up and slumped back down on the bed, cradling his head. "You're going to kill me if you don't stop shrieking, woman!"
Robin managed to get free of Lily and pushed Barney on to his side, leaned forward and kissed him, hard, aggressively and without pity. She was still crying, but she didn't let go of him and, after a bit, it got embarrassing for the others.
Lily coughed and stood up, eyebrow raised at Marshall and Ted as Barney grabbed the back of Robin's head and made little noises of surprised pleasure.
"Guys," She announced, quickly hurrying them out of the bedroom. "Now's not the time to stand and stare."
And, looking at the two of them on the bed, Lily concluded that perhaps now might also be the time to shut the door and put on the TV.
Very loudly.
*--*--*
Was she a little jealous? Lily watched Barney and Robin at the bar and they looked so normal. They hadn't started making out like teenagers in front of everyone. They hadn't even stopped wailing on each other. They just… fitted. When Barney started eyeing up some gorgeous brown-eyed nineteen-year-old who's just come in the door, Lily could see Robin whispering in his ear and his grin turn up a notch. She wondered vaguely if Robin was suggesting a three-way?
Lily couldn't help but chuckle salaciously.
Later, she managed to get Barney alone at the bar. For a moment, she felt a fleeting frisson run through her but it quickly passed.
He turned and handed her a cosmo without even asking. "I'm sorry, Lil," he said, giving her a puppy-dog, forgive-me look. It was affected enough not to give her the heebs.
"Hey, I'm sorry too. I did just as much kissing of you as you did of me." She thought about that. "Perhaps more!"
He looked at her, non-plussed for a moment. "Oh, that!" He chuckled. "Please, Lil, I kiss a lot of people. I barely even remember it."
She punched him on the arm. Hard.
"Okay, okay. I remember it. But it was really weird and… horrible, you know? I'd never think about you in that way!"
She didn't know whether to be offended or not and he could see that. He gave her a lopsided, slightly frantic grin.
"I mean, I do think about you like that. You're a 10, I'm a 10. There's an attractiveness thing there that you can't ignore. But, you know, Marshall!"
She laughed. "So you're only worried about Marshall killing you if he ever found out?"
He looked genuinely confused. "No. No! I mean, I could never do anything that could hurt you and Marshall. Not ever! I married the two of you for Christ's sake! I think that means Marshall's not the only big guy who would kick my ass over this!" He looked up, made a prayer shape with his hands and mumbled. "Sorry, Dude!" then grinned. "Besides, you're like my sister. It would be too weird."
Lily laughed, deciding to let it go. "How's Sam?" She asked.
He grinned that goofy grin he wore whenever he was thinking about his nephew. "He's fine. Flirting with all the nurses, of course. That boy's gonna be such a player. Give him about fifteen years. He'll be a heartbreaker."
Lily laughed. "It's good to see happy Barney again," she said.
Barney's grin flickered at he had the good sense to be embarrassed. "Well, yeah. That’ll teach me to leave my inner-ear meds all over the kitchen top."
Lily rolled her eyes. "You really scared us."
He looked sheepish. "I know. I really am sorry."
Lily patted his hand. "Perhaps if you say it a few more thousand times, we'll forgive you. All that stress and strain, Barney. Was it worth it?"
His gaze drifted over to where Robin was standing, laughing with Ted, and a slow, secret smile spread over his lips. "Oh, it was worth it," He said.
Lily couldn't have been more proud.
*--*--*
Even later, Marshall followed Barney into the urinals.
"Hmmm," He said, giving Barney a pointed look.
"What?" Barney asked, looking shifty.
"You did say sorry, so I probably shouldn't kill you." Marshall continued, smiling slowly.
Barney shook his head in confusion. "What?"
"And it's not as if you'd ever stand a chance with her," He laughed, lightly. "My wife has better taste."
Realisation dawned in Barney's eyes.
"But luckily, I've got something stored up for just such an occasion as this. I think it'll make us even."
Barney looked as if he was about to protest, but then he nodded once and slowly closed his eyes, tensing just before the blow came.
Barney staggered but did not fall. The noise of the slap rang around the tiny, confined space of the restroom.
"That's four," Marshall said.
.
She couldn't quite get the lump out of her throat.
"I told you!" Ted said, in a comically-loud whisper. "He's not here."
But as their eyes became accustomed to the light, all of them began to take in the give away details - empty bottles scattered across the floor and sofa, and one of the cut-glass crystal decanters that Barney usually kept his scotch in was upended on the coffee-table. Everything looked slightly skewed and off-kilter, as if someone had recent had a fist fight in the room.
Lily caught Robin's eye. Her friend looked at least as worried as she felt. Barney's words came back to her: "We got a little drunk. It was… a bad day… And I told her." A bad day? Oh Barney…
It had been absolutely the worst day.
"Why in the hell didn't he tell us about Sam?" Ted said, sounding annoyed and offended although Lily could tell that beneath that he was just letting off steam. They were just all so worried!
Robin had sat down on the sofa and had picked up one of the empty bottles of scotch. She quickly got to her feet and darted over to the kitchen table. "Jesus!" She exclaimed, her hand covering her mouth.
Ted and Marshall made it to the counter before Lily so that, at first, she couldn't see what the fuss was about. But when she managed to poke Marshall out of the way, Lily began to shake her head.
"No…" Was all she managed.
There on the counter were three bottles of pills, their caps and contents strewn across the work surface. There were far too few of the little white pills for Lily's liking. She didn't like to think about what had happened to all the rest.
"No." Lily repeated, firmly. "No."
Robin was the first one of them to unfreeze, stumbling over to his bedroom and hitting the light switch. She let out a squeal-croak of horror and grabbed at the door.
This time, Lily didn't run to join the others. "No." She repeated, as if saying the word would somehow make it true. Barney Stinson did not do something so god-damn stupid as that. Not for any reason!
But the nasty, snarky bit of her brain asked: "But what if it hadn't been on purpose? What if he was just trying to drown his sorrows? What if he went on a bender of booze and pills and self-loathing and just killed himself by accident?"
Oh my god, she thought. How could I even think those words?
"NO!" She shouted, pushing Ted and Marshall aside to see Robin lunge for the bed, where Barney lay, face-down, dressed only in a shirt, boxers and socks. The bedroom stank of booze - rank and stale.
"Ohmygod!" Marshall squealed, his words a wobbling falsetto, grabbing at her. "Ohmygod!"
"No…" Ted echoed Lily. "Oh man…"
Robin was sobbing, on her knees beside the bed, reaching out to touch the back of his head, her fingers raking through this hair. "Please… oh god, Barney… No. Don't do this…"
Suddenly, there was a groan.
It was like an electric current had passed through everyone in the room, snapping them taut at that single sound.
Barney groaned again, then made an "OW!" sound and moved his head. He opened his eyes to find Robin staring down at him, horrified, tears rolling down her cheeks. She began to beat at him with her fists.
"You bastard! You stupid bastard!" She said, over and over, her voice oddly weary and yet hysterical.
Barney tried to twist around awkwardly to defend himself while Lily ran to the side of the bed to restrain Robin.
"What?" Barney said, sounding like his throat was stuffed with cotton. "WHAT?"
"You bastard! We thought you were DEAD!" Robin screamed at him while Lily held her arms around her.
"Dead?" Barney tried to sit up and slumped back down on the bed, cradling his head. "You're going to kill me if you don't stop shrieking, woman!"
Robin managed to get free of Lily and pushed Barney on to his side, leaned forward and kissed him, hard, aggressively and without pity. She was still crying, but she didn't let go of him and, after a bit, it got embarrassing for the others.
Lily coughed and stood up, eyebrow raised at Marshall and Ted as Barney grabbed the back of Robin's head and made little noises of surprised pleasure.
"Guys," She announced, quickly hurrying them out of the bedroom. "Now's not the time to stand and stare."
And, looking at the two of them on the bed, Lily concluded that perhaps now might also be the time to shut the door and put on the TV.
Very loudly.
*--*--*
Was she a little jealous? Lily watched Barney and Robin at the bar and they looked so normal. They hadn't started making out like teenagers in front of everyone. They hadn't even stopped wailing on each other. They just… fitted. When Barney started eyeing up some gorgeous brown-eyed nineteen-year-old who's just come in the door, Lily could see Robin whispering in his ear and his grin turn up a notch. She wondered vaguely if Robin was suggesting a three-way?
Lily couldn't help but chuckle salaciously.
Later, she managed to get Barney alone at the bar. For a moment, she felt a fleeting frisson run through her but it quickly passed.
He turned and handed her a cosmo without even asking. "I'm sorry, Lil," he said, giving her a puppy-dog, forgive-me look. It was affected enough not to give her the heebs.
"Hey, I'm sorry too. I did just as much kissing of you as you did of me." She thought about that. "Perhaps more!"
He looked at her, non-plussed for a moment. "Oh, that!" He chuckled. "Please, Lil, I kiss a lot of people. I barely even remember it."
She punched him on the arm. Hard.
"Okay, okay. I remember it. But it was really weird and… horrible, you know? I'd never think about you in that way!"
She didn't know whether to be offended or not and he could see that. He gave her a lopsided, slightly frantic grin.
"I mean, I do think about you like that. You're a 10, I'm a 10. There's an attractiveness thing there that you can't ignore. But, you know, Marshall!"
She laughed. "So you're only worried about Marshall killing you if he ever found out?"
He looked genuinely confused. "No. No! I mean, I could never do anything that could hurt you and Marshall. Not ever! I married the two of you for Christ's sake! I think that means Marshall's not the only big guy who would kick my ass over this!" He looked up, made a prayer shape with his hands and mumbled. "Sorry, Dude!" then grinned. "Besides, you're like my sister. It would be too weird."
Lily laughed, deciding to let it go. "How's Sam?" She asked.
He grinned that goofy grin he wore whenever he was thinking about his nephew. "He's fine. Flirting with all the nurses, of course. That boy's gonna be such a player. Give him about fifteen years. He'll be a heartbreaker."
Lily laughed. "It's good to see happy Barney again," she said.
Barney's grin flickered at he had the good sense to be embarrassed. "Well, yeah. That’ll teach me to leave my inner-ear meds all over the kitchen top."
Lily rolled her eyes. "You really scared us."
He looked sheepish. "I know. I really am sorry."
Lily patted his hand. "Perhaps if you say it a few more thousand times, we'll forgive you. All that stress and strain, Barney. Was it worth it?"
His gaze drifted over to where Robin was standing, laughing with Ted, and a slow, secret smile spread over his lips. "Oh, it was worth it," He said.
Lily couldn't have been more proud.
*--*--*
Even later, Marshall followed Barney into the urinals.
"Hmmm," He said, giving Barney a pointed look.
"What?" Barney asked, looking shifty.
"You did say sorry, so I probably shouldn't kill you." Marshall continued, smiling slowly.
Barney shook his head in confusion. "What?"
"And it's not as if you'd ever stand a chance with her," He laughed, lightly. "My wife has better taste."
Realisation dawned in Barney's eyes.
"But luckily, I've got something stored up for just such an occasion as this. I think it'll make us even."
Barney looked as if he was about to protest, but then he nodded once and slowly closed his eyes, tensing just before the blow came.
Barney staggered but did not fall. The noise of the slap rang around the tiny, confined space of the restroom.
"That's four," Marshall said.
.