(out of) love
(out of) love
haesica | for wintercreamed
angst, 895w, g.
The station is unusually empty today, I think, as I push through the metal gates and walk along the platform. I look around for a moment, unnerved by the quiet of the space before gathering my scarf closer and around my neck as I shuffle towards two benches facing away from each other on the far right side.
I let a sigh out through my nose. I am alone, I think, and while I prefer it to be this way, the thought terrifies me even more.
The wind blows through the open space a second later, billowing the hem of my skirt below my knees as I pushed my hair back to prevent it from swishing towards my face. I blink back tears from the wind. The immediately February chill strikes me the moment it passes, and I find myself thinking of a moment lost in time where I’d been here in a somewhat similar situation-
Alone, but not really, in a quiet platform taking me to God-knows-where.
I remember wearing a mint green sundress, littered with embroidered flowers at the neckline and hem; crème wedges fit perfectly on my feet and a man’s jacket hanging from my shoulders. I remember my lips strained in a straight line, my hands clammy from a familiar warmth suddenly lost and goosebumps rising along my arms. I remember a man standing before me, his eyes sorrowful but determined, speaking to me in hushed tones… drifting… fading…
Heavy footsteps pulls me out of my reverie and though I do not turn, I feel my heart begin to thump against my chest. A weight sags against the bench behind me, fidgeting for a moment before sighing softly-the intruder’s feet scraping the cement under his shoes. I recognized him before he could say a word.
I would have known it was him even after a thousand years passed.
“Fancy meeting you here,” he tells me after a beat, his tone tentative as though he wasn’t sure if he should acknowledge me. “Going home for the break?”
I nod instead of speaking but I know he knows I’ve responded because he speaks again, “Me too. My train’s late though, and I guess yours is too. What are the chances, eh?”
My lips twitch upwards at his nervous tone but I still don’t speak. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard his voice and I’ve missed it terribly. He knows this. But of course, he does. Even without seeing him, I know that he knows.
I’m not as surprised as I ought to be when he finally asks, the silent minutes stretching longer than it should feel.
“Are you in love?”
I heave a breath into my lungs and mutter, “Out.”
“Out of love?”
I shake my head and my movement causes him to turn. I don’t repay the motion but I speak instead.
“I love someone. He doesn’t love me.”
His breath hitches and I feel him turn away again, his feet shuffling again against the pavement. A train wails in the distance but we don’t move at the sound. The seconds tick on quickly as I lay a hand on my heart.
His voice is softer when he speaks again and it is when my heart is pulled against my chest.
“That’s not true, Sooyeon”
A laugh bubbles out of me without my consent, triggered by his use of my real name. It sounds too bitter. Too sad. Emotions I feel ashamed of feeling after all this time. “It sure feels like it though.” I tell him anyway, my eyes still focused straight ahead at the hundreds of buildings littering my view. My voice falls flat at the end but I continue regardless. “It feels more like I’m alone. I am alone.”
“You’re not.”
I laugh again, louder this time. The sound piercing the emptiness of the station. No one turns to look at us in confusion. We are alone as much as we were together.
“You’re a shitty liar, Donghae.”
He sighs. “I’m sorry.”
The rails quake as trains pulled in at both sides of the platform, their doors opening in unison as we both stood up clutching our bags close to us. I hear him take as step forward just as I do towards my train and we both stop to wait.
To wait for-anything. Something.
The scrape of his shoe turning towards me makes me speak before he does.
“A year ago we were in love.” I tell him firmly and he stops taking a step. I steel myself and turn my head to take in the sight of the man I used to love. Still tall, lean, nervous and handsome, pulling the hair on his nape. Still a man trying to find himself in the world without the aid of a woman-me-or the idea of what we were (are).
Our eyes meet and for a moment, everything unspoken is revealed-
You made me happy.
But it’s not enough.
I wish we were back together.
I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I love you.
I still do.
“Good bye, Donghae,” I murmur, shuffling towards the door with my face turned away from the windows. The metal doors shuts behind me as tears began to trickle down my cheeks.
I am alone again.
My phone beeps.
A year from now we’d still be in love. --Donghae
A/N: First request done is for Lynde! :D Congratulations bb! ♥ I hope you like it. It turned out angsty, sorry. :(
haesica | for wintercreamed
angst, 895w, g.
The station is unusually empty today, I think, as I push through the metal gates and walk along the platform. I look around for a moment, unnerved by the quiet of the space before gathering my scarf closer and around my neck as I shuffle towards two benches facing away from each other on the far right side.
I let a sigh out through my nose. I am alone, I think, and while I prefer it to be this way, the thought terrifies me even more.
The wind blows through the open space a second later, billowing the hem of my skirt below my knees as I pushed my hair back to prevent it from swishing towards my face. I blink back tears from the wind. The immediately February chill strikes me the moment it passes, and I find myself thinking of a moment lost in time where I’d been here in a somewhat similar situation-
Alone, but not really, in a quiet platform taking me to God-knows-where.
I remember wearing a mint green sundress, littered with embroidered flowers at the neckline and hem; crème wedges fit perfectly on my feet and a man’s jacket hanging from my shoulders. I remember my lips strained in a straight line, my hands clammy from a familiar warmth suddenly lost and goosebumps rising along my arms. I remember a man standing before me, his eyes sorrowful but determined, speaking to me in hushed tones… drifting… fading…
Heavy footsteps pulls me out of my reverie and though I do not turn, I feel my heart begin to thump against my chest. A weight sags against the bench behind me, fidgeting for a moment before sighing softly-the intruder’s feet scraping the cement under his shoes. I recognized him before he could say a word.
I would have known it was him even after a thousand years passed.
“Fancy meeting you here,” he tells me after a beat, his tone tentative as though he wasn’t sure if he should acknowledge me. “Going home for the break?”
I nod instead of speaking but I know he knows I’ve responded because he speaks again, “Me too. My train’s late though, and I guess yours is too. What are the chances, eh?”
My lips twitch upwards at his nervous tone but I still don’t speak. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard his voice and I’ve missed it terribly. He knows this. But of course, he does. Even without seeing him, I know that he knows.
I’m not as surprised as I ought to be when he finally asks, the silent minutes stretching longer than it should feel.
“Are you in love?”
I heave a breath into my lungs and mutter, “Out.”
“Out of love?”
I shake my head and my movement causes him to turn. I don’t repay the motion but I speak instead.
“I love someone. He doesn’t love me.”
His breath hitches and I feel him turn away again, his feet shuffling again against the pavement. A train wails in the distance but we don’t move at the sound. The seconds tick on quickly as I lay a hand on my heart.
His voice is softer when he speaks again and it is when my heart is pulled against my chest.
“That’s not true, Sooyeon”
A laugh bubbles out of me without my consent, triggered by his use of my real name. It sounds too bitter. Too sad. Emotions I feel ashamed of feeling after all this time. “It sure feels like it though.” I tell him anyway, my eyes still focused straight ahead at the hundreds of buildings littering my view. My voice falls flat at the end but I continue regardless. “It feels more like I’m alone. I am alone.”
“You’re not.”
I laugh again, louder this time. The sound piercing the emptiness of the station. No one turns to look at us in confusion. We are alone as much as we were together.
“You’re a shitty liar, Donghae.”
He sighs. “I’m sorry.”
The rails quake as trains pulled in at both sides of the platform, their doors opening in unison as we both stood up clutching our bags close to us. I hear him take as step forward just as I do towards my train and we both stop to wait.
To wait for-anything. Something.
The scrape of his shoe turning towards me makes me speak before he does.
“A year ago we were in love.” I tell him firmly and he stops taking a step. I steel myself and turn my head to take in the sight of the man I used to love. Still tall, lean, nervous and handsome, pulling the hair on his nape. Still a man trying to find himself in the world without the aid of a woman-me-or the idea of what we were (are).
Our eyes meet and for a moment, everything unspoken is revealed-
You made me happy.
But it’s not enough.
I wish we were back together.
I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I love you.
I still do.
“Good bye, Donghae,” I murmur, shuffling towards the door with my face turned away from the windows. The metal doors shuts behind me as tears began to trickle down my cheeks.
I am alone again.
My phone beeps.
A year from now we’d still be in love. --Donghae
A/N: First request done is for Lynde! :D Congratulations bb! ♥ I hope you like it. It turned out angsty, sorry. :(