Random [impersonal] thoughts on Adoption

[ibex67]

I wrote the following -- fairly stream-of-conscious and in one fell swoop -- after reading [and misunderstanding] a recent post at this woman's work.

Even though it was predicated on a misreading of her post, and even though I am sure it retraces paths well worn by others, it's been so long since I did any of this kind of writing I am going to go

Comments

[primaflora]

Hmmmmmmmm. Over here we have universal healthcare coverage, reasonably generous welfare for single parents (including a $5000 baby 'bonus' at birth), good affordable childcare. It isn't perfect by any means but we are far closer to that kind of ideal.

We also don't have an adoption industry per se and very very few babies are available for domestic adoption. The adoption registers in my state are closed for years at a time (including foreign adoption).

FWIW NZ has an adoption policy which pretty much does what you state. Open adoption is the norm and only the relinquishing mother can close an adoption. Of course there are about 12 domestic adoptions a year in NZ and most of the those are family adoptions. All adoption is done through govt depts.

[wendykh]

I dunno if you saw my comments but one thing that concerns me that is missing from this debate is the economic factor, particularly with very young women. I do not know any women who with money and family support would have placed. That flips me out. I am not talking about women like BlueJ's mama who could not take care of their babies, I am talking women who with money and family love woulda been fine, KWIM? I don't know how to deal with women who are Having a Spell and need to place, but I do know there is something fucked up with women giving up children they would keep if only for money and family support, yk? That bothers me. A LOT.

[ibex67]

I'm not sure I recognized you from your comments there... I'll check again.

Maybe I am getting more judgemental as I get older, and I certainly have not worked on the front lines in a direct service org in order to have met women in these situations -- but I can't help but think -- why are women without money and family support getting pregnant? At some point I wonder when do we hold everyone accountable for that?

[primaflora]

They get pregnant because they have sex ;) and for whatever reason choose not to terminate.

I've been in the front line working in an abortion referral clinic and YK I've been involved with way too much CS crap recently. I still think that it is OK and preferable for a young/middle-aged woman to parent in preference to adoption if she possibly can and she wants to.

[perseph]

They are held accountable one way or another. Raising children, as you know, is a lot of hard work.

But while giving away a baby is the right choice for some who don't want or feel ready to parent, it can destroy a woman who desperately wants to keep her baby even if she never intended to have it originally. There is a bond at birth, and it's a very painful one to break.

It's just not right that in such a rich society girls should feel forced to go through that when all they need is a little help to get out of poverty. Youth and lack of money do not necessarily a bad mother make, and losing baby is far too serious a punishment for the crime of having sex when not financially well off.