Random [impersonal] thoughts on Adoption
I wrote the following -- fairly stream-of-conscious and in one fell swoop -- after reading [and misunderstanding] a recent post at this woman's work.
Even though it was predicated on a misreading of her post, and even though I am sure it retraces paths well worn by others, it's been so long since I did any of this kind of writing I am going to go ahead and keep it...
There are half a dozen more important things I should be doing right now rather than trying to clarify my thinking on these issues and then struggle with articulating it… But I am disturbed - and have been for awhile - with some latent assumptions I keep glimpsing in these conversations. Damn … I already know that I don’t have the focus to do this very complex tinderbox justice. But it bugs me…
I keep glimpsing out of the corner of my eye evidence of:
n the privileging and elevation of biological bonds as inherently better
n the romanticization of the maternal bond and the maternal urge.
n the acceptance of the assumption that people have an absolute right to parent*.
As a feminist I challenge all of these.
I feel like the debate over the ethics/justice of adoption gets conflated with the debate over the ethics/justice of our socio-economic reality. Do I believe that socio-economic [with an emphasis on the economic] injustices unfairly and tragically impact some women’s choices with regard to parenthood. Yes. Of course. But it’s not the fault of the adoption industry that a woman feels she has no other options for whatever reasons. It’s not the fault of the adoption industry that she lives in a society that doesn’t devote its energies and resources to ensuring that all children and families have the resources they need to thrive. It’s not the fault of the adoption industry that Head Start still doesn’t cover all the children eligible, that we don’t have good, affordable, quality childcare readily available, or universal health coverage or guaranteed maternity and paternity leave or a federally mandated living wage. It’s not the fault of the adoption industry that women may come from dysfunctional, coercive, oppressive families or relationships that interfere with their ability to clearly and freely make such important decisions for themselves.
I say all this knowing that I am an adoptive parent that never had to navigate the system. Our adoption was private and there was no agency involved aside from the one that did the home study for the state. I say this knowing that there undoubtedly are truly unethical adoption practices. I am not questioning the need for an overhaul of the adoption industry. I am not questioning the need for a rigorous critique of the process and the laws involved. I am not questioning the necessity of adoption practice and policy to be beyond scrupulous in ensuring that a woman considering placement understands every aspect of the process and her rights and the rights of her child, before, during and after.
I do question whether we can lay at the feet of the adoption industry the responsibility of widening a woman’s options and horizons. Should society - as a whole - take better care of those of us in crisis - of any kind? I think, yes. Should pregnant women have better social and medical services - including counseling available to them? Yes of course. But then so should all of us.
I don’t think one can successfully make the argument that:
1. We live in an unjust/inequitable socio-economic environment.
2. Therefore, no one can truly freely choose to place a child.
3. Therefore, adoption is inherently unethical in this context.
As Dawn mentioned - it becomes an untenable, purely philosophical exercize in meta-discussion at that point.
It is our responsibility to ensure that adoption practice and policy is as just as possible - given the circumstances of #1 above.
Again, knowing that I am essentially a dilettante in this arena, I still hold that it should not be impossible to devise adoption policy that:
n clearly lays out criteria for informed consent;
n protects the rights of placing parents and children by making open adoption agreements legally enforcible,
n legally ensures the accessibility of records to adoptees,
n curtails and defines the appropriate responsibilities of all members of an adoption relationship - including the agencies involved in a placement.
Finally, I feel called to shift the emphasis from both first and adoptive parents to the adoptee. Honestly, I believe anyone’s desire to raise a child needs to take a seat behind what is in a child’s best interest…. [Deadly dangerous territory, I am well aware.]
* Give me enough credit to assume I really am talking about *everyone* here. Not just questioning people who may or may not place their children for adoption.
Even though it was predicated on a misreading of her post, and even though I am sure it retraces paths well worn by others, it's been so long since I did any of this kind of writing I am going to go ahead and keep it...
There are half a dozen more important things I should be doing right now rather than trying to clarify my thinking on these issues and then struggle with articulating it… But I am disturbed - and have been for awhile - with some latent assumptions I keep glimpsing in these conversations. Damn … I already know that I don’t have the focus to do this very complex tinderbox justice. But it bugs me…
I keep glimpsing out of the corner of my eye evidence of:
n the privileging and elevation of biological bonds as inherently better
n the romanticization of the maternal bond and the maternal urge.
n the acceptance of the assumption that people have an absolute right to parent*.
As a feminist I challenge all of these.
I feel like the debate over the ethics/justice of adoption gets conflated with the debate over the ethics/justice of our socio-economic reality. Do I believe that socio-economic [with an emphasis on the economic] injustices unfairly and tragically impact some women’s choices with regard to parenthood. Yes. Of course. But it’s not the fault of the adoption industry that a woman feels she has no other options for whatever reasons. It’s not the fault of the adoption industry that she lives in a society that doesn’t devote its energies and resources to ensuring that all children and families have the resources they need to thrive. It’s not the fault of the adoption industry that Head Start still doesn’t cover all the children eligible, that we don’t have good, affordable, quality childcare readily available, or universal health coverage or guaranteed maternity and paternity leave or a federally mandated living wage. It’s not the fault of the adoption industry that women may come from dysfunctional, coercive, oppressive families or relationships that interfere with their ability to clearly and freely make such important decisions for themselves.
I say all this knowing that I am an adoptive parent that never had to navigate the system. Our adoption was private and there was no agency involved aside from the one that did the home study for the state. I say this knowing that there undoubtedly are truly unethical adoption practices. I am not questioning the need for an overhaul of the adoption industry. I am not questioning the need for a rigorous critique of the process and the laws involved. I am not questioning the necessity of adoption practice and policy to be beyond scrupulous in ensuring that a woman considering placement understands every aspect of the process and her rights and the rights of her child, before, during and after.
I do question whether we can lay at the feet of the adoption industry the responsibility of widening a woman’s options and horizons. Should society - as a whole - take better care of those of us in crisis - of any kind? I think, yes. Should pregnant women have better social and medical services - including counseling available to them? Yes of course. But then so should all of us.
I don’t think one can successfully make the argument that:
1. We live in an unjust/inequitable socio-economic environment.
2. Therefore, no one can truly freely choose to place a child.
3. Therefore, adoption is inherently unethical in this context.
As Dawn mentioned - it becomes an untenable, purely philosophical exercize in meta-discussion at that point.
It is our responsibility to ensure that adoption practice and policy is as just as possible - given the circumstances of #1 above.
Again, knowing that I am essentially a dilettante in this arena, I still hold that it should not be impossible to devise adoption policy that:
n clearly lays out criteria for informed consent;
n protects the rights of placing parents and children by making open adoption agreements legally enforcible,
n legally ensures the accessibility of records to adoptees,
n curtails and defines the appropriate responsibilities of all members of an adoption relationship - including the agencies involved in a placement.
Finally, I feel called to shift the emphasis from both first and adoptive parents to the adoptee. Honestly, I believe anyone’s desire to raise a child needs to take a seat behind what is in a child’s best interest…. [Deadly dangerous territory, I am well aware.]
* Give me enough credit to assume I really am talking about *everyone* here. Not just questioning people who may or may not place their children for adoption.