Affairs of the Heart

[iamcompufrog]

Every now and then I am forced into taking actions, and generating responses, that cause me grief, pain, and deep emotional, intellectual, and psychological loss.

Like most people, I try to avoid these situations whenever possible - to put it bluntly: unless one is an avowed masochist, they are just no fun whatsoever. I realize that, much as I

Comments

[fionnulaharp]

One stops taking responsibility for someone else's feelings. The other's feelings are hers, yours are yours.

In Spanish there is a saying, Lo siento. It means, "I feel". I feel for you, I feel your pain, I feel. It says so much more than the English, "I'm sorry" or even "I feel your pain". It means "I feel"

I have been going to CODA for a year and a half. I am slowly learning that I must be happy and satisfied in myself before I can be happy in the company of others.

No one else can be your raison d'etre. You are valuable in and of yourself. Please know that.

There are people who would miss you, were you to go. Please don't let one person destroy your will to live.

There is a prayer we say at the end of each CODA meeting, and I try to say more often:

Goddess help me to accept others as they are
Recognize my Own feelings
Meet my Own needs,
And Love myself just as I am

You can love yourself, just as you are.

[iamcompufrog]

One stops taking responsibility for someone else's feelings

That only works at times. When another's feelings are valid, and I am - at least partially - the cause of those feelings, I find it impossible to not take some (to me) legitimate responsibility.

Lo siento. It means, "I feel"

It IS a much better phrase. I'm becoming more of a fan of "SpanGlish" (aka Heinlein's Galactic) because of the ability to use words and such with expanded meanings... and to have them understood for what they are.

Thank you for reminding me of this one.

I am slowly learning that I must be happy and satisfied in myself before I can be happy in the company of othersThat, for me, is the interesting part. I CAN be happy in the company of others, and have been. The reprieve from my meeting with "dEATH" has changed me, in many ways, some of which I don't even pretend to understand

*hug*

[wykdkitten]

While it couldn't be on the level that you two dealt with, I think WykdWolffie might understand to a lesser degree what you're facing. At one time, well.. he did things that had real consequences to others (particularly me and my family). He always loved me, of that there is no doubt at all. Fanatically, some might even say. That didn't keep him from causing a great deal of stress and hurt, and eventually I found myself in a position - financially, emotionally, psychically, physically - well, I couldn't go on that way anymore

Re: *hug*

[iamcompufrog]

I guess the way I really see it.. until you really ARE dead, the possibilities are virtually endless

A lovely sentiment. But I can do nothing more to prove myself. I will NEVER be totally well, and what C++Bear "needs" is someone big, strong, and stupid... or at least nowhere near as smart as she is - someone that she is "better than" in almost every way but physical strength.

Fortunately for her, she isn't "stupid" - she's actually quite intelligent and reasonably well-educated. This is hindered by the fact that she is extremely dyslexic, which makes her APPEAR to be much less than she is. Believe me, please, when I simply state that were she not bright, capable of thinking for herself, and usually nice to be around, I would never have even considered marrying her, not to mention staying with her all these years. Being in love with her would have been SO, SO out of the question

[teal_cuttlefish]

As she said, Lo siento. I'm trying to reach Rex right now so we can call you; failing that, I'll call you.

You are still loved. Yes, losing the woman you love hurts incredibly. But we will do everything we can to help you heal and become more whole. You still have a promise to Sam that you need to keep; and your friends need you as well.

I've been through a terrifically painful divorce; it took a great deal of therapy to heal from that.

And I will be available to listen. If I can't at that particular moment, I will as soon as possible. This I promise. I will listen.

[fionnulaharp]

I will find a way to listen. If I can't be there in person, I will still find a way to listen.

Please know that she chose to feel the way she does. No matter what you may or may not have done, it was her choice. Feelings are the things that we ultimately have the most choice over.

You are still loved. You are still lovable. You are a loving and lovable being. Know that.

[iamcompufrog]

You are a loving and lovable being. Know thatThank you. I wish I could. I gave up, and finally had to realize that I have wasted 23 years on someone who wouldn't know real love from a kick in the crotch

[teal_cuttlefish]

Oh my. I know how you feel right now. Trust me, I do. I haven't had cancer, but I do have much of the other.

Please don't bottle up your feelings. Remember you still have those beautiful children who adore you.

Remember that all of what she is blaming you for was her choice. And her abilities. She would NEVER have been a high powered executive. She does not have the concentration. She could NEVER have played those musical instruments -- same problem. She flits from one enthusiam to another and wonders why she cannot become expert at any of them.

She CHOSE to be the way she is.

You are a unique and precious creation.

[teal_cuttlefish]

http://bookgirlwa.livejournal.com/34811.html

[fionnulaharp]

Wow!

[iamcompufrog]

Really something, eh?

Sentiment echoed.