There is no cosmic register.mtfierceMarch 17 2006, 18:37:11 UTC
We start out selfish, but *tabula rasa*, nevertheless. I keep telling you: you can't change the past, all you can do is change who you are and where you are going (don't be a _victim_ of inertia!)
Weep over your past, but don't let it destroy you. Smile towards the future: it can and will bring great things.
I think I should remind you of a promise you made someone special: that her children would know their grandparents. Ill and mentally foggy, there are still people in your family (and outside your family) who need you. So keep fighting.
For my life, Yes. With the Gov't, as well as possible ("People should not fear the government. Government should fear the people" - 'V' (for Vendetta))
With the people I care about and love, Only if absolutely necessary.
I think we all have done things and behaved in ways that we would rather die than have to own and deal with. The Universe, so fas as I've observed, doesn't seem to work that way, though. Short of an outside force ending your life, or you actively ending your life, well.... you ARE likely to "live with it". But it often hurts like a sumbitch.
On the other hand, for parental types, I just don't see voluntarily checking out of the Life Motel as an option. As little as I know you yet, I get a sense of you as a fighter.
No kidding? (he says with the look of just having sucked on a VERY sour LIME)
On the other hand, for parental types, I just don't see voluntarily checking out of the Life Motel as an option. As little as I know you yet, I get a sense of you as a fighter.
Sometimes too much of a fighter is not a good thing. But, the checkout option is not one I'm quite ready for... I've been through the outer fringes of the Crab Nebula and back and I still have to be sure I can describe it as faithfully as possible to the blind and deaf before I can give up "the kids" (all of 'em!) and go on.
Ghodess! What have I just signed up for? Quick -- Got any "WhiteOuttm" ?
Is it a blessing to be alive when not only is so much around you dead, damaged, destroyed, barely breathing, etc.? Especially when so much of that can, rightfully, be laid at your feet?
If you give up now, all that previous suffering will have been in vain, and those of us who care about and for you will suffer all the more.
hope does not mitigate the fear, loss, and pain of being responsible.
You are shouldering far more responsibility than is necessary or accurate. You didn't "requisition" the cancer. You need to cancel the ticket for the guilt trip you're on.
You are not and have not not been Darth Vader. Bad thought, no biscuit!
Ending a nightmare is not always a boon; there are many negatives that one simply can not see while even being partially asleep. My family (especially) and friends (as well) deserve so much more than they got from me... even though I thought/knew I was giving and "doing the right things" that does NOT magically make everything "right" or even "OK" any more than
( ... )
those of us who care about and for you will suffer all the more.
Mayhaps. But then the suffering will be over, you can go on with your lives, and no one need worry. It would be less painful than having been told "Well, we tried... we could try again, but in reality you have..."
But, that isn't what happened. Being RESIGNED to death, I could have accepted that. I DID NOT (and DO NOT) *WANT* to die, and I DID fight this betrayal of my body. Somehow it seems that-at least for now-I have won.
Now the hardest part is to turn around that "acceptance" (or at least turn it into acceptance of NOT going to die) and take all the "mizteakz" I have made, & the things I have done to "protect" everyone "from me", and do my best to not only fix them (if it is possible), but to ACTIVELY and WHOLEHEARTEDLY **LIVE**
Typo about the Tasks of Hercules!
You didn't "requisition" the cancer. You need to cancel the ticket for the guilt tripI know that. Mitigating circumstances change Murder to Manslaughter. They do not bring the person/
( ... )
Rambling I know but addressing it in my own way nonetheless.meowgurlgvMarch 18 2006, 04:34:46 UTC
What we can do and what is are very very different often. Yes we do put other people and aspects of life in situations or make them feel as they never were before or never will be again, and no sorry never really fixes anything. But what it does do is acknowledge that there is life and this is the way life is and if it could be different it would. It just isn't. A young child will tell you 'im sorry' and think it fixes everything...(I have a kid at work who will smack another kid on the head with a block and then immediately apologize oblivious to the fact that "im sorry" won't make the knot on his head disappear) but an adult will still say 'im sorry' realizing it fixes nothing so what is it other than a politeness, or a sypathetic gesture so you don't seem like a jackass. Sorry's don't accomplish much.... supportive actions do
( ... )
Re: Rambling I know but addressing it in my own way nonetheless.iamcompufrogMarch 18 2006, 09:08:36 UTC
I think you got it right.
Thank you, too, for having given support... Not knowing me other than my posts (silly or otherwise) you have been (and often are) insightful and honest. Rambling is OK... it makes me focus on what you're saying (and gives me a feeling of comfort that I am NOT the only one who rambles [grin]).
to try to do when you can't is also extremely normal (hello im a walking example of that or my entire life is) but superman did die... all things come to an end it is their nature.
Yes. But that "coming to an end" is what we try to avoid whenever possible, and accept when it is impossible. It's the unneeded "ends" that cause the pain and guilt. We can not be perfect, but when our imperfections kill that which we most want to live... that's when it hurts most.
I can, and will, be better than I was. I have been given that "extra chance" and don't have any desire to squander it. I have to figure out how to use it, and still live with the problems arising from getting here.
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Weep over your past, but don't let it destroy you. Smile towards the future: it can and will bring great things.
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I could use either of them right about now.
Smile towards the future: it can and will bring great things.
WIBNIf...
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Depends on the kind.
For my life, Yes.
With the Gov't, as well as possible ("People should not fear the government. Government should fear the people" - 'V' (for Vendetta))
With the people I care about and love, Only if absolutely necessary.
BTW: Talk with Rex (that's a request).
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On the other hand, for parental types, I just don't see voluntarily checking out of the Life Motel as an option. As little as I know you yet, I get a sense of you as a fighter.
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No kidding? (he says with the look of just having sucked on a VERY sour LIME)
On the other hand, for parental types, I just don't see voluntarily checking out of the Life Motel as an option. As little as I know you yet, I get a sense of you as a fighter.
Sometimes too much of a fighter is not a good thing. But, the checkout option is not one I'm quite ready for... I've been through the outer fringes of the Crab Nebula and back and I still have to be sure I can describe it as faithfully as possible to the blind and deaf before I can give up "the kids" (all of 'em!) and go on.
Ghodess! What have I just signed up for?
Quick -- Got any "WhiteOuttm" ?
Reply
**passing the tequila to go with the lime... Herradura Anejo or Sauza Commerativo are recommended***
P.S. Here's the salt, too ;-)
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Ahh... My kind of woman! One of the two drinks I really like... Tequila and GOOD Single Malt Scotch (peat-scent a positive for me)
And thanks for the salt... I can rub it into this morning's wounds and make them feel better. Sigh...
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Is it a blessing to be alive when not only is so much around you dead, damaged, destroyed, barely breathing, etc.? Especially when so much of that can, rightfully, be laid at your feet?
If you give up now, all that previous suffering will have been in vain, and those of us who care about and for you will suffer all the more.
hope does not mitigate the fear, loss, and pain of being responsible.
You are shouldering far more responsibility than is necessary or accurate. You didn't "requisition" the cancer. You need to cancel the ticket for the guilt trip you're on.
You are not and have not not been Darth Vader. Bad thought, no biscuit!
Ending a nightmare is not always a boon; there are many negatives that one simply can not see while even being partially asleep. My family (especially) and friends (as well) deserve so much more than they got from me... even though I thought/knew I was giving and "doing the right things" that does NOT magically make everything "right" or even "OK" any more than ( ... )
Reply
Mayhaps. But then the suffering will be over, you can go on with your lives, and no one need worry. It would be less painful than having been told "Well, we tried... we could try again, but in reality you have..."
But, that isn't what happened. Being RESIGNED to death, I could have accepted that. I DID NOT (and DO NOT) *WANT* to die, and I DID fight this betrayal of my body. Somehow it seems that-at least for now-I have won.
Now the hardest part is to turn around that "acceptance" (or at least turn it into acceptance of NOT going to die) and take all the "mizteakz" I have made, & the things I have done to "protect" everyone "from me", and do my best to not only fix them (if it is possible), but to ACTIVELY and WHOLEHEARTEDLY **LIVE**
Typo about the Tasks of Hercules!
You didn't "requisition" the cancer. You need to cancel the ticket for the guilt tripI know that. Mitigating circumstances change Murder to Manslaughter. They do not bring the person/ ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Thank you, too, for having given support... Not knowing me other than my posts (silly or otherwise) you have been (and often are) insightful and honest. Rambling is OK... it makes me focus on what you're saying (and gives me a feeling of comfort that I am NOT the only one who rambles [grin]).
to try to do when you can't is also extremely normal (hello im a walking example of that or my entire life is)
but superman did die...
all things come to an end it is their nature.
Yes. But that "coming to an end" is what we try to avoid whenever possible, and accept when it is impossible. It's the unneeded "ends" that cause the pain and guilt. We can not be perfect, but when our imperfections kill that which we most want to live... that's when it hurts most.
I can, and will, be better than I was. I have been given that "extra chance" and don't have any desire to squander it. I have to figure out how to use it, and still live with the problems arising from getting here.
It's definitely a quandary.
Reply
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