This is what I deal with on a regular basis
So…this happened.
You may be aware that we had the super blue blood moon today. It was a super moon, and it was a blue moon since it was the second full moon in a month, and it was a blood moon due to an eclipse. (If you watched WGN this morning, it also had a mustache thanks to a perfectly timed cloud during one of their live shots. Given the name and the mustache, I wanted to call it the super Blue Bloods Tom Selleck moon. What can I say, it was early in the morning--6:15 AM--and I hadn't slept well.) Since it was in the western sky, our view was not clear owing to our neighbors' house and tree, but we still saw a bit of it, my father and I; mom had already left for work. However, during the news tonight, discussing it, she said she saw it! And it was cool! And she thinks it was an eclipse! And then…
Mom: So, yes or no, are the sun and the moon the same thing?
Me: …
Dad: …
Mom: No, really, are they one object whose name changes at different times of the day?
(By this time, I have buried my head in my arms on the kitchen table and am making groaning sounds.)
Mom: Yes or no? Are they both planets?
Me: (groans)
Mom (insistent): Yes or no???
Dad: No! They're two different things! The sun is the object we revolve around. The moon…
Mom: Is a planet!
Me: Is a satellite that revolves around the Earth. It's not a planet. Did your school even *have* science class? 'Cause I don't think you paid attention in a single one.
(I finally say something I've wanted to tell her for ages:)
Me: When you retire, I want you to go back to kindergarten, so you can learn all this stuff.
Mom: They didn't have all this stuff when I was a kid!
Dad (who is two years older): Yes, they did! This is first or second grade material!
Mom: I'm not around little kids! I don't hear this stuff!
Me: Neither does dad!
(minor discussion on science ensues; I move into the kitchen from the eating area to clean up after dinner)
Me (remembering a discussion from years ago): Okay, how many states are there?
Mom: Fifty. Or is it fifty-one?
Me: …
Mom: Which is it?
Me: Fifty. Well, that's better than a few years ago when you thought there were fifty-three.
Mom: Oh. So what's Puerto Rico…
Me: A territory. (I *so* knew she was going there.)
Mom: And Hawaii?
Me: The 50th state.
Mom: But it's not connected!
Me: Neither is Alaska!
Mom: …Alaska's not connected?
(Dad chortles from the family room)
Dad: No!
Me: Canada's in between.
Mom: This is why I bought my globe! (Note: The thing is pretty small and useless. It also doesn't line up properly because it was cheap.) But it doesn't have the sun and the moon, so that's why I didn't know about them!
…Mm-hmm. It's not word-for-word, but that's more than the gist of the conversation. Oh, and at the tail end, she (yet again) claimed she'd given me all her brains on the final push while giving birth. That…is not how it works, mom. But yeah. This is my mother. I swear to you, she's not that dumb, but thinking is hard and she never learned how to do it. And so, in her 60s, she honestly wasn't sure if the sun and moon were different things. Just…wow.
You may be aware that we had the super blue blood moon today. It was a super moon, and it was a blue moon since it was the second full moon in a month, and it was a blood moon due to an eclipse. (If you watched WGN this morning, it also had a mustache thanks to a perfectly timed cloud during one of their live shots. Given the name and the mustache, I wanted to call it the super Blue Bloods Tom Selleck moon. What can I say, it was early in the morning--6:15 AM--and I hadn't slept well.) Since it was in the western sky, our view was not clear owing to our neighbors' house and tree, but we still saw a bit of it, my father and I; mom had already left for work. However, during the news tonight, discussing it, she said she saw it! And it was cool! And she thinks it was an eclipse! And then…
Mom: So, yes or no, are the sun and the moon the same thing?
Me: …
Dad: …
Mom: No, really, are they one object whose name changes at different times of the day?
(By this time, I have buried my head in my arms on the kitchen table and am making groaning sounds.)
Mom: Yes or no? Are they both planets?
Me: (groans)
Mom (insistent): Yes or no???
Dad: No! They're two different things! The sun is the object we revolve around. The moon…
Mom: Is a planet!
Me: Is a satellite that revolves around the Earth. It's not a planet. Did your school even *have* science class? 'Cause I don't think you paid attention in a single one.
(I finally say something I've wanted to tell her for ages:)
Me: When you retire, I want you to go back to kindergarten, so you can learn all this stuff.
Mom: They didn't have all this stuff when I was a kid!
Dad (who is two years older): Yes, they did! This is first or second grade material!
Mom: I'm not around little kids! I don't hear this stuff!
Me: Neither does dad!
(minor discussion on science ensues; I move into the kitchen from the eating area to clean up after dinner)
Me (remembering a discussion from years ago): Okay, how many states are there?
Mom: Fifty. Or is it fifty-one?
Me: …
Mom: Which is it?
Me: Fifty. Well, that's better than a few years ago when you thought there were fifty-three.
Mom: Oh. So what's Puerto Rico…
Me: A territory. (I *so* knew she was going there.)
Mom: And Hawaii?
Me: The 50th state.
Mom: But it's not connected!
Me: Neither is Alaska!
Mom: …Alaska's not connected?
(Dad chortles from the family room)
Dad: No!
Me: Canada's in between.
Mom: This is why I bought my globe! (Note: The thing is pretty small and useless. It also doesn't line up properly because it was cheap.) But it doesn't have the sun and the moon, so that's why I didn't know about them!
…Mm-hmm. It's not word-for-word, but that's more than the gist of the conversation. Oh, and at the tail end, she (yet again) claimed she'd given me all her brains on the final push while giving birth. That…is not how it works, mom. But yeah. This is my mother. I swear to you, she's not that dumb, but thinking is hard and she never learned how to do it. And so, in her 60s, she honestly wasn't sure if the sun and moon were different things. Just…wow.