holy fuck. i have never felt worse in my life.... the only time justin and josh can have a serious conversation is when they talk about how horrible a person i am.

holy fuck. i didn't think i was that bad... i am. i really am. i'm worse then i thought. i didn't think it was possible....oh god. i'm so scared.so damn scared.

holy crap. i am so paniky. and so gross feeling.. and agh. I just want to scream and i don't what to do... way to much is going on. i mean i'm cool. i'm not depressed or anything, i just dont' know how to handle my best friends going out and accidentaly making it seem like i was in love with one of them. but really I'm not. it's the ideas. not the ( Read more... )

oh god. i hate this so much. my two best friends. possibly getting together. i want so bad for them to be happy. and I won't tell them how much i hate it. and i try so hard to get them together. but it's killing me. more then anything. i don't know why. I'd see her alot more. but maybe i wouldn't see him. i do not have any freakin clue why i'm so ( Read more... )

well Today I am not quite sure how I feel. Today I fel like I have to grow and do something with my life. and i know I already am dong way more then some people are doing but it's not as much as I want to be doing with my life. hmmm...weird. Although I feel a bit more grown up. I am wearing the ring my nan gave me for my sixteenth birthday. It ( Read more... )

I'm doing a bunch better now ( Read more... )

and yet again I feel like poo. what can I diabout it though. nothing. I can't write about it because I will only make a fool out of myself because it's not that important. I can't talk to anyone about it because I'll only here the words "it's not that big a deal" and well I can't do anything else about it now can i? so goodbye so i can go dwell in ( Read more... )

I finally had a good weekend where I did stuff with more then justin... isn't that exciting. I mean I hung out with people I ahven't seen in years and people I haven't talked to in a long while. That to me means more then anything could ever mean. Because I am 18 years old and never been to a party until saturday. I've never been camping with megan ( Read more... )

I've been reading bruce lee...and he's influenced me and inspired me to stop manipulating myself to act on every self annihalting feeling and emotion i experience. because i don't deserve it. I don't need to be afraid of life or love or friendship. I don't need to accompany my fears with actions that prove them true..or false for that matter. I've ( Read more... )

I am bored with life. I am bored knowing what every day will bring to me. that every friday night i'll either be working or sitting at somenes house chatting. for once I want to go out get drunk and do something crazy. I can't though because my life won't allow it. Justin hates it more then I do. he'd never just walk around and get drunk somewhere ( Read more... )

BK is being a gay fag and doesn't exist...It's weird. But oh well ( Read more... )