SUPER UPDATE

[i3eautyfly]

So here is the MAJOR serious update that previous one was just a part of one thing are not getting any better if anything they are getting worse I thought I was getting better but I was wrong apparently I am having more ups and downs than I realised and my attention spam is getting worse

Comments

[kisuvampyr]

NO DYING YOU HEAR MEEE! I'll find R!Patz and make him hunt you down if I have to.

[i3eautyfly]

i promise i won't purposely kill myself but i won't promise that any meds they put me on won't i am stop taking the meds til i go to the hospital because i am just tired of this shit.

yeah dying would be the easy way out for me but not for everyone else in this world that that loves me and treasures me tooo much for me to die but get me R!PatZ or Emmettt XD I would say weaveless jasper XD lol

we should talk again I need to get numbers back in my phone again cause I lost some in the move to my new phone I have manually moving them all over i wish they would all just call me or text me who they are.

[kisuvampyr]

we should and you should go check out my comms if you havnt yet twilight_macros that will make you laugh till you feel better and kelmett_happens that will make you drool LD

[i3eautyfly]

i will do that i am on a friends computer so i have to do it when i get my full internet back i am trying to not use their internet toooo much lol i have been on for like 2 hours writing this entry because i neede4d to get it all out.

[anonymous]

[i3eautyfly]

that is more than enough i wasn't even expecting really anything close to that thank you. i am just in tears and so frustrated and lost and confused and that i am going to do i want to take a xanax but i don't want to be a complete mess... i am trying to stay off the meds i am keeping yours and mine screened because it is just how i feel it needs to be unless you want me to un screen it then i will. XD

i feel i am going ot have a nervous breakdown i keep telling myself i am going to be okay i am going to be okay. tell everyone in the chat hi for m and direct them to this entry so they know what is up not that i want there money but so they know what is going on even kathy even though i know she hates me half the time. this is unprotected so anyone can read it.

[anonymous]

[i3eautyfly]

thank you for even the a little every little helps i really wasn't excepting anything from anyone really even a dollar from everyone would have been fine. honestly i really really hated asking it took everything i had to actually ask to do it because i need it and i don't know what else to do to get money i can't work a street conner ask my parents for money or my sister because she is having a baby.

maybe i really need another job but I like my job i don't know i do best when i am helping others and not customers and getting screamed at.

i hate being broke i am over drawn i am now having to go to a place to cover my rent or my light bill most likely my light bill and just yeah i swear i am going to lose my mind.

[i3eautyfly]

I mistyped lol yeah it is 4 xanax a day. I have the list sit next to me i had a pharmacist tech or something like that look at it and she said that was far tooo much.. and it is scary i was thinking okay maybe i need this then yeah I my self wasn't realising I was in the state I was in OTHER people had to tell me what state I was in. OTHER people told me I was acting differently then normal that I was this or I was that. Like you said when you talked to me.

[anonymous]

i love you still

[i3eautyfly]

sweetie it is perfectly okay i totally understand i didn't really expect anything from anyone but i figured i would try. i just didn't know what else to do i am little better now that i am starting to detoxifying some of the drugs out of me which will take time i have been drinking this tea stuff that has healthy herbs i am still a little drugged and i have hives from all day that i didn't know i had til jamie told me i had.

i love you lots and if you want to call me some time you can that is good for me right now i know you are tight on money we all are but still... the thought that counts and i love you if i wasn't where i am now i would send you a house warming gift XD maybe even a gift card to buy something lol XD you ddo have wal-mart and targets there right i forget lol

i love you

[anonymous]

Re: i love you still

[i3eautyfly]

-hugs you to death-

i want your new address i do have a card i want to send you though XD like a simple card no moneys in it or anything.

i posted another entry to give more an update... i am doing a little better but not 100% and i am sooo hivesy it is unreal and i have small scratches.