SUPER UPDATE
So here is the MAJOR serious update that previous one was just a part of one thing are not getting any better if anything they are getting worse I thought I was getting better but I was wrong apparently I am having more ups and downs than I realised and my attention spam is getting worse.
Not to mention my coach is going nuts with me she adores me and my willingness to help and everything but I drive others nuts because I always want to jump in and help but there is times on the phone customers can't understand me cause I either talk to fast to my worses sound slurred or rammed together. it is hard I know everything and she doesn't want to lose me as a agent i am one of her best agents. But she can't have me not being 110% not even not being 100% 90% doesn't cut it either cause you have to give the customer everything. I am sure you all would want that if you called into not talk to someone who isn't all drugged up and shit and isn't giving her best even if she gets the job done. But takes 20-30 mins then again lately I have been fixing other peoples shit lol.
Work wants me on LOA and wants me to take a leave of absents that I won't get paid for which really fucks with me because I have bills that NEED to get paid that I want get paid and my checks are normally 700-900 every two weeks so how the hell i am going to pay for that I haven't a fucking clue they are talking me taking a month or two weeks of it and I can't afford it I really can not afford it I JUST got a new apartment that is more than what I was paying before that is due soon I need to get food I want to cry my eyes out. And seriously down a bottle of my meds and just be done with it all but I won't because that won't solve a damn thing. It will hurt a lot of people and not help me any because I would be dead and be in some sort of hell.sooo this is what meds I am suppose to take daily.
Daytime
1 daily Topomax 25mg 2daily
1 daily Celexa 40mg 1 daily
1 daily Xanax 2mg 1 4x daily
1 daily Vavonse 50mg 1 daily
Nighttime
1 daily Lamictal 25mg 1 daily
1 daily Geodon 60 1 daily
Knowing my luck if I am lucking I am going to over dose and become dead like Heath Ledger did and of course my death won't be all big news and everything sadly enough. But at least I would be in peace and I wouldn't have done if on purpose right? As for the least part yeah that was not expected to do it right? But I am going to stop taking the meds for a few days I am actually going to go to UTMB which is a hospital in this area and tell them i have had suicidal thoughts and I am going crazy with all the meds I am on and I am about to lose my job if this doesn't get taken care of and i need to be seen by someone to talk to to help me through all this and everything. I hate feeling like I am not okay I feel okay but I am not okay in the dame moment.
As for the boy he tried to tell me he was going to take the next two days off to take care of me being today and tomorrow or something like that but I told him no he need to work and that he couldn't. Stupid boy. but it is sweet I know and it shows he really cares about me. He has been great to me and I have know him since child hood... i will post the original entry I wrote like a week ago when I though it got posted and didn't.
So here is something I do with a heavy heart you don't have to do anything or not or if you want just give like a dollar or a little doesn't matter anyways it doesn't matter what you pay in. I am only doing it because I know I have a feeling I will be out of work for two weeks and i have soooo many bills from moving and everything.
**EDIT** I am going to screen some of the comments because if people want to give there one personal info life stuff out I am going to leave it screen and if you want to say you donated too lol I could care less if no one does but i figured i would try. which is why I have this unlocked entry. II NEED PEOPLE TO TEXT ME IF YOU HAVE MY NUMBER!!
BTW I am being held hostage at my friend Jaymie's house because she wants me to be looking after to make sure I am okay and not be alone.
**EDIT2**
If you have any friends that might help send them over if they can help anyway to give any advise. This is what i supposely have OCD-anxiety-ADD-Bipolar
Not to mention my coach is going nuts with me she adores me and my willingness to help and everything but I drive others nuts because I always want to jump in and help but there is times on the phone customers can't understand me cause I either talk to fast to my worses sound slurred or rammed together. it is hard I know everything and she doesn't want to lose me as a agent i am one of her best agents. But she can't have me not being 110% not even not being 100% 90% doesn't cut it either cause you have to give the customer everything. I am sure you all would want that if you called into not talk to someone who isn't all drugged up and shit and isn't giving her best even if she gets the job done. But takes 20-30 mins then again lately I have been fixing other peoples shit lol.
Work wants me on LOA and wants me to take a leave of absents that I won't get paid for which really fucks with me because I have bills that NEED to get paid that I want get paid and my checks are normally 700-900 every two weeks so how the hell i am going to pay for that I haven't a fucking clue they are talking me taking a month or two weeks of it and I can't afford it I really can not afford it I JUST got a new apartment that is more than what I was paying before that is due soon I need to get food I want to cry my eyes out. And seriously down a bottle of my meds and just be done with it all but I won't because that won't solve a damn thing. It will hurt a lot of people and not help me any because I would be dead and be in some sort of hell.sooo this is what meds I am suppose to take daily.
Daytime
1 daily Topomax 25mg 2daily
1 daily Celexa 40mg 1 daily
1 daily Xanax 2mg 1 4x daily
1 daily Vavonse 50mg 1 daily
Nighttime
1 daily Lamictal 25mg 1 daily
1 daily Geodon 60 1 daily
Knowing my luck if I am lucking I am going to over dose and become dead like Heath Ledger did and of course my death won't be all big news and everything sadly enough. But at least I would be in peace and I wouldn't have done if on purpose right? As for the least part yeah that was not expected to do it right? But I am going to stop taking the meds for a few days I am actually going to go to UTMB which is a hospital in this area and tell them i have had suicidal thoughts and I am going crazy with all the meds I am on and I am about to lose my job if this doesn't get taken care of and i need to be seen by someone to talk to to help me through all this and everything. I hate feeling like I am not okay I feel okay but I am not okay in the dame moment.
As for the boy he tried to tell me he was going to take the next two days off to take care of me being today and tomorrow or something like that but I told him no he need to work and that he couldn't. Stupid boy. but it is sweet I know and it shows he really cares about me. He has been great to me and I have know him since child hood... i will post the original entry I wrote like a week ago when I though it got posted and didn't.
So here is something I do with a heavy heart you don't have to do anything or not or if you want just give like a dollar or a little doesn't matter anyways it doesn't matter what you pay in. I am only doing it because I know I have a feeling I will be out of work for two weeks and i have soooo many bills from moving and everything.
**EDIT** I am going to screen some of the comments because if people want to give there one personal info life stuff out I am going to leave it screen and if you want to say you donated too lol I could care less if no one does but i figured i would try. which is why I have this unlocked entry. II NEED PEOPLE TO TEXT ME IF YOU HAVE MY NUMBER!!
BTW I am being held hostage at my friend Jaymie's house because she wants me to be looking after to make sure I am okay and not be alone.
**EDIT2**
If you have any friends that might help send them over if they can help anyway to give any advise. This is what i supposely have OCD-anxiety-ADD-Bipolar