Who Could Ask For Any More? - Part Five (i) - January
Title: Who Could Ask For Any More?
Part: Five (i)
Word Count: 7,013
Previous Parts: Prologue | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
~
On the first day back at school, after personally thanking Josh and Armie for their Hanukkah gifts, Jesse leaves their dorm in a state of vague amazement, as for once in probably their entire lives, they hadn't been watching TV.
Andrew and Justin's dorm is on the next floor up, they're the second stop on the Jesse Eisenberg train of gratitude. This time a week ago, Jesse had been thinking that this walk was going to be the most nerve-wracking walk of his life, but it’s not. This time a week ago, Jesse had imagined himself not walking, but marching up to Andrew’s room, bursting in, and professing his love for the gangly British hipster. Except, that’s not going to happen -well, not just yet anyway- because Jesse is one of those people that feels the need to over analyse, over think, and pick apart every possible situation, and he genuinely feels that Andrew deserves better than an impromptu, rushed declaration.
As Jesse climbs the stairs up to the next floor, he smiles as he thinks about the decision he had made only a couple of days ago, the fact that he’s going to wait until the right time to tell Andrew. Not just the right time, but the right place too. It’s going to be perfect, and Jesse has a feeling that an opportunity will come along very soon. Sure, the idea of the right place and the right time is pretty cheesy, because real life isn’t like the movies, but Jesse’s pretty sure that most people would like it to be.
Who wouldn’t want to be stood on the pitcher’s mound waiting for the person they love to come and kiss them in front of a cheering crowd like Drew Barrymore did in Never Been Kissed? (Maybe he could talk to Joe and get that fixed.) Who wouldn’t want to stand in the pouring rain by the river and yell “It wasn’t over! It still isn‘t over!” Hell, even the end of Juno was pretty adorable, except Jesse won’t be getting pregnant with Andrew’s baby any time soon.
Either way, Jesse wants it to be perfect, so for today, Jesse’s just going to say thank you, and gush about how wonderful Andrew’s gift is without mentioning the fact that he cried a little about it.
For all intents and purposes, Andrew and Justin live in room forty-eight, and as Jesse approaches their door, he hears loud music pouring out from behind it, loud enough that the lyrics can be easily recognised. Jesse frowns, mildly amused, because why in the hell would Andrew be listening to the Backstreet Boys with music taste like his?
Except, it wasn’t Andrew that was listening to it. Jesse figures that the guys wouldn’t hear it even if he did knock, so he just goes on ahead and opens their door to find Andrew laid out on his bed holding a pillow over his head, whilst a shirtless Justin does his hair in the mirror above his dresser, singing ‘Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)’ at the top of his lungs.
Jesse’s half gaping, half smiling as he watches the Head Prefect gyrate his hips like that. He thrusts as he sings, “Am I sexual?!”
The sheer absurdity of this situation and Andrew’s reaction to it makes Jesse adore him even more, and if it weren’t for Justin's crush on Emma, Jesse would seriously be questioning his sexuality right now.
Jesse figures that since no one’s watching, he can have a little sing-song too. When he was younger he would have blamed it on his younger sister constantly blasting the album, but now? He’s not afraid to admit to it, he knows all of the lyrics to this one. “Am I everything you need? You better rock your body now!”
The music, the harmonised male voices and the sounds of Justin’s stamping feet drown out any noise that Jesse could possibly make, so he steps into the room and shuts the door. Justin’s one hundred percent oblivious to Jesse’s entrance as he toys with corkscrew curls, and Andrew’s actually started punching the pillow on top of his head now.
Jesse’s filled with this new brand of hope, knowing that the beautiful guy under the pillow in a vintage Ramones t-shirt and almost too tight jeans actually likes him. Andrew likes Jesse, and Jesse knows it. Andrew may not be in love with Jesse in the way that Jesse is in heart-wrenching -already naming their fictional adopted twins (Hailey and Jack, after Kerouac, of course)- love with Andrew, but for now, just knowing that he has some more-than-friends feelings is enough for Jesse. They’re really onto something here.
“Justin!” Jesse laughs as he calls it out, lifting and moving one of Andrew’s numerous math-filled whiteboards out of the way so that he can get properly inside. He taps the Prefect on the shoulder. “Justin!”
Justin jumps, clutching at his heart, before realising that it’s only Jesse. He reaches out towards his stereo and shuts it off.
“Oh my God! Either I’ve gone deaf or it's actually stopped!” Andrew’s voice is muffled by the pillow on his face.
The music must have affected Justin’s hearing quite a bit as he yells, “Hey man! How you doin’? Andrew! Jesse’s here!”
Andrew grabs the pillow with one hand and pulls it from his face. His eyes are soft, his smile is just this side of wistful. He speaks as though he hasn‘t seen Jesse in years. “Hey Jess.”
“Hey,” Jesse’s all of sudden become very shy, and glances down at his feet. “I just uh, I just wanted to say thank you for the gifts, they were amazing, I loved them.”
“No problem buddy!” Justin tugs at one of Jesse’s belt loops. “I see that you’re wearing mine.”
“I’m so glad you liked them.” Jesse looks back at Andrew. Andrew holds out a hand, and all traces of a smile leave his face at once. “I’m not going with you by the way.”
Jesse frowns hard, what a moment killer. “Going where?”
“To get the results of our History exam. I’m terrified about it and I really don’t want to know what I got. Seriously, I don’t. So you should just go on your own. I’ll stay here and wait for the phone call from my Dad.” Andrew throws the pillow back onto his face, arms outstretched, fingers spread wide and voice overly-dramatic. “Go on without me!”
With all that was going on over the break, Jesse had completely forgotten about the History exam, in fact, anything academic had all but left his mind. When he had been reading through Andrew’s text book, Jesse hadn’t really learned anything new, he was too busy concentrating on how neat Andrew’s handwriting was, or his use of glittery silver gel pen in some places.
Huffing, Jesse figures that they might as well do this anyway, seeing as he's already here. “Come on Andrew, let’s go get our results.”
“No,” Andrew replies, tone flat.
“Stop being so bratty about it.”
“I’m not going.”
“I’ll make you.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
Jesse turns on his heel, looking to Andrew‘s still shirtless room mate. “Justin, a little help here.”
Justin grins like he’s just been given the treat of a life time, moves over to Andrew’s side of the room, grabs a tight hold of his arm, and hauls him from the bed. Andrew lands with a muffled thump and a groan of complaint. He gets to his feet, slouching like a child. “Fine, I’m coming.”
For the very first time in their entire friendship, Jesse takes Andrew’s hand, and sets off running -out of the doorway, down the hall, and into The Square- leaving a very bewildered Justin sticking his head out of the door.
“You are freakishly fast sometimes!” Andrew yells, laughing as they dash outside into the wintry half-light, weaving carelessly through the other students, and for once in his entire eighteen years of mediocre existence, Jesse does not giving a flying fuck about what anyone has to think or say, because he’s got Andrew.
Once they’re inside the North building, the pair find that Mr.Shannon has left everyone’s grades up on a sheet of paper tacked to the wall beside his door. Jesse can feel the goose bumps on Andrew’s unclothed arm pressed into his own cold skin, and squeezes his hand tight.
“Jesse, I can’t look. Could you do it for me?”
Jesse turns his head to look up at him. Andrew‘s furrowed brow and the set of his jaw are enough to let Jesse know how impossibly worried he is. Jesse‘s entire body is screaming to kiss him, to kiss that worry away and make everything better for just a second because for any normal kid this is just a grade, but for Andrew, this is the difference between either a congratulatory, or an angry disappointed phone call from his pushy father. A phone call that‘ll make Andrew feel worthless and shitty, and Jesse couldn‘t stand for him to feel that way.
“Are you sure?”
Andrew looks down at him, nodding. “Yeah, and if it’s bad, then I’m gonna have to ask you to break it to me as gently as possible.”
“It won’t be bad. We worked hard for this, so stop doubting yourself.”
Andrew narrows his eyes, smiling, speaking softly. “Hypocrite.”
Jesse grins back -because he knows that Andrew‘s right on that one- and shakes his head. “One sec.”
He approaches the list, his and Andrew’s results are written one beneath the other as they’re organised alphabetically by surname and there’s no one in their class with a last name that begins with F. Jesse’s eyes widen, he and Andrew have got the same grade. He turns to walk back, trying his hardest to keep his face straight in the hope that it won’t give too much away.
“It’s awful isn’t it?” Andrew slumps into the wall, pressing his forehead against it. “Give it to me straight.”
Jesse approaches Andrew slowly, tilting his head, until there‘s only about ten feet between them. “Well uh, your grade… it’s a letter in your name.”
“Oh God, I got an E, didn’t I?” Andrew screws his eyes up dramatically. “Or by some miracle, a D.”
“No,” Jesse raises his shoulders and scrunches his face up, ”it’s the first letter in your name.”
“What!? I got an A?” Slowly, a grin spreads across Andrew’s face, wider and wider, until it takes up nearly the entire width of his face, and it looks perfect. So happy and so bright that Jesse could easily break into song about it, just about that smile. Andrew Garfield was made to smile. “I really got an A?”
Jesse‘s grin could now rival Andrew‘s in size. “Yes!”
Ten years from now, twenty years from now, perhaps even until his dying day, Jesse will never be able to fully explain what compelled him to do what he did next, what inspired him to be so uncharacteristically impulsive.
He runs -sprints- to close the gap between he and Andrew, and envelops him into the tightest hug he has ever given anyone in his entire life, pressing the side of his face into Andrew’s chest with barely suppressed glee. Andrew bends back with Jesse’s weight, and his face falls for the briefest of moments as a result of genuine shock, before returning back to that smile from before, but larger, the happiest smile to ever grace Andrew’s face.
Andrew wraps his arms around Jesse‘s shoulders, and speaks quietly into his hair. “Thank you so much, I couldn’t have done this without you, you’re amazing, incredible, wonderful. I just,” he squeezes Jesse tight, “I missed you… so much, Jess. I forgot how crap my life was before you.”
“I missed you too,” Jesse replies, and fuck, having Andrew say that to him, and having Andrew holding him like this -tight enough to feel safe and not so tight that it hurts- well, Jesse’s having genuine difficulty when it comes to thinking of a time when he felt better than this.
And, they stay like that, just like that, for a minute or two more, trapped inside the kind of moment that Jesse has spent his entire life aching for.
Jesse concentrates on the heat of Andrew’s body and the sound of his heart beating into his ear and the rise and fall of Andrew‘s chest as he breathes, feeling all of the effervescent life flowing through this person that makes Jesse feel, well… alive.
“You got an A as well, didn’t you?” Andrew asks a second later, and Jesse can just hear the smile in his voice.
“Yeah.”
Andrew lets out this small, fond laugh that makes Jesse‘s heart beat fast like a small bird in the confines of his rib cage, and his eyes fly open. “I knew you would,” Andrew says.
They don’t so much break apart as they slide apart, almost purposefully allowing every inch of bare skin on their arms to brush together until their hands rejoin and grip one another, fingers interlacing.
Jesse could say it now, he wants to say it now, the words are rushing up his throat and his mouth is open and ready to form the words. His entire being is tingling with anticipation at what is probably going to be the most important moment of his life so far, and his heart is beating ten to the dozen as Andrew stares down into his eyes and smiles mischievously, kind of like he knows what Jesse is about to say.
But then, Andrew turns, and starts to walk, holding his and Jesse’s tightly clasped hands against the small of his back as he pulls Jesse behind him. “Come on, let’s go celebrate, yeah?”
Jesse is surprised to learn that he doesn’t feel as though he’s fallen flat, in fact, he feels all the more hopeful, because he was going to say it, he really truly was, and know that he knows that he can do it, it’s quelled the nerves just a bit, and he knows that he’ll be ready once the genuine moment comes.
As they enter The Square once more, this time walking because, for once, there’s nothing to run to and nothing to run from. They notice Emma over on the other side, talking with a few girlfriends. After a moment or two, she spots them as well.
She rushes over to them, smiling like she‘s got a plan, and puts on her best English accent. “Hello lads!”
“Miss. Stone,” Andrew nods, with a courteous smile.
Emma glances down at Andrew and Jesse‘s hands, and pouts fondly in the same way that she would at a puppy. A moment later, she looks back to Andrew’s face. “Plan. Camping trip at the end of this month for Justin’s birthday. What do you think?”
“A camping trip? Outside? In Poughkeepsie? In January? Are you crazy?”
“It’s been suggested,” she grins sweetly.
“We’ll freeze,” Andrew replies bluntly.
“We’ll be fine! We’ll have a fire, we’ll remember to bring lots of blankets and remember to wrap up warm. If worst comes to worse, we can all snuggle up together.” Emma throws Jesse a very meaningful look, the very hint of a smirk playing at her lips, eyes shifting back to Andrew.
Jesse nods, because yep, their moment will come. Very soon.
***
"Oh gosh, I think I'm gonna throw up."
Justin rolls his eyes, pushing up his sleeves. "Stop being so Bella Swan about it. You'll be fine."
"No, seriously Justin. I'm gonna throw up." Jesse's eyes are wide and unblinking as he stares at the ominous black plastic containers at the front of the class room. "I can't do this. I refuse to do this. It's wrong. I am not cutting a frog open, I don't care if it's for my edification. I have the legal right to opt out of this, and I am."
"Oh Jesus Christ," Justin sighs and sticks his hand into the air. "Miss. Foley, Jesse would rather not take part in the dissection today, is there something else we can do?"
The teacher turns, frowning a little. “Uh yeah, since you’re the only partners that aren’t doing it, you’ll have to sit at the back. Turn to page 394 of your text books and just copy out the theory.”
Justin gathers up his books and moves to a free desk at the back of the class room. Jesse follows wistfully and sits down beside him. “I’m sorry, Justin. It’s just I know that those poor things were killed for this, and that’s something which I’m totally against, coming from a family of animal rights activists and all.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Justin smiles with all the friendliness in the world. “I completely understand. I know you would too, if it was the other way around.”
“Thanks a lot,” Jesse grins as he opens up the text book. He glances over at Justin’s notebook, and finds that it isn’t filled with Biology notes as one would expect, but diagrams. It’s all circles, arrows, wiggly lines and drawings of stick men in odd positions. Jesse frowns, pointing at one of the pages. “What does all this mean?”
Justin grins. “It’s choreography, for dance class.”
“And you can understand this?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Are you hoping to impress anyone special with those moves?” Jesse asks, tilting his head in the hope that it’ll help him decipher some of what is on the page.
“Yeah, hopefully,” Justin shrugs.
Jesse’s almost pretty sure that Justin means Emma, and that makes his chest feel a little tight, because Joe really fucking adores Emma. Jesse likes both of the guys and part of him knows that one or quite possibly both of them could end up with a broken heart in the end. Jesse doesn’t press it any further because he’s genuinely starting to worry about something that really isn’t his business or problem.
“Speaking of someone special,” Justin says, curling his hand on the page to draw an elegant curved line. “How did you like Andrew’s gift? You didn’t really say much the other day, I figured that you -king of word vomit when it comes to Andrew- would have more to say about it. It was a real sweet thing for him to do, he doesn‘t do things like that for just anyone. Andrew doesn’t waste so much time that could’ve been spend on homework on just anyone.”
“What are you insinuating?” Jesse asks, resting his chin on an upturned hand.
“That Andrew likes you, you idiot. He’s crushin’ hard, and I can tell that it‘s mutual. I saw you guys the other day. I‘m not stupid, you know.”
Oh, Justin.
Jesse smirks just a little, nodding. “Ah, this again.”
“What?”
“You know, you’re the third person to give me the whole, ‘Andrew really likes you and I know you like him too’ speech. I’ve already had it from Emma and Armie. I know he likes me, sometimes I think I‘m in this epic dream because in reality, I‘m pretty sure that Andrew would never go for a guy like me. Most of the time though, I think that if this is a dream I might as well go with it and quit worrying, and if it‘s not a dream, then I’m the luckiest guy in the world. Luckier than a Cornish pixie dressed in a suit of shamrocks and eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.”
“So you like him too? I was right?”
Jesse smiles just a little. “Of course you were.”
“Are you gonna tell him any time soon?”
“I was thinking at the camping trip. You know, there’ll be a camp fire and stars and I think it could be quite romantic.” Then Jesse slumps in his seat, looking at Justin. “The only problem? I don’t how I’m going to say it. Like I know what I‘m gonna say, but I don‘t know how.”
Justin smiles, placing his hands flat on the table top. “You want my advice? Just keep it simple. Ask if you can talk to him, take him some place a little more private, away from the rest of us, sit him down, and just explain how you feel, right from the beginning, just tell him everything. It’s as easy as that.”
“Is that what you’re going to do with your someone special?” Jesse mumbles mainly to himself, thinking, very briefly, of Emma.
“Say what?” Justin asks.
“Oh nothing. Though, I think you’re making it sound way too easy,” Jesse says, feeling his cheeks redden with early nerves. He swallows hard. “What happens after that though?”
“You ask him if he feels the same way. If he does, then great! All is wonderful, and you can be happy forever and go frolicking, hand in hand, into the distance. If he doesn’t -which is highly unlikely- then you guys can still be friends, he won’t just drop you.”
“I know he won’t,” Jesse replies, smiling wistfully.
***On the final Friday of the month, Jesse walks into his dorm to find, what he presumes to be, every single article of Joseph Mazzello’s clothing strewn about the room. There’s a blue sock hanging from the ceiling light. Walking in, Jesse says to himself, “One day, I’ll open a door onto something normal.”
Joe turns around, a look of vague panic on his face and at least six pairs of pants in his arms. “I am legit freaking out.”
“What’s wrong?” Jesse asks. “Someone stash a small bomb in your closet?” He notices that his own closet door is slightly ajar, and moves over to close it.
“We’re meeting the guys at six. We are leaving for this camping thing in three hours, and I haven’t packed, and I don’t know which clothes to take with me, and do you think that seven pairs of underwear will be enough?"
Jesse turns to face his room mate. "You haven’t packed yet? I packed four days ago, and besides, we're only going away for two nights.”
“I know, but I’m nervous, and when I get nervous I get bad stomach aches, and accidents could happen.” Joe huffs, dropping his clothes to the floor.
Jesse screws up his face with disgust. “Dude! That is way too much information, and why are you so nervous anyway? It’s a camping trip.”
Jesse fails to mention that his own stomach is churning and bubbling painfully to the point that he’s afraid that it might fall out. He tries his best to hold onto Justin’s advice. Keep it simple. It’ll be fine. Perfect.
Joe blushes light pink, shrugs, and looks away. “I’m gonna tell Emma how I feel whilst we‘re there.”
Oh God, and there it is again, that odd twisty feeling of second hand nerves piled right on top of his own. Justin’s hoping to impress Emma with some crazy dance routine at some point in the near future, and Joe’s going to confess to her about his three year long unrequited crush. This has the potential to go very, very wrong.
“Oh, and Emma asked if maybe we could meet her in a bit, help her carry her stuff,” Joe adds a moment later. “She’s bringing all of the alcohol for the trip, and girl’s pack way more than guys do anyway.”
“And you want to be a chivalrous gentleman?” Jesse smirks, throwing his backpack onto his shoulder.
Joe grins wildly. “And that, yeah.”
***
After another two and a half hours of deliberation and haphazard packing, Joe throws on his 'I’d get sleazy for Ron Weasley' t-shirt. His argument being that it’ll show Emma that he’s into red-heads. Jesse tries to tell him that Emma’s a natural blonde, but Joe’s already out of the door, making his way down the hall and into The Square, ready to meet his, hopefully, future girlfriend.
***
“I have never been in the East Building before,” Jesse says as he and Joe walk side by side up to Emma’s dorm on the third floor. All of the doors have posters of male celebrities on them, like a low budget art gallery dedicated entirely to Ashton Kutcher’s abs. “It seems cleaner somehow, and quieter.”
“Girls mature faster than boys, they spend less time making a mess and running around than we do.” As he and Jesse reach the top of the stairs, Joe halts immediately, nodding. “Ah, we’ll have to wait a sec.”
Joe points down the hall, Emma’s stood in her doorway, taking a couple of bills from another girl. She passes over a green bottle, and looking around, the girl slides it discreetly into her messenger bag. After a moment or two of conversation, the girl smiles gratefully and leaves, Emma goes to close her door.
“Hey, Emma!” Joe calls, walking briskly towards her.
She turns to face him, grinning radiantly. “Hey, you! I just made twenty dollars!”
Jesse smiles and looks up at Emma’s door, written on a red magna-doodle in typical Chandler Bing and Joey Tribbiani fashion, are the words: “Emma says: The goods are in!”
“The goods?” Jesse chuckles, an eyebrow raised.
“The alcohol,” Emma states simply, as she removes the sign from the door. “Though, the teachers think it means stationery. They think I sell pens and stuff to the other students. It’s a good cover up. Now, do the others know that we’re meeting at six?”
“Yeah, I stuffed notes under their doors to let them know,” Joe says.
“Brilliant,” Emma claps once and retreats into her room to grab her bags. From inside, she calls out, “Have you guys let the office know that you’re going to be gone for the weekend? My story this is that I‘m going to catch a train and visit my fictional boyfriend, Brad, in Middletown.”
“Yeah, we‘ve told them,” Joe turns to Jesse and grins at the thought of the somewhat elaborate lie they had come up with last week. “We told them that it’s my Mom’s birthday this weekend and she’s having a party, and that since mine and Jesse’s families are such good friends, he has to come too.”
“That’s a good one.” Emma hands Jesse a canvas tote bag filled with beer and whispers, “be cool with that, don’t draw attention to yourself.” Joe is entrusted with the carrying of her sleeping bag and pillows.
She zips her hoodie up to her chin, pulls a backpack on, picks up her portable stereo, and cries. “Let’s ride!”
***
Out in the parking lot, they find Justin and Armie stood around a small pile of luggage -which include tents, a couple of camping chairs, packets of food, and various boxes- in the same way that a pair of homeless people would crowd around a fire in a trash can. Justin’s got that oversized red beanie on, and both of them have their hands stuffed deep into their coat pockets.
“Oh come on!” Emma calls, laughing. “It’s not that cold, you bunch of pansies!”
“I beg to differ!” Justin yells back.
“Hey guys!” Joe says as they meet. “Ready to go?”
“We sure are!” Armie grins, “just waiting for Bambi and J-Man.”
“J-Man?” Joe raises an eyebrow. “I sincerely hope that you’re not hoping to pursue a career in the arts, because you have got to be the least creative person I know.”
“Fuck you, I got a B+ in Art last year!”
Whilst Armie and Joe argue over Armie’s apparent lack of imagination, Jesse glances over Justin’s shoulder, and watches as Andrew emerges from the school reception with Josh at his heel. He’s back in his parka, his maroon and white knitted beanie, and his fingerless gloves, smiling radiantly, completely unaware of how tragically adorable he is.
Sometimes, when Jesse looks at him, it’s like all that he can see is Andrew, and everything else is blurred into white like a dream sequence from a movie. It fills Jesse with a warm glow that comforts him like nothing else and makes him forget, almost instantly, about the weather.
As Andrew approaches, the first thing that Jesse notices is the large, black object that he’s carrying, and the second thing is the knowing smile that he has plastered across his face. Jesse looks back at the thing in Andrew’s arms, puts two and two together, and yells, “That’s the helmet you got me isn’t it?”
“Yes!“ Andrew is only a couple of feet away now. “Joe let me get it out of your closet earlier today.”
Jesse turns to glare at Joe, who stoops to hide behind Emma. “As much as I appreciate the gift, I’m still not getting on that death-trap that you prefer to think of as transportation.”
“Jess, look at me.” Jesse does so, and Andrew’s looking him right in the eye, his own so wide and imploring. And Jesse? He just can’t say no to that face any more, no one could. “Please come on the back of Sheila.”
“That sounds so fucking wrong!” Armie cries, laughing his ground shaking laugh.
“Shut up!” Andrew calls without looking back at him. He focuses on Jesse once more, holding the helmet out towards him. “Will you do it?”
Jesse closes his eyes tight and holds his hands out for the helmet. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
The entire group, including Andrew, erupt into cheers, clapping and slapping Jesse affectionately on the back. He smirks and slumps off towards Andrew’s Vespa, parked between Emma’s truck and Justin’s Range Rover.
“I hate every single one of you.”
Which is, of course, the biggest lie he’s ever told.
***
After a five minute ride on the back of Andrew's Vespa, during which Jesse began to genuinely fear for his life, Emma sticks a hand out of her window to let the other's know that they've reached their destination.
Andrew pulls over, but Jesse doesn't move and inch, as his arms, legs, spine, and everything else is locked into position with fright because Andrew Garfield doesn’t give a flying fuck about stop signs, and to him, amber lights mean ‘Go! Go! Go! Now!’, and apparently, it’s perfectly okay to go speeding between stationary traffic at over 50mph.
The scooter has come to a complete stop at the side of this dusty dirt road, Andrew has removed his helmet and is stretching his arms out in front of himself, but Jesse hasn't even thought about letting go yet -partly because he's afraid that he may slip off the side of his seat, and partly because he likes having his arms around Andrew's skinny waist.
Joe's already out of Emma’s truck, and has moved around to the back to start unloading everyone’s bags. Since Emma’s truck was unable to hold the entire group, Justin has driven his Range Rover up here as well, with Josh and Armie sat in his back seats, probably giving him hell. Jesse hears the crackling of stone’s beneath Justin’s tyres, and feels heat of the headlights on his back.
Andrew looks over his shoulder, and grabs hold of Jesse's hands, pulling them apart. "Jesse, you can let go now. We've stopped."
"I know." Jesse's voice is muffled by the helmet on his head.
“So, are you, uh," Andrew chuckles, "are you gonna get off or what?"
"In a minute. Maybe.” Jesse says monotonously. “I'm not sure yet."
Sighing fondly, Andrew gets off the bike, slides his beanie out of his pocket, and pulls it back onto his head, all the while looking at Jesse like he’s the funniest, cutest, most ridiculous creature in the world. Jesse’s kind of super thankful for the helmet, not only because Andrew bought it, not only because it protected him from potential death, but because it covers up the huge, cheek splitting smile that’s spreading across his face like wild fire.
"Ship Sinker!" It's Armie. He slaps Jesse on the back, making him lurch forward with the force of it. "So Bambi didn't kill you in the end? Sweet!"
“That’s comforting,” Jesse mumbles, as he finally climbs off of the bike and removes his helmet.
Andrew places a protective hand onto the small of Jesse’s back and steers him over to the rest of the group. They’re all crowded around their luggage again, and Emma is gesturing towards the dense row of trees on the outskirts of what appears to be a forest that fringes the side of the road.
“…so there’s this gorgeous little clearing in there, it’s only a two or three minute walk. It’s big enough to hold all three tents, and the owner of the land is totally fine with us being here and having a camp fire. I came up here with a few friends last year and we had a great time.”
“We’re camping in a forest, and we’re at least a mile away form any human life, and we’re drinking too?” Josh looks genuinely -I’m going to shit my pants- terrified.
“In a nutshell, yeah,” Emma nods, smiling. “Okay, so everyone grab your stuff, and let’s get going!”
Everyone listens to Emma and picks up their things, because she gives off this weird air of unquestionable authority that makes every guy around her automatically join in with her every endeavour. She slings her backpack over her shoulder, flicks on a flashlight that seems to have appeared in her hand almost out of nowhere, and marches into the woods with all the purpose in the world. The others follow soon enough and Jesse can actually see Josh’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he gulps nervously.
“Off we go then,” Andrew whispers to Jesse.
It would be difficult for Jesse to see even his own hand in front of his face without Emma’s flash light. Their footsteps echo with the crunch of the fallen leaves underfoot, and Josh whimpers at regular intervals.
“You know what would be fun?” Armie calls from the back, “Scary stories! Did you hear that one about the woman who slept with her dog under her bed, and it would lick her hand whilst she slept and she woke up one night, and the dog was gone so she checked in the bathroom, pulled back the shower curtain an-”
“Shut. The fuck. Up.” Josh breathes into the inky black night.
“You’re such a pussy!”
Once the sound of everyone’s laughter dies down, all goes silent for a moment or two, until a sharp rustling sound is heard from somewhere to their left, a couple of feet into the woods, like someone is moving in there.
Josh stops dead in his tracks, face silver in the moonlight. “Okay, what the fuck was-”
And the sound is heard again, only closer this time.
“Okay, I definitely heard that,” Emma says, swinging the flash light around to face the others.
“I think there’s someone else in here,” Josh whispers.
Armie sighs with great exasperation. “Jesus, it’s probably just a-”
“AHHH! SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED MY FUCKING FOOT!”
Josh sets off running, like, full on running, straight into the heart of the forest. Clearly he doesn’t give a fuck about there not being any light, and the fact that he has no idea where he’s going. He just runs, flailing and probably dropping his stuff all over the place on the way, meaning that the other’s are obliged to run after him.
The beam from Emma’s light shines every which way as she runs, so no one has any real idea of where they’re supposed to be running to. All they’ve got to latch onto is the sounds of Josh’s yelling. Jesse’s lungs are burning in his chest, as his exercise regime is pretty much limited to slumping from one classroom to the other in the morning, vigorous thumb workouts on the DS, and being dragged across The Square by a perpetually over-excited Andrew. All he can seem to think right now is, “Why in the hell did it have to be the potentially world-class rower that set off running? The one with stupidly long legs?”
The sounds of too many footsteps, heavy breathing and numerous cries of “Josh!” mix together into the night. That, along with the extremely limited light and the presence of all these trees makes Jesse feel as though he’s in some low budget horror film like The Blair Witch Project or something.
All of sudden, and without any form of warning, Emma stops abruptly, and flings her arms out at her sides. They’ve reached the edge of a large -at least twenty feet wide- circular clearing, bleached white in the moonlight, with a series of logs arranged in a semi-circle.
“Stop! Stop! He‘s here!” She cries breathlessly, she directs here beam of light at Josh, who’s stood in the middle of the clearing, shaking violently. “Josh, you shouldn’t have just run off like that! Anything could have happened!” She steps forward, shaking her head. “Whatever, at least you stopped in the right place.”
As the others fully enter the clearing, by the light of Emma’s flashlight, the entire group watch as a two foot high, grey and white blur speeds off into the woods on the other side, and out of sight.
“Josh, you’re such a fucking idiot!” Armie yells manically, severely out of breath. “It was a fucking racoon!”
***
Armie and Josh have been trying to get the camp fire going for just over an hour now, the wind has blown out every single match that they’d had in their possession, after which Armie whines about the fact that not one of them smokes and thus not one of them carries a lighter with them. Now? Josh has resorted to whacking two flat stones together over the large-ish pile of twigs that he and Armie have collected, trying to make a spark -pioneer style.
Whilst all of that had been going on, the other five had managed to erect the three tents they’d brought along into a kind of semi-circle, their openings facing into the centre of the clearing, and set up a few battery powered lanterns for light. Emma and Joe sit together on a log, as the former passes drinks out to each of the others. Justin’s already started on his vodka that he’s drinking neat, straight from the bottle, because “Fuck it! It’s my birthday tomorrow!”
A can of beer in her hand, Emma holds an arm out towards Jesse -sat on the other side of the circle with Andrew. “Want one?”
Jesse shakes his head, smiling gratefully, all the while thinking of what he’s got to do tonight. “I don’t think so, but thank you.”
“Andrew?” Emma says, shifting her arm towards him.
“I’m fine thanks,” he says, looking at Jesse fondly.
Emma frowns, genuinely confused, “you never usually pass up a drink.”
“Well, I’ve come to learn over recent months that you can have fun without alcohol, and I think Jesse agrees with me. Besides, you’re not drinking either.”
Emma rolls her eyes, “that’s because I’m the designated driver, you know, just in case there’s an emergency or something.”
“Either way, I’ll pass,” Andrew says. “I don’t need to drink anymore.”
“You are so fucking boring!” Armie yells as he cracks open a beer.
“Jesse, you’re not even going to have one?” Joe asks, a lot of concern on his face.
“Well I, uh, I don’t want to get drunk you know,” Jesse shrugs, trying his best not to come across as super-crazy-nervous, which he most definitely is.
Joe rolls his eyes comically, grinning. “You’re not gonna get drunk on a couple of beers. Jesus, live a little. Isn’t that what you came to this school to do?”
Jesse thinks hard on that for a second or two, and he figures that Joe’s completely right. He wanted to learn to become a teenager. He’s got a great group of friends, he watches TV and movies now, he listens to music outside of the songs that are played during off Broadway shows, he’s got some decent clothes in his closet, he’s managed to find a boy that he loves, and he’s been on the back of a dubious motorised vehicle. All things that teenagers are supposed to do, right? And sometimes, yeah, teenagers do drink, and Jesse guesses that one beer shouldn’t do any harm. So he accepts.
“Jesse,” Andrew says, frowning hard at Jesse like he's just done something terrible.
“It’s just one,” Jesse shrugs, avoiding eye contact.
Andrew doesn’t reply, he just turns away, and that’s mildly worrying. Jesse opens the can and takes a sip self consciously. It’s actually not too bad.
“This. Is. Not. Working!” Josh grunts with a particularly violent smack of the stones in his hands. “How in the hell did people start fires this way?”
“Dude, you should try the Incendio spell,” Joe chuckles, entirely too amused by his own joke.
“Now is not the time,” Josh says, face crumpled with concentration. “Why the fuck didn’t we bring a lighter for this?”
“Oh my God!” Justin yells with frustration, throwing his bottle back and taking in an entire mouthful of vodka. He doesn’t swallow, but as Josh brings an arm up, and whacks one rock down onto the other for the final time, it sparks, and Justin blows the alcohol out into it in a thick stream. It ignites instantly. Everyone jumps back, as for all of half a second, Justin looks like a circus performer, or a fire breathing dragon.
The other six turn to stare at him in silence, partly terrified, partly amazed.
Justin’s face is flooded with a warm orange glow, courtesy of the now roaring in the centre of the clearing. He smirks, and walks away. “Not so hard, is it? City boys.”
“You are worse than Seamus Finnigan,” Joe says monotonously.
“Fuck me!” Armie says, grinning wildly at the Head Prefect. “Billy! That was bad-ass!”
Josh laughs, shaking his head with disbelief. It seems that every ounce of anger and frustration has left his body. “I have so much respect for you right now.”
~
Part Five (ii)
Part: Five (i)
Word Count: 7,013
Previous Parts: Prologue | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
~
On the first day back at school, after personally thanking Josh and Armie for their Hanukkah gifts, Jesse leaves their dorm in a state of vague amazement, as for once in probably their entire lives, they hadn't been watching TV.
Andrew and Justin's dorm is on the next floor up, they're the second stop on the Jesse Eisenberg train of gratitude. This time a week ago, Jesse had been thinking that this walk was going to be the most nerve-wracking walk of his life, but it’s not. This time a week ago, Jesse had imagined himself not walking, but marching up to Andrew’s room, bursting in, and professing his love for the gangly British hipster. Except, that’s not going to happen -well, not just yet anyway- because Jesse is one of those people that feels the need to over analyse, over think, and pick apart every possible situation, and he genuinely feels that Andrew deserves better than an impromptu, rushed declaration.
As Jesse climbs the stairs up to the next floor, he smiles as he thinks about the decision he had made only a couple of days ago, the fact that he’s going to wait until the right time to tell Andrew. Not just the right time, but the right place too. It’s going to be perfect, and Jesse has a feeling that an opportunity will come along very soon. Sure, the idea of the right place and the right time is pretty cheesy, because real life isn’t like the movies, but Jesse’s pretty sure that most people would like it to be.
Who wouldn’t want to be stood on the pitcher’s mound waiting for the person they love to come and kiss them in front of a cheering crowd like Drew Barrymore did in Never Been Kissed? (Maybe he could talk to Joe and get that fixed.) Who wouldn’t want to stand in the pouring rain by the river and yell “It wasn’t over! It still isn‘t over!” Hell, even the end of Juno was pretty adorable, except Jesse won’t be getting pregnant with Andrew’s baby any time soon.
Either way, Jesse wants it to be perfect, so for today, Jesse’s just going to say thank you, and gush about how wonderful Andrew’s gift is without mentioning the fact that he cried a little about it.
For all intents and purposes, Andrew and Justin live in room forty-eight, and as Jesse approaches their door, he hears loud music pouring out from behind it, loud enough that the lyrics can be easily recognised. Jesse frowns, mildly amused, because why in the hell would Andrew be listening to the Backstreet Boys with music taste like his?
Except, it wasn’t Andrew that was listening to it. Jesse figures that the guys wouldn’t hear it even if he did knock, so he just goes on ahead and opens their door to find Andrew laid out on his bed holding a pillow over his head, whilst a shirtless Justin does his hair in the mirror above his dresser, singing ‘Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)’ at the top of his lungs.
Jesse’s half gaping, half smiling as he watches the Head Prefect gyrate his hips like that. He thrusts as he sings, “Am I sexual?!”
The sheer absurdity of this situation and Andrew’s reaction to it makes Jesse adore him even more, and if it weren’t for Justin's crush on Emma, Jesse would seriously be questioning his sexuality right now.
Jesse figures that since no one’s watching, he can have a little sing-song too. When he was younger he would have blamed it on his younger sister constantly blasting the album, but now? He’s not afraid to admit to it, he knows all of the lyrics to this one. “Am I everything you need? You better rock your body now!”
The music, the harmonised male voices and the sounds of Justin’s stamping feet drown out any noise that Jesse could possibly make, so he steps into the room and shuts the door. Justin’s one hundred percent oblivious to Jesse’s entrance as he toys with corkscrew curls, and Andrew’s actually started punching the pillow on top of his head now.
Jesse’s filled with this new brand of hope, knowing that the beautiful guy under the pillow in a vintage Ramones t-shirt and almost too tight jeans actually likes him. Andrew likes Jesse, and Jesse knows it. Andrew may not be in love with Jesse in the way that Jesse is in heart-wrenching -already naming their fictional adopted twins (Hailey and Jack, after Kerouac, of course)- love with Andrew, but for now, just knowing that he has some more-than-friends feelings is enough for Jesse. They’re really onto something here.
“Justin!” Jesse laughs as he calls it out, lifting and moving one of Andrew’s numerous math-filled whiteboards out of the way so that he can get properly inside. He taps the Prefect on the shoulder. “Justin!”
Justin jumps, clutching at his heart, before realising that it’s only Jesse. He reaches out towards his stereo and shuts it off.
“Oh my God! Either I’ve gone deaf or it's actually stopped!” Andrew’s voice is muffled by the pillow on his face.
The music must have affected Justin’s hearing quite a bit as he yells, “Hey man! How you doin’? Andrew! Jesse’s here!”
Andrew grabs the pillow with one hand and pulls it from his face. His eyes are soft, his smile is just this side of wistful. He speaks as though he hasn‘t seen Jesse in years. “Hey Jess.”
“Hey,” Jesse’s all of sudden become very shy, and glances down at his feet. “I just uh, I just wanted to say thank you for the gifts, they were amazing, I loved them.”
“No problem buddy!” Justin tugs at one of Jesse’s belt loops. “I see that you’re wearing mine.”
“I’m so glad you liked them.” Jesse looks back at Andrew. Andrew holds out a hand, and all traces of a smile leave his face at once. “I’m not going with you by the way.”
Jesse frowns hard, what a moment killer. “Going where?”
“To get the results of our History exam. I’m terrified about it and I really don’t want to know what I got. Seriously, I don’t. So you should just go on your own. I’ll stay here and wait for the phone call from my Dad.” Andrew throws the pillow back onto his face, arms outstretched, fingers spread wide and voice overly-dramatic. “Go on without me!”
With all that was going on over the break, Jesse had completely forgotten about the History exam, in fact, anything academic had all but left his mind. When he had been reading through Andrew’s text book, Jesse hadn’t really learned anything new, he was too busy concentrating on how neat Andrew’s handwriting was, or his use of glittery silver gel pen in some places.
Huffing, Jesse figures that they might as well do this anyway, seeing as he's already here. “Come on Andrew, let’s go get our results.”
“No,” Andrew replies, tone flat.
“Stop being so bratty about it.”
“I’m not going.”
“I’ll make you.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
Jesse turns on his heel, looking to Andrew‘s still shirtless room mate. “Justin, a little help here.”
Justin grins like he’s just been given the treat of a life time, moves over to Andrew’s side of the room, grabs a tight hold of his arm, and hauls him from the bed. Andrew lands with a muffled thump and a groan of complaint. He gets to his feet, slouching like a child. “Fine, I’m coming.”
For the very first time in their entire friendship, Jesse takes Andrew’s hand, and sets off running -out of the doorway, down the hall, and into The Square- leaving a very bewildered Justin sticking his head out of the door.
“You are freakishly fast sometimes!” Andrew yells, laughing as they dash outside into the wintry half-light, weaving carelessly through the other students, and for once in his entire eighteen years of mediocre existence, Jesse does not giving a flying fuck about what anyone has to think or say, because he’s got Andrew.
Once they’re inside the North building, the pair find that Mr.Shannon has left everyone’s grades up on a sheet of paper tacked to the wall beside his door. Jesse can feel the goose bumps on Andrew’s unclothed arm pressed into his own cold skin, and squeezes his hand tight.
“Jesse, I can’t look. Could you do it for me?”
Jesse turns his head to look up at him. Andrew‘s furrowed brow and the set of his jaw are enough to let Jesse know how impossibly worried he is. Jesse‘s entire body is screaming to kiss him, to kiss that worry away and make everything better for just a second because for any normal kid this is just a grade, but for Andrew, this is the difference between either a congratulatory, or an angry disappointed phone call from his pushy father. A phone call that‘ll make Andrew feel worthless and shitty, and Jesse couldn‘t stand for him to feel that way.
“Are you sure?”
Andrew looks down at him, nodding. “Yeah, and if it’s bad, then I’m gonna have to ask you to break it to me as gently as possible.”
“It won’t be bad. We worked hard for this, so stop doubting yourself.”
Andrew narrows his eyes, smiling, speaking softly. “Hypocrite.”
Jesse grins back -because he knows that Andrew‘s right on that one- and shakes his head. “One sec.”
He approaches the list, his and Andrew’s results are written one beneath the other as they’re organised alphabetically by surname and there’s no one in their class with a last name that begins with F. Jesse’s eyes widen, he and Andrew have got the same grade. He turns to walk back, trying his hardest to keep his face straight in the hope that it won’t give too much away.
“It’s awful isn’t it?” Andrew slumps into the wall, pressing his forehead against it. “Give it to me straight.”
Jesse approaches Andrew slowly, tilting his head, until there‘s only about ten feet between them. “Well uh, your grade… it’s a letter in your name.”
“Oh God, I got an E, didn’t I?” Andrew screws his eyes up dramatically. “Or by some miracle, a D.”
“No,” Jesse raises his shoulders and scrunches his face up, ”it’s the first letter in your name.”
“What!? I got an A?” Slowly, a grin spreads across Andrew’s face, wider and wider, until it takes up nearly the entire width of his face, and it looks perfect. So happy and so bright that Jesse could easily break into song about it, just about that smile. Andrew Garfield was made to smile. “I really got an A?”
Jesse‘s grin could now rival Andrew‘s in size. “Yes!”
Ten years from now, twenty years from now, perhaps even until his dying day, Jesse will never be able to fully explain what compelled him to do what he did next, what inspired him to be so uncharacteristically impulsive.
He runs -sprints- to close the gap between he and Andrew, and envelops him into the tightest hug he has ever given anyone in his entire life, pressing the side of his face into Andrew’s chest with barely suppressed glee. Andrew bends back with Jesse’s weight, and his face falls for the briefest of moments as a result of genuine shock, before returning back to that smile from before, but larger, the happiest smile to ever grace Andrew’s face.
Andrew wraps his arms around Jesse‘s shoulders, and speaks quietly into his hair. “Thank you so much, I couldn’t have done this without you, you’re amazing, incredible, wonderful. I just,” he squeezes Jesse tight, “I missed you… so much, Jess. I forgot how crap my life was before you.”
“I missed you too,” Jesse replies, and fuck, having Andrew say that to him, and having Andrew holding him like this -tight enough to feel safe and not so tight that it hurts- well, Jesse’s having genuine difficulty when it comes to thinking of a time when he felt better than this.
And, they stay like that, just like that, for a minute or two more, trapped inside the kind of moment that Jesse has spent his entire life aching for.
Jesse concentrates on the heat of Andrew’s body and the sound of his heart beating into his ear and the rise and fall of Andrew‘s chest as he breathes, feeling all of the effervescent life flowing through this person that makes Jesse feel, well… alive.
“You got an A as well, didn’t you?” Andrew asks a second later, and Jesse can just hear the smile in his voice.
“Yeah.”
Andrew lets out this small, fond laugh that makes Jesse‘s heart beat fast like a small bird in the confines of his rib cage, and his eyes fly open. “I knew you would,” Andrew says.
They don’t so much break apart as they slide apart, almost purposefully allowing every inch of bare skin on their arms to brush together until their hands rejoin and grip one another, fingers interlacing.
Jesse could say it now, he wants to say it now, the words are rushing up his throat and his mouth is open and ready to form the words. His entire being is tingling with anticipation at what is probably going to be the most important moment of his life so far, and his heart is beating ten to the dozen as Andrew stares down into his eyes and smiles mischievously, kind of like he knows what Jesse is about to say.
But then, Andrew turns, and starts to walk, holding his and Jesse’s tightly clasped hands against the small of his back as he pulls Jesse behind him. “Come on, let’s go celebrate, yeah?”
Jesse is surprised to learn that he doesn’t feel as though he’s fallen flat, in fact, he feels all the more hopeful, because he was going to say it, he really truly was, and know that he knows that he can do it, it’s quelled the nerves just a bit, and he knows that he’ll be ready once the genuine moment comes.
As they enter The Square once more, this time walking because, for once, there’s nothing to run to and nothing to run from. They notice Emma over on the other side, talking with a few girlfriends. After a moment or two, she spots them as well.
She rushes over to them, smiling like she‘s got a plan, and puts on her best English accent. “Hello lads!”
“Miss. Stone,” Andrew nods, with a courteous smile.
Emma glances down at Andrew and Jesse‘s hands, and pouts fondly in the same way that she would at a puppy. A moment later, she looks back to Andrew’s face. “Plan. Camping trip at the end of this month for Justin’s birthday. What do you think?”
“A camping trip? Outside? In Poughkeepsie? In January? Are you crazy?”
“It’s been suggested,” she grins sweetly.
“We’ll freeze,” Andrew replies bluntly.
“We’ll be fine! We’ll have a fire, we’ll remember to bring lots of blankets and remember to wrap up warm. If worst comes to worse, we can all snuggle up together.” Emma throws Jesse a very meaningful look, the very hint of a smirk playing at her lips, eyes shifting back to Andrew.
Jesse nods, because yep, their moment will come. Very soon.
***
"Oh gosh, I think I'm gonna throw up."
Justin rolls his eyes, pushing up his sleeves. "Stop being so Bella Swan about it. You'll be fine."
"No, seriously Justin. I'm gonna throw up." Jesse's eyes are wide and unblinking as he stares at the ominous black plastic containers at the front of the class room. "I can't do this. I refuse to do this. It's wrong. I am not cutting a frog open, I don't care if it's for my edification. I have the legal right to opt out of this, and I am."
"Oh Jesus Christ," Justin sighs and sticks his hand into the air. "Miss. Foley, Jesse would rather not take part in the dissection today, is there something else we can do?"
The teacher turns, frowning a little. “Uh yeah, since you’re the only partners that aren’t doing it, you’ll have to sit at the back. Turn to page 394 of your text books and just copy out the theory.”
Justin gathers up his books and moves to a free desk at the back of the class room. Jesse follows wistfully and sits down beside him. “I’m sorry, Justin. It’s just I know that those poor things were killed for this, and that’s something which I’m totally against, coming from a family of animal rights activists and all.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Justin smiles with all the friendliness in the world. “I completely understand. I know you would too, if it was the other way around.”
“Thanks a lot,” Jesse grins as he opens up the text book. He glances over at Justin’s notebook, and finds that it isn’t filled with Biology notes as one would expect, but diagrams. It’s all circles, arrows, wiggly lines and drawings of stick men in odd positions. Jesse frowns, pointing at one of the pages. “What does all this mean?”
Justin grins. “It’s choreography, for dance class.”
“And you can understand this?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Are you hoping to impress anyone special with those moves?” Jesse asks, tilting his head in the hope that it’ll help him decipher some of what is on the page.
“Yeah, hopefully,” Justin shrugs.
Jesse’s almost pretty sure that Justin means Emma, and that makes his chest feel a little tight, because Joe really fucking adores Emma. Jesse likes both of the guys and part of him knows that one or quite possibly both of them could end up with a broken heart in the end. Jesse doesn’t press it any further because he’s genuinely starting to worry about something that really isn’t his business or problem.
“Speaking of someone special,” Justin says, curling his hand on the page to draw an elegant curved line. “How did you like Andrew’s gift? You didn’t really say much the other day, I figured that you -king of word vomit when it comes to Andrew- would have more to say about it. It was a real sweet thing for him to do, he doesn‘t do things like that for just anyone. Andrew doesn’t waste so much time that could’ve been spend on homework on just anyone.”
“What are you insinuating?” Jesse asks, resting his chin on an upturned hand.
“That Andrew likes you, you idiot. He’s crushin’ hard, and I can tell that it‘s mutual. I saw you guys the other day. I‘m not stupid, you know.”
Oh, Justin.
Jesse smirks just a little, nodding. “Ah, this again.”
“What?”
“You know, you’re the third person to give me the whole, ‘Andrew really likes you and I know you like him too’ speech. I’ve already had it from Emma and Armie. I know he likes me, sometimes I think I‘m in this epic dream because in reality, I‘m pretty sure that Andrew would never go for a guy like me. Most of the time though, I think that if this is a dream I might as well go with it and quit worrying, and if it‘s not a dream, then I’m the luckiest guy in the world. Luckier than a Cornish pixie dressed in a suit of shamrocks and eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.”
“So you like him too? I was right?”
Jesse smiles just a little. “Of course you were.”
“Are you gonna tell him any time soon?”
“I was thinking at the camping trip. You know, there’ll be a camp fire and stars and I think it could be quite romantic.” Then Jesse slumps in his seat, looking at Justin. “The only problem? I don’t how I’m going to say it. Like I know what I‘m gonna say, but I don‘t know how.”
Justin smiles, placing his hands flat on the table top. “You want my advice? Just keep it simple. Ask if you can talk to him, take him some place a little more private, away from the rest of us, sit him down, and just explain how you feel, right from the beginning, just tell him everything. It’s as easy as that.”
“Is that what you’re going to do with your someone special?” Jesse mumbles mainly to himself, thinking, very briefly, of Emma.
“Say what?” Justin asks.
“Oh nothing. Though, I think you’re making it sound way too easy,” Jesse says, feeling his cheeks redden with early nerves. He swallows hard. “What happens after that though?”
“You ask him if he feels the same way. If he does, then great! All is wonderful, and you can be happy forever and go frolicking, hand in hand, into the distance. If he doesn’t -which is highly unlikely- then you guys can still be friends, he won’t just drop you.”
“I know he won’t,” Jesse replies, smiling wistfully.
***On the final Friday of the month, Jesse walks into his dorm to find, what he presumes to be, every single article of Joseph Mazzello’s clothing strewn about the room. There’s a blue sock hanging from the ceiling light. Walking in, Jesse says to himself, “One day, I’ll open a door onto something normal.”
Joe turns around, a look of vague panic on his face and at least six pairs of pants in his arms. “I am legit freaking out.”
“What’s wrong?” Jesse asks. “Someone stash a small bomb in your closet?” He notices that his own closet door is slightly ajar, and moves over to close it.
“We’re meeting the guys at six. We are leaving for this camping thing in three hours, and I haven’t packed, and I don’t know which clothes to take with me, and do you think that seven pairs of underwear will be enough?"
Jesse turns to face his room mate. "You haven’t packed yet? I packed four days ago, and besides, we're only going away for two nights.”
“I know, but I’m nervous, and when I get nervous I get bad stomach aches, and accidents could happen.” Joe huffs, dropping his clothes to the floor.
Jesse screws up his face with disgust. “Dude! That is way too much information, and why are you so nervous anyway? It’s a camping trip.”
Jesse fails to mention that his own stomach is churning and bubbling painfully to the point that he’s afraid that it might fall out. He tries his best to hold onto Justin’s advice. Keep it simple. It’ll be fine. Perfect.
Joe blushes light pink, shrugs, and looks away. “I’m gonna tell Emma how I feel whilst we‘re there.”
Oh God, and there it is again, that odd twisty feeling of second hand nerves piled right on top of his own. Justin’s hoping to impress Emma with some crazy dance routine at some point in the near future, and Joe’s going to confess to her about his three year long unrequited crush. This has the potential to go very, very wrong.
“Oh, and Emma asked if maybe we could meet her in a bit, help her carry her stuff,” Joe adds a moment later. “She’s bringing all of the alcohol for the trip, and girl’s pack way more than guys do anyway.”
“And you want to be a chivalrous gentleman?” Jesse smirks, throwing his backpack onto his shoulder.
Joe grins wildly. “And that, yeah.”
***
After another two and a half hours of deliberation and haphazard packing, Joe throws on his 'I’d get sleazy for Ron Weasley' t-shirt. His argument being that it’ll show Emma that he’s into red-heads. Jesse tries to tell him that Emma’s a natural blonde, but Joe’s already out of the door, making his way down the hall and into The Square, ready to meet his, hopefully, future girlfriend.
***
“I have never been in the East Building before,” Jesse says as he and Joe walk side by side up to Emma’s dorm on the third floor. All of the doors have posters of male celebrities on them, like a low budget art gallery dedicated entirely to Ashton Kutcher’s abs. “It seems cleaner somehow, and quieter.”
“Girls mature faster than boys, they spend less time making a mess and running around than we do.” As he and Jesse reach the top of the stairs, Joe halts immediately, nodding. “Ah, we’ll have to wait a sec.”
Joe points down the hall, Emma’s stood in her doorway, taking a couple of bills from another girl. She passes over a green bottle, and looking around, the girl slides it discreetly into her messenger bag. After a moment or two of conversation, the girl smiles gratefully and leaves, Emma goes to close her door.
“Hey, Emma!” Joe calls, walking briskly towards her.
She turns to face him, grinning radiantly. “Hey, you! I just made twenty dollars!”
Jesse smiles and looks up at Emma’s door, written on a red magna-doodle in typical Chandler Bing and Joey Tribbiani fashion, are the words: “Emma says: The goods are in!”
“The goods?” Jesse chuckles, an eyebrow raised.
“The alcohol,” Emma states simply, as she removes the sign from the door. “Though, the teachers think it means stationery. They think I sell pens and stuff to the other students. It’s a good cover up. Now, do the others know that we’re meeting at six?”
“Yeah, I stuffed notes under their doors to let them know,” Joe says.
“Brilliant,” Emma claps once and retreats into her room to grab her bags. From inside, she calls out, “Have you guys let the office know that you’re going to be gone for the weekend? My story this is that I‘m going to catch a train and visit my fictional boyfriend, Brad, in Middletown.”
“Yeah, we‘ve told them,” Joe turns to Jesse and grins at the thought of the somewhat elaborate lie they had come up with last week. “We told them that it’s my Mom’s birthday this weekend and she’s having a party, and that since mine and Jesse’s families are such good friends, he has to come too.”
“That’s a good one.” Emma hands Jesse a canvas tote bag filled with beer and whispers, “be cool with that, don’t draw attention to yourself.” Joe is entrusted with the carrying of her sleeping bag and pillows.
She zips her hoodie up to her chin, pulls a backpack on, picks up her portable stereo, and cries. “Let’s ride!”
***
Out in the parking lot, they find Justin and Armie stood around a small pile of luggage -which include tents, a couple of camping chairs, packets of food, and various boxes- in the same way that a pair of homeless people would crowd around a fire in a trash can. Justin’s got that oversized red beanie on, and both of them have their hands stuffed deep into their coat pockets.
“Oh come on!” Emma calls, laughing. “It’s not that cold, you bunch of pansies!”
“I beg to differ!” Justin yells back.
“Hey guys!” Joe says as they meet. “Ready to go?”
“We sure are!” Armie grins, “just waiting for Bambi and J-Man.”
“J-Man?” Joe raises an eyebrow. “I sincerely hope that you’re not hoping to pursue a career in the arts, because you have got to be the least creative person I know.”
“Fuck you, I got a B+ in Art last year!”
Whilst Armie and Joe argue over Armie’s apparent lack of imagination, Jesse glances over Justin’s shoulder, and watches as Andrew emerges from the school reception with Josh at his heel. He’s back in his parka, his maroon and white knitted beanie, and his fingerless gloves, smiling radiantly, completely unaware of how tragically adorable he is.
Sometimes, when Jesse looks at him, it’s like all that he can see is Andrew, and everything else is blurred into white like a dream sequence from a movie. It fills Jesse with a warm glow that comforts him like nothing else and makes him forget, almost instantly, about the weather.
As Andrew approaches, the first thing that Jesse notices is the large, black object that he’s carrying, and the second thing is the knowing smile that he has plastered across his face. Jesse looks back at the thing in Andrew’s arms, puts two and two together, and yells, “That’s the helmet you got me isn’t it?”
“Yes!“ Andrew is only a couple of feet away now. “Joe let me get it out of your closet earlier today.”
Jesse turns to glare at Joe, who stoops to hide behind Emma. “As much as I appreciate the gift, I’m still not getting on that death-trap that you prefer to think of as transportation.”
“Jess, look at me.” Jesse does so, and Andrew’s looking him right in the eye, his own so wide and imploring. And Jesse? He just can’t say no to that face any more, no one could. “Please come on the back of Sheila.”
“That sounds so fucking wrong!” Armie cries, laughing his ground shaking laugh.
“Shut up!” Andrew calls without looking back at him. He focuses on Jesse once more, holding the helmet out towards him. “Will you do it?”
Jesse closes his eyes tight and holds his hands out for the helmet. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
The entire group, including Andrew, erupt into cheers, clapping and slapping Jesse affectionately on the back. He smirks and slumps off towards Andrew’s Vespa, parked between Emma’s truck and Justin’s Range Rover.
“I hate every single one of you.”
Which is, of course, the biggest lie he’s ever told.
***
After a five minute ride on the back of Andrew's Vespa, during which Jesse began to genuinely fear for his life, Emma sticks a hand out of her window to let the other's know that they've reached their destination.
Andrew pulls over, but Jesse doesn't move and inch, as his arms, legs, spine, and everything else is locked into position with fright because Andrew Garfield doesn’t give a flying fuck about stop signs, and to him, amber lights mean ‘Go! Go! Go! Now!’, and apparently, it’s perfectly okay to go speeding between stationary traffic at over 50mph.
The scooter has come to a complete stop at the side of this dusty dirt road, Andrew has removed his helmet and is stretching his arms out in front of himself, but Jesse hasn't even thought about letting go yet -partly because he's afraid that he may slip off the side of his seat, and partly because he likes having his arms around Andrew's skinny waist.
Joe's already out of Emma’s truck, and has moved around to the back to start unloading everyone’s bags. Since Emma’s truck was unable to hold the entire group, Justin has driven his Range Rover up here as well, with Josh and Armie sat in his back seats, probably giving him hell. Jesse hears the crackling of stone’s beneath Justin’s tyres, and feels heat of the headlights on his back.
Andrew looks over his shoulder, and grabs hold of Jesse's hands, pulling them apart. "Jesse, you can let go now. We've stopped."
"I know." Jesse's voice is muffled by the helmet on his head.
“So, are you, uh," Andrew chuckles, "are you gonna get off or what?"
"In a minute. Maybe.” Jesse says monotonously. “I'm not sure yet."
Sighing fondly, Andrew gets off the bike, slides his beanie out of his pocket, and pulls it back onto his head, all the while looking at Jesse like he’s the funniest, cutest, most ridiculous creature in the world. Jesse’s kind of super thankful for the helmet, not only because Andrew bought it, not only because it protected him from potential death, but because it covers up the huge, cheek splitting smile that’s spreading across his face like wild fire.
"Ship Sinker!" It's Armie. He slaps Jesse on the back, making him lurch forward with the force of it. "So Bambi didn't kill you in the end? Sweet!"
“That’s comforting,” Jesse mumbles, as he finally climbs off of the bike and removes his helmet.
Andrew places a protective hand onto the small of Jesse’s back and steers him over to the rest of the group. They’re all crowded around their luggage again, and Emma is gesturing towards the dense row of trees on the outskirts of what appears to be a forest that fringes the side of the road.
“…so there’s this gorgeous little clearing in there, it’s only a two or three minute walk. It’s big enough to hold all three tents, and the owner of the land is totally fine with us being here and having a camp fire. I came up here with a few friends last year and we had a great time.”
“We’re camping in a forest, and we’re at least a mile away form any human life, and we’re drinking too?” Josh looks genuinely -I’m going to shit my pants- terrified.
“In a nutshell, yeah,” Emma nods, smiling. “Okay, so everyone grab your stuff, and let’s get going!”
Everyone listens to Emma and picks up their things, because she gives off this weird air of unquestionable authority that makes every guy around her automatically join in with her every endeavour. She slings her backpack over her shoulder, flicks on a flashlight that seems to have appeared in her hand almost out of nowhere, and marches into the woods with all the purpose in the world. The others follow soon enough and Jesse can actually see Josh’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he gulps nervously.
“Off we go then,” Andrew whispers to Jesse.
It would be difficult for Jesse to see even his own hand in front of his face without Emma’s flash light. Their footsteps echo with the crunch of the fallen leaves underfoot, and Josh whimpers at regular intervals.
“You know what would be fun?” Armie calls from the back, “Scary stories! Did you hear that one about the woman who slept with her dog under her bed, and it would lick her hand whilst she slept and she woke up one night, and the dog was gone so she checked in the bathroom, pulled back the shower curtain an-”
“Shut. The fuck. Up.” Josh breathes into the inky black night.
“You’re such a pussy!”
Once the sound of everyone’s laughter dies down, all goes silent for a moment or two, until a sharp rustling sound is heard from somewhere to their left, a couple of feet into the woods, like someone is moving in there.
Josh stops dead in his tracks, face silver in the moonlight. “Okay, what the fuck was-”
And the sound is heard again, only closer this time.
“Okay, I definitely heard that,” Emma says, swinging the flash light around to face the others.
“I think there’s someone else in here,” Josh whispers.
Armie sighs with great exasperation. “Jesus, it’s probably just a-”
“AHHH! SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED MY FUCKING FOOT!”
Josh sets off running, like, full on running, straight into the heart of the forest. Clearly he doesn’t give a fuck about there not being any light, and the fact that he has no idea where he’s going. He just runs, flailing and probably dropping his stuff all over the place on the way, meaning that the other’s are obliged to run after him.
The beam from Emma’s light shines every which way as she runs, so no one has any real idea of where they’re supposed to be running to. All they’ve got to latch onto is the sounds of Josh’s yelling. Jesse’s lungs are burning in his chest, as his exercise regime is pretty much limited to slumping from one classroom to the other in the morning, vigorous thumb workouts on the DS, and being dragged across The Square by a perpetually over-excited Andrew. All he can seem to think right now is, “Why in the hell did it have to be the potentially world-class rower that set off running? The one with stupidly long legs?”
The sounds of too many footsteps, heavy breathing and numerous cries of “Josh!” mix together into the night. That, along with the extremely limited light and the presence of all these trees makes Jesse feel as though he’s in some low budget horror film like The Blair Witch Project or something.
All of sudden, and without any form of warning, Emma stops abruptly, and flings her arms out at her sides. They’ve reached the edge of a large -at least twenty feet wide- circular clearing, bleached white in the moonlight, with a series of logs arranged in a semi-circle.
“Stop! Stop! He‘s here!” She cries breathlessly, she directs here beam of light at Josh, who’s stood in the middle of the clearing, shaking violently. “Josh, you shouldn’t have just run off like that! Anything could have happened!” She steps forward, shaking her head. “Whatever, at least you stopped in the right place.”
As the others fully enter the clearing, by the light of Emma’s flashlight, the entire group watch as a two foot high, grey and white blur speeds off into the woods on the other side, and out of sight.
“Josh, you’re such a fucking idiot!” Armie yells manically, severely out of breath. “It was a fucking racoon!”
***
Armie and Josh have been trying to get the camp fire going for just over an hour now, the wind has blown out every single match that they’d had in their possession, after which Armie whines about the fact that not one of them smokes and thus not one of them carries a lighter with them. Now? Josh has resorted to whacking two flat stones together over the large-ish pile of twigs that he and Armie have collected, trying to make a spark -pioneer style.
Whilst all of that had been going on, the other five had managed to erect the three tents they’d brought along into a kind of semi-circle, their openings facing into the centre of the clearing, and set up a few battery powered lanterns for light. Emma and Joe sit together on a log, as the former passes drinks out to each of the others. Justin’s already started on his vodka that he’s drinking neat, straight from the bottle, because “Fuck it! It’s my birthday tomorrow!”
A can of beer in her hand, Emma holds an arm out towards Jesse -sat on the other side of the circle with Andrew. “Want one?”
Jesse shakes his head, smiling gratefully, all the while thinking of what he’s got to do tonight. “I don’t think so, but thank you.”
“Andrew?” Emma says, shifting her arm towards him.
“I’m fine thanks,” he says, looking at Jesse fondly.
Emma frowns, genuinely confused, “you never usually pass up a drink.”
“Well, I’ve come to learn over recent months that you can have fun without alcohol, and I think Jesse agrees with me. Besides, you’re not drinking either.”
Emma rolls her eyes, “that’s because I’m the designated driver, you know, just in case there’s an emergency or something.”
“Either way, I’ll pass,” Andrew says. “I don’t need to drink anymore.”
“You are so fucking boring!” Armie yells as he cracks open a beer.
“Jesse, you’re not even going to have one?” Joe asks, a lot of concern on his face.
“Well I, uh, I don’t want to get drunk you know,” Jesse shrugs, trying his best not to come across as super-crazy-nervous, which he most definitely is.
Joe rolls his eyes comically, grinning. “You’re not gonna get drunk on a couple of beers. Jesus, live a little. Isn’t that what you came to this school to do?”
Jesse thinks hard on that for a second or two, and he figures that Joe’s completely right. He wanted to learn to become a teenager. He’s got a great group of friends, he watches TV and movies now, he listens to music outside of the songs that are played during off Broadway shows, he’s got some decent clothes in his closet, he’s managed to find a boy that he loves, and he’s been on the back of a dubious motorised vehicle. All things that teenagers are supposed to do, right? And sometimes, yeah, teenagers do drink, and Jesse guesses that one beer shouldn’t do any harm. So he accepts.
“Jesse,” Andrew says, frowning hard at Jesse like he's just done something terrible.
“It’s just one,” Jesse shrugs, avoiding eye contact.
Andrew doesn’t reply, he just turns away, and that’s mildly worrying. Jesse opens the can and takes a sip self consciously. It’s actually not too bad.
“This. Is. Not. Working!” Josh grunts with a particularly violent smack of the stones in his hands. “How in the hell did people start fires this way?”
“Dude, you should try the Incendio spell,” Joe chuckles, entirely too amused by his own joke.
“Now is not the time,” Josh says, face crumpled with concentration. “Why the fuck didn’t we bring a lighter for this?”
“Oh my God!” Justin yells with frustration, throwing his bottle back and taking in an entire mouthful of vodka. He doesn’t swallow, but as Josh brings an arm up, and whacks one rock down onto the other for the final time, it sparks, and Justin blows the alcohol out into it in a thick stream. It ignites instantly. Everyone jumps back, as for all of half a second, Justin looks like a circus performer, or a fire breathing dragon.
The other six turn to stare at him in silence, partly terrified, partly amazed.
Justin’s face is flooded with a warm orange glow, courtesy of the now roaring in the centre of the clearing. He smirks, and walks away. “Not so hard, is it? City boys.”
“You are worse than Seamus Finnigan,” Joe says monotonously.
“Fuck me!” Armie says, grinning wildly at the Head Prefect. “Billy! That was bad-ass!”
Josh laughs, shaking his head with disbelief. It seems that every ounce of anger and frustration has left his body. “I have so much respect for you right now.”
~
Part Five (ii)