Self Employed Chemist[5/]
Title: Self Employed Chemist[5/]
Author: i_am_the_broken
Pairing: Ferard
Rating: …Drugs, and sexual tendencies….
Disclaimer: No.
Summary: After finally moving past the drama of getting together the boys move in together but nothing could prepare them for the reality that is out to fuck them over.
[Previous Chapters Behind The Cut]
Frank I Need Your Help
You Don’t Fall Out Of Love With Someone
Early Morning Cigarette Fights
Fuck You Frank
Gerard glared up at Frank from behind his dark hair that fell as a curtain over his face. “Then tell me what this is Frank,” he spat bitterly throwing the small zip-loc baggie at him. Frank juggled it from hand to hand trying to catch it. “Cause it looks like fucking crack to me!” Frank stuttered and set it on the coffee table uncertainly.
He sighed; there was no wiggling out of this one; no white lie would suffice. “Gee, I-” “Don’t fucking call me that!” Gerard seethed. Frank winced at the sound of Gerard’s voice. “I just wanted to try it, I was curious, and Mikey and I were at a party a couple weeks ago when you were working graveyard, and well-” Gerard interrupted him again, anger soaking his voice.
“You got Mikey doing this shit too! My baby fucking brother? He’s only sixteen!” Gerard ran his hands through his hair desperately pulling at it to keep from pummeling his ‘boyfriend’. His baby brother, little Mikey, the kid he watched grow from a baby into a teenager and who was there for him when through every last god damn thing and probably won’t see adulthood because Frank got him addicted to dope.
Frank held his hands out in front of him as if to ward of the blows of Gerard’s words. “Gee- Uh…Gerard, I didn’t get him doing this shit! He got me to try it! He said it’d be fun and-and- and I didn’t think I would get addicted! It was supposed to be a onetime thing! I swear!” Frank spoke quickly not knowing when Gerard would just stop letting him talk.
“Not get addicted? It’s fucking crack Frank! Why the-what the hell even remotely made you think ‘Hey! Let’s snort a couple fucking lines of dope so I can feel good cause my boyfriend who I say I love so much is working so we can pay fucking rent, cause I’m bored and I wanna go for a loop!’ What the fuck Frank!” Gerard shouted, now standing his fists tense at his sides. He would never hit Frank but god damn, he was getting close and he was the rational one!
Frank jumped to his feet, standing in Gerard’s personal bubble, having to look up slightly just to make eye contact. “Well at least I’m not fucking starving myself because boo-hoo I used to be fat and I think I still am ‘cause I’m just an insecure asshole and don’t know how to take a fucking compliment!”
Gerard’s face was wiped of all anger because fuck, Frank knew which buttons to poke. His face fell; he no longer held that temporary hate for Frank. Gerard didn’t feel like punching anything anymore. He simply went painfully numb, the feeling that was oh too familiar. The only emotion he could hold through elementary, middle and part of high school, the only one he felt he deserved. The feeling of utter disgust with himself.
Frank stepped forward, his arms outreached as if he was trying to pull those hurtful words back into his mouth and comfort the spot on his beautiful Gerard where they had hit. “Don’t, Frank just don’t.” Gerard’s words came out soft and strained. He walked past Frank towards the hall.
“Gee, baby!” Frank pitifully moaned after him. Gerard froze, his hand resting on the hallway wall. “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.” Gerard merely shook his head; if Frank had been able to see his face he would have seen silent tears. Frank made to walk after him but Gerard merely held up his hand signaling he to Frank not to follow. The only features Frank could see was his profile that was faced toward the wall.
“You meant every word of t Frank otherwise you wouldn’t have said it. They’re your sober thoughts.” He paused, Frank stood there not knowing what to do or say to make it all just go away. “I think it’s best if you just leave Frank.” And that was all he saw of Gerard as he walked into the darkness of the hall. He heard the faint click of the door locking.
Frank felt a lump instantaneously form in his throat. He choked it back and left the apartment and just started walking somewhere. Unsure of where exactly to go he called Mikey. He was the one who got him into this mess and he sure as hell better get him out.
It rang four times before Mikey answered.
“Hello?
“Gerard, he found out.” Frank pushed out, unsure how else to put it. He heard a quiet cursing before Mikey replied.
Fuck, how the hell did he find out?
Frank scratched the back of the hand that was holding the phone roughly feeling layers of skin clog under his fingernails “He looked through my jacket I guess looking for something and I had it there ‘cause I uh took it off when me and Gerard got, um in the door.”
He could practically hear Mikey making a face. Mikey wasn’t an idiot to the sudden, “urges”, the couple had. His couch being a victim.
”Shit, what happened did he like flip out at you?”
Frank swallowed, unable to respond without his voice cracking as the scene played through his head like a bad dream or an over-active imagination. He heard Mikey groan guiltily into the phone
”Fuck, he didn’t, um break up with you? Did he Frankie?”
Frank bit back tears, trying to breath but the constant lump in his throat was proving to be trying to suffocate him. Definitely reality. “I-I don’t know. He just told me that it would be best if I left.” He admitted brokenly.
“Where are you now?
Frank looked at where he had ended. He was standing in the middle of the park by a green metal bench. He sighed, “I’m at the park outside the apartment.” He sighed. Mikey’s was better than a wet bench.
”I’ll be right there bro.”
The click signaled Mikey had hung up but he still ‘goodbye’ anyway. To whom he was unsure but he hoped that this wasn’t how things were going to end. He prayed things weren’t going to end in general. It wasn’t fair. Not fair at all. He sat on the bench immediately regretting it as he felt the back of his ripped knee-less jeans soaked through with wet; boxers too.
Twenty minutes later he felt a hand on his shoulder. He knew it was Mikey but the majority of him wished it was Gerard coming down to take him back to the apartment saying that they could work it out in the morning and that he loved him.
He sighed and turned his head towards Mikey, he knew it was him by the skeletal fingers that had curved around his shoulder anyway. Gerard had calloused artists’ hands that were often covered in charcoal or paint and most always smelled of coffee and cigarettes. The hands that had held him safe against his chest so many a night and morning never letting go until the morning light had erased all foreboding shadows.
“Ready?” Mikey asked already knowing the answer. Frank merely nodded numbly. He wasn’t ready. He would never ‘be ready’ to leave his Gerard. Especially without anyone to be there for him when the monsters of his past came crawling. Frank felt the pit of his stomach drop knowing that he had brought up all the demons that they had worked so hard to lock away. Frank took Mikey’s outstretched hand to pull himself up with. Frank took one last glance up at the apartment building at the window that was their apartment. The light in the kitchen was still on meaning Gerard had probably come out after he had left.
The walk to Mikey’s car was spent in tense silence, each knowing their wrongs. The wordlessly climbed in and fastened their seatbelts. Mikey shot Frank an apologetic look and started the car and started the commute to the small house that had given him and Gerard so many memories.
With each passing block the sinking feeling in Frank’s stomach worsened. His mouth became dry and he knew something was wrong. There something very, very, wrong. He grabbed Mikey’s arm, “Turn around! Go back! Go back!”
Mikey looked from the road at Frank and back again repeatedly, “What? Go back? What’re you talking about?” They pulled up to a red light, the streets busy with night-goers. Frank just gave Mikey a desperate look.
“There’s something very, very wrong.” Upon the green light Mikey screeched into a U-turn and sped back to the apartments. Mikey kept glancing at Frank not liking the guilty look on his best friend’s face. Frank stared out the window unable to handle Mikey’s intense looks. Everything was moving in slow motion again and although they were pushing 80 in a posted 45 area, he didn’t feel like they were going fast enough.
Mikey skidded into a parking spot in front of the building. Frank and Mikey jumped out of the car running inside. Mikey pushed the elevator button frantically knowing that whatever he heard from Frank probably wasn’t the whole story. In fact he knew it wasn’t if it put that look of complete guilt and desperation in Frank’s eyes. It was more than would be expected for just getting caught.
“Fuck!” Frank yelled kicking the elevator before turning to the stairs. “I’m taking the stairs!” Mikey nodded a silent agreement that Mikey would take the elevator. Frank flew up the stairs faster than he ever thought he could go for his short stature. He knew when something wasn’t right with Gerard. He could always feel it, even when they were kids.
The stairs wound up in a square spiral. Seeing ht e door he needed he all but ripped it off the hinges opening it. He was down the hall in an instant, the apartment being so ‘convenient’ at the end of the corridor. He tried to open the door to find it locked. He jimmied in his pockets to find his house key. Mikey dinged at the end of the hall a half minute earlier. Unlocking the door lock he shoved at the door but it only gave an inch.
Mikey showed up behind Frank in a split second, the chain lock was done up giving him only a crack to see in. Mikey and Frank anxiously called Gerard’s name. Nothing. Looking through the crack Frank could see Gerard’s beautiful face unmoving on the kitchen floor.
“Shit!” Mikey cursed, Frank was too unable to think to out together words. The two of them butted the door with their shoulders, ripping the chain lock out of the wall. They ran to Gerard feeling for a pulse.
There but weak. Frank felt his breathing get faster and shorter. “ Oh god, oh god! This is all my fault! ” he screamed silently at himself. Mikey looked at Frank his eyes wide, “Frank, did you take the coke with you?” Frank eyes bugged. He side stepped over to where Mikey was standing at the counter. The small square bag had been emptied of its contents onto the cutting board. Nothing was left of it but the remnants Gerard’s license had missed.
Mikey and Frank stared from Gerard to each other. “We can’t call the hospital, they’ll either arrest him for it or arrest all of us, oh fuck oh fuck, oh shit we’re screwed.” Mikey yanked at his hair. His brother was dying but Gerard would be punished for their stupidity and Gerard had such a future going for him too. Frank kneeled by his Gerard, brushing the hair out of his lover’s beautiful face.
“We have to Mikey, he’ll die. This isn’t like he got shot, this is in his system.” Frank said sadly, tears dripping from his cheeks. Mikey nodded, punching in 9-1-1, he muttered, “I hope you have a plan.” Within minutes, sirens of the ambulance could be heard in the distance.
Frank just held Gerard’s frail body close to his chest whispering encouraging words to him, “I know you don’t like needles but it’ll be okay baby. I’m here; I promise I’m not going to leave you. I love you,” his words dripped as tears wetting Gerard’s pale cheeks on impact.
The paramedics came rushing in, taking Gerard from Frank’s arms onto a gurney. Frank held onto Gerard’s hand for dear life. One of the paramedics’ voice cut added to the commotion, “Sir you’re going to have to step back. We need space.”
A terrified look passed over Frank’s face. Let go and leave his Gerard after he’d promised him he’d never leave him? He couldn’t, no way was he going to break this promise. The only thing that kept Frank from losing his mind was the warmth that Gerard’s hands still held. “No-no I can’t! I can’t leave him! I promised!” Frank tried to keep it together but with each word he spoke his voice became more and more hysteric.
“He’s unconscious and pushing comatose, you need to step back!” The medic gritted out forcefully. He and another medic restrained Frank from the gurney. They kept him away as the other two lifted the gurney, wheeling it out the door down the hall. Frank lunged forward only to be thrown back crying, “Gerard! Gerard! Gerard!” His voice broke and he let the tears come. He watched Mikey frantically pacing back and forth wringing his hands telling one of the meds Gerard’s information, palming the tears falling from his eyes while doing so.
After they were sure that their patient had been successfully led into the elevator they left without a word. Frank looked at Mikey and they walked quickly past the meds and through the doors to the stairwell. They jumped down the small flights of stairs, tripping on themselves trying to get to outside before the ambulance left.
Frank ran with Mikey towards the door at the end but it felt like the exit wasn’t coming as fast as it should have been. Everything began to go in slow motion outside. The air was freezing and the sky was black, no stars to wish upon. The ambulance lights flashed red casting red shadows over the white stucco walls. Frank watched them lift the gurney carrying Gerard’s limp body into the back of the ambulance. Neighbors and passer bys stopped to watch the procession.
The two ran toward the ambulance but they were too late to make it before the vehicle of death drove off with Mikey’s brother, Frank’s lover and their best fucking friend.
Author: i_am_the_broken
Pairing: Ferard
Rating: …Drugs, and sexual tendencies….
Disclaimer: No.
Summary: After finally moving past the drama of getting together the boys move in together but nothing could prepare them for the reality that is out to fuck them over.
[Previous Chapters Behind The Cut]
Frank I Need Your Help
You Don’t Fall Out Of Love With Someone
Early Morning Cigarette Fights
Fuck You Frank
Gerard glared up at Frank from behind his dark hair that fell as a curtain over his face. “Then tell me what this is Frank,” he spat bitterly throwing the small zip-loc baggie at him. Frank juggled it from hand to hand trying to catch it. “Cause it looks like fucking crack to me!” Frank stuttered and set it on the coffee table uncertainly.
He sighed; there was no wiggling out of this one; no white lie would suffice. “Gee, I-” “Don’t fucking call me that!” Gerard seethed. Frank winced at the sound of Gerard’s voice. “I just wanted to try it, I was curious, and Mikey and I were at a party a couple weeks ago when you were working graveyard, and well-” Gerard interrupted him again, anger soaking his voice.
“You got Mikey doing this shit too! My baby fucking brother? He’s only sixteen!” Gerard ran his hands through his hair desperately pulling at it to keep from pummeling his ‘boyfriend’. His baby brother, little Mikey, the kid he watched grow from a baby into a teenager and who was there for him when through every last god damn thing and probably won’t see adulthood because Frank got him addicted to dope.
Frank held his hands out in front of him as if to ward of the blows of Gerard’s words. “Gee- Uh…Gerard, I didn’t get him doing this shit! He got me to try it! He said it’d be fun and-and- and I didn’t think I would get addicted! It was supposed to be a onetime thing! I swear!” Frank spoke quickly not knowing when Gerard would just stop letting him talk.
“Not get addicted? It’s fucking crack Frank! Why the-what the hell even remotely made you think ‘Hey! Let’s snort a couple fucking lines of dope so I can feel good cause my boyfriend who I say I love so much is working so we can pay fucking rent, cause I’m bored and I wanna go for a loop!’ What the fuck Frank!” Gerard shouted, now standing his fists tense at his sides. He would never hit Frank but god damn, he was getting close and he was the rational one!
Frank jumped to his feet, standing in Gerard’s personal bubble, having to look up slightly just to make eye contact. “Well at least I’m not fucking starving myself because boo-hoo I used to be fat and I think I still am ‘cause I’m just an insecure asshole and don’t know how to take a fucking compliment!”
Gerard’s face was wiped of all anger because fuck, Frank knew which buttons to poke. His face fell; he no longer held that temporary hate for Frank. Gerard didn’t feel like punching anything anymore. He simply went painfully numb, the feeling that was oh too familiar. The only emotion he could hold through elementary, middle and part of high school, the only one he felt he deserved. The feeling of utter disgust with himself.
Frank stepped forward, his arms outreached as if he was trying to pull those hurtful words back into his mouth and comfort the spot on his beautiful Gerard where they had hit. “Don’t, Frank just don’t.” Gerard’s words came out soft and strained. He walked past Frank towards the hall.
“Gee, baby!” Frank pitifully moaned after him. Gerard froze, his hand resting on the hallway wall. “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.” Gerard merely shook his head; if Frank had been able to see his face he would have seen silent tears. Frank made to walk after him but Gerard merely held up his hand signaling he to Frank not to follow. The only features Frank could see was his profile that was faced toward the wall.
“You meant every word of t Frank otherwise you wouldn’t have said it. They’re your sober thoughts.” He paused, Frank stood there not knowing what to do or say to make it all just go away. “I think it’s best if you just leave Frank.” And that was all he saw of Gerard as he walked into the darkness of the hall. He heard the faint click of the door locking.
Frank felt a lump instantaneously form in his throat. He choked it back and left the apartment and just started walking somewhere. Unsure of where exactly to go he called Mikey. He was the one who got him into this mess and he sure as hell better get him out.
It rang four times before Mikey answered.
“Hello?
“Gerard, he found out.” Frank pushed out, unsure how else to put it. He heard a quiet cursing before Mikey replied.
Fuck, how the hell did he find out?
Frank scratched the back of the hand that was holding the phone roughly feeling layers of skin clog under his fingernails “He looked through my jacket I guess looking for something and I had it there ‘cause I uh took it off when me and Gerard got, um in the door.”
He could practically hear Mikey making a face. Mikey wasn’t an idiot to the sudden, “urges”, the couple had. His couch being a victim.
”Shit, what happened did he like flip out at you?”
Frank swallowed, unable to respond without his voice cracking as the scene played through his head like a bad dream or an over-active imagination. He heard Mikey groan guiltily into the phone
”Fuck, he didn’t, um break up with you? Did he Frankie?”
Frank bit back tears, trying to breath but the constant lump in his throat was proving to be trying to suffocate him. Definitely reality. “I-I don’t know. He just told me that it would be best if I left.” He admitted brokenly.
“Where are you now?
Frank looked at where he had ended. He was standing in the middle of the park by a green metal bench. He sighed, “I’m at the park outside the apartment.” He sighed. Mikey’s was better than a wet bench.
”I’ll be right there bro.”
The click signaled Mikey had hung up but he still ‘goodbye’ anyway. To whom he was unsure but he hoped that this wasn’t how things were going to end. He prayed things weren’t going to end in general. It wasn’t fair. Not fair at all. He sat on the bench immediately regretting it as he felt the back of his ripped knee-less jeans soaked through with wet; boxers too.
Twenty minutes later he felt a hand on his shoulder. He knew it was Mikey but the majority of him wished it was Gerard coming down to take him back to the apartment saying that they could work it out in the morning and that he loved him.
He sighed and turned his head towards Mikey, he knew it was him by the skeletal fingers that had curved around his shoulder anyway. Gerard had calloused artists’ hands that were often covered in charcoal or paint and most always smelled of coffee and cigarettes. The hands that had held him safe against his chest so many a night and morning never letting go until the morning light had erased all foreboding shadows.
“Ready?” Mikey asked already knowing the answer. Frank merely nodded numbly. He wasn’t ready. He would never ‘be ready’ to leave his Gerard. Especially without anyone to be there for him when the monsters of his past came crawling. Frank felt the pit of his stomach drop knowing that he had brought up all the demons that they had worked so hard to lock away. Frank took Mikey’s outstretched hand to pull himself up with. Frank took one last glance up at the apartment building at the window that was their apartment. The light in the kitchen was still on meaning Gerard had probably come out after he had left.
The walk to Mikey’s car was spent in tense silence, each knowing their wrongs. The wordlessly climbed in and fastened their seatbelts. Mikey shot Frank an apologetic look and started the car and started the commute to the small house that had given him and Gerard so many memories.
With each passing block the sinking feeling in Frank’s stomach worsened. His mouth became dry and he knew something was wrong. There something very, very, wrong. He grabbed Mikey’s arm, “Turn around! Go back! Go back!”
Mikey looked from the road at Frank and back again repeatedly, “What? Go back? What’re you talking about?” They pulled up to a red light, the streets busy with night-goers. Frank just gave Mikey a desperate look.
“There’s something very, very wrong.” Upon the green light Mikey screeched into a U-turn and sped back to the apartments. Mikey kept glancing at Frank not liking the guilty look on his best friend’s face. Frank stared out the window unable to handle Mikey’s intense looks. Everything was moving in slow motion again and although they were pushing 80 in a posted 45 area, he didn’t feel like they were going fast enough.
Mikey skidded into a parking spot in front of the building. Frank and Mikey jumped out of the car running inside. Mikey pushed the elevator button frantically knowing that whatever he heard from Frank probably wasn’t the whole story. In fact he knew it wasn’t if it put that look of complete guilt and desperation in Frank’s eyes. It was more than would be expected for just getting caught.
“Fuck!” Frank yelled kicking the elevator before turning to the stairs. “I’m taking the stairs!” Mikey nodded a silent agreement that Mikey would take the elevator. Frank flew up the stairs faster than he ever thought he could go for his short stature. He knew when something wasn’t right with Gerard. He could always feel it, even when they were kids.
The stairs wound up in a square spiral. Seeing ht e door he needed he all but ripped it off the hinges opening it. He was down the hall in an instant, the apartment being so ‘convenient’ at the end of the corridor. He tried to open the door to find it locked. He jimmied in his pockets to find his house key. Mikey dinged at the end of the hall a half minute earlier. Unlocking the door lock he shoved at the door but it only gave an inch.
Mikey showed up behind Frank in a split second, the chain lock was done up giving him only a crack to see in. Mikey and Frank anxiously called Gerard’s name. Nothing. Looking through the crack Frank could see Gerard’s beautiful face unmoving on the kitchen floor.
“Shit!” Mikey cursed, Frank was too unable to think to out together words. The two of them butted the door with their shoulders, ripping the chain lock out of the wall. They ran to Gerard feeling for a pulse.
There but weak. Frank felt his breathing get faster and shorter. “ Oh god, oh god! This is all my fault! ” he screamed silently at himself. Mikey looked at Frank his eyes wide, “Frank, did you take the coke with you?” Frank eyes bugged. He side stepped over to where Mikey was standing at the counter. The small square bag had been emptied of its contents onto the cutting board. Nothing was left of it but the remnants Gerard’s license had missed.
Mikey and Frank stared from Gerard to each other. “We can’t call the hospital, they’ll either arrest him for it or arrest all of us, oh fuck oh fuck, oh shit we’re screwed.” Mikey yanked at his hair. His brother was dying but Gerard would be punished for their stupidity and Gerard had such a future going for him too. Frank kneeled by his Gerard, brushing the hair out of his lover’s beautiful face.
“We have to Mikey, he’ll die. This isn’t like he got shot, this is in his system.” Frank said sadly, tears dripping from his cheeks. Mikey nodded, punching in 9-1-1, he muttered, “I hope you have a plan.” Within minutes, sirens of the ambulance could be heard in the distance.
Frank just held Gerard’s frail body close to his chest whispering encouraging words to him, “I know you don’t like needles but it’ll be okay baby. I’m here; I promise I’m not going to leave you. I love you,” his words dripped as tears wetting Gerard’s pale cheeks on impact.
The paramedics came rushing in, taking Gerard from Frank’s arms onto a gurney. Frank held onto Gerard’s hand for dear life. One of the paramedics’ voice cut added to the commotion, “Sir you’re going to have to step back. We need space.”
A terrified look passed over Frank’s face. Let go and leave his Gerard after he’d promised him he’d never leave him? He couldn’t, no way was he going to break this promise. The only thing that kept Frank from losing his mind was the warmth that Gerard’s hands still held. “No-no I can’t! I can’t leave him! I promised!” Frank tried to keep it together but with each word he spoke his voice became more and more hysteric.
“He’s unconscious and pushing comatose, you need to step back!” The medic gritted out forcefully. He and another medic restrained Frank from the gurney. They kept him away as the other two lifted the gurney, wheeling it out the door down the hall. Frank lunged forward only to be thrown back crying, “Gerard! Gerard! Gerard!” His voice broke and he let the tears come. He watched Mikey frantically pacing back and forth wringing his hands telling one of the meds Gerard’s information, palming the tears falling from his eyes while doing so.
After they were sure that their patient had been successfully led into the elevator they left without a word. Frank looked at Mikey and they walked quickly past the meds and through the doors to the stairwell. They jumped down the small flights of stairs, tripping on themselves trying to get to outside before the ambulance left.
Frank ran with Mikey towards the door at the end but it felt like the exit wasn’t coming as fast as it should have been. Everything began to go in slow motion outside. The air was freezing and the sky was black, no stars to wish upon. The ambulance lights flashed red casting red shadows over the white stucco walls. Frank watched them lift the gurney carrying Gerard’s limp body into the back of the ambulance. Neighbors and passer bys stopped to watch the procession.
The two ran toward the ambulance but they were too late to make it before the vehicle of death drove off with Mikey’s brother, Frank’s lover and their best fucking friend.