You Can F*ck Me, But You'd Better Not L*ve Me.

[hypatia156]

I've been getting questions about my emotional availability from people. More questions about where I am in terms of relationship availability. The short answer is that I'm not looking for anything serious right now.

The longer, more self-indulgent answer is that I don't know. I'm figuring things out as I go, trying not to give more than I have to

Comments

[brian1789]

I'm glad that you're taking good care of yourself, and not rushing headlong into *anything*...

(although it is tempting to try to see if I could get you up on a chair, but that's just another scene ;-)

[jensolo]

Perfectly reasonable to feel some skittishness while going through Major Relationship Transition®, including the desire to 'connect and yet not connect'. As long as you keep communicating with those in your life about your feelings and wishes, you're probably not hurting or bothering anyone nearly as much as you think you are when you have anxiety. In fact, ssshhhh, don't spread this around, but other people have relationship anxiety, too. It's the de rigueur modern condition, n'est pas

[hypatia156]

Good questions! Thank you for making me think. :o)

I think it's mostly about not wanting to commit myself to something that will end up being another bad fit and not trusting my judgment right now.

M (my first marriage) was a relationship I began right after breaking up with my first boyfriend and being kicked out of my parent's house. D (the current partnership) was a relationship I began right after filing for divorce from Mark. Both lasted 5 years - 3 years of co-habitation and 2 years of marriage with M; 3 years of dating and 2 years of marriage with D. I need to break the cycle!

Cycles

[jensolo]

Yes, it is very important to notice and learn from cyclical behavior. I am currently attempting to do the same thing with olias_sunhillow. I have noticed my obsessive tendencies in the beginnings of relationships and I am determined to not be ruled by my OCD this time, nor to allow my behavior to ruin a potential relationship. So I am forcing myself to only write to him once a week now, and to not expect any further contact from him. If he does break up with his S.O., and if he does start calling me, and if he does come for a visit in October, that will be a different situation. But for now, I must hold my OCD in check and not allow my desires to run away with my reality. Break the cycle!

Proud of you for seeing this for yourself, too.

Re: Cycles

[hypatia156]

I was reading in one of your posts about how frustrating it is for you that O.S. currently has all the control over your interaction. I'm glad you're taking some of that control back - even if it's just emotionally.