Living Fiction
Title: Living Fiction
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Gin-centric, mentions of Matsumoto and Aizen
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): No spoilers, as it ends in the Deicide arc.
Warnings (if applicable): None
Summary: He told his lies over and over, keeping his secrets hidden beneath them.
Authors Notes: For the wonderful unwritten_icons, who has written me some amazing fic recently (all of which is now posted at hyouhakuzai_fic, along with older stuff). She gave me the request of Gin and the prompt “He has so many secrets, he can't remember them all.”
will the mountain last as long as i can wait
wait like the dawn
how it aches to meet the day
Iron And Wine, “Jezebel”
It was a long time ago when he started keeping secrets. So long that the secrets had blurred together to become indistinct shapes in his mind. That was why he adopted the closed eyes, the sly grin, the seeming trickster persona. When no one knew if the words coming out of his mouth were true or false the lies came out more easily and the secrets became easier to keep.
He could fool everyone in the Gotei 13, from the lowliest unranked member to Captain Yamamoto himself. He could fool them all. Lying to Rangiku was hard, though. She had been his only thought that was clear, other than the vengeance that burned in his heart against Aizen. He was doing it all for her, and he couldn't tell her. The lies, the secrets...it was almost with relief that he left for Hueco Mundo. He didn't have to see her anymore.
-
He just needed to keep the largest secret, the one that drove him forward. He thought sometimes that the Arrancar noticed, but since he was the serpent to Aizen's dragon, not the one with the bite and the might but the one with the easy lie and the subtle deception, they said nothing because no matter what they said he would slip something out that would appease them.
Not that he needed to appease them. Being the serpent to the dragon and not merely the worker ants that were so easily stepped on had some benefits. He had to answer only to Aizen, no matter how much he hated doing it inside. The only one he worried about not fooling was Aizen, and he never underestimated him. Somewhere he knew that deep down, Aizen knew he was going to go against him, at some point. Aizen just didn't know the when, or the why, or the how, and Gin could keep that to himself. After all, he was very good at keeping secrets.
-
When he saw her again he had to be careful to not show any outward emotion. After all, to her and to the Arrancar and especially to Aizen, they were now bitter enemies. Two sides of the coin, evil versus good. He knew there was no way he could tell her that soon, very soon, he could reveal all. He could cut Aizen down, take the punishment he was given, but tell her the truth, tell her why he really did all this.
The truth...this was the single truth he kept to himself: he was doing it all for her, because years and years ago Aizen had stolen part of her soul. He could not let that stand. Someone needed to pay for it, and that someone was Aizen, and if he needed to cozy up to the devil to make the devil pay his due then that was what he would do. So now, he simply prayed, as best he could, that she survive. Then he could tell her.
-
He hated having to stab her in the shoulder, but he didn't want her around when he went after Aizen. Afterward then yes, he could go to her. She could see him and he could tell her the truth, lay his soul bare, and see if she forgave him, not just for the wound he inflicted on her person, but for the inevitable wounds he had inflicted on her soul. He wanted her forgiveness, needed her forgiveness.
And Aizen was all that stood in the way. And that shouldn't be a problem. A simple lie he told everyone was the truth behind his bankai, and even Aizen believed it. Little did Aizen know that this lie, this simple lie, was going to bring about his downfall. It would render him powerless, and then he could take his revenge and move on, finally.
-
He was dying. He could just barely see the boy who out powered them all go to take Aizen on. He hoped Ichigo won, because he himself had failed so miserably. Nothing had worked out as planned. Revenge was not his, the victory was not his, and he would have to leave both to someone else. But he could tell, just by looking at him, that he stood a chance at taking Aizen down, once and for all.
For now he concentrated on the tears on his face. She was there. With the last of his strength, he could tell her. He could apologize. He could ask, or rather beg, for her forgiveness. So he opened his mouth, willing himself to form the words. And with great effort, with great pain, he told her. The last thing he felt before he died was her lips on his forehead, and he took that as a sign that she did forgive him, and he was able to die in peace, die in the way he was unable to live for so long, die with the truth on his lips. For this, he was grateful.
Author: Ragna (afteriwake)
Pairing: Gin-centric, mentions of Matsumoto and Aizen
Rating: PG
Spoilers (if applicable): No spoilers, as it ends in the Deicide arc.
Warnings (if applicable): None
Summary: He told his lies over and over, keeping his secrets hidden beneath them.
Authors Notes: For the wonderful unwritten_icons, who has written me some amazing fic recently (all of which is now posted at hyouhakuzai_fic, along with older stuff). She gave me the request of Gin and the prompt “He has so many secrets, he can't remember them all.”
will the mountain last as long as i can wait
wait like the dawn
how it aches to meet the day
Iron And Wine, “Jezebel”
It was a long time ago when he started keeping secrets. So long that the secrets had blurred together to become indistinct shapes in his mind. That was why he adopted the closed eyes, the sly grin, the seeming trickster persona. When no one knew if the words coming out of his mouth were true or false the lies came out more easily and the secrets became easier to keep.
He could fool everyone in the Gotei 13, from the lowliest unranked member to Captain Yamamoto himself. He could fool them all. Lying to Rangiku was hard, though. She had been his only thought that was clear, other than the vengeance that burned in his heart against Aizen. He was doing it all for her, and he couldn't tell her. The lies, the secrets...it was almost with relief that he left for Hueco Mundo. He didn't have to see her anymore.
-
He just needed to keep the largest secret, the one that drove him forward. He thought sometimes that the Arrancar noticed, but since he was the serpent to Aizen's dragon, not the one with the bite and the might but the one with the easy lie and the subtle deception, they said nothing because no matter what they said he would slip something out that would appease them.
Not that he needed to appease them. Being the serpent to the dragon and not merely the worker ants that were so easily stepped on had some benefits. He had to answer only to Aizen, no matter how much he hated doing it inside. The only one he worried about not fooling was Aizen, and he never underestimated him. Somewhere he knew that deep down, Aizen knew he was going to go against him, at some point. Aizen just didn't know the when, or the why, or the how, and Gin could keep that to himself. After all, he was very good at keeping secrets.
-
When he saw her again he had to be careful to not show any outward emotion. After all, to her and to the Arrancar and especially to Aizen, they were now bitter enemies. Two sides of the coin, evil versus good. He knew there was no way he could tell her that soon, very soon, he could reveal all. He could cut Aizen down, take the punishment he was given, but tell her the truth, tell her why he really did all this.
The truth...this was the single truth he kept to himself: he was doing it all for her, because years and years ago Aizen had stolen part of her soul. He could not let that stand. Someone needed to pay for it, and that someone was Aizen, and if he needed to cozy up to the devil to make the devil pay his due then that was what he would do. So now, he simply prayed, as best he could, that she survive. Then he could tell her.
-
He hated having to stab her in the shoulder, but he didn't want her around when he went after Aizen. Afterward then yes, he could go to her. She could see him and he could tell her the truth, lay his soul bare, and see if she forgave him, not just for the wound he inflicted on her person, but for the inevitable wounds he had inflicted on her soul. He wanted her forgiveness, needed her forgiveness.
And Aizen was all that stood in the way. And that shouldn't be a problem. A simple lie he told everyone was the truth behind his bankai, and even Aizen believed it. Little did Aizen know that this lie, this simple lie, was going to bring about his downfall. It would render him powerless, and then he could take his revenge and move on, finally.
-
He was dying. He could just barely see the boy who out powered them all go to take Aizen on. He hoped Ichigo won, because he himself had failed so miserably. Nothing had worked out as planned. Revenge was not his, the victory was not his, and he would have to leave both to someone else. But he could tell, just by looking at him, that he stood a chance at taking Aizen down, once and for all.
For now he concentrated on the tears on his face. She was there. With the last of his strength, he could tell her. He could apologize. He could ask, or rather beg, for her forgiveness. So he opened his mouth, willing himself to form the words. And with great effort, with great pain, he told her. The last thing he felt before he died was her lips on his forehead, and he took that as a sign that she did forgive him, and he was able to die in peace, die in the way he was unable to live for so long, die with the truth on his lips. For this, he was grateful.