Fic: Breaking Point
Title: Breaking Point
Series: Torchwood (AU)
Characters: Owena Harper, Jacqueline Harkness
Beta: Going Commando (but if anything is showing, tell me please.)
Spoilers: Not much, this would be akin to S2 of Torchwood.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or the characters therein, the original characters belong to the BBC and RTD. The characters of Captain Jacqueline Harkness and Owena Harper belongs to the AU Torchwood of knitchick1979. Any original characters or places are my own.
Summary: Dr. Owena Harper doesn't think that being alive is everything its cracked up to be, but a certain guardian angel has something to say about that.
Author's Notes: Owena wanted me to tell part of her story, and I am glad that knitchick1979 let me play with her characters. The original Torchwood series can be found at KnitChick's Ramblings, plus there are a couple of stories in My Master Fic List under "Alternate Torchwoods". This is a gender swapped universe, and Dr. Harper was the first person Captain Harkness brought on board when rebuilding Torchwood Three after losing her fiance Keith.
Breaking Point
Dr. Owena Harper had been rooted to the same spot for what seemed like an hour. A stiff breeze off the Bay tousled her short brown hair, dipping it against her eyes, but she didn’t bother to push the hair back. The world turned upside down in her mind’s eye as the events of the last couple of weeks settled in on her. She always felt like she could survive anything. If she kept ignoring it, even better, but instead of being ignored, it planted itself right in her road.
Her head fell into her hands as Owena choked back a sob. If it wasn’t for the yearly call from what had been her potential in-laws, Owena would have forgotten the date completely. Days and nights seemed to run together lately, but October 11th stuck out like a sore thumb. October 11th.
Inside she was in turmoil, while outside Gwynn kept jabbering on about his wedding plans with Rhea and how she was making him help pick out the flowers. Jacqueline and Iana kept disappearing for hours on end, and Iana would often come back wearing a different top. Even Dr. Marcus Jones, who had been called in on that case with the Mayflys, kept talking about his lovely Tamera.
Toshiyuki had started dating this new girl he met at the local coffee shop, and Owena threw herself into her work. No one seemed to notice the invisible doctor, the one that they could mock, but God fucking help them if Team Torchwood ever found themselves without her.
She had lost so much in her life, even now. Owena knew better than to let cases become personal to her, but she had: Darius who had been yanked from his own time, three weeks ago when they almost lost Tosh, the whole ordeal with The Master, that thing with the kids… She didn’t want to hazard thinking about them lest she get drawn in again. Owena rubbed a hand across her face. She had been on her way to becoming a brilliant doctor when her fiancé Keith died, but instead she would be stuck for the rest of her life in a hellhole in the ground.
When Captain Jacqueline Harkness had first brought her aboard at Torchwood, it was just the two of them, and Owena thought she was flipping out. If it had happened right away, it would have been quick and painless, but instead Torchwood just slowly ate away at your soul, making you think you were invincible, but you weren’t.
Pulling her hands away, Owena scowled at the scar tissue along her left hand. It had healed, but whose lives would it have cost if the doctor couldn’t operate? Looking out along the pier, the sun’s rays danced off the water, making it look so inviting.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacqueline had followed Owena from her flat and wondered what had brought the younger woman to the water. Owena had been the first person she recruited when Jacqueline rebuilt Torchwood. For a while it had just been the two of them. Owena had seen a lot after five years in Cardiff, Jacqueline just wished her medic - and friend - would talk to her rather than bottling things inside.
A flash of movement caught Jacqueline’s eye and her heart raced as she watched Owena suddenly sprint towards the end of the pier. The woman wouldn’t be that crazy… she wouldn’t do such a stupid thi-
Jacqueline’s thoughts were interrupted as a loud splash reached her ears. “Damn it!” Jacqueline said under her breath as she raced for the end of the pier. Trying not to trip over her own feet, Jacqueline peered over the edge of the dock, looking for Owena. All she saw was dissipating ripples, but nothing else. Flipping open the vortex manipulator she wore on her left wrist, Jacqueline scanned the sea for any sign of Owena. Glancing at the watch on her right hand, Jacqueline began to count the seconds.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For the first time in a long while, Owena felt at peace. Her body bobbed along the waves, tugged and tossed by the currents, and yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to care. The colours seem to fade before her eyes, trickling away into the distance. It was then that her lungs began to strain, urging her to breathe, but if she didn’t breathe, it would all just go away. It wasn’t like anyone cared about her, not anymore.
She opened her mouth - whether it was to scream or not, she would never tell. The briny bath washed inside of her as well as out and she felt clean again. No more hardships, no more blood on her hands, no more bending over backwards for family that would rather not care, no more memories.
The scientist in her fought to stay conscious for as long as she could, mentally cataloguing what it felt like to just give up. Maybe somewhere someone would remember what day it was. Throat burning, her vision blurred, and the drumming of her heartbeat slowed to a funereal cadence.
It was then that her head was jerked upwards.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dragging Owena’s body onto the beach, water gushing from her boots, Jacqueline’s heart quickened as she saw the doctor’s lips turning a deep shade of blue. Falling to her knees next to Owena, she placed her lips against Owena’s, breathing air into the lungs.
“Don’t you dare,” Jacqueline growled. “I didn’t save your arse in the past just so you could pull this stunt without telling me why.”
Owena felt so cold. Both of them were drenched from the sea after Jacqueline had dived in after the other woman. Holding Owena’s nose shut, she locked their lips and blew in extra hard, watching Owena’s chest rise.
“Not this. I need you Owena. I’m not ready for this. You’re not ready for what’s out there.”
Jacqueline couldn’t tell if it was tears that were coursing down her cheek. She took in a big lungful of air and held Owena’s head, breathing the air into her. Jacqueline wished with all her might that death would give Owena back. Feeling Owena stir under, Jacqueline turned her on her side, holding Owena’s head. She began to choke and spurt the water from her lungs. Owena sobbed as she laid back on the sand, gulping lungfuls of oxygen.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She didn’t have the strength to fight back when Jacqueline pulled her body up from the sand, collected her wool greatcoat, wrapped that around Owena and led her through the backways to her flat. She hadn’t protested when Jacqueline dug through her pockets to find the key to said flat and ushered both of them in. Fuck, there wasn’t even a grumble when Jacqueline stripped both of them naked and helped her into a hot shower, trying to make Owena’s teeth stop chattering.
It wasn’t until Owena realised what Jacqueline had stopped from happening that she finally fought back. Shoving Jacqueline away from her and into the shower door, Owena growled, for that’s all her burning throat would let her do. Words couldn’t form in her mind, but Owena was pissed.
“How fucking dare you,” she finally croaked out, falling across the shower and yanking the glass door open. She stumbled out, not even grabbing a towel and clomped into her bedroom, slamming the door loud enough that hopefully the entire world heard.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacqueline continued to stir the honey into the chamomile tea. Rooting around in Owena’s medicine cabinet, she found some Torchwood strength painkillers and dissolved two into the tea as well. Putting the spoon down, Jacqueline pressed the palms of both hands against the edge of the kitchen counter. Her hair clumped forward, and she watched as a puddle began to develop on the formica. Today should not have happened.
She had always looked out for Owena, even when the medic didn’t know about it. Keeping her busy the days she shouldn’t worry about remembering, and even having a drink or two if that was what was needed. Before Iana, Jacqueline and Owena had shared a bed or two, even the occasional settee or stretcher. Yet lately, the world, and Torchwood’s place in it, had been getting more and more complicated. Because of that, Jacqueline had let some things fall to the wayside.
Picking up the hot mug, she didn’t even bother to knock at Owena’s bedroom door, but just went inside. Jacqueline’s heart nearly broke as she saw Owena huddled on top of the comforter, hands around her knees, bloodshot eyes staring at her. She put the mug down on the bedside table and sat down next to Owena. Putting a hand on Owena’s knee, which was drawn into her chest, she tried not to flinch as Owena seemed to scurry to the other side of the bed.
“Leave me the fuck alone,” Owena murmured.
“I can’t.”
“You bloody well can. Get dressed and get out of my flat and out of my life!” Owena’s hands went to her throat which must have felt raw after the seawater, at least that what Jacqueline often remembered about drowning.
“I won’t.”
“Don’t make me call the cops and have you escorted out.” Owena’s words were getting raspier.
“They won’t do that. I have authorisation codes that will override any of their orders.” She turned to face Owena. “What else are you going to do? Call the Hub? Have Gwynn and Tosh escort me out? To do that you’d need to tell them why I was here and what you did, and you wouldn’t do that to them.”
“Get out.”
“No.” Jacqueline put a hand on Owena’s shoulder, holding tight. “I know what October 11th was supposed to be.”
Owena wrenched away from Jacqueline and put her feet over the other side of the queen size bed. Jumping up, she grabbed at the table to stop from swaying and knocked over the cup of tea. Jacqueline stood up as the sound of the crashing cup seemed to echo off the stony silence. Owena ran through the debris and into the washroom. Jacqueline was starting to get tired of slamming doors.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Her eyes stung so bad from the water, but she refused to cry at first. How dare Jacqueline think she could save Owena? It wasn’t her place. Owena had cheated death so many times before, why didn’t Jacqueline just let her go now? Why did she have to stay here, dealing with her life?
Tears started streaming down her face as Owena closed the toilet seat and sat down on it. Her hands balled into tight fists. Punching her own thighs, Owena shrieked through clenched teeth. She could feel the rage building up inside of her as great hiccupping sobs emitted from her throat.
“That bitch! Who does she fucking think she is? God?”
Owena doubled over, her hands still in fists between her stomach and legs. Her body shook as she had vile thoughts of all the things she could do to Jacqueline to make the Captain pay for this. Between the thoughts of torture were flashes of everything that had been building up in her life.
“No. No more. I don’t want this. No.”
The tears had stopped flowing, but her body was still sobbing. Her eyes clenched shut she reached out with her fists, punching the glass shower door. Landing strike after strike against the glass, she ignored the pain blossoming through her hand, and her knuckles turning tender. With an almost relief, Owena heard the glass crack, and the next hit made it shatter around her.
Covering herself, holding her bleeding hands to her chest, Owena could feel the adrenaline drain from her. Feeling sweat break out all over her body, she began to rock back and forth on the toilet seat. The bathroom suddenly felt too closed in. Owena stood up and tried to catch herself on the sink as she felt the glass in her bare feet. Her wounded hands couldn’t hold her, but luckily she braced herself against the wall with her elbow and body.
Stumbling towards the door, Owena struggled to open it, muttering every curse she knew as her hands ached and bled. On the other side of the door stood Jacqueline, a dustpan in one hand, soiled tea towel in the other, and a look of shock on her face.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacqueline kept mentally cursing herself for cleaning up the broken teacup before opening the bathroom door and checking on Owena. The girl had looked pale and white with blood all over her, and Jacqueline’s heart sank. Jacqueline had scooped up Owena before she collapsed and laid the doctor out on her bed. Now she had found Owena’s spare medkit and was working on pulling pieces of china and frosted glass from the shower out of the woman’s feet while Owena held another towel around her hands to hold the blood.
“Ow!”
“Sorry.”
“Be careful.”
“How about next time you don’t run away through a field of shattered glass.”
“How about you leave me the fuck alone?”
“No.”
“Quit the act. You don’t care about any of us that much.”
Jacqueline resisted the urge to stab Owena’s foot with the tweezers. She had to keep reminding herself it was Owena’s pain talking before she helped along Owena’s suicidal tendencies. Checking over both feet, Jacqueline seemed pleased that she had dug out all the glass and pulled out a salve from the kit. Rubbing a thin layer of ointment over the bottom of Owena’s feet, Jacqueline looked at Owena’s face, and how it seemed to watch the setting sun out the window.
Dressing Owena’s feet with a light gauze, she slowly wrapped each foot. Taping the last one, she moved up the bed and began to unwrap the towel from around Owena’s hands.
“Go away.”
“You know the answer to that.”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because I’m not ready to give up on you.”
“Hmph. I gave up on myself years ago.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Jacqueline pulled the towel away as Owena winced, but didn’t utter a word. The doctor’s hands were bruised and swelling, there were some cuts but they didn’t look deep enough to do much harm. Jacqueline laid Owena’s hands in her lap and hurried to the bathroom. Sidestepping the glass with her won bare feet, she grabbed a flannel from the sink and wet it with warm water.
When she got back to the bedroom, Owena was just staring at her hands, flipping them over, watching the last of the blood drying on them. Jacqueline sat down on the bed and took one of Owena’s hands and began to wipe it with the flannel. When Owena choked on her breath, Jacqueline grabbed the tweezer and dug out a small shard of glass.
After cleaning both hands and finding no more glass, Jacqueline put the ointment on and began to wrap Owena’s hands with the gauze. Owena never looked her in the eyes the entire time Jacqueline doctored the other woman. Closing the medkit, Jacqueline hurried to the bathroom and worked on cleaning up the glass off the floor. She made a mental note to have Iana call the repairman in the morning.
Grabbing a cup of water and some more painkillers, Jacqueline felt like she was tiptoeing into Owena’s bedroom. All the woman was doing was staring out the window at the darkness outside. She hadn’t even moved from Jacqueline had left her. Jacqueline held the pills by Owena’s mouth. Reluctantly the other woman opened her maw and took the pills. Jacqueline held the glass of water to her lips, and Owena drank some, then pulled away again.
“Why did you save me?”
“Which time?”
“Was it guilt?”
“No,” Jacqueline said around the lump in her throat. “Sometimes I forget that the stakes aren’t the same for you guys. For that I am sorry. Some of this is still new to you. Me? I start to think that I’ve seen it all in my lifetimes. Then someone like you comes along that makes me realise I haven’t. I forget that you’re only human.”
Owena snorted. “Only human…”
“If you have forever, you don’t notice the flecks on the concrete, or the blood on your hands. I need you.”
There was silence as Owena didn’t fire back with a snarky retort. Her head turned and Owena’s dark eyes looked Jacqueline in the face.
“Do you have to tell the rest of the team about this?”
“Not if you don’t want to. But, you have to promise me something.”
“Great. What?”
“Don’t bottle it in. Come and talk to me. Go and talk to Marcus. Talk to Iana or Tosh… or even Gwynn. Write it down and stuff fit up the arse of a dead alien. Something. I don’t know if I’ll be around to pull you out of the Bay again.”
“I’ll take it into consideration.”
“Good.” Jacqueline stood up from the bed as she saw Owena’s eyelids begin to droop.
“Don’t go.”
“What?”
“After we dealt with the Marcasites all those years ago, you said you would do anything if it meant I wouldn’t lose myself - don’t go. I… I just need someone.”
Jacqueline gave Owena a little smile, but the smile never reached her eyes. Jacqueline turned off the bedroom light and crawled into bed next to Owena. Moving Owena with the least amount of jostling to her hands and feet, Jacqueline pulled the other woman in close to her, wrapping her arms around Owena. Owena laid her head against Jacqueline’s chest as the painkillers finally made her sleep. It was going to be a long night, but Jacqueline would make sure Owena made it. She kissed the top of Owena’s head and cuddled around her medic. If she could save all of them, she would.
Author's Note 2: I have lost someone to "not being able to cope anymore" and I know how Jacqueline feels about wanting to save them all. Please keep this number in mind: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (sorry for the preaching)
Series: Torchwood (AU)
Characters: Owena Harper, Jacqueline Harkness
Beta: Going Commando (but if anything is showing, tell me please.)
Spoilers: Not much, this would be akin to S2 of Torchwood.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or the characters therein, the original characters belong to the BBC and RTD. The characters of Captain Jacqueline Harkness and Owena Harper belongs to the AU Torchwood of knitchick1979. Any original characters or places are my own.
Summary: Dr. Owena Harper doesn't think that being alive is everything its cracked up to be, but a certain guardian angel has something to say about that.
Author's Notes: Owena wanted me to tell part of her story, and I am glad that knitchick1979 let me play with her characters. The original Torchwood series can be found at KnitChick's Ramblings, plus there are a couple of stories in My Master Fic List under "Alternate Torchwoods". This is a gender swapped universe, and Dr. Harper was the first person Captain Harkness brought on board when rebuilding Torchwood Three after losing her fiance Keith.
Breaking Point
Dr. Owena Harper had been rooted to the same spot for what seemed like an hour. A stiff breeze off the Bay tousled her short brown hair, dipping it against her eyes, but she didn’t bother to push the hair back. The world turned upside down in her mind’s eye as the events of the last couple of weeks settled in on her. She always felt like she could survive anything. If she kept ignoring it, even better, but instead of being ignored, it planted itself right in her road.
Her head fell into her hands as Owena choked back a sob. If it wasn’t for the yearly call from what had been her potential in-laws, Owena would have forgotten the date completely. Days and nights seemed to run together lately, but October 11th stuck out like a sore thumb. October 11th.
Inside she was in turmoil, while outside Gwynn kept jabbering on about his wedding plans with Rhea and how she was making him help pick out the flowers. Jacqueline and Iana kept disappearing for hours on end, and Iana would often come back wearing a different top. Even Dr. Marcus Jones, who had been called in on that case with the Mayflys, kept talking about his lovely Tamera.
Toshiyuki had started dating this new girl he met at the local coffee shop, and Owena threw herself into her work. No one seemed to notice the invisible doctor, the one that they could mock, but God fucking help them if Team Torchwood ever found themselves without her.
She had lost so much in her life, even now. Owena knew better than to let cases become personal to her, but she had: Darius who had been yanked from his own time, three weeks ago when they almost lost Tosh, the whole ordeal with The Master, that thing with the kids… She didn’t want to hazard thinking about them lest she get drawn in again. Owena rubbed a hand across her face. She had been on her way to becoming a brilliant doctor when her fiancé Keith died, but instead she would be stuck for the rest of her life in a hellhole in the ground.
When Captain Jacqueline Harkness had first brought her aboard at Torchwood, it was just the two of them, and Owena thought she was flipping out. If it had happened right away, it would have been quick and painless, but instead Torchwood just slowly ate away at your soul, making you think you were invincible, but you weren’t.
Pulling her hands away, Owena scowled at the scar tissue along her left hand. It had healed, but whose lives would it have cost if the doctor couldn’t operate? Looking out along the pier, the sun’s rays danced off the water, making it look so inviting.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacqueline had followed Owena from her flat and wondered what had brought the younger woman to the water. Owena had been the first person she recruited when Jacqueline rebuilt Torchwood. For a while it had just been the two of them. Owena had seen a lot after five years in Cardiff, Jacqueline just wished her medic - and friend - would talk to her rather than bottling things inside.
A flash of movement caught Jacqueline’s eye and her heart raced as she watched Owena suddenly sprint towards the end of the pier. The woman wouldn’t be that crazy… she wouldn’t do such a stupid thi-
Jacqueline’s thoughts were interrupted as a loud splash reached her ears. “Damn it!” Jacqueline said under her breath as she raced for the end of the pier. Trying not to trip over her own feet, Jacqueline peered over the edge of the dock, looking for Owena. All she saw was dissipating ripples, but nothing else. Flipping open the vortex manipulator she wore on her left wrist, Jacqueline scanned the sea for any sign of Owena. Glancing at the watch on her right hand, Jacqueline began to count the seconds.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For the first time in a long while, Owena felt at peace. Her body bobbed along the waves, tugged and tossed by the currents, and yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to care. The colours seem to fade before her eyes, trickling away into the distance. It was then that her lungs began to strain, urging her to breathe, but if she didn’t breathe, it would all just go away. It wasn’t like anyone cared about her, not anymore.
She opened her mouth - whether it was to scream or not, she would never tell. The briny bath washed inside of her as well as out and she felt clean again. No more hardships, no more blood on her hands, no more bending over backwards for family that would rather not care, no more memories.
The scientist in her fought to stay conscious for as long as she could, mentally cataloguing what it felt like to just give up. Maybe somewhere someone would remember what day it was. Throat burning, her vision blurred, and the drumming of her heartbeat slowed to a funereal cadence.
It was then that her head was jerked upwards.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dragging Owena’s body onto the beach, water gushing from her boots, Jacqueline’s heart quickened as she saw the doctor’s lips turning a deep shade of blue. Falling to her knees next to Owena, she placed her lips against Owena’s, breathing air into the lungs.
“Don’t you dare,” Jacqueline growled. “I didn’t save your arse in the past just so you could pull this stunt without telling me why.”
Owena felt so cold. Both of them were drenched from the sea after Jacqueline had dived in after the other woman. Holding Owena’s nose shut, she locked their lips and blew in extra hard, watching Owena’s chest rise.
“Not this. I need you Owena. I’m not ready for this. You’re not ready for what’s out there.”
Jacqueline couldn’t tell if it was tears that were coursing down her cheek. She took in a big lungful of air and held Owena’s head, breathing the air into her. Jacqueline wished with all her might that death would give Owena back. Feeling Owena stir under, Jacqueline turned her on her side, holding Owena’s head. She began to choke and spurt the water from her lungs. Owena sobbed as she laid back on the sand, gulping lungfuls of oxygen.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She didn’t have the strength to fight back when Jacqueline pulled her body up from the sand, collected her wool greatcoat, wrapped that around Owena and led her through the backways to her flat. She hadn’t protested when Jacqueline dug through her pockets to find the key to said flat and ushered both of them in. Fuck, there wasn’t even a grumble when Jacqueline stripped both of them naked and helped her into a hot shower, trying to make Owena’s teeth stop chattering.
It wasn’t until Owena realised what Jacqueline had stopped from happening that she finally fought back. Shoving Jacqueline away from her and into the shower door, Owena growled, for that’s all her burning throat would let her do. Words couldn’t form in her mind, but Owena was pissed.
“How fucking dare you,” she finally croaked out, falling across the shower and yanking the glass door open. She stumbled out, not even grabbing a towel and clomped into her bedroom, slamming the door loud enough that hopefully the entire world heard.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacqueline continued to stir the honey into the chamomile tea. Rooting around in Owena’s medicine cabinet, she found some Torchwood strength painkillers and dissolved two into the tea as well. Putting the spoon down, Jacqueline pressed the palms of both hands against the edge of the kitchen counter. Her hair clumped forward, and she watched as a puddle began to develop on the formica. Today should not have happened.
She had always looked out for Owena, even when the medic didn’t know about it. Keeping her busy the days she shouldn’t worry about remembering, and even having a drink or two if that was what was needed. Before Iana, Jacqueline and Owena had shared a bed or two, even the occasional settee or stretcher. Yet lately, the world, and Torchwood’s place in it, had been getting more and more complicated. Because of that, Jacqueline had let some things fall to the wayside.
Picking up the hot mug, she didn’t even bother to knock at Owena’s bedroom door, but just went inside. Jacqueline’s heart nearly broke as she saw Owena huddled on top of the comforter, hands around her knees, bloodshot eyes staring at her. She put the mug down on the bedside table and sat down next to Owena. Putting a hand on Owena’s knee, which was drawn into her chest, she tried not to flinch as Owena seemed to scurry to the other side of the bed.
“Leave me the fuck alone,” Owena murmured.
“I can’t.”
“You bloody well can. Get dressed and get out of my flat and out of my life!” Owena’s hands went to her throat which must have felt raw after the seawater, at least that what Jacqueline often remembered about drowning.
“I won’t.”
“Don’t make me call the cops and have you escorted out.” Owena’s words were getting raspier.
“They won’t do that. I have authorisation codes that will override any of their orders.” She turned to face Owena. “What else are you going to do? Call the Hub? Have Gwynn and Tosh escort me out? To do that you’d need to tell them why I was here and what you did, and you wouldn’t do that to them.”
“Get out.”
“No.” Jacqueline put a hand on Owena’s shoulder, holding tight. “I know what October 11th was supposed to be.”
Owena wrenched away from Jacqueline and put her feet over the other side of the queen size bed. Jumping up, she grabbed at the table to stop from swaying and knocked over the cup of tea. Jacqueline stood up as the sound of the crashing cup seemed to echo off the stony silence. Owena ran through the debris and into the washroom. Jacqueline was starting to get tired of slamming doors.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Her eyes stung so bad from the water, but she refused to cry at first. How dare Jacqueline think she could save Owena? It wasn’t her place. Owena had cheated death so many times before, why didn’t Jacqueline just let her go now? Why did she have to stay here, dealing with her life?
Tears started streaming down her face as Owena closed the toilet seat and sat down on it. Her hands balled into tight fists. Punching her own thighs, Owena shrieked through clenched teeth. She could feel the rage building up inside of her as great hiccupping sobs emitted from her throat.
“That bitch! Who does she fucking think she is? God?”
Owena doubled over, her hands still in fists between her stomach and legs. Her body shook as she had vile thoughts of all the things she could do to Jacqueline to make the Captain pay for this. Between the thoughts of torture were flashes of everything that had been building up in her life.
“No. No more. I don’t want this. No.”
The tears had stopped flowing, but her body was still sobbing. Her eyes clenched shut she reached out with her fists, punching the glass shower door. Landing strike after strike against the glass, she ignored the pain blossoming through her hand, and her knuckles turning tender. With an almost relief, Owena heard the glass crack, and the next hit made it shatter around her.
Covering herself, holding her bleeding hands to her chest, Owena could feel the adrenaline drain from her. Feeling sweat break out all over her body, she began to rock back and forth on the toilet seat. The bathroom suddenly felt too closed in. Owena stood up and tried to catch herself on the sink as she felt the glass in her bare feet. Her wounded hands couldn’t hold her, but luckily she braced herself against the wall with her elbow and body.
Stumbling towards the door, Owena struggled to open it, muttering every curse she knew as her hands ached and bled. On the other side of the door stood Jacqueline, a dustpan in one hand, soiled tea towel in the other, and a look of shock on her face.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacqueline kept mentally cursing herself for cleaning up the broken teacup before opening the bathroom door and checking on Owena. The girl had looked pale and white with blood all over her, and Jacqueline’s heart sank. Jacqueline had scooped up Owena before she collapsed and laid the doctor out on her bed. Now she had found Owena’s spare medkit and was working on pulling pieces of china and frosted glass from the shower out of the woman’s feet while Owena held another towel around her hands to hold the blood.
“Ow!”
“Sorry.”
“Be careful.”
“How about next time you don’t run away through a field of shattered glass.”
“How about you leave me the fuck alone?”
“No.”
“Quit the act. You don’t care about any of us that much.”
Jacqueline resisted the urge to stab Owena’s foot with the tweezers. She had to keep reminding herself it was Owena’s pain talking before she helped along Owena’s suicidal tendencies. Checking over both feet, Jacqueline seemed pleased that she had dug out all the glass and pulled out a salve from the kit. Rubbing a thin layer of ointment over the bottom of Owena’s feet, Jacqueline looked at Owena’s face, and how it seemed to watch the setting sun out the window.
Dressing Owena’s feet with a light gauze, she slowly wrapped each foot. Taping the last one, she moved up the bed and began to unwrap the towel from around Owena’s hands.
“Go away.”
“You know the answer to that.”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because I’m not ready to give up on you.”
“Hmph. I gave up on myself years ago.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Jacqueline pulled the towel away as Owena winced, but didn’t utter a word. The doctor’s hands were bruised and swelling, there were some cuts but they didn’t look deep enough to do much harm. Jacqueline laid Owena’s hands in her lap and hurried to the bathroom. Sidestepping the glass with her won bare feet, she grabbed a flannel from the sink and wet it with warm water.
When she got back to the bedroom, Owena was just staring at her hands, flipping them over, watching the last of the blood drying on them. Jacqueline sat down on the bed and took one of Owena’s hands and began to wipe it with the flannel. When Owena choked on her breath, Jacqueline grabbed the tweezer and dug out a small shard of glass.
After cleaning both hands and finding no more glass, Jacqueline put the ointment on and began to wrap Owena’s hands with the gauze. Owena never looked her in the eyes the entire time Jacqueline doctored the other woman. Closing the medkit, Jacqueline hurried to the bathroom and worked on cleaning up the glass off the floor. She made a mental note to have Iana call the repairman in the morning.
Grabbing a cup of water and some more painkillers, Jacqueline felt like she was tiptoeing into Owena’s bedroom. All the woman was doing was staring out the window at the darkness outside. She hadn’t even moved from Jacqueline had left her. Jacqueline held the pills by Owena’s mouth. Reluctantly the other woman opened her maw and took the pills. Jacqueline held the glass of water to her lips, and Owena drank some, then pulled away again.
“Why did you save me?”
“Which time?”
“Was it guilt?”
“No,” Jacqueline said around the lump in her throat. “Sometimes I forget that the stakes aren’t the same for you guys. For that I am sorry. Some of this is still new to you. Me? I start to think that I’ve seen it all in my lifetimes. Then someone like you comes along that makes me realise I haven’t. I forget that you’re only human.”
Owena snorted. “Only human…”
“If you have forever, you don’t notice the flecks on the concrete, or the blood on your hands. I need you.”
There was silence as Owena didn’t fire back with a snarky retort. Her head turned and Owena’s dark eyes looked Jacqueline in the face.
“Do you have to tell the rest of the team about this?”
“Not if you don’t want to. But, you have to promise me something.”
“Great. What?”
“Don’t bottle it in. Come and talk to me. Go and talk to Marcus. Talk to Iana or Tosh… or even Gwynn. Write it down and stuff fit up the arse of a dead alien. Something. I don’t know if I’ll be around to pull you out of the Bay again.”
“I’ll take it into consideration.”
“Good.” Jacqueline stood up from the bed as she saw Owena’s eyelids begin to droop.
“Don’t go.”
“What?”
“After we dealt with the Marcasites all those years ago, you said you would do anything if it meant I wouldn’t lose myself - don’t go. I… I just need someone.”
Jacqueline gave Owena a little smile, but the smile never reached her eyes. Jacqueline turned off the bedroom light and crawled into bed next to Owena. Moving Owena with the least amount of jostling to her hands and feet, Jacqueline pulled the other woman in close to her, wrapping her arms around Owena. Owena laid her head against Jacqueline’s chest as the painkillers finally made her sleep. It was going to be a long night, but Jacqueline would make sure Owena made it. She kissed the top of Owena’s head and cuddled around her medic. If she could save all of them, she would.
Author's Note 2: I have lost someone to "not being able to cope anymore" and I know how Jacqueline feels about wanting to save them all. Please keep this number in mind: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (sorry for the preaching)