Coming Home (Part Two)
Title: Coming Home
Author: hunters_retreat
Fandom(s): CW RPS
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 20K+
Summary: Jensen Ackles may be the smartest man in the universe, but it took empath Jared Padalecki to help Jensen figure out what was important in life. It’s not easy though and when Jared gets as assignment that will take him away from the space station they call home, Jensen doesn’t take it well. When unexpected circumstances put the shuttle in danger, Jensen has to pull himself together because it will take more than his intelligence to get Jared back.
Warnings/Spoilers: graphic sex
Artist:
deadflowers5
“What do you mean you have to go?”
Jared stared at Jensen and couldn’t help but get turned on by the look in his lovers eyes. He shouldn’t be attracted to the man when he was being an ass but there was something in Jensen’s eyes that always did that to Jared. Still he couldn’t give into that right now, no matter that he hoped to make this into a makeup session in a few minutes.
“You know Jensen, I get that you have scientists clamoring all over you to work on their experiments because you’re the best. I understand how important you are to them, the scientific community, and to this station. But you aren’t the only person that does important work here.”
Jensen took a step back like he’d been stung. “I never said what you do isn’t important. But why the hell do you have to be the one to go?”
Jared took a deep breath and tried to remind himself of the many reasons why he was so damn crazy about Jensen. The problem was that Jensen was busy reminding him that it wasn’t for his people skills.
“Jensen, this is what I do. My specialty is helping patients who work long term in space to detect and prevent space dementia. It’s why I was hired here in the first place.”
“I fucking suffer from long term exposure. Why do you have to leave?”
“Because it’s my fucking job. I know you don’t understand it. No, forget it.” Jared wanted nothing more than to find a way to stop himself, but he could feel the anger radiating off of Jensen and it was burying the fear he’d felt there. The anger was rebounding in Jared’s head though and no one had even been able to get Jared worked up the way Jensen could. “I know you understand it but you’re being too selfish to look past your own needs. This is important to the station and to me as well. I know this doesn’t fit into your routine. I know that you need me Jensen, I do.” Jared’s voice softened slightly as he looked at his distressed lover. “I need you in my life too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have work that I have to do. You can live without me for the three months it will take me to complete this mission.”
Jensen crossed his arms over his chest and stared coldly back at Jared. Jared hadn’t seen that look since the first night they’d met, when Jensen had assumed Jared was some wet under the ears talent-phobic asshole. It hurt Jared to see that look in his eyes but he couldn’t back away from this argument. Jared had a job to do. It was his work and his passion to help people who worked in alternate climates to find a way to deal with and acclimate to their surroundings. It was his job to work with people in space programs and help ground them when they were in the blackness of space too long, to help them overcome their growing fears or to pull them back from the carelessness that sometimes came with exposure to the vast emptiness. It was his job and Jared was damn good at it.
The mission that he was being asked to undertake involved a five week journey on a shuttle to their furthest outpost. The people aboard the outpost had to be removed because of an asteroid that was coming into their sector of space. The trajectory and composition of the asteroid showed that there was a possibility that the asteroid might fall apart too close to the planet’s atmosphere. If it did, the outpost wouldn’t likely survive the dust clouds and storms that would follow.
Jared’s job was to assess the shuttle crew in case there were any problems he could foresee and prevent. He was then supposed to help them relocate the outpost scientists. He had the five week journey back to the station to see if the outpost personnel were suffering any trauma as well. Vortex would monitor the asteroid’s course until they could give the outpost crew the all clear and then they would be able to return. In that time, Jared was also supposed to ensure a healthy transition to station life for those being left behind, to give a clean bill of health to those returning to the outpost and the integration of new people going with them, plus give an exit screening for those that were leaving the station and outposts all together.
It was a part of Jared’s job that he loved and beyond that, his services were necessary to these people and he couldn’t turn that down. He knew that Jeff was a capable psychologist and would do well if he had to go, but this was Jared’s area of expertise.
What it came down to in the end was that Jensen didn’t know how to be alone anymore. When Jared met him Jensen was used to being alone, to being by himself and only having a vague connection with other people in the station. He had Alona who took care of him and who kept an eye on him. She and Jeff made sure that Jensen getting enough to eat and enough sleep and that any conflicts in the science community were taken care of as quickly as possible. And Jensen had Misha, the station’s administrator who liked to come in and check up on him. Misha was a little odd in and of himself and his friendship with Jensen seemed to be based entirely on Misha’s amusement at Jensen’s social ineptitude. He took Jensen’s bluntness in stride. He was a great administrator and Jared admired Misha greatly for the work he had done there, even if he did think Misha’s indulgence of Jensen’s harsher side was a little off.
At the moment though, Jared was more than willing to send Jensen packing off to Misha, or Jeff, or Alona, or anyone who wanted to take care of him. The coldness in Jensen’s eye and the selfish way he was taking Jared’s departure was in complete contrast with the way they’d spent the last week. Jared knew that on some level Jensen was making up for the first anniversary that Jensen had missed so he was treating Jared to a week-long celebration this year. This argument wasn’t that far off base for them though. Jared often got frustrated with Jensen’s inability to recognize that other people’s needs had to come first sometimes. As Alona had told Jared once, Jensen had the social skills of a gnat and he was proving her right today.
His arms still crossed over his chest, Jensen pushed past Jared and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. Jared caught up with him in the doorway and watched Jensen as he paused just inside the outer door.
“Where the hell are you going?” Jared demanded.
Jensen turned back to look at him. “Well apparently I’m not needed here, so I should get back to my work. Like you said, it’s what we’re here for.”
He went through the door then and Jared knew it was no good chasing after him. They both needed time to cool down before they could go at this again, before Jared would be able to find a better way of talking to Jensen about the mission. And he needed to give Jensen time to remember that Jared’s work was just as important as Jensen’s was.
He had to do something to keep busy though or he knew his feet would find their way to the science lab to where his wayward lover would be holding court again. Instead, Jared found his pack and began folding the clothes he knew he would need for the journey. He had two days before he had to go, plenty of time to make up with Jensen. He had a long three month journey without his lover and he hoped to settle things tonight so that he could spend his last two nights in Jensen’s arms.
It wasn’t that Jensen didn’t know he was being selfish. He was quite aware of the way he came across, but what people didn’t realize was that he couldn’t always stop it before it happened. Sometimes he got too caught up in the world in his head that he forgot that not everything happened that way in real life. Jared had laughed at him once when Jensen talked about the little house and the white picket fence and the two dogs in the back yard that didn’t get along well with his cats, because they all belonged in Jensen’s head. The dog and cat eventually found a truce and Jared had laughed about that as well. Jared didn’t understand the way Jensen’s brain worked. He tried, and the heavens knew if anybody understood Jensen it was Jared, but in the end when things threw Jensen out of his comfort zone he retreated back into that world. In that world, there was no room for missions to other places. There was no room for other people who needed his lover the way Jensen did. In that world there was no room for Jared to leave because he understood that Jensen couldn’t lose him, that as much as Jensen had lived his entire life by himself, he could never survive without Jared by his side.
Jensen knew that was what had driven him to say the things he had to Jared, but he couldn’t take them back. He couldn’t make Jared understand that without him he couldn’t breathe. Jensen didn’t know if he could survive the three months without Jared. Hell, he didn’t even know if he could sleep anymore without Jared by his side. He was terrified that the time apart would confirm what he already feared; he would never be able to live without Jared.
His heart was heavy but Jensen took comfort in the numbers, in the experiments, and in the warm buzz of motion that were the computer banks in his head. He stayed in the labs all night waiting for Jared to come get him but he never did.
Unlike most people, Jensen didn’t feel the passage of time. He didn’t get tired or sleepy after a few hours of work so he didn’t notice when it became morning and the rest of the scientists wandered in. He didn’t know it was lunch until Alona came to him with a tray of food for lunch and asked why he’d stayed in the lab all night. She didn’t mention Jared but he knew the set of her eyes and she was judging him for not being with his lover. He snapped at her and it was only after she walked away that he realized that she wasn’t judging him, but he had needed the excuse to snap because Jared was leaving on the mission and not her husband. It was a shitty way to treat a friend and she deserved better. He didn’t know how to make it up to her though and he was still too hurt to admit why he snapped. He was feeling jealous and childish and so he buried his head in his work which was the only other comfort he had besides Jared’s arms.
He noticed when the rest of the scientists left and he knew that it must be evening but he couldn’t bring himself to walk away without Jared. He looked through the computer banks and found the itinerary for Jared’s mission as well as the importance of the work Jared was doing and that of the outpost he was going to be travelling to. It wasn’t new information but Jensen refreshed himself on the experiments they were doing. The shuttle was slated to leave first thing in the morning and Jensen was still alone in the lab. He didn’t know how to go home. He didn’t know how to breach the distance between them. Jared had never left him to stew this long before.
He looked over Jared’s calendar and realized Jared had been in meetings all day regarding the mission and then he’d been closeted with Jeff for the remainder of the day to discuss the patients Jeff would have to see over the next three months. He knew then why Jared hadn’t come to see him yet and he knew it wasn’t because he was too mad to see Jensen but that he had run out of time.
Looking across the empty lab, Jensen knew this wasn’t where he needed to be. He needed to be home with Jared, even if all he could do was kiss him goodnight, tuck him in, and hold him tight for the night. It was the last thing he would have for three months. The empty lab would have him after that and it could wait.
Jensen still hadn’t mastered his ability to port so he preferred not to try it tonight. He still had trouble thinking of it as a talent. Transporting himself someplace had always happened when he needed it so he’d never explored the ability. Jared had pushed him a little bit but Jensen didn’t trust himself to do it as upset as he still was. Instead he walked back to their quarters.
He walked in quietly but was surprised to find the lights in the living room and kitchen already turned off. When he peeked into the bedroom he found Jared’s bag on the floor at the foot of the bed, already packed. The side lamp beside the bed was lit and Jared had fallen asleep rereading his diagnostic manual. Jensen knew Jared could quote the book back and forth but his lover was just doing his best to stay up to date on newer treatments and diagnostic measures. The screen of the electronic book lit Jared’s face in a pale light and Jensen reached over to turn it off before putting the book in Jared’s pack. He pulled Jared down on the bed and covered him up, knowing he would get a crick in his neck if Jensen didn’t help him out.
He thought about sliding in next to his lover but he wasn’t tired and without Jared awake to feel it, slipping into bed beside Jared wasn’t the same thing. Instead, Jensen sat on the bed next to him and watched his lover sleep.
Jared woke the next morning feeling more exhausted than when he’d fallen asleep. He knew Jensen must have been there to pull the covers up over him but he woke alone and the bed beside him was cold. Jensen obviously hadn’t stayed with him and it bothered Jared that he would come and go like that without staying. He knew it was stupid to think that Jensen would understand that Jared needed to make up from their fight before he left. Jensen didn’t think in the same terms that Jared - or anyone else he’d ever met - did. Jensen was a technopath and technopaths tended to think in terms of logic rather than emotion. It didn’t mean Jensen didn’t feel emotion but he wasn’t ruled by them, certainly not the way empaths like Jared were.
He got up and took his time in the shower, knowing that the shuttle wouldn’t have the same amenities that the space station had. When he got out he could smell fresh brewed coffee. He followed the smell in to the kitchen and found Jensen there with an array of bags full of breakfast foods. Jensen looked up sheepishly as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. Jared was still too upset to smile, but he felt his anger lessening as he witnessed his lover’s thoughtfulness.
“I thought you might like something to eat,” Jensen said as he started to pull food out of the bags.
It was from a little café that Jared and Jensen liked to go to. Alona had introduced them to the place a year before and Jensen and Jared both swore by the coffee there. Jensen kept pulling food out and Jared realized that Jensen had picked a wide array of Jared’s favorites. When he was done, Jensen took his coffee and sat down, drinking in silence. Jared didn’t know what to say or how to reach across the divide between them so he grabbed his own mug of coffee and began gathering a plate. Jensen didn’t eat, but he generally didn’t eat breakfast anyway so Jared didn’t think anything of his lover just watching him.
He continued eating and got annoyed when he looked up at Jensen and saw the way his lover’s eyes danced with motion. He and Alona used to tease that if someone recorded the movement they’d learn Jensen’s brain worked in binary but now the motion wasn’t a joke. Instead of spending his last morning with Jared, Jensen was attached to the computers, working.
Jared pushed the plate of food away and stood up quickly. Jensen looked up in surprise.
“You don’t like it?”
Jared glared at him. “I’m not really hungry. I need to get going.” He didn’t say anything else as he stormed out of the kitchen and grabbed his bag in the other room. He double checked to make sure everything he needed was packed and then headed back into the living room where Jensen was waiting.
“Jared-“
Jared stopped Jensen before he could say anything more. “Look, Jensen, I know you don’t want me to go but this is what I have to do.” He walked out before Jensen could say anything else.
He made good speed getting to the other side of the station where the shuttle was docked. Everyone else was waiting there too, including Misha, Jeff, and Alona.
“Where’s Jensen?” Alona asked. She didn’t wait for an answer before pulling him into a hug. “We’re going to miss you so fucking much. You come back safe, you hear me? I can’t deal with his shit on my own forever.”
He wanted to smile for her but he didn’t have it in him. When she stepped back and looked up at him, she looked around again. “Where is Jensen?”
Jared just rolled his eyes. “He’s working.” She didn’t say anything else but looked back at Jeff. Jared chose to ignore the look that passed between husband and wife.
Misha stepped up, wishing him luck and promising to take care of Jensen while he was gone. Jared felt slightly better even though he shouldn’t be worried about Jensen. Two years of being in love with the idiot didn’t go away just because they’d been in a fight though. He just hoped that over the next three months Jensen realized how hurtful his words had been.
When Jeff came up, Misha and Alona stepped away and Jeff was the one that walked him the rest of the way down the hall to where the shuttle crew was waiting.
“Take care of yourself, Jared,” Jeff said with a warm voice.
Jeff was a strange combination of big brother and father figure and Jared appreciated the concern in his voice. Jeff knew Jensen and they both considered the other a friend, but their friendship was more a matter of circumstance than choice. Jeff and Jared worked together though and they’d developed a strong friendship. Jeff was the one who helped Jared realize he and Jensen had bonded, that it was more than just Jensen’s oddities that brought them together. Jeff was the one who had realized that Jensen had needed grounding and that Jensen had reached out unconsciously and grounded himself in Jared.
“Don’t you worry about anything that’s going on here. You take care of yourself and we’ll take care of this. You just keep your head where it needs to be and know we’ll all be waiting for you when you get back,” Jeff said as they stopped in front of the terminal. “All of us.”
Jared appreciated the note of confidence in Jeff’s voice and he hugged him tight, feeling Jeff return it. They were as much family as friends now and Jared knew he’d missed Jeff’s everyday smiles and the witty comments he made about the patients they saw.
When Jared walked into the terminal he didn’t look back. He could feel a pull and he knew if he looked back to the end of the walkway Jensen would be standing there with Jeff and the others. Jared couldn’t stop now though. They were boarding the shuttle and he didn’t have time to deal with Jensen and his neediness. Instead, he squared his shoulders, held his head high, and gave his best smile to Able, Cohan, Cortese, Kelly, Pellegrino, Lehne, and Captain Pileggi; the crew he’d be spending the next three months with. They didn’t know him well enough to realize that the smile didn’t go all the way to his eyes but it was the best he could do. He knew in a couple of days he wouldn’t have to fake it so hard. In time he’d be able to put this argument behind him, to forgive Jensen, because he knew it wasn’t a lack of love on Jensen’s part. Neither was it that Jensen didn’t understand the importance of Jared’s work. Jensen’s insecurities that made him lash out the way he did and it was Jensen’s inability to deal with his strong emotions that led him to that. Jared could forgive Jensen just about anything, given enough time and space, and he was about to have plenty of both.
On to Part III
Author: hunters_retreat
Fandom(s): CW RPS
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 20K+
Summary: Jensen Ackles may be the smartest man in the universe, but it took empath Jared Padalecki to help Jensen figure out what was important in life. It’s not easy though and when Jared gets as assignment that will take him away from the space station they call home, Jensen doesn’t take it well. When unexpected circumstances put the shuttle in danger, Jensen has to pull himself together because it will take more than his intelligence to get Jared back.
Warnings/Spoilers: graphic sex
Artist:
deadflowers5
“What do you mean you have to go?”
Jared stared at Jensen and couldn’t help but get turned on by the look in his lovers eyes. He shouldn’t be attracted to the man when he was being an ass but there was something in Jensen’s eyes that always did that to Jared. Still he couldn’t give into that right now, no matter that he hoped to make this into a makeup session in a few minutes.
“You know Jensen, I get that you have scientists clamoring all over you to work on their experiments because you’re the best. I understand how important you are to them, the scientific community, and to this station. But you aren’t the only person that does important work here.”
Jensen took a step back like he’d been stung. “I never said what you do isn’t important. But why the hell do you have to be the one to go?”
Jared took a deep breath and tried to remind himself of the many reasons why he was so damn crazy about Jensen. The problem was that Jensen was busy reminding him that it wasn’t for his people skills.
“Jensen, this is what I do. My specialty is helping patients who work long term in space to detect and prevent space dementia. It’s why I was hired here in the first place.”
“I fucking suffer from long term exposure. Why do you have to leave?”
“Because it’s my fucking job. I know you don’t understand it. No, forget it.” Jared wanted nothing more than to find a way to stop himself, but he could feel the anger radiating off of Jensen and it was burying the fear he’d felt there. The anger was rebounding in Jared’s head though and no one had even been able to get Jared worked up the way Jensen could. “I know you understand it but you’re being too selfish to look past your own needs. This is important to the station and to me as well. I know this doesn’t fit into your routine. I know that you need me Jensen, I do.” Jared’s voice softened slightly as he looked at his distressed lover. “I need you in my life too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have work that I have to do. You can live without me for the three months it will take me to complete this mission.”
Jensen crossed his arms over his chest and stared coldly back at Jared. Jared hadn’t seen that look since the first night they’d met, when Jensen had assumed Jared was some wet under the ears talent-phobic asshole. It hurt Jared to see that look in his eyes but he couldn’t back away from this argument. Jared had a job to do. It was his work and his passion to help people who worked in alternate climates to find a way to deal with and acclimate to their surroundings. It was his job to work with people in space programs and help ground them when they were in the blackness of space too long, to help them overcome their growing fears or to pull them back from the carelessness that sometimes came with exposure to the vast emptiness. It was his job and Jared was damn good at it.
The mission that he was being asked to undertake involved a five week journey on a shuttle to their furthest outpost. The people aboard the outpost had to be removed because of an asteroid that was coming into their sector of space. The trajectory and composition of the asteroid showed that there was a possibility that the asteroid might fall apart too close to the planet’s atmosphere. If it did, the outpost wouldn’t likely survive the dust clouds and storms that would follow.
Jared’s job was to assess the shuttle crew in case there were any problems he could foresee and prevent. He was then supposed to help them relocate the outpost scientists. He had the five week journey back to the station to see if the outpost personnel were suffering any trauma as well. Vortex would monitor the asteroid’s course until they could give the outpost crew the all clear and then they would be able to return. In that time, Jared was also supposed to ensure a healthy transition to station life for those being left behind, to give a clean bill of health to those returning to the outpost and the integration of new people going with them, plus give an exit screening for those that were leaving the station and outposts all together.
It was a part of Jared’s job that he loved and beyond that, his services were necessary to these people and he couldn’t turn that down. He knew that Jeff was a capable psychologist and would do well if he had to go, but this was Jared’s area of expertise.
What it came down to in the end was that Jensen didn’t know how to be alone anymore. When Jared met him Jensen was used to being alone, to being by himself and only having a vague connection with other people in the station. He had Alona who took care of him and who kept an eye on him. She and Jeff made sure that Jensen getting enough to eat and enough sleep and that any conflicts in the science community were taken care of as quickly as possible. And Jensen had Misha, the station’s administrator who liked to come in and check up on him. Misha was a little odd in and of himself and his friendship with Jensen seemed to be based entirely on Misha’s amusement at Jensen’s social ineptitude. He took Jensen’s bluntness in stride. He was a great administrator and Jared admired Misha greatly for the work he had done there, even if he did think Misha’s indulgence of Jensen’s harsher side was a little off.
At the moment though, Jared was more than willing to send Jensen packing off to Misha, or Jeff, or Alona, or anyone who wanted to take care of him. The coldness in Jensen’s eye and the selfish way he was taking Jared’s departure was in complete contrast with the way they’d spent the last week. Jared knew that on some level Jensen was making up for the first anniversary that Jensen had missed so he was treating Jared to a week-long celebration this year. This argument wasn’t that far off base for them though. Jared often got frustrated with Jensen’s inability to recognize that other people’s needs had to come first sometimes. As Alona had told Jared once, Jensen had the social skills of a gnat and he was proving her right today.
His arms still crossed over his chest, Jensen pushed past Jared and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. Jared caught up with him in the doorway and watched Jensen as he paused just inside the outer door.
“Where the hell are you going?” Jared demanded.
Jensen turned back to look at him. “Well apparently I’m not needed here, so I should get back to my work. Like you said, it’s what we’re here for.”
He went through the door then and Jared knew it was no good chasing after him. They both needed time to cool down before they could go at this again, before Jared would be able to find a better way of talking to Jensen about the mission. And he needed to give Jensen time to remember that Jared’s work was just as important as Jensen’s was.
He had to do something to keep busy though or he knew his feet would find their way to the science lab to where his wayward lover would be holding court again. Instead, Jared found his pack and began folding the clothes he knew he would need for the journey. He had two days before he had to go, plenty of time to make up with Jensen. He had a long three month journey without his lover and he hoped to settle things tonight so that he could spend his last two nights in Jensen’s arms.
It wasn’t that Jensen didn’t know he was being selfish. He was quite aware of the way he came across, but what people didn’t realize was that he couldn’t always stop it before it happened. Sometimes he got too caught up in the world in his head that he forgot that not everything happened that way in real life. Jared had laughed at him once when Jensen talked about the little house and the white picket fence and the two dogs in the back yard that didn’t get along well with his cats, because they all belonged in Jensen’s head. The dog and cat eventually found a truce and Jared had laughed about that as well. Jared didn’t understand the way Jensen’s brain worked. He tried, and the heavens knew if anybody understood Jensen it was Jared, but in the end when things threw Jensen out of his comfort zone he retreated back into that world. In that world, there was no room for missions to other places. There was no room for other people who needed his lover the way Jensen did. In that world there was no room for Jared to leave because he understood that Jensen couldn’t lose him, that as much as Jensen had lived his entire life by himself, he could never survive without Jared by his side.
Jensen knew that was what had driven him to say the things he had to Jared, but he couldn’t take them back. He couldn’t make Jared understand that without him he couldn’t breathe. Jensen didn’t know if he could survive the three months without Jared. Hell, he didn’t even know if he could sleep anymore without Jared by his side. He was terrified that the time apart would confirm what he already feared; he would never be able to live without Jared.
His heart was heavy but Jensen took comfort in the numbers, in the experiments, and in the warm buzz of motion that were the computer banks in his head. He stayed in the labs all night waiting for Jared to come get him but he never did.
Unlike most people, Jensen didn’t feel the passage of time. He didn’t get tired or sleepy after a few hours of work so he didn’t notice when it became morning and the rest of the scientists wandered in. He didn’t know it was lunch until Alona came to him with a tray of food for lunch and asked why he’d stayed in the lab all night. She didn’t mention Jared but he knew the set of her eyes and she was judging him for not being with his lover. He snapped at her and it was only after she walked away that he realized that she wasn’t judging him, but he had needed the excuse to snap because Jared was leaving on the mission and not her husband. It was a shitty way to treat a friend and she deserved better. He didn’t know how to make it up to her though and he was still too hurt to admit why he snapped. He was feeling jealous and childish and so he buried his head in his work which was the only other comfort he had besides Jared’s arms.
He noticed when the rest of the scientists left and he knew that it must be evening but he couldn’t bring himself to walk away without Jared. He looked through the computer banks and found the itinerary for Jared’s mission as well as the importance of the work Jared was doing and that of the outpost he was going to be travelling to. It wasn’t new information but Jensen refreshed himself on the experiments they were doing. The shuttle was slated to leave first thing in the morning and Jensen was still alone in the lab. He didn’t know how to go home. He didn’t know how to breach the distance between them. Jared had never left him to stew this long before.
He looked over Jared’s calendar and realized Jared had been in meetings all day regarding the mission and then he’d been closeted with Jeff for the remainder of the day to discuss the patients Jeff would have to see over the next three months. He knew then why Jared hadn’t come to see him yet and he knew it wasn’t because he was too mad to see Jensen but that he had run out of time.
Looking across the empty lab, Jensen knew this wasn’t where he needed to be. He needed to be home with Jared, even if all he could do was kiss him goodnight, tuck him in, and hold him tight for the night. It was the last thing he would have for three months. The empty lab would have him after that and it could wait.
Jensen still hadn’t mastered his ability to port so he preferred not to try it tonight. He still had trouble thinking of it as a talent. Transporting himself someplace had always happened when he needed it so he’d never explored the ability. Jared had pushed him a little bit but Jensen didn’t trust himself to do it as upset as he still was. Instead he walked back to their quarters.
He walked in quietly but was surprised to find the lights in the living room and kitchen already turned off. When he peeked into the bedroom he found Jared’s bag on the floor at the foot of the bed, already packed. The side lamp beside the bed was lit and Jared had fallen asleep rereading his diagnostic manual. Jensen knew Jared could quote the book back and forth but his lover was just doing his best to stay up to date on newer treatments and diagnostic measures. The screen of the electronic book lit Jared’s face in a pale light and Jensen reached over to turn it off before putting the book in Jared’s pack. He pulled Jared down on the bed and covered him up, knowing he would get a crick in his neck if Jensen didn’t help him out.
He thought about sliding in next to his lover but he wasn’t tired and without Jared awake to feel it, slipping into bed beside Jared wasn’t the same thing. Instead, Jensen sat on the bed next to him and watched his lover sleep.
Jared woke the next morning feeling more exhausted than when he’d fallen asleep. He knew Jensen must have been there to pull the covers up over him but he woke alone and the bed beside him was cold. Jensen obviously hadn’t stayed with him and it bothered Jared that he would come and go like that without staying. He knew it was stupid to think that Jensen would understand that Jared needed to make up from their fight before he left. Jensen didn’t think in the same terms that Jared - or anyone else he’d ever met - did. Jensen was a technopath and technopaths tended to think in terms of logic rather than emotion. It didn’t mean Jensen didn’t feel emotion but he wasn’t ruled by them, certainly not the way empaths like Jared were.
He got up and took his time in the shower, knowing that the shuttle wouldn’t have the same amenities that the space station had. When he got out he could smell fresh brewed coffee. He followed the smell in to the kitchen and found Jensen there with an array of bags full of breakfast foods. Jensen looked up sheepishly as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. Jared was still too upset to smile, but he felt his anger lessening as he witnessed his lover’s thoughtfulness.
“I thought you might like something to eat,” Jensen said as he started to pull food out of the bags.
It was from a little café that Jared and Jensen liked to go to. Alona had introduced them to the place a year before and Jensen and Jared both swore by the coffee there. Jensen kept pulling food out and Jared realized that Jensen had picked a wide array of Jared’s favorites. When he was done, Jensen took his coffee and sat down, drinking in silence. Jared didn’t know what to say or how to reach across the divide between them so he grabbed his own mug of coffee and began gathering a plate. Jensen didn’t eat, but he generally didn’t eat breakfast anyway so Jared didn’t think anything of his lover just watching him.
He continued eating and got annoyed when he looked up at Jensen and saw the way his lover’s eyes danced with motion. He and Alona used to tease that if someone recorded the movement they’d learn Jensen’s brain worked in binary but now the motion wasn’t a joke. Instead of spending his last morning with Jared, Jensen was attached to the computers, working.
Jared pushed the plate of food away and stood up quickly. Jensen looked up in surprise.
“You don’t like it?”
Jared glared at him. “I’m not really hungry. I need to get going.” He didn’t say anything else as he stormed out of the kitchen and grabbed his bag in the other room. He double checked to make sure everything he needed was packed and then headed back into the living room where Jensen was waiting.
“Jared-“
Jared stopped Jensen before he could say anything more. “Look, Jensen, I know you don’t want me to go but this is what I have to do.” He walked out before Jensen could say anything else.
He made good speed getting to the other side of the station where the shuttle was docked. Everyone else was waiting there too, including Misha, Jeff, and Alona.
“Where’s Jensen?” Alona asked. She didn’t wait for an answer before pulling him into a hug. “We’re going to miss you so fucking much. You come back safe, you hear me? I can’t deal with his shit on my own forever.”
He wanted to smile for her but he didn’t have it in him. When she stepped back and looked up at him, she looked around again. “Where is Jensen?”
Jared just rolled his eyes. “He’s working.” She didn’t say anything else but looked back at Jeff. Jared chose to ignore the look that passed between husband and wife.
Misha stepped up, wishing him luck and promising to take care of Jensen while he was gone. Jared felt slightly better even though he shouldn’t be worried about Jensen. Two years of being in love with the idiot didn’t go away just because they’d been in a fight though. He just hoped that over the next three months Jensen realized how hurtful his words had been.
When Jeff came up, Misha and Alona stepped away and Jeff was the one that walked him the rest of the way down the hall to where the shuttle crew was waiting.
“Take care of yourself, Jared,” Jeff said with a warm voice.
Jeff was a strange combination of big brother and father figure and Jared appreciated the concern in his voice. Jeff knew Jensen and they both considered the other a friend, but their friendship was more a matter of circumstance than choice. Jeff and Jared worked together though and they’d developed a strong friendship. Jeff was the one who helped Jared realize he and Jensen had bonded, that it was more than just Jensen’s oddities that brought them together. Jeff was the one who had realized that Jensen had needed grounding and that Jensen had reached out unconsciously and grounded himself in Jared.
“Don’t you worry about anything that’s going on here. You take care of yourself and we’ll take care of this. You just keep your head where it needs to be and know we’ll all be waiting for you when you get back,” Jeff said as they stopped in front of the terminal. “All of us.”
Jared appreciated the note of confidence in Jeff’s voice and he hugged him tight, feeling Jeff return it. They were as much family as friends now and Jared knew he’d missed Jeff’s everyday smiles and the witty comments he made about the patients they saw.
When Jared walked into the terminal he didn’t look back. He could feel a pull and he knew if he looked back to the end of the walkway Jensen would be standing there with Jeff and the others. Jared couldn’t stop now though. They were boarding the shuttle and he didn’t have time to deal with Jensen and his neediness. Instead, he squared his shoulders, held his head high, and gave his best smile to Able, Cohan, Cortese, Kelly, Pellegrino, Lehne, and Captain Pileggi; the crew he’d be spending the next three months with. They didn’t know him well enough to realize that the smile didn’t go all the way to his eyes but it was the best he could do. He knew in a couple of days he wouldn’t have to fake it so hard. In time he’d be able to put this argument behind him, to forgive Jensen, because he knew it wasn’t a lack of love on Jensen’s part. Neither was it that Jensen didn’t understand the importance of Jared’s work. Jensen’s insecurities that made him lash out the way he did and it was Jensen’s inability to deal with his strong emotions that led him to that. Jared could forgive Jensen just about anything, given enough time and space, and he was about to have plenty of both.
On to Part III