[Fic] Choices (formerly Silver Thread) (3/?)
Title: Choices
Pairings: Yunho/Jaejoong/OC
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: character death (later), teenage pregnancy, mild language
Genre: friendship, drama
Summary: He was my protector. I was his anchor. We were friends. But life happens.
Prologue/ Preview ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3 ; Chapter 4 ; Chapter 5 ; Chapter 6 ; Chapter 7 ;
Love
Watching you two here today in front of me after so long brings so many memories, both happy ones and pained ones. I say pained, because they are no longer painful. They are nothing but healed wounds now, where what is left is only the shadow of what used to be a bleeding gash that refused to close.
As you suddenly look up and smile lovingly at the woman beside you and she smiles lovingly back, I could barely contain my amusement.
Yeah, the bleeding gash that refused to close even with bandages and a whole gallon of beta dine has indeed already healed.
Remembering the happy times we've shared; the three of us-you, me, and her-it’s hard to believe there ever came a time when we grew apart.
She has truly grown up into a beautiful woman, don't you agree? Those deep watery eyes that bore deep into one's soul, soft voice that rings through your ears like bells on spring, and happiness radiating from her whole being that makes one feel that she could light up a room as soon as she steps on it. I didn't believe she could be any more beautiful the first time we met her years ago, but will you look at her now...
***
“Please, you didn’t seriously think I’d go out with someone like you, did you?”
It was my fault. Really, it was. What isn’t?
I kept quiet, speechless and seething with anger and humiliation as she and the other popular rich students surrounding me laughed.
I was tricked. Made a fool out of. Disgraced. Shamed.
“Oh, I’m sorry… You thought I was serious, did you?” she cooed, her voice rich with mock sympathy. I was tempted to just strangle her and move out of the country. “Me and my friends were having a dare, you see. Spend a date with the biggest losers in school. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings…”
He told me to stay away from her. He told me she will only play me. I didn’t listen. I grew angry. Who was he to stop me from being happy? She was beautiful. She was perfect. She was everything I dreamed of. She was interested in me.
And then she dumped me in the most humiliating way possible. I wanted nothing more than to crawl to a hole and die.
I should have listened to him.
“But look at it this way… I won the bet! And I owe it all to you!”
Damn you.
***
He must have seen something on my face, because as soon as he saw me the next morning, his eyes grew stone ice cold.
“So. Who am I going to eviscerate today?” he asked, face completely serious as he flung his bag on the desk beside me and crouched in front of my table. My mouth twitched into a smile. Trust Yunho to make his threats hilarious yet undoubted.
“What gave it away?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from cracking. I should have listened to him.
“Oh, I don’t know. Your fluffy red eyes, maybe. Or that suicidal look you’ve got in your face again.” Beneath his casual tone, I thought I could detect a hint of concern and anger, demanding that I tell him the truth and demanding that I let him do something about it.
“She played me for a bet,” I quietly said.
I waited for the inevitable I told you so. I waited for the explosion. It never came.
“…That witch.” He started cracking his knuckles in a deceptively calm manner, either a sign of preparation for a fight or a way of venting off his frustration.
“It’s okay. I didn’t like her that much anyway… It’s just… I thought she accepted me. I really thought I was good enough for someone to accept me. I guess I thought wrong, huh? When was I ever right?” I looked out the window and briefly considered jumping off… but abandoned the notion since I knew Yunho would either grab me and hit me hard, or follow me to death and kill me again. It was a strangely comforting thought.
He scoffed. “That’s bull and you know that. Don’t believe for a second that you’re not good enough for someone. Who does she think she is- that nasty piece of slimy snake! If I get my hands on that two-faced big-nosed fat-lipped ugly plastic, I’m going to make sure she would never-“
“Thanks.” Listening to him make threats and throw insults to that woman was petty, but I cannot deny that it felt much better than crying my humiliation out.
“-have the courage to go in public again. I don’t know what you see in her, Jae. I personally think she’s ugliest thing that ever walked the earth. Can’t you see how she prances around the school like an idiot? And she’s practically a moron! An imbecilic worm who I doubt would even know 3 x 8. Hell, comparing her to a worm would actually be an insult to worms! At least worms contribute something to the environment. She, on the other hand, does nothing but pollute the very ground she walks on. That foul, vile, evil.…”
***
It was December that day, the night before Christmas Eve.
It was a Saturday, and the youth center where Yunho lived allowed him an overnight stay at my house. We were going to spend Christmas together. For the first time in years, I felt excited and childish for the holidays
The two of us were trudging through the snow that night after the long arduous process we had to go through to get approval for Yunho’s permission slip. Wrapped with jackets too thick one could barely move, he and I fooled around on our way home, laughing and throwing random snowballs at each other and awkwardly flailing our arms in the process.
With Yunho, laughing and having fun comes as natural as breathing.
We were nearing the entrance of the apartment complex I was staying in (my oldest sister tearfully made me move out of my parents’ house after one drunken-filled night when my father’s rage left me in a pool of my own blood on the floor. I was only too happy to oblige. And then I got to meet Yunho) when I noticed something lying somewhere in front of the main door, partly hidden by the snow-covered bush. We walked to check what it was.
There, we found her.
A girl no younger than fifteen, half buried in the snow, hugging herself tightly and unusually pale; her lips turning blue because of the freezing cold. If it weren't for her chattering teeth and tiny whimpering, I would've thought she was dead.
“Hey, Miss? Hey, are you okay?” came Yunho’s urgent tone, lightly slapping the girl’s cheek for any sign of alertness. “What are you doing here?”
The girl started mouthing something I could barely hear and we had to lean closer to her to catch what she was trying to say.
“H-h-h-help me…”
We rushed her to the hospital, our planned celebration forgotten. We took turns that night checking if she was okay, if she was still breathing, taking part in monitoring her fever and prepared to call the nurse with every whimper, whisper or any sound from her.
I sat beside Yunho- both of us very exhausted at three in the morning- and fell asleep on his shoulder.
She didn’t wake up until afternoon.
***
"Your eyes... they're pretty..."
That was the first thing that she said to me when she woke up the next day, her eyes for the first time lucid without high fever. It was the first time she looked into my eyes as if baring my soul, the first time I've been given such a sincere compliment, and the first time that I knew that love at first sight is as real as it gets. Her crystal clear innocent eyes gently sparkled like water on a stream, her slightly chubby cheeks with skin like velvet satin, her soft voice that rang through my ears like bells in spring, and the frailness emanating from her whole being made me feel the urge to protect her from anything at any cost. Right then and there, I knew she had captured my heart completely.
I was surprised by the poetic prose my thoughts have wondered to. Huh, fancy that.
What I didn't know was that she had also captured his.
"T-Thank you..." I said, feeling my face reddening with fierce embarrassment as I recoiled from the side of her bed. I had been glaring (no matter what Yunho insists, I was not pouting!) petulantly at her sleeping form-my face inches away from hers- annoyed at having to give up my first real Christmas celebration in exchange for keeping an eye on her; when she suddenly opened her eyes and gave me that random compliment that made me blush down my neck.
Yunho just laughed at me.
"Where am I?" the girl asked, ignoring my red face and Yunho’s laughs.
"Hospital” Yunho answered, quickly reining in his chuckles. “We found you unconscious outside this building. You were freezing so we decided to bring you in. How are you feeling?" Yunho gently asked with the gentlest voice that I had ever heard come from him.
"... I think I'm fine... my head hurts, though..."
"I-I'll go get the nurse..." I stuttered and scurried off to the door tripping on my own feet a few times on the way.
"Thank you for helping me,” I heard her say as I called for a nurse from the hallways. “I don't know what could've happened if you guys didn't find me... And I'm sorry for the trouble."
"It's no problem. What is your name anyway?" he asked her as I came back the room, muttering that the nurse was coming.
"Yunhei... Lee Yunhei is my name."
“My name’s Jung Yunho. And this is Kim Jaejoong.”
She looked at me and smiled shyly, a tint of pink spots appearing on both sides of her round cheeks. “Hi…”
“H-Hi…” I said back, trying to hide the squeak that I accidentally let out and feeling my face flush again.
I didn’t notice Yunho’s brief glance.
***
They say time flies when you're having fun. If so, the months we've spent with Yunhei since meeting her passed by without me noticing it. Everyday passed by like a fraction of a second, and those days were the best moments of my life. I suddenly found myself falling deeper and deeper into her, yearning for her, wanting her to always be by my side.
"I like her more than a sister..."
We were on our way to her school to fetch her, something we decided to do ever since we've met her. That time when we found her in the snow, she was mugged and knocked out unconscious by some gangsters. It was luck and perhaps a bit of holiday spirits that they didn't do anything further than steal all her money and belongings. Her shy and gentle nature didn't earn her close friends so she was always alone, just like the two of us before. Her wealthy and powerful family background did a good job of attracting ill-intentioned people. Since then, the two of us - me and Yunho-have decided to be her protectors, like her personal bodyguards who accompany her everywhere she goes. Like her friends and brothers who protect her from anything that threatens her. She was fifteen years old and we were seventeen. Yunhei, Yunho and I- the three of us were inseparable.
Now I knew and understood how Yunho felt about desperately wanting someone to protect. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was doing something useful. I didn't feel like a burden.
I felt the need to live, so I could offer my life to her.
I paid no heed to the red rose he was holding in his hands, or the wide smile he had been carrying all day. I was more preoccupied with thoughts of her… of how or if I should confess… and what I would do if she rejects. Both of us walked through the busy streets, each on a world of our own. He didn’t hear what I said.
“I like her more than a sister…” I repeated, louder than before.
He slowly stopped at his tracks, making me stop at my tracks, and turned to look at me. "Who?"
"Yunhei..."
It took a long time before he could speak again. "Y-You do?"
I looked down to my feet, trying to hide my burning cheeks. In the corner of my eyes I saw him hiding the red rose behind his back. "I really like her... I think I'm in love with her... But I'm afraid that she'll reject me."
"...Oh... I-I see..."
I looked at him, confused at his stuttering. Jung Yunho never stutters unless he's drunk or has a swollen lip because of a fight. "Are you okay?"
"…Yeah..." he looked away for a moment, as if recollecting himself, then back to me again. “Do you think she feels the same way you do?"
"I don't know. I can't tell. You tell me. Maybe... maybe not... I don't know... What do you think?"
I looked at him expectantly, hoping for some kind of encouragement like he always gives when I tell him my problems. But there was no such thing, because his expression became unreadable. Slowly we started to walk again, each of our steps awkward and jerky.
“Are you going to confess to her?” he asked.
“You know I don’t take too well with rejection,” I replied glumly.
“I know. It took me two weeks of stalking you before you could accept me as a friend,” he let out a laugh that sounded strangely forced.
“What should I do?”
“Confess to her,” he said simply as he shrugged stiffly.
“It’s not that easy! What if she doesn’t like me back? What if she likes someone else? What if-“
He stopped and turned around to face me so fast that I was afraid he’d get a whiplash. I abruptly stopped mid-step and faced him, confused. There was a hard glint in his eyes that made me almost afraid to look at him, but it was instantly masked by an indifferent expression that made me uncomfortable instead.
“Do you like her, Kim?”
I drew back at his sharp tone that I barely paid attention to him referring to me with my surname.
“Answer me!” he snapped.
“I-I do…”
“Can you bear not telling her?”
“I…”
“Would you rather be a coward and not tell her?” he sneered.
“No!” I didn’t understand why he was being deliberately harsh, but I know my answer was no.
“Would being a coward be better than being rejected?”
“No!”
His eyes softened a little. “Would you rather see her in someone else’s arms without knowing if you even had a chance?” he asked slowly, each word carefully weighed.
“No… I’d rather be rejected and know…” I answered, feeling my chest getting heavier.
He took a deep breath, and in a blink of an eye, almost instantly, the sharpness of his face was gone and replaced with the same encouraging smile I've been looking for.
"If you... if you really like her, then… then tell her. Take a risk. Take a chance. Go for it. Don't think of anything else. If she accepts… when she accepts you… make her the happiest person in the world."
“You think she’ll accept me?”
He smiled and put an arm around my shoulders. “I won’t lie to you. I know she will.”
I thought I was imagining things when I heard a tint of hurt in his voice. But I ignored it. That was all I needed to get my confidence back again. I broke into a grin and ran in front of him. Smacking him at the back as an exaggerated form of a pat, I yelled "Race ya there!" then shot off to the direction of Yunhei's school, grinning like mad, nervous but excited to see her and confess to her.
***
“I was wondering… well, I… I like you… I really really like you… I think I might even love you… Not like a sister… something more than that… so if… if you’d mind me asking you… would you… you know… I mean… go out with… me…” I cursed myself as my voice became smaller and smaller until I doubt even a fly would hear me anymore.
She blushed prettily and smiled shyly. “I like you, too…” she said, stopping me from stammering through my words.
I looked at her, feeling my face flush and my heart ram through my ribs. “R-Really?”
She nodded coyly and looked down, although I can see her smile widen.
“Can… W-Will you go out with me, then…?”
“I’d like that…very much…”
Yunho was there, witnessing the two of us got together, the red rose he was carrying now lying in a trash bin somewhere on the way here. I laughed and hugged Yunhei and hugged Yunho and barely stopped myself from hugging random people on the street. It was the first time I laughed and smiled till my face started to hurt.
I was too absorbed in my happiness that I didn't notice him blinking back tears.
***
That girl, no, that woman who is now beside you... She's the one who changed our lives and gave color to it, both bright ones and unpleasant ones. She's the one who had the power, albeit unconsciously, to take either one of us to unimaginable heights of euphoria; the other to unimaginable depths of pain. The woman that we both love. The woman who made me drift away from you, and the woman who brought us back together again.
That woman, Lee Yunhei.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
AN: Hm... I am very disatisfied with this chapter... I even went through several revisions... argh...
Comments are greatly appreciated ^^ Thank you for reading!