Today, before I started writing, I took the time to center myself. I let all my worry about school, the jitters of the caffeine I've become reliant on, my fogged sleepless mind, all of it roll away. I wanted to write you something coherent, something containing at least a hint of everything I feel. If you are actually reading these, I've got the ( Read more... )

Yes, another lively evening in the lounge. Shirtless black men invaded. Then, they put on one of the (smallest) girl's shirts and put on a fashion show. I truly can not make this shit up. Of course, this would be a lot more interesting if I weren't busy trying to study for a history exam and a math quiz. I'm going to see Rocky Horror here at the ( Read more... )

Though it's really more for my sake than yours, since this entry amounts to little more than a list of anxieties. Today I am crushed by the sheer number of things requiring my attention. I have so much reading to catch up on for one class that I feel myself falling behind in all my others... And it's all paired with a mounting sense of panic about ( Read more... )

There never seems to be enough time to do all the things that I want to do during the day. Today I spent forty-five minutes dancing, and as a result I am too tired too focus on my homework or to paint. My attention seems to be scattered to every single one of the four winds. Life is big and vibrant and confusing and I wouldn't have it any other way ( Read more... )

 Another day, another fog. You should be able to relate to this quite well... its what you always described to me. It would be fitting if I were going through exactly what you had, though doubtless you would say I'm going through a lesser version. The waiting, the breaking down, the lusting after an ideal, the foggy existence. The biggest ( Read more... )

 It seems that my aunt has started to follow my entries again. (Hi Auntie!) She has asked me how I am, and I flatter myself enough to think that maybe you'd like to know too. I don't know how to answer that deceptively simple question. I get up, I go to class. I come home. I'm up till three or four doing nothing in particular. Then the cycle ( Read more... )

 The thing that worries me the most is that I'll bore you. The truth is, other than my juvenile angst-ridden rants about my feelings, there just isn't much left to say. Today I saw my aunt. She had just gotten out of surgery but she's doing well. I spent the day with a good friend, which was lovely, but we got lost twice and neither of us got the ( Read more... )

 I still don't know if you're out there, reading this. Part of me wants to hope that you're not, because then you will be one step closer to coming back to me, but in truth I know better. I think part of me fully expects that you'll never come back. You've become a myth, a legend, an ideal held up of what true love was. It's so easy to ignore the ( Read more... )

 Here we are again... I want I want I want. What do I want? Who the hell knows? Security, safety, boundaries. Definitive lines on what we are and what we are not. Some type of assurance, of reassurance. Everything I vehemently denied for my own sanity less than a week ago. And I was right to do so, make no mistake, but that doesn't make the ( Read more... )

 I wish you were here ( Read more... )