i have huge hangups about body image and food and i thought i'd left them all behind until my rheum appt yesterday. i had to basically get naked (except for undies and a hospital gown) and get poked and prodded by a man who told me (at least he waited till after i got dressed) i needed to lose weight and exercise, and i needed a diet and exercise program. (he didn't even ask about my diet, which pissed me off because i eat so healthy.) but it just brought rushing back all these feelings i have about feeling ashamed of eating. i need to eat just like everyone else, but i've always felt like i should be ashamed of eating because i'm fat. like i don't deserve to eat or deserve to enjoy what i eat. and this guy made me feel an inch tall with the same feelings all over again.
fucker.
anyhow, i guess i sort of understand what you mean about not wanting to obsess over food/weight/body image. it really sucks. i wish i wasn't like this.
:( I'm so sorry that had to happen to you. And I feel the same way...I can't even count how many times I had to sit at the doctor's office and explain to my (male) doctor, prior to being primarily seen by a female physician's assistant, that I really don't eat that poorly - and I don't! I don't understand why everyone assumes that because we're heavy, we must be putting Pepsi and Twinkies into a blender and then mainlining it.
I suppose what bothers me in that sense is that we should even have to justify ourselves to anyone. I'd be willing to bet that the skinny girls I know who live off a diet of Burger King and Camel No. 9's never have to explain away their eating habits to their doctors. :/
But in any case, I should be proud of myself for this weight loss and excited for the prospect of better health. Instead I'm panicking that I'm going to suddenly fuck everything up, and all my old quasi-neurotic mindsets of "beauty" are coming into play as well and ruining the healthy mindset and eating habits I've tried to cultivate.
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fucker.
anyhow, i guess i sort of understand what you mean about not wanting to obsess over food/weight/body image. it really sucks. i wish i wasn't like this.
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I suppose what bothers me in that sense is that we should even have to justify ourselves to anyone. I'd be willing to bet that the skinny girls I know who live off a diet of Burger King and Camel No. 9's never have to explain away their eating habits to their doctors. :/
But in any case, I should be proud of myself for this weight loss and excited for the prospect of better health. Instead I'm panicking that I'm going to suddenly fuck everything up, and all my old quasi-neurotic mindsets of "beauty" are coming into play as well and ruining the healthy mindset and eating habits I've tried to cultivate.
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