Yule gifts from Lezard to his ... friends?

[arrogantmage]

To Amaranth, Steff, and Mio, he sends gold heart anklets with a small card to wish them a happy holiday, signed simply with his name. Needless to say, nowhere does he indicate that he's given other people the exact same gift

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[steff_is_a_girl]

Under protest, the house elf who delivered Steff's anklet was sent straight back from whence it had come, bearing a package containing a large, sparkly, pink dildo in the shape of a candy cane. The attached card read:

"Thanks for the jewelry. I thought I'd get you something we can both use, though I guess in this case this is more a present for me than it is for you.

xxx
Steff."

[arrogantmage]

Lezard promptly wished he had sent Michael even more presents. He was going to need some guidance to get through this one.

He wrote:

Really, you shouldn't have.
- Lezard Valeth

But accidentally, the house elf took along another jar of butt paste with this note. The house elf hadn't understood that only Turlough and Michael were supposed to be getting butt paste.

[steff_is_a_girl]

Steff was thrown into fits of laughter at this latest gift. But she settled for putting the butt paste jar on Amaranth's side of the room they were now nominally sharing. Amy would totally get a kick out of it.

She sent a note back that read:
"Are you going to help me apply this?"

[arrogantmage]

As Lezard hadn't intended to send butt paste and indeed didn't know he'd done so, this note puzzled him a little.

Admit himself at a loss? Never! He totally pretended he knew what she was talking about. He really hoped she didn't mean the candy-cane thing she'd sent him, and framed his extremely vague answer accordingly:

How should I undertake such an application?

[vislor_turlough]

Turlough sends the coal back, wrapped in a box and spelled that when it's opened the coal launches in many directions. While lit.

[arrogantmage]

The coal is returned, unopened, with a special additional package. The additional package contains a jar of Boudreaux's Butt Paste, identical to the one sent to Michael.

[igorofmalaria]

Igor puzzled over the bottle, not expecting a gift, then returned a message.

"Thank you very much, I'm sure I'll find a use for it. Do you know what Thujone does to the brain? Perhaps you have a use for this?"

Along with the message is a bottle of embalming fluid.