Application: Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet)

[a_grave_man]

 ((You want classic characters, you got it. Also, I'm aware that the pic is of a modern version of the guy.))

Mercutio sort of spaced out in the sorting room, admiring everything.

"Such gleeful creations; such would be touched by the very hand of God himself, were this not but a mortal design!" ...Right. The man picked up one of the application forms

Comments

[anita_animator]

After spending a few days getting reaquainted with Hogwarts and reading up as much as I could on how preternatural biology worked here, I left the library, looking for something more productive to do. I passed by the sorting room and decided to look in to see if anyone new had been summoned by the Hat.

His application was eloquent and certainly entertaining. Looks like someone didn't take it too seriously, which was always a good thing.

"Blackberries as in serving blackberry wine?"

[a_grave_man]

"My, such inane questions as of late, but if are to answer, yes." Mercutio cracked his neck idly, kind of bored now. "A request of confirmation of an answer...the mortal word is precious, so why must all tease each target with the useless?" What? Even the mun has trouble understanding Mercutio's wording.

[anita_animator]

I chuckled. This one was a talker.. even if he did seem to talk in complete circles.
"From what I recall, we're supposed to read your application, then decide where to sort you. I think I'd prefer the basic questions rather than asking your thoughs on the existential nature of the universe or free will versus determinism."

I folded my arms and leaned against the wall, "So, what did you do before you wound up here?"

[a_grave_man]

"But such are the very best questions to ask!" Mercutio almost went off into a rant about John Locke and Rousseau, but was cut off by the second question.

"I have seen as much as a man my age could, with my good friend and cousin Romeo, including the ferocity of Montague and Capulet houses' battle." He really wanted to say more, but in an unfamiliar place, it was best to be concise to avoid insulting any potential acquaintance.

[toujours_sirius]

Looking highly bemused, and perhaps a touch sick to his stomach, Sirius strode up to Mercutio. "Right. So let me get this straight, then. As Albus Dumbledore, perhaps in Inferus form, you intend to sexually harass me, the apparent trauma of which would lead me to marry my godson, act as your secretary, and then serve as your bribe to get accepted into Hogwarts."

He furrowed his brow and shook his head. "At the very least, you could have specified just what about me was to be offered to the students and professors here as a bribe. For example, is it sexual favours? A bit of tricky charm work or transfiguration? A round of Jenga?" He tapped his fingers against his mouth in thought. "No, I suppose that would be the same as sexual favours, wouldn't it? Well, at any rate, you need to be more specific, or I won't agree to offer myself up in such a way." Not that he would have anyway, but now he was just amusing himself.

[a_grave_man]

Blink blink.

Look around frantically with feet planted on floor.

Scratch head.

"You either have admirable, albeit dry wit, or are missing the point more thoroughly than a knight arming his squire." Mercutio chuckled at that thought. If this was a counter-gag, then...he'd love to exchange jokes with this guy later.

[toujours_sirius]

"And you either have a bizarre obsession with me or are doing the equivalent of marking choice 'B' to every answer on a multiple-choice examination." Sirius chuckled as well, because if it was the latter, he certainly couldn't fault the bloke for such an approach. For the most part, he had done well in school without needing to do a whole lot of revision, but he had never been one to criticise that sort of test-taking strategy; at the very least, it was loads better than being a swot.

[ugly_old_hat]

The Hat settled itself onto Mercutio's head, bouncing up and down a couple of times for good measure. "So if you didn't take our application seriously, how can I be assured you will take our classes seriously?"

It was a very ridiculous question, given that pretty much no one at Hogwarts these days took the classes seriously, not even the professors!

[a_grave_man]

"The fallacy in your argument is as follows: I am expected to take anything seriously, as I am clearly a madman, and only in the mind of a madman do words come from an old pointed hat." Good point. And then he started laughing wildly.

[ugly_old_hat]

The Hat enthusiastically joined in the laughter. "Well, then, we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad. We're all mad!" It chortled some more before adding, "If hearing an old pointed hat speak is your benchmark for madness, well, then, I daresay you've set quite a low benchmark. But the silver lining is that you'll have an easier time meeting some of the...stranger elements we've got here at Hogwarts." In other words, Professor Homsar and Admiral Zex wouldn't lead to much mindfuckery in the head of someone who already thought himself insane.

"Your self-awareness is certainly admirable," it continued. "So tell me, then, do you thrive on atmospheres of madness? Or would you prefer to be in one of the more run-of-the-mill Houses we've got here at Hogwarts?"

[a_grave_man]

Mercutio continued to laugh. "Sanity fails to amuse at times. Show me that which is truly unfathomable!" Hey, if you were going batshit crazy, best make the most out of it.

Sparklypoo!

[ugly_old_hat]

The antics of Miss Swan and the existence of Tinky Winky are quite unfathomable, in my opinion!

Your bribe has been accepted.

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