Application: Valentine Michael Smith: Stranger in a Strange Land

[guy_from_mars]

A young man entered the Sorting Room. He was handsome of countenance, and his expression was serene. His eyes were as guileless as a child's, and yet seemed to hold the wisdom of the ages

Comments

[elegantsamurai]

Yukimura listened to the applicant and wondered if perhaps the translation charm that enabled him to understand most of the people here when they spoke whatever language it was they spoke. There were only a handful that spoke his version of Japanese, an older version, almost incomprehensible to modern speakers. There was a different quality to the speech when they spoke in the same language. But, this barely sounded a proper language.

"Excuse me," he said after the applicant finished. "What is a water ceremony? What is 'to grok'?"

[guy_from_mars]

Sadly for Mike, the translation charm really couldn't have handled Martian, nor would it have occurred to him to address a human in that language, because the humans he knew who knew Martian had largely been taught by him.

"The water ceremony is a means of growing closer," he said. "On Mars, water is rare, so to be offered water is a sign of great respect and devotion. To grok is... to understand something. To contemplate it... To drink of it until it becomes clear. It is easy to explain in Martian, but I have not learned the right words in English."

[elegantsamurai]

"Oh. Here, we drink fine sake to enjoy each other's company," Yukimura laughed. "And, Martian? Like from the fire star?" he asked.

[guy_from_mars]

"Ah. Yes. I have not tasted sake, but I have tried other ethanol-based drinks. The humans I know also use them as a means of sharing. Unless they are drinking alone, in which case, it seems to be a way of... forgetting?" Yukimura's comment about the firestar meant nothing to Mike, who took it literally. "Mars... The fourth planet away from the sun," he explained helpfully.

[miranda_bnewski]

"So they have hippie communes on Mars too?"

Miranda was used to hearing this kind of talk from random people on the street. She ignored it, but since coming to a magical university, she couldn't be so certain what was real and what was not.

[guy_from_mars]

"No," Mike answered. "There is a small human colony there now, but it is not a commune." He did not grok 'hippie' at all, so for the moment he ignored the word.

[miranda_bnewski]

"Ah, ok. The talk of 'water-sharing rituals' and 'brothers' confused me. So... you are from Mars? Did I read that right?"

[guy_from_mars]

"Yes," Mike answered simply. A glance at this female proved she did not find the answer satisfying, so he went on to add, "My parents were part of an exploratory expedition. They died, as did the rest of their crew, so I was raised by Martians."

[hungry_noteyes]

(Well, you did mention him . . . though I'm not sure if he would be wrong so much as dangerous, at least the second Corinthian. But then I'm not a big Heinlein fan, so . . .)

"You seem like an interesting young man." The Corinthian smiles. "I like your mode of speech, it's so very formal compared to Earth."

[guy_from_mars]

((That's fine. I've never read Sandman, either, so you clearly know more about this than I do.))

Mike shrugged and smiled a bit ruefully. "I am still learning to speak English brightly, brightly and with beauty," he answered. "I must be careful not to speak wrongly."

[hungry_noteyes]

(The first Corinthian was a serial killer. This is the second, who is trying not to become one.

(Both are nightmares, but people need dreams and nightmares can be therapy.)

"Lots of native speakers can't even do that." He chuckles. "Fuckin' idiots, but that's their problem."

[guy_from_mars]

"That is true," Mike agreed. "But each person has a unique way of speaking that sets them apart. I think this is a goodness."

[arrogantmage]

Time to grok some wrongness, baby.

Lezard swept into the Sorting Room with a lunatic grin on his face and a lunatic song in his heart. Alas, much to his disappointment, the personage awaiting him was not a valkyrie. What could he learn of this creature?

"What is your opinion of chinchillas?"

[guy_from_mars]

Mike was totally grokkking the wrongness. But the question seemed inocuous, much like the questions he had been asked.

He decided to go with the safe answer. "Chinchilla. From the Webster New International Dictionary. 1: either of two small South American rodents (Chinchilla laniger and C. brevicaudata of the family Chinchillidae) of the high Andes that are the size of large squirrels, have very soft pearly-gray fur, and are extensively bred in captivity ; also : the fur of a chinchilla
2: a heavy twilled woolen coating." He raised a questioning brow. "Did I speak rightly?"

[arrogantmage]

"I fear you mistook my question. I asked not what a chinchilla is, but what your opinion of chinchillas might be. Nonetheless, I commend your powers of memorization and recitation." The mage bowed. "I am Lezard Valeth, a friend to chinchillas. Who or what might you be?"

[guy_from_mars]

"I have not seen a chinchilla except in a picture in the Encyclopedia Britanica. I have thus formed no opinion of them." He returned the bow. "I am Valentine Michael Smith." Then he croaked a greeting in Martian for which the translation charm was completely useless.

[ugly_old_hat]

"We can always use money for the scholarship fund!" The Hat was brisk today, and all business. Fortunately this meant there would almost certainly be no hat-on-Martian makeout action.

[guy_from_mars]

"My brother jubal says I have more money than I know what to do with," Mike answered guilelessly. It did not occur to him to inquire about how come a school that yanked people out of various times and places needed a scholarship fund.

[ugly_old_hat]

"We could put some of that money to good use! How much can you pledge today?" Cha-ching!

[guy_from_mars]

"My brother Jubal says I should keep my spending reasonable. How much do you need?" A dangerous question, that.