Application: Valentine Michael Smith: Stranger in a Strange Land
A young man entered the Sorting Room. He was handsome of countenance, and his expression was serene. His eyes were as guileless as a child's, and yet seemed to hold the wisdom of the ages.
He examined the room in which he found himself, trying to enfold it all and grok it in fullness. At once he spotted the application, and, going to it, he picked it up, passing his eyes briefly over the text.
He did not grok the reasons for the questions that were asked, but he did grok that they were some sort of human ritual. If only his water brother Jill or, better yet, his water brother Jubal were here to explain the meaning behind these questions. but they were not, and all he could hope was that he would not speak wrongly.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
After some thought, the young man spoke his answers aloud, noting the quill that copied his speech. This must ensure that he not speak wrongly, as the words would appear on the paper permanently.
"Cheese is a great goodness," he said. "Especially the cheese that my water brother Jubal has in his nest. But I have not grokked all the cheeses that are found upon this world. When I do, I will enfold them, praise and cherish each of them."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I would not kill, unless I grokked a wrongness in either of these men."
3. What time is it where you are?
"I do not know how to speak rightly the answer to this question. Should I answer as a Martian or as a man? As a Martian, I would say the time is now, and always will be. But I grok that humans put store by time differently. the humans would say it is 7:00."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The man's eyes widened, and he looked as if he were about to crumple in on himself. Then, with an effort of will, he straightened, his eyes still looking wild and uncertain. "Sexually harass is a wrongness. I would not do this thing. Instead, I would wish to grow closer with this 'order of the Phoenix', perhaps exchange the water-sharing ritual, that we might grok one another in fullness."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I have sometimes served drinks at the home of my brother Jubal. I do not think it has a name, though. It has no need for such. It simply is. But I have heard my brother say his home is in the Poconos. So I would call my bar thusly, and would tend it in the dark brightly, brightly and with beauty. I hope I speak rightly."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"If Harry is water brother to Fred and to George, then there is no wrongness except in making him choose only the one of his brothers. They should all share the same nest, that they might grow closer, enfold and cherish one another."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The man considered this carefully. "My brother Jubal says paperwork is a necessity when dealing with an inefficient, leeching parasite like the government. My brother Jubal always speaks rightly, but I do not know if this is a sufficient answer. I would have to grok the purpose of the paperwork, that I might cherish it better. Then, once I had grokked it in fullness, I could contemplate its destruction."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
The man's frown deepened. "I do not grok what I am useless for," he said. "But if necessary, I will discorporate, though it would make a great sadness that I had not grokked all there was to grok of this place and these people."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"A bribe, according to Webster's New International dictionary is defined as: --noun: 1. money or any other valuable consideration given or promised with a view to corrupting the behavior of a person, esp. in that person's performance as an athlete, public official, etc.: The motorist offered the arresting officer a bribe to let him go.
2. anything given or serving to persuade or induce: The children were given candy as a bribe to be good.
-verb (used with object) 3. to give or promise a bribe to: They bribed the reporter to forget about what he had seen.
4. to influence or corrupt by a bribe: The judge was too honest to be bribed.
-verb (used without object) 5. to give a bribe; practice bribery.
"I do not wish to corrupt anyone, but I know that money is a great goodness. I will give money if the Old Ones here say it is necessary. I would also share water, that I might grow closer to those in this place, and enfold and cherish them."
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"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Valentine Michael Smith
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Valentine Michael Smith
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Valentine Michael Smith
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Valentine Michael Smith
((OOC: I'm taking VMS from roughly the middle of the book. He's about ready to strike out on his own, but has not decided to found his own religion yet. Also, he has canonical psychic powers, the most important, for the purposes of RPing being an ability to sense emotions. I think he would be able to sense supernatural creatures as well, and probably grok wrongness about folks like Ryuk or the Corinthian. But if there's something you don't want him to pick up, let me know. Also edited to fix a consistent spelling error.))
He examined the room in which he found himself, trying to enfold it all and grok it in fullness. At once he spotted the application, and, going to it, he picked it up, passing his eyes briefly over the text.
He did not grok the reasons for the questions that were asked, but he did grok that they were some sort of human ritual. If only his water brother Jill or, better yet, his water brother Jubal were here to explain the meaning behind these questions. but they were not, and all he could hope was that he would not speak wrongly.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
After some thought, the young man spoke his answers aloud, noting the quill that copied his speech. This must ensure that he not speak wrongly, as the words would appear on the paper permanently.
"Cheese is a great goodness," he said. "Especially the cheese that my water brother Jubal has in his nest. But I have not grokked all the cheeses that are found upon this world. When I do, I will enfold them, praise and cherish each of them."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I would not kill, unless I grokked a wrongness in either of these men."
3. What time is it where you are?
"I do not know how to speak rightly the answer to this question. Should I answer as a Martian or as a man? As a Martian, I would say the time is now, and always will be. But I grok that humans put store by time differently. the humans would say it is 7:00."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The man's eyes widened, and he looked as if he were about to crumple in on himself. Then, with an effort of will, he straightened, his eyes still looking wild and uncertain. "Sexually harass is a wrongness. I would not do this thing. Instead, I would wish to grow closer with this 'order of the Phoenix', perhaps exchange the water-sharing ritual, that we might grok one another in fullness."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I have sometimes served drinks at the home of my brother Jubal. I do not think it has a name, though. It has no need for such. It simply is. But I have heard my brother say his home is in the Poconos. So I would call my bar thusly, and would tend it in the dark brightly, brightly and with beauty. I hope I speak rightly."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"If Harry is water brother to Fred and to George, then there is no wrongness except in making him choose only the one of his brothers. They should all share the same nest, that they might grow closer, enfold and cherish one another."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The man considered this carefully. "My brother Jubal says paperwork is a necessity when dealing with an inefficient, leeching parasite like the government. My brother Jubal always speaks rightly, but I do not know if this is a sufficient answer. I would have to grok the purpose of the paperwork, that I might cherish it better. Then, once I had grokked it in fullness, I could contemplate its destruction."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
The man's frown deepened. "I do not grok what I am useless for," he said. "But if necessary, I will discorporate, though it would make a great sadness that I had not grokked all there was to grok of this place and these people."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"A bribe, according to Webster's New International dictionary is defined as: --noun: 1. money or any other valuable consideration given or promised with a view to corrupting the behavior of a person, esp. in that person's performance as an athlete, public official, etc.: The motorist offered the arresting officer a bribe to let him go.
2. anything given or serving to persuade or induce: The children were given candy as a bribe to be good.
-verb (used with object) 3. to give or promise a bribe to: They bribed the reporter to forget about what he had seen.
4. to influence or corrupt by a bribe: The judge was too honest to be bribed.
-verb (used without object) 5. to give a bribe; practice bribery.
"I do not wish to corrupt anyone, but I know that money is a great goodness. I will give money if the Old Ones here say it is necessary. I would also share water, that I might grow closer to those in this place, and enfold and cherish them."
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"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Valentine Michael Smith
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Valentine Michael Smith
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Valentine Michael Smith
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Valentine Michael Smith
((OOC: I'm taking VMS from roughly the middle of the book. He's about ready to strike out on his own, but has not decided to found his own religion yet. Also, he has canonical psychic powers, the most important, for the purposes of RPing being an ability to sense emotions. I think he would be able to sense supernatural creatures as well, and probably grok wrongness about folks like Ryuk or the Corinthian. But if there's something you don't want him to pick up, let me know. Also edited to fix a consistent spelling error.))