Application for Tatsuhiro Satou, WELCOME TO THE NHK
Application for Tatsuhiro Satou, WELCOME TO THE NHK
((On continuity; I'm taking Satou from the anime, but where it doesn't directly contradict, I'll be filling in with bits from the manga and novel. Taken from just after episode 16, "Welcome to the Game Over!"))
Satou lay on the floor, feeling as if the room was spinning. Had he fallen asleep on the floor? Fallen off his futon in the night? The room felt wrong. When he opened one eye, he immediately regretted it.
"Ah!"
Pulling into a crouch, he looked wildly from side to side, instantly feeling frantic and trapped. He wasn't in his apartment. It was a strange place... was this part of the conspiracy? He skittered, crab-like, along the floor until he collided with a table leg.
"Ow, that..."
Shaking his head, he used the table to pull himself upright, and looked at the surface only to see some sort of questionnare... an application? Was this some sort of interview for a part-time job? If so, why was he still in his tshirt and boxers? Was it all a hallucination? Had he blocked out memories of how he'd gotten to... wherever he was?
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"What?"
When he saw the quill move and write down that word, he knew it must be a hallucination. He wished he could remember what he'd taken. Was it something new he'd found? He looked at the question and giggled at his first thought - Whatever's in Yamazaki's refrigerator.
"Ch-cheese? I like cheese that is mild and easy to eat. Mozzerella is good. Especially on pizza, with lots of mushrooms..."
Mushrooms, heh. He giggled nervously.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"What?" It was a squeak of indignation. "Do you mean in Ultimate Fantasy? I was just killing monsters to get items for RMT!"
Not that that had worked more than anything else he'd ever tried. It was a failure of a plan from a human failure. Satou gripped the edge of the table and gritted his teeth.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Time? What sort of a stupid question is that? I don't see a clock here, so how would I know what time it is?"
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Was that an accusation? He stood up straight, fidgeting anxiously. "I wouldn't know about that! Why would I know about that? It's true that I am an eroge creator, but it's not like I was ever, ha ha, some sort of... lowlife human refuse lolicon... heh heh..."
He rubbed the back of his head with his hand.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
That was easy. "Inbou."
Conspiracy.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"M-married?" Ah, senpai... "Why would anyone want to get married? No matter what, life is full of loneliness and pain. People make illusions of what they think other people are. Therefore it is better to avoid other people who will only react to their illusion of you."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Conspiracy, it is a conspiracy to keep you from seeing the world around you. The paperwork induces a sense of futility that drives you into despair and makes you see your own failure to complete it. Therefore you will give up trying and the continued flood of paperwork will only make you feel more helpless."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
They knew! They could easily see through his best attempts to be informative and casual!
"Yes! I admit it! I am a famous hikikomori! A NEET! I am human garbage, a failed person lower than a stray dog! Who would expect anything useful from such a person as me?"
Even Misaki thought so. Perhaps especially Misaki.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
What could he possibly have that anyone would want? Well, there were the trial copies of their game, that Yamazaki hadn't been able to sell...
"Would you like to try a copy of my new game, 'True World'?"
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _______TS_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____TS______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____TS______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______TS_______"
((On continuity; I'm taking Satou from the anime, but where it doesn't directly contradict, I'll be filling in with bits from the manga and novel. Taken from just after episode 16, "Welcome to the Game Over!"))
Satou lay on the floor, feeling as if the room was spinning. Had he fallen asleep on the floor? Fallen off his futon in the night? The room felt wrong. When he opened one eye, he immediately regretted it.
"Ah!"
Pulling into a crouch, he looked wildly from side to side, instantly feeling frantic and trapped. He wasn't in his apartment. It was a strange place... was this part of the conspiracy? He skittered, crab-like, along the floor until he collided with a table leg.
"Ow, that..."
Shaking his head, he used the table to pull himself upright, and looked at the surface only to see some sort of questionnare... an application? Was this some sort of interview for a part-time job? If so, why was he still in his tshirt and boxers? Was it all a hallucination? Had he blocked out memories of how he'd gotten to... wherever he was?
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"What?"
When he saw the quill move and write down that word, he knew it must be a hallucination. He wished he could remember what he'd taken. Was it something new he'd found? He looked at the question and giggled at his first thought - Whatever's in Yamazaki's refrigerator.
"Ch-cheese? I like cheese that is mild and easy to eat. Mozzerella is good. Especially on pizza, with lots of mushrooms..."
Mushrooms, heh. He giggled nervously.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"What?" It was a squeak of indignation. "Do you mean in Ultimate Fantasy? I was just killing monsters to get items for RMT!"
Not that that had worked more than anything else he'd ever tried. It was a failure of a plan from a human failure. Satou gripped the edge of the table and gritted his teeth.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Time? What sort of a stupid question is that? I don't see a clock here, so how would I know what time it is?"
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Was that an accusation? He stood up straight, fidgeting anxiously. "I wouldn't know about that! Why would I know about that? It's true that I am an eroge creator, but it's not like I was ever, ha ha, some sort of... lowlife human refuse lolicon... heh heh..."
He rubbed the back of his head with his hand.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
That was easy. "Inbou."
Conspiracy.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"M-married?" Ah, senpai... "Why would anyone want to get married? No matter what, life is full of loneliness and pain. People make illusions of what they think other people are. Therefore it is better to avoid other people who will only react to their illusion of you."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Conspiracy, it is a conspiracy to keep you from seeing the world around you. The paperwork induces a sense of futility that drives you into despair and makes you see your own failure to complete it. Therefore you will give up trying and the continued flood of paperwork will only make you feel more helpless."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
They knew! They could easily see through his best attempts to be informative and casual!
"Yes! I admit it! I am a famous hikikomori! A NEET! I am human garbage, a failed person lower than a stray dog! Who would expect anything useful from such a person as me?"
Even Misaki thought so. Perhaps especially Misaki.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
What could he possibly have that anyone would want? Well, there were the trial copies of their game, that Yamazaki hadn't been able to sell...
"Would you like to try a copy of my new game, 'True World'?"
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _______TS_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____TS______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____TS______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______TS_______"