Why Luna should never be allowed near the Owlery

[whosneverbeen]

It turned out that Luna's father had suggested that there was a great deal of information to be mined from the Muggles that could be used in future issues of the Quibbler. Which was what Luna had been doing for a while. This mainly involved watching a lot of Muggle television

Comments

[methleigh]

Severus reads this extraordinary missive and frowns at it. Does he have a policy? Or should he simply make conditions of policy according to situation. A prophylactic was relatively simple and straightforward. And the last thing he wants is random squalling children disturbing routine and the seriousness of study. Again he thinks it is his duty to hold a class.

He looks at the note again. It is also possible the author is requesting a more general prophylactic - a prevention or treatment in advance for Merlin only knew what plague or catastrophe.

'Rapacious in Ravenclaw

Return owl, heavily warded

[whosneverbeen]

Luna hadn't actually expected he would deliver the goods, but now she was wondering if this was something she actually wanted to go through with, especially since her actual partner was more hypothetical at this point. Still, she took some time about her response.

Professor,

I would be glad to meet with you at your earliest convenience. I really would prefer anonymity, however, or at the very least I would prefer some polyjuice potion so that we could discuss this without embarrassment. That being the case, I assure you that my fellow students, the faculty, and any wild animals are perfectly safe from my voracious attentions.

P.S. Well, you were a former teacher, and I didn't want to put any more scars on your psyche.

Re: Return owl, heavily warded

[methleigh]

Severus frowns more deeply still at this new reply. There is no further information and a further ridiculous request. It is the same handwriting as his last anonymous note.

Anonymous,

I am certainly not distributing polyjuice potion without a consultation, and probably not with a consultation. The potential for abuse is incalculable. Perhaps you might be more precise about your needs. If you need a condom, let us not play about with obfuscatory terms. I would provide that at request. But I would suggest from your manner that some confidence might be gained from clear instruction and might free you from your, I repeat, general cowardice. The suggestion that you are somehow sparing my feelings is ridiculous. I am a health professional with many years of dealing with wayward students to my experience.

Yours truly,
Prof. S. Snape.

[dungbombsrule]

Dear Luna,

It's great to hear from you again! What's Olympic And I would say that Quidditch should definitely be an Olympic sport! There is nothing more Olympic than getting knocked about by a ball the size of your head while dozens of feet above the air. I really enjoy Olympic sports, I do 'em all the time at home. I should hold a class on 'em.

What Olympic sports do you like? You already know mine: Quidditch!

See you at class,

Ron

[whosneverbeen]

Ron,

If you did hold that class, can I be the commentator? And my favorite Olympic sports are the kinds with semi-naked blokes in them. It's the only reason to watch them.

So you really are a professor? That's very interesting.
Luna

[dungbombsrule]

Luna,

Quidditch is quite a bit aways. I want my students to concentrate on "not dying" first. Not dying would be great. Breaking bones are fine though; we can fix that. And Hogwarts seems to fix death quite a bit too, but not in a way that's all that helpful.

Wait. Are you trying to say that Olympics are... games where you go about half-starkers?

Ron

[whosneverbeen]

Ron,

Not dying is usually good, true, but then, if someone should die, then everyone else could see the thestrals. They get so lonely, you know. They should have some love, too, even if a lot of people can't see them.

Only the best Olympic sports are the ones where people are half starkers. Then again, those were the only ones I watched. No doubt the Muggles think differently about that sort of thing.

Luna

Return owl, carrying a blow pop in each talon

[homsarhomsar]

Homsar was quite impressed by Luna's question. And, of course, he had the answer. If he were the word-writing type, he might just have said, "Eleventy!" But he was not, so this was the answer Luna got:

Re: Return owl, carrying a blow pop in each talon

[whosneverbeen]

Luna pondered the message for a long moment. She sensed that it contained hidden depths. There were all sorts of numbers in the message, and she had no doubt that there were symbols her untried mind could not make sense of.

Reverently, she folded up the drawing and sent a return note.

Professor Homsar,

Thank you for taking the time to answer this question. Your message requires further study. If you hold office hours anytime soon, I would love to discuss it in person.

Luna