"Cheese is not cheese!" exclaimed the Hat in a scandalised tone of voice as it settled atop John's head. "It is the key to people's inner thoughts - indeed, to their entire personalities!"
It shifted a little. "Careful not to get any blood on me, now!" Hmm, then again, blood stains were hardcore. Maybe a bloodstain was just what the Hat needed to balance out its bling. "Or if you do, make sure to get it on my straps only." That way, the Hat would look like it was injured in a tough, bitchslapping battle.
"Apology accepted," the Hat replied magnanimously. "Cheese is most definitely not cheese, and if you are to succeed here, you'd do well to remember this. For example, consider Parmesan. Is it anything like Brie? Of course not! Parmesan is hard and lean, whereas Brie is soft and smells like feet. Consequently, how can someone who likes Parmesan be even remotely similar to someone who likes Brie? Cheese is the secret premiere method of Divination when it comes to personality!"
"...why would anyone eat something that smells like feet?" Now that he thought on it, he would prefer that his cheese smelled like cheese. He wondered if any part of this process would involve eating odd-smelling cheese, since there seemed to be such a preoccupation with it.
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It shifted a little. "Careful not to get any blood on me, now!" Hmm, then again, blood stains were hardcore. Maybe a bloodstain was just what the Hat needed to balance out its bling. "Or if you do, make sure to get it on my straps only." That way, the Hat would look like it was injured in a tough, bitchslapping battle.
Yeah, that would be cool.
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Oh, wait, yes, I've got it! Yellow is also one of Hufflepuff's colours. Ha!
Your bribe has been accepted.
Welcome to Hufflepuff!
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