Application for John Trent: In the Mouth of Madness
A minute ago, he'd been watching a movie. John Trent still had the popcorn bucket in his hand -it was one of the super-sized ones, so it was still half-full- and had a handful of greasy kernels halfway to his mouth. Without a word, he dropped the popcorn back into the bucket and wiped his hands on his pants leg. He smelled like fake butter and sweat, and his hair was matted and unkempt. He clearly hadn't bathed in several days.
The shirt and pants were even more dirty than the man wearing them. On the back was the name of the hospital that had provided the garments. The back was the only clear spot on the flimsy material. Everything else had been covered in hundreds of hand-drawn crosses. Some were nothing more than simple Xs, and others were elaborate designs that had taken some time to draw. The crosses on Trent's clothes seemed to merge with the ones all over his skin. Any free space he could reach had been inked over with the symbol.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"So here's a question for you," he said out loud to the paper. "If it's never specified in the book, do I have a favorite cheese?" He hadn't seen himself eat anything in the movie. Plenty of booze and cigarettes, though.
I think it’s swiss, he wrote, but I’m not really sure. It might be in the author’s notes. I never thought to ask.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The question is, who am I supposed to kill first? There's symbolism to be considered here. Is that the word for it? When the author tries to shove a point down your throat, but never comes out and tells you what they want you to know. I hate that. I get got enough of that in my job. Writer's cramp was beginning to kick in. "To hell with this," he muttered. "Shoot them both."
3. What time is it where you are?
Trent examined his left wrist with great interest. There was, not surprisingly, nothing there. He couldn't be trusted with shoelaces, so watches were a bit out of his league. "Oh, let’s see. Let’s look at the imaginary watch, shall we?" he said with a hefty dose of sarcasm. "I’m guessing it’s just one cross past the other, but I’ve been known to run fast." Without warning, he broke into a fit of childish giggles. "Or it could just be that it's time to die!" he added.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The giggles hadn't quite subsided by the time he got to the next question. "I’d harass the whole fucking lot of them!" he said with a snicker. "Fuck them completely senseless. Not the guys, obviously. There’s got to be hot women in there, right? If they don’t turn into raging tentacle harpies. Those tentacle bitches aren’t much fun."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Oh, we're all bar-tending in the dark," he said. "Isn't it a witty metaphor for the darkness of a person's soul? It sounds exactly like something a hack author would put in a book." Trent cast a dark look at the ceiling. "I thought you were a better writer than that."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Harry should marry whoever he damn well pleases. Are people still taking the time to get hitched? Either way, let him bang every Tom, Dick, George, Fred, or whoever the hell else is on that list. Why? Because Sutter Cane said so, I’m sure."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Are you sure you aren't the paperwork? You could be destroying yourself." He nodded smartly. "Wouldn't that be a bitch? You think that you're tearing up junk mail, but it's really your soul in there." He shrugged. "It could be worse. Somebody could be wiping their ass on you."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Trent's eyes lit up at this. "I’m crazy. Completely useless. I have no worth to society whatsoever." He turned his attention from the paper to the room, and shouted for the whole school to hear him. "Do you hear that? I have no purpose! I am not here to deliver your little books!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Being an inpatient meant that they'd taken all of the fun stuff away from him. "My shirt, maybe? Hand-decorated and all. I think that makes it more expensive." He picked at the hem. "The pants are mine, thank you. What about these dandy slippers? They aren’t worth shit, let me tell you."
That didn't seem like a very good bribe. "There's always the popcorn," he added, picking it up and giving it a good shake. "Plenty to go around. Would you like some?" he said to no-one in particular.
"And I just redecorated," he moaned after finishing the application. Setting down the popcorn and grabbing the ink pot, he went over to the wall and began drawing crosses on it.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______JT______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____JT______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JT_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____JT_________"
((OOC: This character thinks that he is fictional, but the other HH characters are real. This isn't designed to make other characters question their own reality. Also, it has been approved by the other Sam Neill muns for meta.))
The shirt and pants were even more dirty than the man wearing them. On the back was the name of the hospital that had provided the garments. The back was the only clear spot on the flimsy material. Everything else had been covered in hundreds of hand-drawn crosses. Some were nothing more than simple Xs, and others were elaborate designs that had taken some time to draw. The crosses on Trent's clothes seemed to merge with the ones all over his skin. Any free space he could reach had been inked over with the symbol.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"So here's a question for you," he said out loud to the paper. "If it's never specified in the book, do I have a favorite cheese?" He hadn't seen himself eat anything in the movie. Plenty of booze and cigarettes, though.
I think it’s swiss, he wrote, but I’m not really sure. It might be in the author’s notes. I never thought to ask.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The question is, who am I supposed to kill first? There's symbolism to be considered here. Is that the word for it? When the author tries to shove a point down your throat, but never comes out and tells you what they want you to know. I hate that. I get got enough of that in my job. Writer's cramp was beginning to kick in. "To hell with this," he muttered. "Shoot them both."
3. What time is it where you are?
Trent examined his left wrist with great interest. There was, not surprisingly, nothing there. He couldn't be trusted with shoelaces, so watches were a bit out of his league. "Oh, let’s see. Let’s look at the imaginary watch, shall we?" he said with a hefty dose of sarcasm. "I’m guessing it’s just one cross past the other, but I’ve been known to run fast." Without warning, he broke into a fit of childish giggles. "Or it could just be that it's time to die!" he added.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The giggles hadn't quite subsided by the time he got to the next question. "I’d harass the whole fucking lot of them!" he said with a snicker. "Fuck them completely senseless. Not the guys, obviously. There’s got to be hot women in there, right? If they don’t turn into raging tentacle harpies. Those tentacle bitches aren’t much fun."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Oh, we're all bar-tending in the dark," he said. "Isn't it a witty metaphor for the darkness of a person's soul? It sounds exactly like something a hack author would put in a book." Trent cast a dark look at the ceiling. "I thought you were a better writer than that."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Harry should marry whoever he damn well pleases. Are people still taking the time to get hitched? Either way, let him bang every Tom, Dick, George, Fred, or whoever the hell else is on that list. Why? Because Sutter Cane said so, I’m sure."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Are you sure you aren't the paperwork? You could be destroying yourself." He nodded smartly. "Wouldn't that be a bitch? You think that you're tearing up junk mail, but it's really your soul in there." He shrugged. "It could be worse. Somebody could be wiping their ass on you."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Trent's eyes lit up at this. "I’m crazy. Completely useless. I have no worth to society whatsoever." He turned his attention from the paper to the room, and shouted for the whole school to hear him. "Do you hear that? I have no purpose! I am not here to deliver your little books!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Being an inpatient meant that they'd taken all of the fun stuff away from him. "My shirt, maybe? Hand-decorated and all. I think that makes it more expensive." He picked at the hem. "The pants are mine, thank you. What about these dandy slippers? They aren’t worth shit, let me tell you."
That didn't seem like a very good bribe. "There's always the popcorn," he added, picking it up and giving it a good shake. "Plenty to go around. Would you like some?" he said to no-one in particular.
"And I just redecorated," he moaned after finishing the application. Setting down the popcorn and grabbing the ink pot, he went over to the wall and began drawing crosses on it.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______JT______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____JT______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JT_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____JT_________"
((OOC: This character thinks that he is fictional, but the other HH characters are real. This isn't designed to make other characters question their own reality. Also, it has been approved by the other Sam Neill muns for meta.))