Application: Algaliarept (Kim Harrisons' "Rachel Morgan" series)

[phobophilia]

Algaliarept wasn't typically into the business of traveling long distances - Cincinnati and the Hollows bred more than enough people willing to deal with him - but, he felt, desperate times called for desperate measures. 'Times', in this case, referred specifically to the growing lack of those willing to do deals with demons. They were getting

Comments

[busty_robin]

"'Other side of the ley-line'?" Steph crinkled her nose. "That kind of sounds like a strip club. A really cheap strip club." And judging from the rest of his answers, the very nice watch, and the overall ‘smooth operator’ demeanor...

"Are you a cocaine dealer? Not cool."

[phobophilia]

"Cocaine? No, love, cocaine is so regular," Algaliarept waved a hand airily. If he were a demon to dismiss on appearances alone, he would have bypassed this girl entirely and gone onto on older, more potentially damaged people that he could toy with. But not this time - this one was superb. So much history under such a young face, and so much of it that was delicious.

He pushed his glasses further up his nose, and smiled. "I'm not a drug dealer; being the middle man is so unrewarding. And unhealthy, I hear." Not that his line of business was anywhere near approaching healthy.

[busty_robin]

"Try telling that to a coke-head." No, really. The results were hilarious. Not that Steph provoked drug-addicted muggers for fun. It was purely tactical!

"What are you, then? Just a regular strip club owner?" Skeevy, but harmless. But something about this guy was definitely setting off her bat-senses (to steal a catchphrase). And considering the sunglasses..."Are you a professional Cory Hart imitator?" Hey! It was a viable career choice. Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no. Oh, no.

She was actually attempting to go somewhere with her line of questioning. But it was Steph’s fervent belief that one should never pass up the opportunity for a quality 'Sunglasses at Night' joke.

[the_office_pam]

"Hey!" Pam was indignant, and for once she was going to say something about it. "That's a really rude thing to say about employees!"

[phobophilia]

"I apologize," Algaliarept smiled thinly, masking his contempt. Ugh, who were these people that kept questioning his logic? It was making life very difficult. "I was, in fact, including myself in that statement. Aren't we all employees of some higher power? Surely you resent your boss, yes?"

[the_office_pam]

That was a Michael-esque way of attempting to remove his foot from his mouth, but, as always, Pam let it go. "Yeah, I guess even bosses have a boss of their own." And sometimes they make out with them in hotel rooms.

Shaking her head slowly, she continued, "No, I wouldn't say I resent my boss. Michael's...." Michael was a lot of things; Pam didn't even know where to start. "He means well. He just, um...he just doesn't always think before he speaks." Which was a very polite way of saying that Michael had a tendency to say some really, incredibly stupid things, but it had never been Pam's way to badmouth people. And the fact was that Michael did truly mean well.

"What kind of company do you work for?"

[ugly_old_hat]

The Hat, of course, could see beyond Algaliarept's disguise. "So, another demon, eh? What sort of evil fate would you have waiting for me if I Sorted you into Sparklypoo, hmmmmmm?"

[phobophilia]

"No evil fate, I promise," Algaliarept smiled coolly. But still, a talking hat was pretty fascinating. "I save that for those who violate terms of contract. And you, no doubt, are not stupid enough to try and enter into a deal with a demon."

[ugly_old_hat]

"Stupid enough?" Oh, it was so on. "I am a Sorting Hat," it spit out proudly. "I spend my life deciding whether emo vampires belong in Slytherin or Sparklypoo, whether Gryffindor is for pirates and Slytherin is for ninjas or if it's the other way around! I have no threads of stupidity in me whatsoever! I have only bling! Now what are you going to offer me in exchange for being Sorted?"

[phobophilia]

All of that pretty much went over Algaliarept's head. Though he would agree that Slytherin was a far more ninja name than Gryffindor.

"Oh, anything you wanted, love," the demon waved a hand airily. "Free of charge, if you're being so nice as to let me stay here." Was that too smarmy? Probably. "Bling, money... a never ending source of leather shine, if you really want."

[ugly_old_hat]

If I didn't like your style so much, I would consider Tootsitramp, but I think you'll do better in the dungeons.

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Slytherin!