Manly Advice (Owls and Closed RP for Fred, George, Sirius, and Jim.)

[mischief_george]

A few days after his non-date that turned out to be very much a date and then kind of got weird because girls were sodding mental, George decided it was time to be proactive. To pull himself up by his bootstraps and try to figure out what the hell had happened.

So, he sent out a few owls. It was time for reinforcements.

Comments

Return owl

[fathalpert]

George,

Sure, yeah. Are you having a party or something?

-Jim

((Reposted for icon!))

Return owl

[mischief_george]

Jimbo,

More like a casual gathering of friends to mourn my lack of common sense when it comes to the fairer sex. Or, you know, my total zero chance at getting a shag.

There'll be snacks! And possibly hard alcohol of some kind.

--G to the izzle

Re: Return owl

[fathalpert]

George,

Uh, okay. Sounds awesome, in a "sorry your love life sucks" kind of way.

I'll bring something by.

-Jim

Return owl

[mischief_george]

J-dawg,

Should be, should be.

Smashing. See you later.

--Ice, Ice George

Return owl, charmed to yell, 'THAT'S PANTS!' over and over

[mischief_fred]

G Thang,

Yes to the Muggle Malady line. I suggest adding crisps that give you a hantavirus, or perhaps rectal prolapse, whichever is funnier.

No to the not leaving pants lying about. Expect to see several pairs on your pillow, as well as one just inside the door. Who's the company, and should I prepare a Dungbomb-and-Whiz-Bang welcome?

--F Pop

Return owl, hexed to consistantly sing 'NOW I'M FREE! FREEBALLIN'!'

[mischief_george]

F-bomb,

Brilliant. And rectal prolapse is always funnier. How about caramels that give you malaria?

Fine. But you won't know which one of them will have wart-powder and which will simply have that Shrinking Salt scattered in a sensitive area.

Hey, there's a thought. What if we sold boxers with Shrinking Salt already in place? An innocent gift to give to a bloke right before you break up with them!

Oh, it's just Sirius and Jim. Although they'd appreciate the Whiz-Bangs. I just thought it'd be nice to have a manly evening. You know, with the food and the...manly...

Fuck it. Remember that bird I went out with? Well, it was rubbish and I apparently made her mad and now I'm begging for advice.

--G-pizzle

Return owl, hexed to shout 'PENIS!' randomly and very loudly

[mischief_fred]

G String,

The caramels are a good idea. I also recommend lattes that give you lazy eye.

You put Shrinking Salt in my pants and I shall put Ballooning Balm in yours. Small bollocks are a shame; big bollocks are a bloody blight!

Hmmm, you're right, there's definitely a new product line in there! We could also add pants that include Pustule Paste and a hair-growing lotion of soms sort.

Jim the Jew? Excellent, I've been wanting to meet him. Think he might want a Kosher Kreme? With just the smallest hex that might turn his eyes purple?

It'll be good to see Sirius again. There's a roll of lice-growing loo paper that I've been meaning to show him.

Also: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Ickle Georgie had a bad date? What did you do - give her a dozen Rain-in-Your-Face Roses? Or a box of Fever Fudges? Come on, out with it. Can't help you till you tell me what you did!

F Word

Return owl, hexed to chant "MY DICK IS ICKLE! ASK ME WHY!"

[mischief_george]

F Stop,

Not bad, not bad. What about pasties for heart palpitations? Juice for lockjaw?

My bollocks don't need any help. And Shrinking Salt probably wouldn't be all that noticeable on yours. Good thing no one wants to see them, yeah?

Hmmm...good thinking. Hair removal might also be an option we could offer. Or wart-powder.

We should definitely offer him a Kosher Kreme. And Sirius also mentioned needing some new Extendable Ears - what do you reckon we give him the deluxe model to try out for us? The ones with the longer range and the camouflage charm? He's dating Harry's mum (which is weird, don't you think?) and she's a Professor, so we can ask him to use it in class and see if it can go unnoticed. Grand selling point, that, if it works.

Oh, you're just brilliantly helpful. A real mate in time of need. Just...sod off and get over here. I'd rather not commit this to any sort of permanent record if you don't mind.

G Spot

Sent via Buff, who is walking, and looking none too pleased about it.

[busty_robin]

WeGeorge-

Thanks for the

I don't want your damn

I'm sorry about

You think this makes

Okay. That wasn't going to work. Buff wound up delivering the following:

George,

No promises.

-Steph

Sent two minutes later, by an owl, because there's no way Buff would finish a run in two minutes.

[busty_robin]

George-

Um. That was supposed to sound like a joke, not a threat. And don’t you dare send Buff back on any sort of magic-doohicky. He ate my pillowcase this morning and is under punishment.

-Steph

Buff returns looking very sorry with a tiny chicken muzzle on

[mischief_george]

Steph,

Duly noted.

Are you

Are we

Did I

Lovely weather this time of year, isn't it?

--George

Sent via school owl. Buff may or may not have had a stroke from all the exercise.

[busty_robin]

George,

What do

I can't

I'm not

FUCK. QUILLS.

Sure is. And how about that local sports team we root for?

-Steph.

Return owl, heavily warded, charmed to smell vaguely like feet

[toujours_sirius]

George,

Ah, girl troubles. Professor Homsar's probably your best bet for that sort of thing, but I reckon I could give you a tip or two, having had plenty of experience with girls and with girl trouble in particular.

Got some time now? I'm free and could come by. I'd love to see the pranks, as well as pick up a new pair of Extendable Ears.

-Sirius

Return owl, charmed to fill the air with the scent of unwashed arse

[mischief_george]

Sirius,

Ah. Yes. Well, since I am morally opposed to spending time with Professors outside of detentions (or classes, but only if I absolutely can't help it), I suppose you'll have to do.

Come on by. My mate Jim's stopping by as well, and Fred's here. And I reckon we have a few pairs of ears lying about. I'm working on a set that glow in the dark.

--George

Return owl, charmed to spray a fine mist o' B.O.

[toujours_sirius]

George,

Some professors are worth spending a good bit of time with. I'll just leave it at that. And come on, don't tell me you never found ol' McG to be quite a looker for someone her age....

All right, I'll be by in a wee bit.

-Sirius

Return owl, charmed to give off bursts of Halitosis-breath

[mischief_george]

Sirius,

...

You're bloody weird, you know that?

Merlin, now I'm going to have nightmares.

--George

[mischief_george]

In between having some sort of Owl war with Steph, George simply occupied himself by lying on his bed, tossing a Quaffle up in the air and catching it again. Every so often he'd amuse himself by charming it to make various disgusting bodily noises as it landed in his grip, wondering idly about the saleability of a line of Gross Quidditch Gear.

Hopefully, though, Sirius, Fred, and Jim would be able to offer him advice. Not about the Quidditch pranks. Well, about that, too. But mostly about girls. In specific, what the bloody hell they were thinking. Because George was fairly certain that they could just chuck most of the classes at Hogwarts and instead offer a course into the twisted mind of women and it would be far more useful than, for example, Ancient Runes. Lot of rubbish, that.

((OOC: Posting order George-Fred-Jim-Sirius, so Siri doesn't have to cest sock with herself? XD))

[mischief_fred]

Fred, on the other hand, was far from idle. Instead, he was hunched over a pile of men's underwear on his desk, several vials of potion of varying noxious shades of brown close at hand. A number of containers of paste, powder, flakes, and gel ringed the perimeter of the desk.

"Bloody hell, I - ...oh, oh, wait a moment, wait a moment! Yeeeessssss, there it is, there it is!" Fred turned towards George and held up one finger, which was now covered in hair. "It took about ten minutes to develop, but I think I've finally got the charm that appends the hair-growing lotion to the pants."

Fred's eyes had been fixed triumphantly on his finger, but now they flicked over to George. "Oi, cheer up, emo boy! You want my advice? Go on another date with this girl you're mooning over, but this time bring Percy with you. You can't help but look good in comparison next to him."

[fathalpert]

Jim was pretty well aware that he was way more equipped to give advice on pranks than he was on girls, considering all the... crazy craziness that was going on with him in that arena; but he liked George, and there would apparently be food and drinks to go around (he himself was bringing over a six-pack, just to be sure of that) and who knew, maybe he'd have something. He seemed to do okay with women that weren't named Pam Beesly, anyway. That had to be worth something.

He knocked on the twins' door, then hastily stepped aside -- after checking the floor to either side for traps. He liked the guys, but they were born tricksters, and he didn't trust them as far as he could throw Dwight.

[toujours_sirius]

It was always nice to be back in Gryffindor. Sirius had walked through the common room at a rather slow pace, looking around and relishing his surroundings, just because, aside from the suite he shared with Lily, it was the only real place he had known as home.

He came around the corner just in time to spot Jim's quick sidestep. "Nicely done," he remarked, nodding approvingly. "Probably just saved yourself from a Dungbomb attack. Unless, of course, they were anticipating your anticipation of their prank, in which case you're probably due for said Dungbomb attack any second now."

Grinning, he added, "You must be Jim. I'm Sirius. I'd shake your hand, but it's currently holding my wand just in case the Dumgbombs are pointed at me."