Application for Randolph Carter - Lovecraft's "The Statement of Randolph Carter"
A pale, withdrawn-looking young man appears in the Sorting Room. For an instance he looks startled, then almost fearful; when he notices the application on a small table before him, his expression changes to one of despairing resignation. How can he expect them to believe, when he so fervently wishes that his account was nothing more than some feverish nightmare? The dark cloud that obstructed his memory aside - and oh, how he wished it obstructed yet more! - Carter had been nothing but candid in each of his many, many statements, and this constant questioning is beginning to grate.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
... well, this is certainly not a question that had been repeated often enough to provoke him; in fact, he cannot recall ever being asked such a thing.
I hear that it is the custom of madhouses to ask seemingly innocuous questions such as this, to seek unexpected inflammations of the mind or imagination in one's subject. I assure you that I am not mad; or rather, any madness is the result of that frightful episode, not the cause.
For what it is worth, however, I prefer the common hard variety, medium strength. How can anyone dislike cheese?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The little colour in the man's face drains.
I would do no such thing. I doubt I have the constitution: I was not able even to go to the aid of my closest friend, and as a result of my inaction he died. It is unlikely that any action I could have taken would have done other than to give him a companion in death, but my cowardice sickens me, as does my part (such as it was) in his untimely end. I cannot conceive of having a more direct hand in the death of any person.
3. What time is it where you are?
I confess I do not know. I have been in the care of this hospital for some time, since my unconscious body was discovered at the edge of that accursed swamp; I had no watch then, and have not been presented with one since.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Returned from the --? What manner of questions are these? I swear to you, I recall nothing of the studies that Warren compelled me to join him in. What I can piece together from my memory of him, and of his academic inclinations, suggests that his interest was more in the preservation, not the reanimation, of dead tissue. The contents of the book he took with him into that tomb of horrors, I do not dare to guess at.
Carter pauses, then adds in a tighter script, I would harass no one.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
For the first time, he laughs, though the sound is more of giddy despair than of mirth.
The Open Sephulchre. God, what I'd do for a taste of rum.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
At this question, Carter's expression grows cautious. If the questions he is faced with are designed to test his sanity, or those matters he might not admit openly to...
This is a matter I have little experience in, as a bachelor, though I rest assured that choosing a wife is a matter of great importance. Rather than rely on fanciful tales of latter days, this young gentleman would do better to look at the personal compatibility of the ladies that he courts. Knowing nothing about any of them save their names, I am ill-equipped to comment.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
Poor organization, perhaps? Forgive my forwardness, but that seems to be the most likely answer. As an undergraduate my affairs were just as bad; it is a symptom of youth and creativity, I guess, and the youthful belief that such menial tasks as sorting one's notes are beneath so benighted an individual as one's self.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I fear that I have become so. I no longer retain full comprehension, neither of my work with Warren before our ill-conceived expedition, nor of my own field: I have been shown my work on Weimar Classicism, and some days cannot make head nor tail of it. My memory is assailed by a black cloud, as though my mind seeks to purge the horrors that have been inflicted upon it, and I cannot deny that my behaviour has been greatly affected. It is a wonder I am not quite a gibbering wreck. It is my sincere hope that I do not become one.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
I'm afraid there's not much I can offer. I know a little Greek, if tuition could be considered a bribe. In addition, I have several works of fiction I no longer have any appetite for: horror is no longer a genre I find myself capable of enjoying.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __RC__.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __RC__.
One day, the Great Old Ones marmalade will rule the world. __RC__"
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
... well, this is certainly not a question that had been repeated often enough to provoke him; in fact, he cannot recall ever being asked such a thing.
I hear that it is the custom of madhouses to ask seemingly innocuous questions such as this, to seek unexpected inflammations of the mind or imagination in one's subject. I assure you that I am not mad; or rather, any madness is the result of that frightful episode, not the cause.
For what it is worth, however, I prefer the common hard variety, medium strength. How can anyone dislike cheese?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The little colour in the man's face drains.
I would do no such thing. I doubt I have the constitution: I was not able even to go to the aid of my closest friend, and as a result of my inaction he died. It is unlikely that any action I could have taken would have done other than to give him a companion in death, but my cowardice sickens me, as does my part (such as it was) in his untimely end. I cannot conceive of having a more direct hand in the death of any person.
3. What time is it where you are?
I confess I do not know. I have been in the care of this hospital for some time, since my unconscious body was discovered at the edge of that accursed swamp; I had no watch then, and have not been presented with one since.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Returned from the --? What manner of questions are these? I swear to you, I recall nothing of the studies that Warren compelled me to join him in. What I can piece together from my memory of him, and of his academic inclinations, suggests that his interest was more in the preservation, not the reanimation, of dead tissue. The contents of the book he took with him into that tomb of horrors, I do not dare to guess at.
Carter pauses, then adds in a tighter script, I would harass no one.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
For the first time, he laughs, though the sound is more of giddy despair than of mirth.
The Open Sephulchre. God, what I'd do for a taste of rum.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
At this question, Carter's expression grows cautious. If the questions he is faced with are designed to test his sanity, or those matters he might not admit openly to...
This is a matter I have little experience in, as a bachelor, though I rest assured that choosing a wife is a matter of great importance. Rather than rely on fanciful tales of latter days, this young gentleman would do better to look at the personal compatibility of the ladies that he courts. Knowing nothing about any of them save their names, I am ill-equipped to comment.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
Poor organization, perhaps? Forgive my forwardness, but that seems to be the most likely answer. As an undergraduate my affairs were just as bad; it is a symptom of youth and creativity, I guess, and the youthful belief that such menial tasks as sorting one's notes are beneath so benighted an individual as one's self.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I fear that I have become so. I no longer retain full comprehension, neither of my work with Warren before our ill-conceived expedition, nor of my own field: I have been shown my work on Weimar Classicism, and some days cannot make head nor tail of it. My memory is assailed by a black cloud, as though my mind seeks to purge the horrors that have been inflicted upon it, and I cannot deny that my behaviour has been greatly affected. It is a wonder I am not quite a gibbering wreck. It is my sincere hope that I do not become one.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
I'm afraid there's not much I can offer. I know a little Greek, if tuition could be considered a bribe. In addition, I have several works of fiction I no longer have any appetite for: horror is no longer a genre I find myself capable of enjoying.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __RC__.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __RC__.
One day, the Great Old Ones marmalade will rule the world. __RC__"