Pickles (the drummer) (doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo) ; Metalocalypse
((Okay'd by zee Dethklok muns!))
Definitely not as cool as Mordhaus. But hey. Any kind of castle's pretty brutal.
What looks like just about the only man to be able to be just about totally Irish and pull off a dreadlock'd comb-over suddenly appeared in the middle of the sorting room, giant cloud of TOTALLY METAL smoke wafting out through the air and sort of settling on the ground before disappearing completely. He... may or may not have been in his underwear. With a bottle of vodka clutched in a hand. Which was actually pretty normal for Pickles, considering.
Well, not the castle thing. That was pretty new.
And he looked pretty petrified of this whole revelation, eyes wide and nearly dropping the vodka (but, you know, not actually dropping it, because that would be a waste) and all. You can't just shock a thoroughly sloshed guy into Scotland without warning. It's not very nice.
Now, Pickles was hard enough to understand in the first place, heavy accent of unknown origin and all, so with a bit of alcohol slurring his system... Well. "Hey, man, the squealy guitar noisefuck's goin' on down here? I mean, I was just gettin' a drink and, I mean, now I'm in the middle of some..." He doesn't actually know where he is, actually. Should probably get to the bottom of that.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese? I mean, what the fuck, man, I'm just mindin' my own business and you're up in here askin' about cheese, and, I mean, seriously, man, the hell's your problem?" Pickes face was severely frown-y as he glanced around the room and... realized there was really no higher power to answer that question. ...Oh well. Maybe he could make the most of this. It has to be better than staying back at Mordhaus. No, seriously. Being cooped up in the same building as Murderface and only Murderface for a few weeks? Kind of grates on a guy's sanity. Or lack thereof.
"But, hey, you know, I'm cool with that crappy slice-y stuff that... You know... 's all on the sandwiches and crap and. Hey, man, it's tasty. It's, uh. It's pretty good."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
That's... actually a pretty hard question. "Ain't they both those crap guys in the..." Hang on! "Wait, wait, Carrottop? Aw, man, he's that douchebag in those stupid phone commercials with the... the phone and... that voice and the hair and you know he totally fucked over the redheads and the Irish with those things." Pickles kind of jabs at the application quick, accidentally sloshing a bit of vodka onto the parchment and... oops. "Yeah, dude, that guy. I'd put'm,uh. I'd put'm through a fuckin' blender. And. Maybe use his blood for somethin' cool. Like painting or." What's something metal you can do with a television spokesperson's blood? ...Pretty much anything.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Hey, man, I don't friggin' know, I'm just in my underwear."
He takes a big swig of vodka. Time to drink more is what.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?
Whoa. This application is pretty metal. "Comin' back from the dead? just to heh-RAY-ass some chicks? I mean, that's gotta be... gotta be pretty brutal. Cuz... cuz, I mean, seriously. There'd be like those limbs fallin' off everywhere and... and, hey, those phoenixes are pretty metal too, all that fire and birds and... fried chicken and... man, sign me up for that."
Er. He's not exactly answering the question. But maybe if he knew what the hell the Order of the Phoenix was, it would help. So he'll just leave it at fried chicken.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bartending? In the dark? Well, the dark part was pretty brutal - you could totally get a bottle to the head or something. But he'd really just rather drink.
Except. "Hey, if you're one'a those bartender guys, ain't you all in the back with the drinks and the hook-ups and all that shit? Cuz, man, that bar wouldn't even matter, man, it could be all just... 'The Bar' and I'd totally do that. You know?" Because, hey. Free booze! "But, uhhh... I mean, if I'm comin' up with a name? That's pretty metal. So, yeah. I'd be callin' it." He paused a beat. For emphasis. And totally not to have to think up a name. "Yeah, just. 'The Bar'. And then they'd all be. 'Where you goin'?'. And it'd be. 'THE BAR'. And yeah, I'd be pretty famous." Like he wasn't already. "Awesome."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry? Fred? George? Who the fuck were these douchebags? "Man, gettin' married, it's like, uh. Yeah, it's crap. Cuz, even just girlfriends totally blow ass and. Yeah. And. They shouldn't. I mean, what the hell happened to good ol' threesomes, is what I mean." He paused, maybe just to take another big swallow of vodka. "...Yeah, that's about it. Threesome. Sounds pretty frickin' awesome."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Paperwork? Obviously... this person whozawhatsit that wasn't existing at the moment... was not a billionaire like Pickles was. Because he was pretty sure Ofdensen did all that. Or maybe they were so metal that they didn't even have paperwork. Maybe it just, like... burned away and they didn't need it. "Dude, just get, uh. Yeah, get one'a those guys in a suit? Yeah, man. They take care'a everything. Everything."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Hufflepuff? What the fuck kind of a crappy name for a house is that? Dildos," Pickles automatically comments with a wrinkled nose. "No, seriously. Hufflepuff. The hell, dude. Sounds like, uh. Sounds like some kind'a kids thing. Friggin' crap, man."
That might not have been very nice. ...Maybe he just doesn't like being accused of being useless. "Cuz, hey, man, I'm a kick-ass drummer, man. And, uh. You can't have a band without a drummer. Sounds like crap."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
...Hah?! He's in his underwear! The hell is he supposed to give?
"Uh. I got money. Totally. And." He looks down at himself, at the orange dreadlocks tumbling over bare shoulders and... nothing else but tighty whities. "Yeah, that's about it, man." Because no way is he relinquishing his vodka.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Pickles.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Rules? What rulPickles.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Man, only chicks wear nic... kn... knickers is a funny word. Pickles.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. That stuff tastes, uh. Kinda tastes like my ass after I've taken a gigantic shit. Not Pickles.
Definitely not as cool as Mordhaus. But hey. Any kind of castle's pretty brutal.
What looks like just about the only man to be able to be just about totally Irish and pull off a dreadlock'd comb-over suddenly appeared in the middle of the sorting room, giant cloud of TOTALLY METAL smoke wafting out through the air and sort of settling on the ground before disappearing completely. He... may or may not have been in his underwear. With a bottle of vodka clutched in a hand. Which was actually pretty normal for Pickles, considering.
Well, not the castle thing. That was pretty new.
And he looked pretty petrified of this whole revelation, eyes wide and nearly dropping the vodka (but, you know, not actually dropping it, because that would be a waste) and all. You can't just shock a thoroughly sloshed guy into Scotland without warning. It's not very nice.
Now, Pickles was hard enough to understand in the first place, heavy accent of unknown origin and all, so with a bit of alcohol slurring his system... Well. "Hey, man, the squealy guitar noisefuck's goin' on down here? I mean, I was just gettin' a drink and, I mean, now I'm in the middle of some..." He doesn't actually know where he is, actually. Should probably get to the bottom of that.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese? I mean, what the fuck, man, I'm just mindin' my own business and you're up in here askin' about cheese, and, I mean, seriously, man, the hell's your problem?" Pickes face was severely frown-y as he glanced around the room and... realized there was really no higher power to answer that question. ...Oh well. Maybe he could make the most of this. It has to be better than staying back at Mordhaus. No, seriously. Being cooped up in the same building as Murderface and only Murderface for a few weeks? Kind of grates on a guy's sanity. Or lack thereof.
"But, hey, you know, I'm cool with that crappy slice-y stuff that... You know... 's all on the sandwiches and crap and. Hey, man, it's tasty. It's, uh. It's pretty good."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
That's... actually a pretty hard question. "Ain't they both those crap guys in the..." Hang on! "Wait, wait, Carrottop? Aw, man, he's that douchebag in those stupid phone commercials with the... the phone and... that voice and the hair and you know he totally fucked over the redheads and the Irish with those things." Pickles kind of jabs at the application quick, accidentally sloshing a bit of vodka onto the parchment and... oops. "Yeah, dude, that guy. I'd put'm,uh. I'd put'm through a fuckin' blender. And. Maybe use his blood for somethin' cool. Like painting or." What's something metal you can do with a television spokesperson's blood? ...Pretty much anything.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Hey, man, I don't friggin' know, I'm just in my underwear."
He takes a big swig of vodka. Time to drink more is what.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?
Whoa. This application is pretty metal. "Comin' back from the dead? just to heh-RAY-ass some chicks? I mean, that's gotta be... gotta be pretty brutal. Cuz... cuz, I mean, seriously. There'd be like those limbs fallin' off everywhere and... and, hey, those phoenixes are pretty metal too, all that fire and birds and... fried chicken and... man, sign me up for that."
Er. He's not exactly answering the question. But maybe if he knew what the hell the Order of the Phoenix was, it would help. So he'll just leave it at fried chicken.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bartending? In the dark? Well, the dark part was pretty brutal - you could totally get a bottle to the head or something. But he'd really just rather drink.
Except. "Hey, if you're one'a those bartender guys, ain't you all in the back with the drinks and the hook-ups and all that shit? Cuz, man, that bar wouldn't even matter, man, it could be all just... 'The Bar' and I'd totally do that. You know?" Because, hey. Free booze! "But, uhhh... I mean, if I'm comin' up with a name? That's pretty metal. So, yeah. I'd be callin' it." He paused a beat. For emphasis. And totally not to have to think up a name. "Yeah, just. 'The Bar'. And then they'd all be. 'Where you goin'?'. And it'd be. 'THE BAR'. And yeah, I'd be pretty famous." Like he wasn't already. "Awesome."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Harry? Fred? George? Who the fuck were these douchebags? "Man, gettin' married, it's like, uh. Yeah, it's crap. Cuz, even just girlfriends totally blow ass and. Yeah. And. They shouldn't. I mean, what the hell happened to good ol' threesomes, is what I mean." He paused, maybe just to take another big swallow of vodka. "...Yeah, that's about it. Threesome. Sounds pretty frickin' awesome."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Paperwork? Obviously... this person whozawhatsit that wasn't existing at the moment... was not a billionaire like Pickles was. Because he was pretty sure Ofdensen did all that. Or maybe they were so metal that they didn't even have paperwork. Maybe it just, like... burned away and they didn't need it. "Dude, just get, uh. Yeah, get one'a those guys in a suit? Yeah, man. They take care'a everything. Everything."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Hufflepuff? What the fuck kind of a crappy name for a house is that? Dildos," Pickles automatically comments with a wrinkled nose. "No, seriously. Hufflepuff. The hell, dude. Sounds like, uh. Sounds like some kind'a kids thing. Friggin' crap, man."
That might not have been very nice. ...Maybe he just doesn't like being accused of being useless. "Cuz, hey, man, I'm a kick-ass drummer, man. And, uh. You can't have a band without a drummer. Sounds like crap."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
...Hah?! He's in his underwear! The hell is he supposed to give?
"Uh. I got money. Totally. And." He looks down at himself, at the orange dreadlocks tumbling over bare shoulders and... nothing else but tighty whities. "Yeah, that's about it, man." Because no way is he relinquishing his vodka.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Pickles.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Rules? What rulPickles.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Man, only chicks wear nic... kn... knickers is a funny word. Pickles.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. That stuff tastes, uh. Kinda tastes like my ass after I've taken a gigantic shit. Not Pickles.