Small and gentle: Michael seeks deflowering
Had he just kept his fool mouth shut and not tried to spread his special brand of tolerance to Molly Weasley, Michael never would have been hexed to speak only in questions. Had he kept his fool mouth shut further, he never would have opened the door for Molly to convince him that she had also hexed him to turn gay. And had he continued to keep his fool mouth shut, he never would have sought Jayne's advice about finding someone to break him into his gayness.
But unfortunately, he kept flapping his yap, which had resulted in Jayne's suggesting that Simon Tam, he of the small penis and gentle ways (at least, as Michael believed), be the one to take Michael's butt virginity. Michael sincerely hoped that getting pounded (gently!) by Simon would turn him straight again, so that he could hold a party with liquor and karaoke and hot girls and a strobe light (actually, a strobe Magical Trevor) in his room.
And this is why Michael found himself composing the following owl to Simon Tam (unfortunately, Molly's hex made him write in questions as well!):
Simon?
Is it true that you have a small penis? And that you're hygenic and gentle when inserting it into another man's anus? Would you be willing to come by tomorrow? Do you have any Vaseline, or should I buy some?
-Michael Scott?
Slytherin?
But unfortunately, he kept flapping his yap, which had resulted in Jayne's suggesting that Simon Tam, he of the small penis and gentle ways (at least, as Michael believed), be the one to take Michael's butt virginity. Michael sincerely hoped that getting pounded (gently!) by Simon would turn him straight again, so that he could hold a party with liquor and karaoke and hot girls and a strobe light (actually, a strobe Magical Trevor) in his room.
And this is why Michael found himself composing the following owl to Simon Tam (unfortunately, Molly's hex made him write in questions as well!):
Simon?
Is it true that you have a small penis? And that you're hygenic and gentle when inserting it into another man's anus? Would you be willing to come by tomorrow? Do you have any Vaseline, or should I buy some?
-Michael Scott?
Slytherin?