okay, you asked for it

[hobgoblinn]

A short fragment from an earlier night, then last night's take on the same material. Unedited, unbeta'd, read at your own risk, etc. Thanks again to sunsethill, who asked for it, and others who commented. I think I have a direction for this now

Comments

[whitestar]

OMG, this brings tears to my eyes and it's not even completed *sob* I can't wait until it's finished. You are such a good writer *sob*

The only thing I can think the wand turned into was a pickle, LOL! ^_^

[hobgoblinn]

thanks. A pickle, though? I dunno....

[whitestar]

LOL, yeah a pickle is a bad idea. I'm not good at thinking up stuff like that.

[whitestar]

I thought of a better idea that the wand was transformed into. How about one of those feather writing quills? It would seem appropriate since I remember something in one of the books about Snape's handwriting during one of the exams.

[sunsethill]

Lovely, just lovely. Charity is such a well-fleshed out character in just a few sentences, and this is Minerva as I picture her.

The back and forth is easy to follow, but I did find the repetition of the conversation a little irritating after about the third time. I would suggest cutting down some of the direct quoting, maybe, so that the whole force of the actual conversation is not spoiled.

Minerva seems to transfigure into animals or plants a lot--so maybe a rubber chicken, or maybe "flower power" of some sort. Or how about a potion's stirring rod, but that would be hard to name or describe. Oh, well, I'm terrible at stuff like this.

Thanks for posting this. I can't wait to read the whole story. I loved Lost Boys so much, I certainly won't turn down more stuff from this universe.

[hobgoblinn]

Oh, I intend to cut it a lot. As I indicated, this is unedited, and well, word count you know.

Thanks-- a flower might actually work there. Possibly be symbolic, too.

[snarkysneak]

I love this. I loved Lost Boys and I am so looking forward to the rest of this. Thank you so much for continuing this story arc. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

[hobgoblinn]

Thank you a lot of times, too. (Do repeated phrases count for nano word count?)

We'll see where it goes. It was going pretty much nowhere yesterday....

[snarkysneak]

If it makes you feel any better, my comprehensive is going nowhere fast. Being sick didn't help. One of my friends tried to get me to use NaNo as incentive to get my comprehensive written. Unfortunately, a grant isn't exactly a novel and it can only be 15-18 pages so I'd never make the word count. Then, I had the grand epiphany that my references should count. So, if references count, I think repeated phrases should count too. :)

[cmwinters]

I got the rubber chicken, too, because the twins did it, but I think that would be a comedic input in an inappropriate place.

Maybe a hedgehog, or a porcupine, or something that would make him want to put it down almost immediately, but that he wouldn't, like, throw at her.

I'd say you could incorporate the very initial scene into the main scene, which is very good, by the way. I really enjoyed this. And I love how you're making Charity Burbage into a *PERSON*.

[hobgoblinn]

Wow, thanks. Yeah, I intend to delete a lot, and use parts of the small initial scene in the second take on it, but right now, word count vincit omnia. That'll be tackled after november is over, or I have the requisite 50k words.

Someone else suggested a flower of some kind, but I like the idea of something with thorns-- and not so pretty. Maybe a briar or some kind of cactus... I'll think more on it. But thanks for reading, and thanks again for setting me on the road to thinking outside the box on sweet Charity.

[cmwinters]

Nettles?

[hobgoblinn]

ooo-- there's an idea. Though he's holding it when it changes, which would sting the heck out of his fingers.

I'll take a look when I go back to edit that bit. Thanks again.